The most common remark I get when people find out that I'm homeschooling my kids is "Oh, you must be SO patient! I really just don't have the patience for that." The second most common remark, as you can probably easily guess is: "And what do you do about socialization?" (but that is a topic for another blog post :)





The truth is I'm not extra patient. I yell at my kids sometimes. I get frustrated and threaten them with various things (most commonly pointing to the school bus driving by and telling them I'm going to call the bus driver and have them come pick them up. So far they haven't called my bluff on this!) and I do want to apologize if I have given off the impression that I am...or that there are never any messes surrounding our school work. Trust me, there are.

The truth is homeschooling is messy and frustrating a lot of the time. Just like traditional schooling, there are a lot of tears (think of nightly homework sessions, running late in the morning, problems with socialization, clashes with teachers, etc.) We get tired of each other and need breaks and sometimes want to quit a half an hour after we've started. I don't think anyone who sends their kids to school lacks patience more or less than I do. There are just as many occasions to practice this virtue whether you are homeschooling your kids or not.

Now taking bets on how many perler beads Penny will have turn up in her diaper in the next few days....

There are obviously major differences between a classroom setting and a home setting of learning. We don't have interruptions for assemblies, fire drills, and school announcements. Instead, we have babies crawling in on our lessons, toddlers making noise and messes, and carpets that need to be vacuumed that mommy can't seem to ignore (hey, I have no janitor!) The longer I do this, the more I've come to accept that it's just not reasonable to expect a perfect day. We can plan, organize, and try our best to have a smooth, well rounded day of learning. That is certainly the ideal. But, interruptions should be expected, and even welcomed. Even when I was teaching (I taught one year at a private school, 1st grade) I recall having good days and bad days. Days where I wanted to quit, and really satisfying days, too. Why should homeschooling be any different? Children have to learn how to deal with interruptions as they get older. It's simply part of life.

Pause to help give Penny a walking lesson.

I think the greatest part about homeschooling, for me, is simple. It's being with my kids. I like my kids, and right now I really enjoy teaching them. Every day is a fresh opportunity to learn something new, and I just feel grateful that I get to be a big part of that. Even when it drives me crazy sometimes...

"My throat huuuuurts!" Ugh it's such a sad sentence, especially uttered from the mouth of a 3 year old, or a 6 year old, or anyone really. Back when I first became Catholic, I remember hearing about St. Blaise, who is the patron of throats. Throats? I thought. Really? How bizarre to have a patron of throats! St. Blaise was an early bishop of the church, in the region of Cappadocia (modern day Turkey) So as he was being arrested for being a bishop of the illegal Christian church, a distraught mother brought her son over to him as he was choking on a fish bone. The holy bishop said a prayer over him, and the boy was healed. Thus, the patron of throats. If you think about it for a minute, throats are extremely important! You know, we kind of need them to eat and drink, swallow and breathe. Any kind of ailment to the throat can be extremely dangerous. I don't know why I'm going on and on about this, other than I stopped for a minute to think about it and it really is remarkable how this one organ(?) is so vital. Kind of makes sense to have a saint (a very early saint at that!) of throats.

Anyway! I wanted to jump back into blogging and I wasn't sure how. Talking about St. Blaise seems to be as good as any way to do so. The kids are kind of miserable with sore throats and slight fevers. They are watching Curious George right now and I'm drinking my second cup of coffee. I think once the show is over I'll get everyone away from the t.v. and we'll start a slow morning of homeschooling in our pj's. (Reason 251 why I love homeschooling. You can do it even when you're not feeling the greatest. Or, you can decide not to also!) In any case, it's going to be a slow Monday for us.

I've actually got a TON on my to-do list this week, as I'm sure you all do as well. Not a lot will get done today, though I've emailed my husband all the things I WANT to get done so I'm hoping he can just, you know, start plowing through the list while I administer to the sick children, and myself. He's a peach, and always takes such good care of us.

And, I also wanted to mention that we have house hunting on the mind. Last week we actually made an offer on a house with lots of property. But, we were outbid (boo.) So right now we are regrouping and deciding what to do. It's all very exciting and uncertain, though. We may end up not moving for a long time, or we could move sooner. I'm trying to trust in God's plan for us and to not lean only on my own desires so much. We live in a *great* neighborhood in a comfortable house. We are so very blessed already. It's just that there are other circumstances that need to be addressed and a new house may very well be part of the solution. We shall see.

