Woods Family

I was just reading Lauri's blog and felt so happy that Livi gets to have the help she needs from the school district. But so sad that Maks did not qualify.

Reading her post made me so sure that Maks needs the help, too. Maks and Livi could be the same child (if they weren't different gender, age and living in different states!).

Lauri talked about Livi's scores. Maks scored similarly - except lower in areas.

Now, I do want to say that Maks scored well (above average to high) in cognitive, academic knowledge, and speech. But in everything else he was LOW. I mean really low. Like 1% - in adaptive behavior, fine motor, gross motor, sensory integration, etc. And he did NOT qualify. They told us "you are doing too good of a job with him." Are you f-ing kidding me!

We are so bummed. We know he needs the help. We need the help. His kindergarten teacher next year is going to need the help.

We are trying to find a way to get Maks's pediatrician to okay some Occupational Therapy. We are strapped (after the whole adopt from a foreign country expedition for 2.5 months). We'll see. Every other door has slammed shut - so we are not holding our breath.

Not to mention that they couldn't even get Maks to participate in many of the subtests. He would refuse. They said because he refused in a nice way that it was a plus. uuuuhhh. Are they stupid?

The testing really upset Maks, too. A couple of the psychologists observed Maks at his preschool. After they left, Maks told his teacher (matter of factly) that one of them was going to be his new Mom. And his behavior and attitude toward us since has been shaky. We are doing our best to get him to feel safe again - or should I say safer. I guess we are going to deal with attachment issues for a while longer.

We are going to request that the school re-assess Maksim. We just know that Maks needs a break.

And I am frustrated.

We love Halloween!

Maks, Mom and Dad went to the pumpkin patch. We had a great time playing with the wheel barrow, picking out pumpkins, and riding on the trailers behind the cool John Deere tractor. Then we went out for dinner. It was so much fun being together and enjoying our time out.

Yeah for Fall!

Maks loves music and loves to sing. I have been trying to capture one of his moments but he gets too interested in the camera. I found one that is pretty good. He is singing Virginia Creeper by Old Crow Medicine Show.



In other news, we finally got Maksim's school district to do some evaluation of Maks and his academic and social abilities. In California if you are under 3 there is a early intervention program that is easy to access. Since we got home when Maks was 3.5 years old he didn't qualify. After trying several options and hunting around California's Department of Education website, we discovered that the future elementary school is responsible for evaluations. Jason went to the Principal's office and they sent him away. I sent him back armed with the information from the website and they sent him away again with numbers of people to call. Well after about 8 months of phone calls and the run around, it turns out that the elementary school is responsible. So I called them and they tried to send me away again. This time, I sent them a letter asking for the evaluation in writing. Well that started a fire under them and we have had a student study team meeting and Maks has completed a couple of tests and has 3 more this week. Why don't they say we need the request in writing? Why does the request have to be in writing??

At the end of the evaluations, we will have another meeting and we will decide the best plan of attack. I am so glad that someone is finally taking us seriously. Maksim is really smart and he has learned 5 years of English in 1.5 years (according to the school's speech and language therapist) but he has sensory issues and other social delays. He needs help from someone with expertise in those areas.

We have been seeing a therapist in Santa Barbara. His name is Ryan and he is pretty cool. We visit him every week and we just play. He supports us and reassures us that we are doing good things with Maks. He has helped us work on less aggressive play. (Maks likes to bump and bonk cars into everything!) Apparently, kids out act how they feel inside with their toys and since he is hurting the toys, he is hurting himself. So for about 30 minutes a day (more or less depending) we sit and play with cars and take care of them (put bandaids on them, take them to the hospital, snuggle them) if they get bumped. It is really working. I thought it sounded kinda weird and psychobabbly but it has helped his play become gentler and really helped him feel love in his heart at other times, too.

Maks' Grandma is going to come live in Ventura again so that she can help us take care of Maks. We are so excited to have some help. We need time together as husband and wife to regroup and recoup and be ready to help Maks. With a Grandma to babysit and take care of him, he won't have to spend time in day care either(which really stinks in general and keeps him from becoming potty trained.) Yes, he is nearly five and wears diapers again, but that is another story.

So things are great around here. Maks is amazing, smart, funny and fits our family perfectly. We can't imagine life without him. What if we never found each other???

We went to Chinese food last night on a family date. Maks was so excited because we have been going on dates without him. When we got to read our fortunes, I read mine, then Jason read his, then Maks read his own: "When you are a racecar you have to drive real fast for the greens but stop for the red ones." What a crazy kid! We love him.

Maks and Mom have been spending a lot of time together. I think that it took him a while getting used to Mom being home with him all day (instead of Dad) and during July, I didn't take him to preschool at all. It has been so much fun and completely exhausting all in one. We are really getting close and love to be together.

Maks loves to exercise with his Mommy. We walk and swim and bike ride. He loves to give hugs and kisses to his mom.

