Is it my turn yet?

I am really trying to just take it one day at a time - like everyone has told me to do.

Last night I took my first Birth Control Pill, Baby Aspirin, and Pre Natal Vitamin. So Far so good.

I do intend to make a list today of everything I have to do each day and what will consist of each week. There is alot that will be going on in each week or each day for that matter and I want to stay on top of things and make sure I do not forget anything.

I called IVP Care Pharmacy this morning - they said the reason they had not called me yet is because I will not be starting stims until October 16th. The girl I talked to was very nice - she took down all my information and she also took my insurance information - she said they will run all the medication through my insurance today and find out if anything is covered and then they will call me tomorrow and get the payment and ship everything out so I will get it Friday.

The reason for my impatience with this is because my bosses are gone for the rest of this week - so I I can have the medication delivered to my job this week then they will not know about my IVF.

Just got back from the RE office and there is alot going on.

First of all I had to get bloodwork done but the nurse had no clue what she was doing - she has to stick me three times - I have bandages on both arms now.

Tonight I will start taking birth control pills, pre natal vitamins and baby aspirin. The nurse called in all my medication and IVP Care (where I am getting the mediation from will call me later to set up delivery and payment) She also added another medication - Estrace. But the good thing is that I am able to use all the medication that I got donated to me - which is wonderful.

On Monday I have to go in and have a Hysteroscopy - John will have to drive me there and take me home. This procedure was never mentioned to me until today and I am not happy that I have to do it and miss work. I guess it is alot like the HSG - I am not really sure.

I have my injection class on October 15th and I start my first injection Lupron on October 16th. I will take 5 units in the morning and 5 units in the evening.

On Oct 23rd I will go in for more bloodwork and an ultrasound and make sure I am ready for the other injectable drugs and then I will start taking the Bravelle and Menpour that day.

Looks like my ER and ET my be push back to the first week in November - I guess it all depends on how I respond to the medication.

I am feeling very overwhelmed right now.

I got AF on Saturday morning - so I called the RE office on Saturday afternoon and left a message letting them know it was CD 1. I got a call back this morning - they are going to have me come in tomorrow morning at 9:15 am to go over everything. They will start me on my BCP and order my medication for me. I will set up my injection class and go over the next steps. So in my book at least - my IVF cycle has official begun. I must admit I am getting nervous now - even when the nurse called me back this morning my heart started racing. But I am excited too. I am just so happy to finally get this show on the road after waiting so long - saving for IVF - it is actually finally a reality.

John just really need some space - time to adjust. We did not talk for two days because I was so upset at the way he was acting and I did not want to blow up in his face with my angry. So I calm down and yesterday when he came home we talked. He said he was sorry for acting like a jerk and that he is going to be there for me from now on and that I can count on him. He said this is just alot to handle. I am really hoping things go smoothly from now on because I cannot take much more craziness. I am really hoping he means what he says. He has never let me down before when it comes to big things - so I am positive he will be there for me when I need him. I told him I may have to take the Lupron in the morning - since he is giving me all of my shots - that means getting up at 5 am when he gets up to give me the shot (I usually do not wake up until 7 am) and he said he will talk to his boss and rework his schedule if we need to do morning shots. Now that is a step in the right direction.

I still do not know what I am going to do about work. I have three options regarding missing time for appointment. One is to stay late on the days I miss time - which is my least favorite option - two is the come in on Saturdays and make up my time - which may work better for me and three is to count up the hours until it equals one day and take it as a vacation day. Not sure what I am going to do yet - especially since it has been so crazy at work with me being the only secretary here now. My friends keep telling me not to worry about work - IVF comes first. I guess I will figure it out as the time comes.

Just waiting for my period to start - any day now I hope and we will begin.

My husband has become more and more distant. He is not coming around - he is freaking out and I do not know what to do. We have talked about this for over a year - we have saved for over a year - we have been to the consult - we even watched how to give injections on You Tube. I thought we were ready - I thought he was ready. But I do not think he his and I do not know what to do - he has totally shut down. He will not talk to me - he says he is overwhelmed and scared it is not going to work. He is nervous about spending all of this money in this bad economy and I am not sure what to do. I want to go through with it - I am hoping he will step up but at the same time what if he doesn't. He says he will be fine once we start - he says he needs to just work through his feelings. But all we do is fight. I really do not need this kind of stress right now. I am so ready, so willing and able and excited and hopeful. How can my husband be the total opposite. I asked him if he wanted to go talk to someone - I even told him I would set it up for him but he said no. I do not know what else to do. I am suppose to start the BCP for IVF in one week.

