weAndersons

Found this great quote while blog surfing:

"God's delays are not God's denials - some dreams are just worth waiting for."
Anonymous

Merry Christmas my babies.  I'm missing you big time.

I had a great discussion yesterday morning with a couple friends about trusting God.  One of the ladies, who is a bazillion times wiser than me, mentioned that when she is going through a difficulty and is offering it to God, that she continually reminds herself to trust Him. Every day, multiple times.  Not that she doesn't trust Him.  She does.  Just that when those little unbidden thoughts of sadness or discouragement or whatever enter her mind, she reminds herself of God's sovereignty and might and that she trusts Him.  And she is at peace.  I thought that was such a good one!

Later, the discussion made me think of a teacher I knew back in my Peace Corps days in Botswana.  She was a funny lady, and had a good rapport with her students.  When they were having trouble remembering concepts that she knew that they knew but had forgotten, she would say in an exasperated tone:  "You are thick!"  I guess she said it enough times because one day, the class was having difficulty remembering something, and she said to them:  "Come on, why don't you remember this?"  And they responded:  "Because we are thick, Madam!"  She got a good laugh that day.

I am the thick one.  I've said before that I am a late bloomer.  It takes me a long time and multiple lessons to get some stuff.  And here I am with the same issue of trust.  I trust God.  I do.  I know nothing is impossible with Him.  I know He is in control.  I know all things work for the good for those that love Him.  I know.  I know.  I know.  Yet, I am thick.  I still get sad.  I still get discouraged.  I still sigh heavily on Friday afternoons when another week has passed with no new information on #3 and #4 and there is a weekend ahead when obviously there can be no news for another two full days.

So God has taught me another lesson.  Hope I can remember it.

I've been thinking about birth mothers a lot lately.  Of course, this being Advent, my mind often turns to Mary and the birth of Jesus.  In addition, we recently celebrated the anniversary of Mario joining our family, which we refer to as "Family Day," which makes me think of his birth mother.  From there, it's not a far leap to think about #3 and #4's birth mother.  Clearly, I don't know anything about her circumstances.  Even once we get our referral, I probably won't receive much information about her.  I've often heard it said that losing a child to death is the hardest thing a person ever has to do;  I'm guessing that making an adoption plan for a child you have given birth to can't be too far down the list from there.

I know it is common practice for couples hoping to adopt domestically to write a "Dear Birth Mother" letter to the woman who is considering them to parent her child.  This is not something we have had to do, and I am thankful for that.  Of course, if requirements changed tomorrow and we needed to have this in our dossier, we would do it, but how does one even write such a letter?  How do you thank a woman for her child?  What words would ever cut it?

I hope that #3 and #4's birth mother knows enough about God to know that He can comfort her regarding this loss and bring her peace.  I pray that God give her the grace to turn to Him.  I know full well that God can draw straight with crooked lines.  I pray that their birth mother offer her pain and suffering to God so that it can be redemptive.  I pray that God heal her and draw her closer to Him.

The visual image I have for this adoption is a traffic jam on the highway.  A seriously big traffic jam on the highway.  Like one for the record books, where people eons later still talk about that traffic jam.

Sometimes when caught in traffic, there are cars all around, in front, and behind, but the cars are moving forward.  Inching forward maybe.  You can't see what the problem is up ahead because there are just so many cars, or there is a bend in the road, but there is some comfort in knowing that the cars are still moving.  It may be way slow, but you know that eventually you'll get out of it.  It's just going to take some time.  You do some calculations in your head:  "Ok, we're moving at 5 mph, we've got 3 miles to cover...."  You call your family to let them know you are going to be twenty minutes late because of traffic, but you'll get there as soon as you can.

Then there are those other occasions when the traffic is just not moving at all.  People are out of their cars, walking up and down on the shoulder trying to see what is happening.  Others are bailing out, driving through the grass to the service road.  No one in front is moving at all.  News helicopters are circling all about.  You can't see up ahead.  You have no idea what is causing the jam.  You have no idea when it will be cleared.  You have no idea what to tell your friends when they call and ask when you are going to get there.  All you can say for sure is that it is not going to be anytime soon.