We are going to Utah again to see Uncle Phil marry Auntie Sharon. We are all very excited. I even get to make the wedding cake. It will be my first real wedding cake so we'll see how it turns out. Mom and Dad even get to take 24 hours to be by themselves! Yeah! Nana is having a sleepover with Maks.

Ohh.. I almost forgot.. I also get to ride on an airplane that does weightless parabolas. I will get to log about 7 minutes of "weightlessness". I won't bore you of the details concerning the quotation marks. It will fly aboard G-Force One. This is an opportunity for science and math teachers around the country given by Northrop Grumman Foundations Weightless Flights of Discovery. We get to take experiments on board and they will video tape everything. I went to a workshop yesterday to begin preparations for the flight. I am really excited.

In other news.

Potty training is sooooo hard. I don't think that Maks can completely recognize what it feels like to need to go. Sometimes he can. I don't know. Most days he is successful until around 4 or 5 (as long as I am monitoring for his signals) then he does number 1 or 2, 2 or 3 times in a row right in his big-boy pants. He stays dry during naps and most of the time at night. But how many times can you wash all the underwear and shorts?? I have tried everything: Sticker charts, gummy bears (the vitamin kind), etc. The one technique I read about but haven't tried is putting him in a time-out chair every time there is an accident. Sounds a lot like punishment. He can't enroll in kindergarten (which he is technically old enough for) or for that matter pre-K (which requires potty trained kids) until he is trained. I've checked at many different schools. So where will my baby go when I have to start work on August 22?

Well....Just as Maks is getting settled in the summer routine... we'll change it on him again. :)

Summer Fun and other things...

Our summer so far has been filled with trips to the beach, bike riding, and a Fourth of July trip to Utah WITHOUT Daddy! Yikes.

Maks and Mom have been having a wonderful time learning and playing together. He is so snuggly and sweet with me when we get so much time together. Well, except for the spitting. Yes, Maks decided it would be fun to spit big giant loogies on people when he feels frustrated in the last 2 weeks. Where does a child learn these things! Mom has had 5 or so, Dad has received a few. After cousin Zeke and Uncle Gregg got one each, Mom was furious.

We spend our mornings with two learning sessions. We are working on early math and fine motor skill development. We are definately making progress. He won't stay focused for more than about 5 minutes on each activity and not for longer than 30 minutes total. So we take a movie or computer game break in between. I typically do 2 sessions in the morning and find time for 1 more in the afternoon. I have no idea if this is too much or too little. I usually work with 14-18 year old academically gifted students in my physics classes.

Maks got a bike trailer - one of those bikes where it hooks on to the back of an adult bike to become a tandem. It has been so much fun. He loves it. When we were riding it the other day he shouts "Thanks Mom and Dad for my new bike! It is so much fun! Woohooo!" Yeah. Manners are developing. :)

He is making progress in toileting. We have been in big boy pants all week with just a few accidents. He was nearly trained a few months back and completely regressed. Now we are making progress again. He can't move on to pre-K next year unless he has no pull-ups. That is one of his goals.

We are getting used to each other and more comfortable and I have learned a few of his triggers to "freak out" time. First a definition of freak out - my husband calls it back brain. He starts seeking sensory input by chanting nonsense, spinning in circles, hitting, or flopping his body. He pretty much ignores anything you say and won't look at you. He acts aggressively towards his toys, nearby cousins, or mom and dad. It is difficult to get him back in thinking mode after one of these and something that has worked before won't necessarily work again. These used to get me really frustrated until the last few weeks. Since I have been able to spend more one on one time with him, I have noticed they occur in a particular situations. 1) loud, crowded places like lines (check-out, rides, amusement parks) or 2) when he needs to go to the bathroom or 3) when he is hungry.

If I remove him from the line, feed him, or try to get him to use the bathroom, he snaps out of it easily. Otherwise, it can turn into a 1 hour screaming fighting mess where I have to restrain him. He will start some Occupational Therapy soon to try to help him in this area. I have been trying a few techniques and they seem to help sometimes.

How can my sweet little snuggly polite boy turn into such a monster?? Hopefully he will learn his triggers and be able to calm himself down in the future. For now, I feel happy that I am learning how to cope.

I will end with a few pictures of the fun...

Attachment is the buzz word in our home. Even though it has been a year, we are still struggling with attachment and all the behaviors that come with it.

I just read a fantastic book regarding attachment and thought I would share.

Facilitating developmental attachment: the road to emotional recovery and behavioral change in foster and adopted children by Daniel M. Hughes. Hughes is the same author who writes about Katie in his Building the bonds of attachment: Awakening love in deeply troubled children.

Both books are a great mix of theory, vignettes, and practical advice. They have reminded our family of the most important word: empathy.

Empathy is hard. Empathy is the most important thing for me to work on. It is easy enough when Maks is sad or happy or a little angry. But when Maks feels persistently angry... it tends to make me feel angry, too.