My brother is okay - he was released from the hospital a few days ago - they were suppose to put him on light duty for 7 days because he is still having sereve headaches but he just found out he has to go out on another mission - out in the field - today - he is not happy about it at all because he does not feel ready. I hope he will be okay.

I talked with John again last night - he said he just feels overwhlemed - which is totally understandable. I told him that we just have to work as a team and we will get through this. About a week and a half until I start BCP for IVF. I am actually starting to get nervous now. But still hopeful.

I have a friend who is pregnant and her shower is coming up. I have planned all week to go to BabiesRUs today and get her gift - but I just cannot do it - I cannot put myself through that torture of seeing all of that cute baby stuff and all of the pregnant women and little babies - it is just too much for me to take - so I will be ordering it online. I just feel like I am wasting money paying extra for shipping when I can just drive there - but I guess it is worth it for me.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Andrew is still in the hospital - apparently he failed his memory test that they gave him and he is have major sensitivity to light and sound and has sereve headaches and is very sore. I heard this is pretty common in bomb attacks but it is still scary to me - so please keep him in your prayers.

I just added it up and I will be saving over $ 2,300 thanks to all the wonderful donations. I just want to say thank you again to everyone who donate to my IVF med cause - I truly appreciate it and it is going to help out so very much.

I talked with John over the weekend and his said his main concern is that this IVF is going to fail - he is so scared about that and that is why he is freaking out - I know there is a million and one things that could go wrong from start to finish but I try not to think about that.

Two weeks and counting until I start BCP for my first and hopefully only IVF !!!!!

I must say my husband and are are not acting like we normal do. I am usually the crazy planner who freaks out over everything - and John is the calm cool one. Well with IVF just around the corner - I am so very calm - I am not scared about the needles or ER and may be a tiny bit nervous about the whole bladder issue with the ET but other than that I am ready and I am hopeful - I know it is going to work because it just has too. I am ready to finally move forward and IVF is going to be our chance to have a family. John on the other hand is freaking out - he is freaking out about the money and the appointments and everything involved - even giving me the needles - he is scared we are going to have twins and not be able to support them - he is freaking himself out - I try to tell him one day at a time but I guess I have to just let him go through this and process what is about to happen.

In other news my brother Andrew who is a Marine and stationed in Afghanistan called me yesterday to tell me that he was in the hospital - he vehicle ran over a underground bomb - he is okay though - he was knocked out so they are keeping him 24 hours for monitoring but he sounded good - he said he has a headache and chest pains and is sore but other than that he is fine - thank goodness. He is set to come home by the end of the year - I cannot wait until he is home safe and sound.

I now have all of my Menopur and Bravelle - thanks to all of the wonderful women who dontated to me - I cannot thank you ladies enough - this is going to help so very much.

Now on to my questions. My protocol calls for 36 vials of Bravelle and 12 vials of Menopur - which I have now but as far as the needles and syringes and q-caps go I have no clue.

Here is what I have:

145 Q-Caps - I know I have plenty of these
84 - 27G1/2 Needles
6 - 30G1/2 Needles
20 - 3ml with 22G1/2 - needle and syringe
37 - 3ml syringes
35 - Alcohol Prep Pads

So what am I missing - what do I need. Since I have 84 27G1/2 Needles and only 37 syringes - then I need more syringes right??

What are each of the needles used for?? I know the 27G1/2 Needle is used for menopur but is it also used for Bravelle.

Is the needles that come with syringe the same thing and can they be used for both Menopur and Bravelle??

I have six 30G1/2 needles - what are they used for??

I am just so confused - I have no clue - I know I will learn all of this at my injection class but I would like to know what is going on with all these things I have. Can someone please explain it to me??

I only need 10 more vials of Bravelle and then I will have all I need to start my IVF cycle.

So if anyone would like to donate some Bravelle to me - please e-mail me at [email protected]

I want to thank everyone who has donated medication to me so far. It is appreciated greatly and will help lower our IVF cost so much. Thank you.

Here is my breakdown:

$ 9,500 - for ER, ET, all monitoring appointment, bloodwork, ultrasound, etc - it has to be payble at the time I start my injectable drugs - which is around the second week in October

$ 498 - for Anesthesia for the ER - payable the day of the ER or beforehand. If I do not pay it until after the ER then it goes up to $ 1,000 - I will pay that when I pay the initial cost - just to be on the safe side.

$ 1,600 - for ICSI - hopefully we will not need this - we will see - that is payble the day of the ER.

$ 650 - initial freeze of embryos - may not be needed depending on if we have any to freeze - due at day of transfer.