We're on a road we have never travelled before.  Sure, we've been on other roads.  Sure, we've been in bad traffic before.  Sure, we've got a very sturdy car, and we're nowhere near E.  But this road, man oh man.  I can't even tell you what it is like on this road.  Very few people have travelled on it, so reports of road conditions are few and far between.  And it's hard to comprehend until you have actually been on the road.  Even to those on the road it is still very mysterious.  And we've been on this road a long time. We really didn't think we would be on this road for this long.  There are exactly fourteen cars ahead of us, but the road is so dark that we can't even see them.  We just know they are there, and they have to go through first, one at a time, before we can reach our destination.  And they are not moving.  They have not moved in such a long time.  Our hearts are so heavy.  We've been on this road for so long; we just want to get to our destination.

On the bright side, we know we are supposed to be on this road.  And we have the best Driver imaginable.  Our Driver called us to take this road.  And we have the best Fuel possible.  We are being sustained by this Driver and this Fuel.  We totally trust our Driver, and we know we are in His hands.  We trust Him even more than when we started this journey.  We love our Driver.  We love Him even more than when we started this journey.  The road is growing us and changing us, and we know we will be so much better equipped when we reach our destination for travelling this road.  It is a painful road, but it is the road for our lives.  We could not be on this road without our Driver and our Fuel.  No way possible.  But we are so glad we are on it.  We are humbled in fact that we are able to travel this road.  And when people praise us for taking this road, it's hard to even know how to react or what to say.  Honestly, all we're doing it travelling the road that has been laid out for us by our Driver.  To Him be all the glory.

Thank you Lord for driving us along this road and for sustaining us on this journey.

In about two months, our clearance from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service will expire, which means we have to go about renewing that, which means we have to have our home study updated and get our fingerprints taken again.  I was definitely hoping we would have our referral prior to these updates, but it doesn't look like that will the case, so we'll just have to go ahead and get these things taken care of.  It's hard to not feel a bit discouraged, but I am willing myself to remain hopeful and positive.

I was just looking at the timeline for Mario's adoption, and it's funny:  six years ago we were right in the middle of our very first home study.  Jerry and I were so nervous.  We were told repeatedly the home study process was not going to be a big deal, but it sure felt that way to a couple of pre-parents.  I think we cleaned every square inch of the house, and our house was already quite clean since it was just the two of us at the time, and what kind of mess do two adults ever really make?  Everyone told us that the social worker would really just want to talk to us, and the house itself was not so important, but we couldn't help it.  We cleaned everything anyway.  And when it came time for the social worker to come over, the visit was smooth, friendly, and actually rather fun.  She gave us some great suggestions, and we learned a lot.  And she barely looked at the house!  Of course, she could probably smell Pine Sol, Murphy's Oil Soap, and 409 from a mile away...

Anyway, so our fourth home study ought to be a piece of cake.  The same lady who did our home study in early 2010 is going to do this update, so that will be very nice.  She was very friendly, and the boys instantly liked her.  I think we've seen her a couple times since then at social functions as well.

Nothing else to report.  No change in our wait list number, as I understand the committee has not met in quite a while.  That's it for now!

Folks from St. Louis need no explanation about Rally Squirrel, but for those of you from elsewhere, let me clue you in a little.  Back during the National League Division Series earlier this year, the Cardinals were playing against the Philadelphia Phillies.  During game 3, a squirrel ran across the outfield and interrupted play.  Fans erupted while groundskeepers from all corners ran around trying to catch that little squirrel who eluded them for several minutes. Then the next night during game 4, the Cardinals are up to bat when a squirrel (the same one??) ran across home plate and into the stands.  There was all sorts of confusion because the pitcher tried to say that he was distracted by the squirrel and pitched a ball.  He wanted the pitch thrown out.  The umpire says no deal.  Fans are laughing and screaming watching the squirrel run through the stands.  The Cardinals went on to win the game, the Division Series, and ultimately the World Series.  The squirrel, who was soon dubbed the "Rally Squirrel," became an instant celebrity.  A cottage industry of t-shirts, hats, towels, and all sorts of memorabilia sprang up overnight.  Cardinals fans are pretty diehard fans anyway, but Rally Squirrel brought them up a few notches.  I think it made people enjoy it more because it was just so funny and so totally St. Louis.