This last Sunday, our son Emmett turned 3, and his birthday always reminds me of his somewhat traumatic birth, in which the epidural I was given did not work. Even though I don't exactly remember the pain sitting here right now, I remember it was a terrible experience for me and everyone who was watching/helping me.

I was thinking about it, and I wonder: can any woman actually call to mind the pain itself? It's a strange feeling to remember that you were in agony...that you wanted nothing more than for it to be over...and yet, when I try to call to mind what it actually felt like...all I get is a vague, abstract sensation. I am the first to admit, I'm not good at describing childbirth. All I tend to do is describe the events going on around me; basically the events leading up to THE BIG EVENT - which is seeing and holding the new human I spent 9 months growing. Back in the glory days of mommy blogging, I could not get ENOUGH of the birth story blog posts. Reading friends, and even more stranger's, accounts of childbirth seems like such a strange past time, doesn't it? But I tell you, a lot of women eat it up like cat nip. It's just exhilarating to follow along with a mother for the hours leading up to the birth of their baby. The culmination of pregnancy, the end of a journey, but also the very beginning...ah it's just such a special thing, you know?

But now that I've built that all up, I have to tell you that our Penny's birth was not all that exciting, by blog birth story standards, I mean. Of course, it was exciting for us! But there was nothing to make you sit on the edge of your seat or bite your nails in anticipation of what will come next (spoiler alert, a baby came out of me :) It was a smooth, joyful birth, and I'm really just sharing it so that one day all my kids will feel included! I've already written out my first four births on this little blog, so I've got to type out the fifth now. It's time.

Oh my gosh I was huge

It was October 29th, 2016. A Saturday. We went to bed Friday night, and I was starting to feel more contractions. Her due date was October 25th so I was already 5 days overdue, which was completely normal for me. So far all of my babies have come on or after their due date. But I'm always extremely uncomfortable and complain-y at the end, and probably pretty unpleasant to be around. So I had my usual complain-fest going on all week and we all knew I couldn't take it much longer....

So, I remember going to bed and telling myself that I. was. going. to. go. into. labor. I just was! I had to. I had seen the midwife on Thursday night and she told me she was working over the weekend and would be happy to help me have my baby. If I made it to Monday I'd be a week late, and since my other births went fast (not crazy -fast, but all under 5 hours), she wouldn't want me to go too late. I also had told all the midwives that I was planning on having an epidural, based on my negative experience with my last birth! I really wanted the epidural early on. I should also note that being so tired and spent at the end of my pregnancies, I never have felt that I could have the heart for a natural birth...or the energy! So, going into her birth, I knew I wanted to be at the hospital as early as possible (knowing they will usually only admit you if you are dilated to at least a 4), and that I wanted the pain management to start as soon as possible. I wasn't taking any chances!

When I woke up on Saturday morning around 3a.m. I thought maybe things were picking up. I laid in bed feeling contractions for about an hour, then I decided to get up. I walked around, then took a shower, then woke Mike up at about 5. We tried to keep the contractions going by walking around the house, and although things weren't too intense, I really wanted to have this baby, so I asked him to get the kids packed up and to take them up to his parents. So, he did. They got to the house at about 6am (still in their pj's) and Mike came home hopefully to help me walk and go into labor. I think it was about 9 am that we decided to go to out somewhere to try and walk more, but since it was a rainy day, we decided that we would go to the mall close to the hospital. Actually first we went into Home Depot to look at washing machines because ours had just happened to stop working the day before (ugh!) so we really needed to order one. We walked around for a while then headed over to the mall, where we walked around for a few hours.

If you know me, you know I hate to walk. Yes, that's right, walking is boring and annoying to me. Haha. I get a lot of flack for this but it's true! I prefer walking for a purpose (like hiking, I like hiking) and although you could argue that walking to get labor going is, in fact, a very valid purpose...I still hate walking. I am 9 months pregnant, hello! I want to be IN BED. Sleeping or resting! Ha. But you know how it is. You gotta walk if you want things to happen.