$ 750.00 - cost of storing forzen embryos for one year - payable at transfer.

$ 875.00 - Assisted Hatching - which I do not think we will need - I hope not.

$ 300 - extra fee if we go to a 5 day transfer instead of a 3 day transfer which is pretty standard in my RE office - they like doing 3 day transfers, they only do 5 day transfers if necessary.

This does not even include the meds - why does trying to have a baby cost so much money - I wish I had insurance to cover this. Those girls with insurance count your blessings. OOP is no fun.

John went to a Labor Day BBQ without me on Sunday because it was a last minute BBQ and I already had plans with my best friend. Well his sister e-mails me today to say how excited she is that we are starting IVF at the end of the month. Apparently John told everyone at the party that we are doing IVF at the end of the month - we were suppose to be keeping it quiet - at his request and now the whole family knows.

We are not doing anything fun or excited - we are working on our comupter room - tonight we will go get a new closet door, the paint, drywall, a new light fixture and a new desk. Of course because nothing is easy in my life - we ripped down the drop ceiling and guess what was underneath it - another drop ceiling - who puts two drop ceiling in - so now we have to re drywall the whole ceiling. We are also ripping up the carpets and refinishing the floors - I pray the floors are half decent under that rug. We are painting it blue. I am excited - I will post picture when it is finished.

Bladder Training is not going so well now. I cannot get past 2 1/2 hours - I really wanted to make to 4 hours - but once that 2 1/2 hours hits - I have to go - I cannot make it to three hours. I am hoping to try again for the 3 hour mark next week. But the no caffeine is going well - over two weeks with no caffeine.

I have alot coming up in the next few weeks. On Sept 12th I am going to Nineteen with my cousin Ricky for resturant weeks - I am excited to go - it is a very high class resturant in center city. Then Sept 19th we are having a poker night at our house - our first one - it should be interesting - hence how I am getting John to work on the computer room - I keep telling him it needs to be done by poker night. I have a girls night on Sept 22nd and we are trying to set up a Phillies Game night for Oct. 3rd.

On the IVF front I have received many wonderful donations. All I need now is 21 more vials of Bravelle so if anyone has any left over please message me.

I still have to call the financial lady at my RE office to go over everything - I am dreading that and have been putting it off. But I really need to know when I have to pay for everything.

I am on two medication for my face - one for my Rosacea and one for my Acne - I have horrible skin - I wonder if I have to go off of that when I do my IVF?? Just another question to add to my list of questions.

Three weeks and counting to my IVF starts - I am getting so excited.

I hope everyone has a wonderful long weekend!!

I have decided I am going to tell my RE office about the donated medication but I am going to wait until I go in for my first appointment - especially because I have not gotten all the medication the wonderful donors said they would give me yet and also because I may get more donations. I will make a list of everything that I have and bring it with me - and see if they are fine with it - if they are not fine with it I will ask to speak with the RE himself. I do plan to fight this because we are talking about alot of money here and I do not want to be wasteful. I really hope and think they will not have a problem with it.

Onto my second problem - my husband is so very depressed about this IVF cycle. I think reality is really starting to set in for him now and he is having such a hard time with this - especially the money part of it - he keeps saying we are throwing away $ 16,000 - I try to tell him that it will all be worth it if we end up getting pregnant but he just cannot see past the money. With great risk there is great reward - I do not know why he cannot see that. I try to show him how I am trying to save us money by asking for donations - but I think he is just taking it harder because of the MFI. He was the positive one throughout every procedure and now for him to be so depressed about this - really worries me.

I had another wonderful nesties offer to donate to me BCP. So I decided to call my RE office to check in see if they offer free samples if BCP to their OOP clients - since I am only taking them for three weeks. They said they do not offer free BCP so I decided to take the nestie up on her offer.

I would like to thank everyone who offered to donation or has donation medications for my IVF. I think it is so wonderful and kind and I really appreciate it.

That said, I have another huge issue (I am so dramatic) I did not realize until I called the RE office today that they will be ordering all of my medication for me. I was under the impression that I would just order the medication myself. So now the question is do I tell my RE about the donated medication?? I am worried he is going to say I cannot use it - I am not sure how he will act because it was never discussed. I am willing to bring it in to him to show him it is not opened or anything like that? I wonder if that will work. Maybe I should not even tell him and just tell the pharmacy when they call that I have certain things already - but I am not sure I can do that either - since I know have all my menopur for the cycle - how can I tell the pharmacy that I do not need any of one of the medications that my doctor ordered for me.

I do not know what to do know - I have to tell him - right???

If you were OOP and received medication donations how did you handle this situation??