So now I'm thinking we need a little Rally Squirrel action.  This wait is rough, progress is hard to see, and I am completely out of anything to say on this blog.  Come on, let's rally!

I LOVE to read adoption blogs!  One of my favorites is written by a mom who is waiting to adopt a baby girl from Ethiopia.  She put together a list of various adopting families she knows that are raising funds for their adoptions by offering various items for sale, mostly ones that they have made, others that they are sponsoring in some way.  Please consider supporting these families when you are making your Christmas purchases.  The gift recipient will love it, and you are truly helping to unite a family.

Here's the link to check it out:

http://lovinmuch.blogspot.com/

Thank you so much!!

Mario's lovie is a blanket with a rabbit head that he named Hoppy.  Hoppy was a gift from one of our neighbors and was here to welcome Mario when he came home from Guatemala.  Mario loved him instantly:  he took one look at that rabbit, gave him an enormous hug, and just held him close.  Even now, when he is ready for bed or sitting down on Sunday afternoons to watch movies, he'll hold him against that space between his nose and upper lip, and just breathe in the comforting smell and feel of Hoppy.

Erik's lovie is a similar looking blanket with a lamb head named Lamby.  After seeing the close connection between Mario and Hoppy, we went out and got Lamby so that he was waiting for Erik when he came home from Guatemala.  The love there is just as strong and so sweet.  He'll hold Lamby in the exact same place as Mario, but also pinches one of Lamby's ears between his thumb and forefinger and just rubs it slowly back and forth.

Hoppy and Lamby have taken a beating over the years, just from being loved.  One of Lamby's eyes, which was a large french knot, looks more like a string now from being held in Erik's teeth when he was teething.  The satin in Hoppy's ears had to be cut out because it had just been ripped to shreds.  The wool on Lamby's ears is all but gone.  Hoppy and Lamby are nowhere near as white as when they were in the store.  But they are irreplaceable.  They are the first friends (I can't even think of them as toys or even dolls) the boys search for when it is time for bed.  It would be unthinkable to take a vacation without Hoppy and Lamby.  If the house ever burned down, Hoppy and Lamby would be the only things I would grab after my children.

I wonder what kind of lovie there will be for #3 and #4?  Do they already have a lovie?  Probably not.  Because they will likely not be infants like Mario and Erik were when they came home, will they still want a lovie?  I would think so.  Will they take to the lovies that I choose for them or will they be old enough to choose their own lovie?  We'll see, I guess!

Earlier today, I was listening to Mass on EWTN radio and had one of those strong experiences that the Mass readings were speaking directly to me.  It wasn't an obvious connection like it was a month ago with Romans 8 (our adoption by God) and Psalm 68 (God defending the orphan).  The first reading was from 1 Maccabees (the rededication of the Temple after the Maccabean revolt drove out the Greeks and their pagan gods), and the gospel reading was about Jesus driving out the money changers and cleansing the Temple.  1 Maccabees is so inspiring:  I love to hear the stories of the Jewish people of that time standing strong and facing death rather than breaking the Covenant.  Ninety year old Eleazar witnessing to the importance of not giving scandal, the widow facing the loss of her seven sons but encouraging them to follow God, her youngest son saying to the executioner, "What are you waiting for?!"  Mattathias and his sons leaving all their possessions and fleeing to the desert rather than abandoning their faith.  Then Judas Maccabeus and his brothers finally succeeding in driving out the Greeks, removing the statue of Zeus from the Temple, and purifying it.  Awesome stuff.

Then during the homily, I was most definitely inspired:  I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.  The same zeal with which the Jewish people drove out pagan practices from the Temple and purified it for right worship, the same zeal with which Jesus drove out commerce from the Temple so that it was a place of prayer, God wants to apply to me so that I am truly a temple of the Holy Spirit.  Ok, Lord, what are the idols you are trying to cleanse me of?