So I believe it was approaching 1pm when we decided to go get checked out at Overlake. We were expecting it to be busy, because we had been told this was an extremely busy hospital. All our other babies were born at Swedish, but do to an insurance snafu, we had to deliver at Overlake. Surprisingly, all was quiet and we got checked in quickly and had the midwife come in for a look-over. At first, things didn't look all that great, for me, the miserable pregnant girl. I think I was maybe a 3, and not really in active labor. They could definitely sense my disappointment, but they also didn't want to admit me right away. They agreed to keep me for a little while for observation. I stayed hooked up to the monitor for about 20 minutes, then there was a brief, exciting few minutes when the midwife came to check on baby and couldn't get a heartbeat. Anyone who has ever been hooked up to fetal heart monitors know #1 they are a PAIN in the butt, and #2 they often lose track of the baby's heartbeat. For better or for worse, these monitors are still relied on heavily by medical professionals, so the midwife was getting concerned. She quickly had me flip over on all fours to try and get a better position. She did find the heartbeat, but it seemed a bit high. (I'm guessing because they scared me briefly!) so given that along with my birthing history, and being 5 days over, they went ahead and admitted me. I was so relieved!

Excited to meet our baby! And to be DONE being pregnant!

Mike called to check in on the kids and they were fine, though they had already been at nana and papas for a long time and we felt bad. Of course we were getting really excited to meet our newest baby and we were hoping it wouldn't be too much longer! The afternoon kind of dragged on a bit. I was given Pitocin. I was resting but also getting up and down to walk and bounce on the birthing ball. We didn't want things to stall and I was anxious to get far enough along to get my precious epidural going!

We had one really nice nurse who turned out to be a mom who homeschooled her kids, so we chatted with her for a long while. In some ways, I wished we could have just been alone, even though I really enjoyed talking with her because we had so much in common. At some point in the afternoon I realized I was getting a migraine. This was really frustrating as they were hesitant to give me any migraine meds in the middle of labor. So I suffered a bit from that, and was just waiting until I could get some stronger meds after I gave birth. I remember feeling anxious about how the pushing would go, but I was still very excited about getting the epidural.

The anesthesiologist came in around 9pm and gave me the sweet juice ;) It worked right away and I was so relieved! The contractions took a long time to get stronger, but once they did it was clear I was past my comfort zone and ready for relief. As I said, I did not want a repeat of having to push my baby out without pain relief because I have never prepared for that! I was ready to progress far enough to start pushing..I just had to wait a little bit longer...

At this point we were feeling a bit more anxious about our other kids. That's the hard thing about having subsequent children...you are thinking about them as your in labor. Of course, they were in safe hands, and having fun no doubt. But you do develop some guilt if you take too long to get back to them. After all, four kids is a lot to handle. I was ready to get the baby delivered for sure...

The nurse we had after the one we really liked (and actually, she overlapped with her a bit) was a bit...um....well, incompetent would be a bit of a harsh word...but she was apparently new, and learning. And consequently, very slow. Everything she did took twice as long as it should have, and she had to get a lot of input from the other nurses before she felt comfortable doing anything. We really felt like the administering of the pitocin as well as the antibiotics I was getting was not being done correctly. I wasn't paying close enough attention but Mike told me he was getting frustrated and wished we had a more experienced nurse. In the end it was fine, but she even admitted to me that she wasn't sure this was the best role for her - labor and delivery (!!!) I'm hoping she chose to go with a quieter area of nursing. I think they stuck her with us since this was our fifth baby and they figured we'd be good a lot more laid back than someone who was having their first, maybe? It was okay. She was very nice and I never felt like I was in any danger. Especially since she was being supervised. But if you ask Mike, he was a lot more irritated.

So, back to me and baby. It wasn't until after midnight that things got going. I finally had progressed to 10 centimeters and was ready to push! I was expecting, after my other babies, to only push for a few minutes and have her out. But Penelope took a little bit more effort. I believe I started pushing maybe at 12:30 and she was born about an hour later. I have to say it was a bit comical when she was coming, because she was SO WIGGLY! The nurses were laughing because she was almost doing somersaults as she was being born...thank goodness I couldn't feel that because I think it would have been tortuous! She came out a little bit quieter than my other babies, but oh so alert. She was perfect and adorable and we were soooooooo very happy to finally lay eyes on her! We named her Penelope Rose Corrigan. Mike had always wanted a "Rosie" but I preferred it as a middle name.