International adoption is most definitely difficult.  We started this adoption process over two years ago, and have been on the wait list for a year.  Affording the expenses was challenging, assembling the dossier was time-consuming, and waiting is the hardest of all.  Basically for an entire year, the process has been completely out of our control.  And we've been ok with that since we know that ultimately God is in charge, and He is going to bring about the exact perfect addition to our family.  There have been long stretches of time when it has been difficult to get information on what is happening because that is just how it is with international adoption sometimes, and we've accepted that too.  Ultimately, God is in charge, and He knows what is going on, even if we don't.  And there have been times when I've just plain been a little nervous that something is going to go wrong, like our dossier is going to be forgotten about and someone else is going to get the referral that should have been ours, or there will suddenly be a moratorium on international adoptions, or the rules will be changed and we will be ineligible to adopt, or who knows what else.  And then, "Fear not!"  I remember that God is most definitely in charge.  He is the One that inspired us to start this adoption, He is the One that is making it possible, He is the One that is sustaining us during the wait, and He is the One that is going to bring it to fulfillment in the most perfect way, whatever that will be.  God has taught me so much with this adoption.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that we are on the right path and that God is leading us.

So, what's left?  What idols are left to be driven out?  Cleanse me, Lord.

Mario had a playdate the other day at the home of a friend from school.  When I picked him up, the mom mentioned to me how sweet and protective Mario was about his friend's younger brother and sister so that they didn't get into things that would hurt them or make them choke.  So cute!  Later I praised Mario for being concerned about the little ones, and he told me his great ideas about how to protect his new siblings from choking on his and Erik's legos and things (e.g., setting up baby gates, etc).  He and Erik were all excited to go out and get toys for #3 and 4 right that instant!  So precious!

I know realistically it is not always going to be smooth sailing when #3 and #4 come home, and that there will be an adjustment period for all of us as we find our way which won't be figured out overnight.  I know that there will be squabbles about who plays with what truck or that someone took apart some elaborate train track or someone knocked over someone else's block tower, but if those are our biggest problems, I will consider myself very fortunate.  Sometimes I get so excited about the fact that I will have another child or two, and then I have to remember that Mario and Erik are getting another sibling or two!  I love my own sisters like crazy, and how wonderful for them that they will have another one or two siblings for the rest of their lives.  It most likely won't be sterile around here, and it will certainly be louder, but there is most definitely room in all of our hearts to give and to receive more love.

We are all so looking forward to you!!!

The other day, a dear friend of mine was so excited to tell me she had a dream about me: that I had called her and said, "We're number 10 on the wait list!"  Oh, what an awesome dream!!  I just had to check with our adoption agency, but learned that IHNFA's assignment committee has not met recently to make any referrals, so we are still at #15.  Bummer.

I still like dreams though.  Except of course that one when you are in school and you learn you have to sit for a final exam for a class you didn't know you had and are panicked because you haven't studied for it.  Or that one where you are trying to run because something is chasing you, but it is like your legs are cement and you can't move.

Maybe I should say I like daydreams, the ones where I think about how much I love my family and my friends and my God.  When I think about all the amazing blessings that I have received.  I am just so grateful for this life and all the opportunities that have come my way.  I am even grateful for this long wait that we are experiencing waiting for our referral because I know that God is doing some amazing work during this time.  And I have been able to do and be a part of some wonderful things that I wouldn't have had time to do if we had already received our referral and were either in Honduras or home with #3 (and I'm still hoping there will be a #4 too!).

And of course you know that I love to daydream about the day that we receive our referral and learn about our new little child (or children) and see the photos for the first time.  What will it be?  One child?  Two?  Boy?  Girl?  Boys?  Girls?  One of each?  Infant?  Toddler?  Preschooler?

I can remember every little detail of our referrals for Mario and Erik like they happened yesterday.  Hearing those amazing words with Mario's referral:  our son has been born.  How thrilling it was to call Jerry.  How indescribable it was to look at Mario's precious adorable sweet face in those photos.  How we just knew that this was our child.  And with Erik:  getting over the initial confusion that there really was a baby now, and really hearing that there was a sweet little boy and that he was ours and then looking at his wonderful little face.  And that feeling of love.  How I loved them even before I knew about them, before we received our referrals, but how that love increased exponentially upon learning about them and then even more when seeing them in person for the first time.  I would have fought tigers for them.  I would have gone to the end of the earth for them.  I still would.

I am so looking forward to you, my little ones.

How cool is this!  I was reading a blog written by a mom who is in process of adopting, and she mentioned His Little Feet Children's International Choir, which is a choir composed of fourteen children ages 6-12 from Honduras and Ethiopia that is traveling around the U.S. performing and raising awareness of vulnerable children worldwide.  This other mom is in process of adoping a child from Ethiopia and saw the choir in South Carolina I believe.  But they are going to be coming to the St. Louis area on December 11th and several other locations around the country.  Check it out!

Here's the link to the choir's website:

http://www.hislittlefeet.org/Tour_Schedule_December_2011.html

Ooo, I hope we will be able to see them!

We celebrated Jerry's birthday at a local Mexican restaurant that we love:  El Indio.   The food is great, and they are always so sweet to Mario and Erik. I was very pleased that the boys wanted to order in Spanish, well the milk at least.  They have Spanish classes at school twice a week.  When they were very little, we took lots of mommy and me Spanish classes, and went to Spanish storytime at one of the public libraries, and periodically attended Mass in Spanish.  Plus we have a heap of kids books in Spanish and English and a variety of kids music CDs in Spanish.  I had hopes that we would speak a lot more Spanish around the house, but I've been lazy about that over the last year I think.  I'd really like to get better in Spanish, especially since our new hijitos could very well be older than infants and more verbal.

Here's my November resolution:  to practice Spanish every day, hopefully orally if there is someone around to speak with, or at least some reading and pretend conversations on my own.  Maybe I'll have dreams in Spanish again!

I thought that hitting the one year mark of being on IHNFA's wait list would be a difficult anniversary for me, but I'm feeling good, feeling positive, and am not feeling sad.  That is to say, I REALLY REALLY want to hear about our referral RIGHT AWAY, and I want our family all together AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, but I am feeling confident that God has this (and everything) under control, and I don't need to remind Him, and I don't need to give Him suggestions, and I don't need to stress on it.  He's got it.  And that is a really freeing feeling.  And I'm feeling joyful about it.  I can hardly believe I am typing this.  I am actually feeling the joy!  If I get that very special phone call today, I will be thrilled, completely and utterly estatic, and more than likely completely and utterly incoherent.  And if I don't get it, I will still be happy and peaceful and joyful.  I am thinking of that beautiful song, "It is Well In My Soul."

Besides, November is a very special time for our family.  On November 7, 2005, we got our pink slip for Mario's adoption, which meant that everything on his file was complete, and we could travel to Guatemala for his pick-up trip.  We almost didn't need a plane in order to fly there.  On November 14, 2005, we saw his beautiful face and cuddled with him for the very first time.  On November 18, 2005, we pulled into our driveway with him strapped in the carseat for the very first time and brought him home.  On November 27, 2005, Mario was baptized at our parish church surrounded by his family and friends.

Strangely, Erik has no anniversaries in November at all.  Back in 2006, we were waiting and waiting to hear that his file was out of PGN (which is the attorney general's office in Guatemala).  The PGN review for Erik was completed on December 4, 2006, after three months (!!!!), whereas Mario's had taken only five weeks.  Anyway, eventually it happened, and we were able to go get our wonderful Erik and bring him home.

And back in 2009, on November 9th to be exact, we mailed our part 1 application to Dillon for this most recent adoption.  Which means that we have had this one underway for two years now.  So indeed, November is a very meaningful month for us.

Happy National Adoption Month!

We have been reading St. Paul's letter to the Romans the last couple weeks at daily Mass. Today's excerpt was as follows, from chapter 8:

"I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth
comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation
waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God; for the creation
was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of him who
subjected it in hope; because the creation itself will be set free from its
bondage to decay and obtain the glorious liberty of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning with labor pains together
until now; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first
fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for adoption as sons, the
redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope
that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we
hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

You know those times when you are there in church and the readings are speaking to you, and well, it's nice that there are other people there to hear it, but that is was really just for you? Yesterday's reading was the previous section in Romans 8 about the Spirit of God, the spirit of adoption, the spirit of sonship, and being children of God and heirs of God, and fellow heirs of Christ, provided we suffer with him. And then we had the passage from Psalm 68, also in yesterday's readings: "The father of orphans and the defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling." So, I basically have had that feeling for two days straight that the readings were for me.