The nice thing about this being our fifth baby was that the nurses largely left us alone during recovery! Other than the absolute necessary check-ins, they were in and out with nary a disruption. At this point our other children were now being watched by my aunt Ginnie, so we all felt pretty good about settling down and resting. Me especially. Though of course Mike was pretty wiped out as well. He actually did go back home to be with the kids the next day after he had been at my side for the last 24 hours. I am so thankful to have him there at my births. He provides all the comfort and love I need to get me through the moments when I'm scared or worried. He also is there after baby is born to change diapers and bring me lots of snacks ;)

"Penny" as we call her often, is with us and part of our family now and we are grateful for her. I wonder if people on the outside of larger families wonder in their heart of hearts, if it actually is possible to love more than two children equally and fully. I will readily admit that I once wondered how it was possible! But, trust me, love has NO limits. We love Penelope with our whole hearts! We love her so much it hurts - just as we love Louisa, Josephine, Michael, and Emmett. Right after I have a baby and I'm looking into their little faces, getting to know them when they are just minutes or hours old - I sometimes feel my heart will burst open and fill the room with joy and gladness. There is so much love it cannot be contained! That is the beauty of being co-creators with God. WE get to share in that replication of love that always looks outside itself. God cannot be contained because God is Love. Love is limitless. Seeing a new human being that you participated in making gives us a glimpse into the infinite. It is a breathtaking gift.




Her personality and disposition could not be sweeter. She looks at us and her siblings as if her own little heart would explode with affection. She is easy to nurse to sleep and keep entertained because she has so many who want to hold her constantly. She has already experienced Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter with us, as well as many birthdays and holidays in between. I feel as though I blinked and a half a year has already passed. We are so thankful for our Penelope Rose! We pray that her life continues to be a source of joy and light to all she encounters. God is Good!

I remember a while ago reading a blog post by a mother who had older kids. At the time I think I just had Louisa and Josie and they were pretty little. I was still adjusting to motherhood; every day felt really full and kinda crazy. I fell into bed feeling grateful but also baffled at how I would be able to fit more children into my already crazy days and nights. This mother in her blog post, was saying how it was challenging having a large family, but it also got easier. It wasn't like each child added the same amount of work, because the other children were older and needed her a little less. She also talked about how much she loved just being with "her people." I was trying to envision what it would be like to have older children one day and what it would be like to actually get to have conversations with them. It was so hard to picture!

But now, I do have some older-ish kids and man, they are great! I really *do* enjoy their company. Yes, I still have a toddler and a baby, but having the three older ones makes life fun and interesting. I love talking to Michael about random stuff. He always surprises me with his observations and thoughts. Louisa's sense of humor is unfolding and she's got some wit that she definitely did not get from me! Josie is our goofball and loves to entertain. Emmett is talking more and more and Mike and I sometimes can't handle how cute he is. He had to go to the doctor the other day and was chatting it up with our Pediatrician, and loved being the center of attention. Of course all of the kids can have their challenging moments. Right now, I'm trying to finish up this blog post and Michael is laying on the floor at my feet doing who knows what, and Josie is clapping (too loudly) trying to get Penny to be happy. Everyone is being slightly loud because mom is occupied and distracted...

But, I just wanted to say how I feel honored to be spending my days with my people. As they get older and older, they get even more fun to be around. No offense to anyone in particular, but I do not understand all those memes about moms jumping up and down for joy when school starts back up in the fall. It doesn't make sense to me.

I started this blog when Louisa was in-utero, 8 years ago. We were just getting started on the parenting adventure. Things have changed quite a bit. I am 8 years older and my body has birthed 4 more children. Our dinner table is full and our fridge empties out faster. Our marriage has had ups and downs. Homeschooling has had its trials and errors. Life is not easy breezy, but it's very, very good.

I am such a Millenial. Facebook came about in 2005 when I was in college and thus it has been a part of my entire adult life. I joined when there was no such thing as a Newsfeed, no picture albums (only your profile picture) and "poking" people was a playful (and popular) way of saying, "hey you! Notice me! wink wink nod nod" (so creepy.) Facebook ushered in this whole "social media" universe that we now live in, and I was right on board from the beginning. Yes MySpace and AOL preceded it, but for all intents and purposes, it was Facebook that brought about the revolution.