There is so much running through my mind about this that I hope I can be somewhat coherent. The road to adoption definitely has a lot of groaning involved. I have often said that international adoption is not for the faint of heart! Obviously there's all the paperwork and the cost and the waiting. There's also that angst knowing that the children that are going to join your family are suffering, and you want to do something about it right now. Not to mention all those other children that may never have their own family.

And yet, back to patience and trusting in God. Lately, the passage from the gospel "Lord, increase our faith," has really been on my mind. Like the apostles, I ask God to increase our faith. I have faith that it is all going to work out in the end, and that all this time up until our referral is not just waiting around twiddling my thumbs time, but is active growing and learning time. And I have faith that this growing and learning is happening not just in my life, but also in the lives of the rest of my family, our children in Honduras, their caretakers, their birth families, etc. Still, I ask God to lead us deeper where he wants us to be and to see those things that we still don't see and to just keep plugging ahead on this journey. All for His greater glory.

Because really, when you come down to it, life is not for the faint of heart.

There are lots of things we love about our adoption agency, Dillon International: their decades of experience, their professionalism, their caring support to families before, during, and after the adoption process, and their attention to those kids that will never have a family of their own, through their arm Orphancare International.

Please consider supporting them in a couple ways that you will greatly benefit from as well.

First, Dillon is hosting a trivia night/auction on Saturday November 12th at Shrewsbury City Center, 5200 Shrewsbury Ave. Doors open at 6 pm and trivia starts at 7. The cost is $20 a person/$160 a table. Reserve your spot by contacting dillonmo@dillonadopt.com or 314-576-4100. There are cash prizes, raffles, and door prizes; complimentary iced tea, beer, and light snacks; and you can bring other food, drinks, or alcohol. A lot of fun for just twenty bucks. Or $300 gets you a VIP table with wine, dessert, and trivia round sponsorship.

Here's the other way: Mike Silverman, Grammy-winning jazz musician, fellow Webster Groves resident, fellow Dillon adoptive parent, and really nice guy is composing and recording a piece in honor of the world's orphaned children. Called "Until Every Child Has a Home," it will be available probably in December. All proceeds from iTunes downloads of the piece will be donated to Dillon International. I can't wait to hear it -- I'm sure it will be wonderful!

Thanks for reading this!

I consider myself a late bloomer. Some lessons take a long time for me to get. For example, learning patience and trusting in God. Had you asked me ten years ago, "Do you trust God?" I would have responded, "Yes." And I did. But I tell you, I trust Him a bazillion times more now. Not just in a "Don't be afraid. I've got your back," kind of way, but in an "I've got plans to prosper you, not harm you" way. I trust that God is constantly at work to bring about the best for all of us. That God draws straight with crooked lines and comes up with a masterpiece. I trust that God is so in love with me (and with all of us) that he will do (and has done) everything imaginable and everything possible to show me how much he loves me and to help me to trust Him more so that my life on earth will get more and more rooted in Him and that heaven will rock like nothing I can imagine. I trust that even when I think I am deep in Him that He's not even warmed up yet. I knew that God was trustworthy, but now every cell in my body knows it and proclaims it.

And patience? This has been one of my biggest struggles for years. I think it is my worst fault (though I would not be surprised to learn that I have more and bigger faults that I haven't even figured out yet -- remember, I'm a late bloomer). Anytime I am in confession, losing my patience is my go-to sin. Always at the top of my list. One time a few years ago, I was confessing losing my patience at this and that and the other thing. My pastor said a bunch of things, but one of the things that is imprinted in my memory is: keep working at it, don't be discouraged, and in time patience will be your joy. I probably sat there with my mouth open. Patience will be my joy?? Joy?? What in the world could that mean? I always thought being patient was just sitting and waiting calmly on the outside while inside you are just sort of counting to ten or biding your time in some way, enduring it, just to get to the point of whatever it is that you are waiting for. And then the light turns green and you drive on thinking "Whew. I'm glad that's over." It took me months after that conversation to even get that far in describing what I thought patience was. Now, I'm a bit farther along. Although I still do not think I am patient, I can see that God is using this third adoption to teach me that being patient has a lot to do with trusting Him and realizing that there is something that He is teaching me during the waiting time. The waiting is "on purpose." It's not just that I missed a green light and have to wait through the red for it to turn green again. God wants me to wait. I am just starting to realize that there is joy in the waiting. I don't always find it. In fact, I usually don't find it. But I realize (sometime it is after the fact) that there is joy there. Because God is there in the waiting.