Why am I reminiscing about my beginnings with Facebook back when we were both basically babies? Because I've since experiences too many frustrating and disheartening situations than I can count, and I was getting tired of it. On the other hand, I have also met, connected with, been helped by, and loved by many wonderful people I might not otherwise have through this social website. So, honestly, I am trying to figure out Facebook's place in my life.  I still go back and forth often in my thoughts trying to discern what I want to do.

I won't go into the specifics of what sparked my longest break yet. And I do realize that taking a two month break sounds pretty pathetic to many people. However, I have learned a few important lessons during these 8 weeks that I disengaged and took a breather:

1. I don't need Facebook.
I really don't. I can totally, 100% live without it. I didn't miss any life-altering things from the weeks my account was disabled. I was fine. My Facebook friends were fine. And if I never signed onto there again, everything would be FINE. (Also, I was still engaging with my Instagram tribe, hehee :)

2. On the other hand....
It's really inconvenient to not be on Facebook. I have had quite a few people try to get a hold of me, only to find I wasn't reachable. Yes, I could have made a more formal exit and given out my phone number/email/whatever to a bunch of people who might have needed to reach me, but I didn't. I am apart of 2-3 really fantastic groups that actually plan get-togethers and mommy nights out that I wasn't getting messages from. That was really difficult because I love these lovely ladies, and I felt it was unfair for me to ask them to go out of their way to text me each time they saw something I was missing. I did do that for a while, but like I said, in the end I feel like that is asking too much of them. They are just as busy as I am!

3. Politics are out
When I wasn't logging onto Facebook for news and political posts, I found I had SO much more peace in my life! It was desperately needed. I had gotten so wrapped up in hearing other people's opinions and analysis, and nine times out of ten, being part of political conversations (ahem) arguments did not help me out in any way in my real life. I do believe engaging in political discussions is valuable. I am a mom and my mind can sometimes feel like it's turning to mush when I'm taking care of littles all day. I LOVE to activate my mind and think critically. It is also important to be civic-minded and active. However, I have finally realized that simply posting back and forth comments is not helping anything. If you want to have a political conversation with me LETS DO IT IN PERSON. Come over to my house. Let's have coffee and talk politics.

It took me many years and many heartaches to finally realize this. I used to be so baffled when people told me they hated talking about politics on social media. I thought they were crazy. But now I totally get it. It's exhausting. And people have become ALOT meaner. I can say this confidently. People used to be more civil and kind. It did used to be fun, but now it's pretty horrible. As a mother of 5 I just don't have time to wade through the bad stuff to attain the good when it comes to political debate online. I can't do it anymore.

Also, I apologize to anyone if you are reading this and *I* caused you any kind of distress. I know I'm not perfect and I have gone about things wrongly, too. I hope you'll forgive me!

4. Facebook friendships DO translate to Real life friendships.
This is related to the political stuff in that the opposite holds true, too. Debating politics online is not helpful to real life, in my opinion, but showing moral support and encouragement online IS helpful. I can remember many, many situations where I felt like I was losing it. Feeling down, overwhelmed, unsupported, or just sad, and a comment or message from a friend on social media perked me up. Those stupid, redundant memes that you see all the time - sometimes they really do cause a laugh! Sometimes I want to shoot one to my husband and we laugh together. Or, in other cases I will receive a genuine note from someone I look up to, and that will give my soul a little rejuvenation. I can also encourage someone who I see needs it. I've missed that.

5. I can't take myself too seriously. 
But, Kayleen, you've just written an entire blog post on why you deactivated your facebook account then reactivated two months later! You obviously take yourself super seriously!
Hmmm, okay that's true, but I'm trying here! I've realized that most people can use social media casually and it doesn't cause them so much stress! In talking with a lot of friends on Facebook use though, I would say that most people have at times, been irritated, or unhappy with the amount of time they spend on there. They might have had their feelings hurt, or gotten annoyed with a friend's differing political views. But, when I look back on my history, I think the amount of anxiety it's caused me is slightly out of proportion. Thus my priorities and expectations have to change in order for me to squeeze the most good out of social media, without getting sucked into the bad.