I think of Advent too. How God waited until the exact perfect time to bring His Son into the world. How every year, we have the beautiful season of Advent to prepare for Christ's coming. Certainly to prepare to celebrate his coming at Christmas, and to remember how God acted throughout salvation history to prepare His people for Jesus' birth 2000 years ago. But also that Advent is a special time for us to prepare for receiving Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and also to prepare for His coming at the end of time as well as the end of our own lives. And God is there in the waiting, loving us and acting in our lives.

And I think of how indescribably patient He is with me. He knows when I fall, and He still loves me. He knows when my intentions are good, and not so good, and He still loves me. He knows my struggles and my bad habits. He loves me no matter what I do, but He loves me too much to let me get away with bad choices. He knows that sometimes I have to hear or experience the same thing again and again and again, sometimes years apart, before it will really sink in. And like the perfect Father that He is, He knows that the lesson is learned so much better when I arrive at it when I am able to understand it.

I want to be like you.

I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for all the lovin' that has been coming our way over the last few days. So many people have called or emailed or seen us at church or school and said how happy and excited they are for us, and that they will keep us in their prayers. Thank you so much for that! It really really means a lot. It is a wonderful feeling to be surrounded by so much love and support and prayer.

A few folks asked whether we hoped to adopt one or two additional children, and whether we could request a girl or a boy, or how it all worked. Glad you asked! We stated in our application that we were open to adopting one or two children. Our hearts want two (!!), but we're just not sure how it will all work out, and what child or children would be available at the time of our referral. Same thing on gender. We are open to either boys or girls, and we're just not sure which would be available at the time of our referral. It sounds rather crass to say "first available" when we're talking about children and not a table at a restaurant, but it's kind of like that. Honduras does allow families to specify whether they would like a boy or a girl, if there is a preference, but we thought we would leave it up to God.

#15 on IHNFA's wait list, that is.  That's all we've got to report!  I wonder when it will be that we get our referral?  Are we days away?  Weeks?  Still months?

Jerry and I were re-fingerprinted this morning at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) offices downtown as our fingerprint clearance was due to expire.  Our appointment was at 8:00 am, and we decided to make a fun event out of it, and took the boys with us.  They liked going through security -- and wondered if they would see any planes.  Erik especially was interested in the security guards there at the checkpoint and also in the little security station that is behind dark clouded glass.  Kept wondering what they were doing in there.  A little hard to explain to a 5 year old.

Although we were not the first ones in the door, we were the first to fill out the paperwork and hence were the first ones to be fingerprinted.  The advantage of being a native English speaker!  The staff at USCIS were very friendly and accomodating and showed the boys how the fingerprinting machine worked.  The print on Mommy's left pinkie kept failing, but I guess they got enough of what they needed because after being there for about ten minutes, we were on our way.

The boys missed only about 45 minutes of school, and I think they enjoyed being a part of the activity to bring #3 and #4 home.

Well, school starts again next week, and it doesn't look like we will get a referral before then.  Obviously we want our referral as soon as possible, but looking on the bright side, it might be easier to manage if the boys are back in school when we do travel.  Logistically, that is.

When Jerry and I travel for the first trip, it will probably be easier not to have the boys with us.  We will need to meet with the social worker and psychologist and take those tests and all, and if the boys were with us, we would need to have another adult come with us to take care of them during all that.  Plus, it would probably be better if we are able to meet and get to know #3 (and #4) without the boys there.

I'm thinking that for the second trip, maybe we all four fly down together, and then Jerry and the boys leave after the first week or so.

Wow!  In a couple months, we've zoomed up 19 numbers, so that is awesome!  Still no knowing when it will be our time.  Irina says it could be weeks or months.  I sure hope it will be this summer.