6. Thus, a new perspective.
I think what it's boiled down to for me, at this moment in time, is to use Facebook for three primary purposes. To connect, to inform, and to uplift. Pretty simple! I'm going to avoid situations I KNOW will get me fired up to the point where I can't sleep. I also have to keep my expectations of OTHER people's usage of Facebook in check. I have been known to do this, and it has caused me heartache in the past as well. My new perspective is that Facebook is different things to different people and that's all OKAY. I'm happy to go on a couple times a week to check in. To lend a kind word where it is needed. To plan a play date or mom's night out. To participate in a discussion of something I'm passionate about. Then, to close the computer or app and go on with my day. No more staying up late evaluating the tone of my comments or others. No more dragging Mike into my latest political debate **Can you believe these people??!?** and definitely no more scrolling aimlessly through the newsfeed when I'm trying to escape something. As they say, it's time to make this work for ME.

Hello there! Let's see if I remember how to do this now...
Blog voice, blog voice, hmmmm, where are you?

Okay. I think what would be easiest is to start with quick takes since it's Friday, and while I know what most people have asked me about with this blog is Penny's BIRTH STORY(!) I am simply not up for that at this very moment. I will hopefully ease back in with a few short posts then roll out what I can remember from her lovely entrance into the world. (It really wasn't that eventful, but I'd hate for her to be left out since I chronicled all four of her sibling's birth stories!)

So! Let's do this.

1. Well let's start with Penelope Rose, since the last time I blogged, I was begging her to come out soon. She is here! She is amazing! Just a sweet perfect dream baby, that's all ;) Seriously, I have NO complaints about her. She coos, she smiles, she rolls over (she will be 5 months March 31st), she nurses, she poos, she sleeps. She's a beautiful addition to our family and we thank God for her constantly. Her siblings fight over holding her, they love her so, and sometimes I have to sneak in my own snuggles because I get tired of sharing her ;)

2. Mike made us a farm table and bench. I've been hinting around at it on Instagram, but so far haven't formally introduced our newest piece of gorgeous, handmade furniture. Mike is getting to be quite the carpenter! I'm so glad he has this hobby. He enjoys it, and I get to enjoy the fruits! The next thing I'm wanting him to do is build some planter boxes for the back yard to go on and under the deck. I'm so happy and proud of him!

3. The rain & drudgery around here has been absolutely suffocating. Ask anyone around here, even the most cheerful PNW rain-lovers (myself included) are just ready for the sun to shine down on us. We desperately need a solid week of sunshine to refuel us and uplift our spirits. Summer cannot come soon enough! So. Much. Rain.
Must. Stop.

4. I have been mostly focused on my vocation the last few months, with very, very little time to do anything else. In dealing with some anxiety issues, I've been told that I need to have a creative outlet (other than posting Instagram photos :) in order to stay inspired and be happier. So I'm working on that. I've always loved being a blogger, and I took a little photography class recently, too. {Hello there Nikon! Haven't seen you in a while!} I am also hoping to also pursue exercise/fitness classes in the next few months. I started on the Weight Watchers program again about three weeks ago, and that is always a good way for me to stay motivated in the kitchen. This is another reason I am looking forward to the summer. A healthier me seems to be waiting for me there. I'm working on her now :)

5. The kids are all doing great. Homeschool and the Homeschool Enrichment program are working out for us, although there is always room for improvement. I'm trying desperately to figure out what we are going to do next year. What things to change, what things to adjust, and what things to keep the same. The single best thing to come out of this year of at home schooling is that I realized I am ACTIVELY choosing it now. It's what I want to be doing. I don't feel conflicted about it at all, and that is a great gift! For the time being, there are no plans to change this aspect of life.

6. We got 4 new baby chicks to add to our flock! This time around is so much nicer. We have done it before so we're a lot more laid back and chill with them. They are so cute! I think we decided on their names as Juno, Liberty, Peach, and Dot. We got two more Leghorns (white, great layers) one Rhode Island Red, and an Americuana.

7. Hmmm, what else? Is there anything you'd like me to blog about? The kids? Homeschooling? Backyard chickens? Let me know! I'm not super focused yet, but like I mentioned, my plan is to write down Penny's birth story, and hopefully get some regular blogging in about daily life. I've had this blog for 8 years now, and I'd like to keep it going for a while longer :) Who knows - maybe the glory days of mommy blogging will come back one day. One can hope!