How's about I spell out the next steps, for whenever we do get a referral.  Ok, so the obvious big first step is that we get the referral!  We would be given all the information that is available, as well as photos, and have a couple weeks to make a decision. Assuming we say yes, that is communicated to IHNFA, and then they set the time for when we come to their office.  There are actually two trips that need to be taken.  For the first trip, Jerry and I both would need to travel.  We each meet individually with a psychologist and a social worker and take the MMPI, which is the same test that we took as part of our psychological evaluation, and I believe some other tests as well.  Then after that is done, we get to meet our child(ren)!  We meet him/her/them there at the IHNFA facility in the presence of the social worker and probably the foster mother.  Play for a while, chat if we can, get to know each other.  Then maybe we see each other again the next day, possibly they stay the night at the hotel with us.  I think it sort of depends on how well the adjustment goes.  I like the fact that the process seems to be structured for the child(ren)'s benefit, rather than convenience.  It's not just, "Here you go.  Here's your child.  Best of luck!"  but they take it slow to let the child(ren) adjust to us and the situation.

The first trip lasts a few days/ a week, and during that trip, documents are prepared and presented to court to officially adopt the child(ren).

Then we leave, just Jerry and I that is, and wait to hear that the court is ready to sign the final adoption paperwork.  That is when we take the second trip, aka pickup trip.  It may be a month or two or more later than the first trip.  At the beginning of that second trip, the judge signs the final adoption degree!  At that point, Jerry could travel back home, but I would need to stay longer.  The second trip is probably four or six weeks long since after the adoption decree is signed, then the child(ren)'s new birth certificate and passport can be issued, then the child(ren) have a medical exam and some vaccinations, and we apply at the U.S. Embassy for the visa to bring the child(ren) into the U.S.  And all those things take time.  Once we get the visa, then we can travel to the U.S.  So exciting!

Good news!  IHNFA has approved everything in our dossier!  We are now among those families that are at the table (so to speak) when a referral is about to be made.  The process goes something like this:  IHNFA's assignment committee gets together whenever there is a child available for referral, that is, when the child is paper ready to be adopted.  The committee looks through the dossiers that they have available, starting with the oldest, to see if there is a match.  Say that the child is a 24 month old little boy.  Say that the family on the top of the wait list has requested a little boy younger than age 3.  Match!!  They are offerred that referral, and hopefully accept, and a family is formed!!  Say though, that that family had requested a girl.  No match, so the committee looks at the next family on the list, and so on, until there is a match. Well, because our dossier is complete and has been approved, we are among those families whose dossiers are brought to the table when there is a referral.  So that is some good news.  We still don't have any idea when we will get a referral, but this is definite progress.

We are at number #47 on IHNFA's list, so that is quite a jump now that everything in our dossier is approved.

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.

Jerry took this call.  Turns out that the truck carrying the revised version of our psychological reports was robbed in Honduras!  Everyone at Buckner and at FedEx was totally apologetic, but what can you do.  We'll just have to ask our psychologist to print off another copy.

In a couple weeks, we'll be laughing about this.  Actually, I am kinda laughing now.  You just couldn't make this stuff up!

Looks like we need to ask our psychologist to add into the report more detail on our personalities and more detail on the recommendation section.  I called his secretary, and she is going to have him call me so I can explain it fully.

Funny story about our psychologist that I didn't record earlier.  He is from our parish!  It started like this.  We knew that one of the requirements for the dossier was to have a psychological report on both Jerry and I, but we totally didn't know how to go about getting one.  Plus it was rather unclear what needed to go into the report.  We called Dillon to see if they had any recommendations on where to go -- difficulty is that none of Dillon's other countries require psych evaluations, and since Honduras is a new program, we are the first family in our state working with Dillon/Buckner, so this wasn't an easy step.  Still, sweet Margie was able to find a few people, and gave me the contact info for one psychologist who's office was nearby.  I called and explained what was needed and made an appointment.  Then when I showed up for the appointment, I checked in with the secretary and sat in the waiting room.  Within a couple minutes, the psychologist's door opens and out he comes.  We looked at each other, both smiled, and said, "I know you!!!"  He and his wife have been parishioners at our church for years, and we see each other all the time, but didn't know each other's names.  It was very funny!  I totally felt comfortable, and totally felt like God was right there in my corner taking care of me, as usual.