I have been trying some of Dr. Hughes techniques, trying not to personalize any behaviors and it is really helping me stay empathetic during the angries. For any adoptive moms out there having some trouble with your babies ... read these books!

Family Day (our one year anniversary) came and went - it was on April 19th. We had a great time riding bikes together and making dinner and dessert. But then...

Then AP Exam time came (the college physics course I teach has a test the students must pass if they are to earn the college credit) and all hell broke loose. After working an additional 10 hours each week to prepare my students for the exams, my house fell apart. The floors weren't vacuumed nor mopped, the bathroom was getting...smelly and there was a pile of laundry the size of tommorrow. Then I was PMS-ing and everything exploded.

Perhaps Maks could feel my stress because he freaked out and completely regressed in his toileting and some old behaviors from Almaty came back. He is a strong willed one.

That was the straw that broke Momma's back. I couldn't take anymore! I really didn't want to take anymore. Why had we decided to make our lives so difficult. I cried for 24 hours. How do moms that work outside of the home do it?? It has been so stressful and difficult and there aren't enough hours in the day to be the best at all of my jobs. Why do I want to be the best anyway???

Well...that was a week ago and I am feeling better (thank you harmones) and life is getting back to normal.

I know that it is all worth it. I hope that it is all worth it.

Before


After

I meant to put this picture on the last post (rather than the duplicate). So I'll just add it here.

Maks the Seal!

We had so much fun this past week with Mom off of school for spring break. We went on a 4 day camping trip to Faria Beach. We got three campsites and friends and family were there. Even Nana and Papa Jon were there to "camp". Actually they stayed in a hotel nearby and would come for food and hanging out.

Maks did an amazing job! We felt his heart healing! Even though on the first night he said he wanted his "other home" he decided we could all sleep in the tent. He loved it. In the morning he would snuggle us both and ask us to tell him stories. Lately, our stories have been about him and the daily or weekly events. He wants to hear them over and over. He gets so calm and has great eye contact while we tell them.

He loved hanging out with Jonny, playing with his beach truck, watching Mom and Dad surf, climbing the rocks, and playing music with his band.









We were a little nervous to go. Sometimes Maks cannot handle all of the excitement. But it was the best trip ever!

An acquatiance of ours, who lives in Santa Barbara, just came home with her new daughter Sasha. We met shortly before Jason and I traveled to Kaz.

I told Maks about them today and how they adopted Sasha and brought her home from Kazakhstan. He was so adorable when he was talking about it. I will quote the old sage.

With an extremely happy face and in somewhat of disbelief he said, "She will not be sad. She will not cry. She has a mommy and daddy."

I asked him if he wanted to meet her and he emphatically agreed. Then I asked what he would tell her when he saw her and he said, "we love you love you very very much."

Something has really clicked in Maks. I am so glad that he is starting to piece together the complicated beginning in his life. He remembers the sadness and that makes me cry. He knows the love and that makes my cry. What... have I turned into an old lady?

No. I am attaching to my son.

Today has been a good day. Maks was so patient on his commute to Santa Barbara for school. He played with Dad and watched Ice Age. He had a hard time waiting for dinner, though. It was his favorite: enchiladas and guacamole.

At dinner it was Dad's turn to pray first. Maks was so excited and couldn't wait for his turn. When it was finally his turn he said, "I was lost at the grouppa for a long time. Thank you for my daddy and my mom." ...pause... "Oh Oh Oh and spiderman cup, enchilalas and uacamolieee"

We were absolutely floored.

I was just pressing publish and Maks came in to give a kiss and say goodnight. It's Dad's turn for books, brush teeth and bed. "I am going to stay with mom foreehhver."

Seriously. I have never heard such beautiful words. It is great to hear them from Maks.

One year ago today, we met Maksim in the orphanage directors office in Ust-Kamenogorsk. The video above was taken about 1 minute after he was brought into the room. It felt like we were meeting a rockstar. Everything went into slow motion. He was so trusting. He communicated with us fairly easily. Mostly he was interested in his toys. And none of that has really changed!

In the past year, he has gained 10 pounds and grown 5 inches and his English skills are amazing. Sometimes we just laugh at the funny things ways he phrases things.

We have our challenges of course. His attachment difficulties are very hard to deal with somedays. It is hard for Mom to give all her love and hard work and then be pushed away at strange moments. Dad is amazed at how far he has come from how he was at the beginning. We had days when we worried if we would be able to calm our boy. We had days when we worried if Maks would accept the love we have for him.

But being Maksim's Mom and Dad is getting easier and much more enjoyable now. Most days are filled with laughter and silliness. The progress we have made gives us hope for the kind, sweet, and smart boy we know Maks is growing into. He has all but stopped rocking himself, he asks for hugs and kisses and cozy cozy snuggles all the time, he isn't as superficially charming with strangers and especially women, he loves to be together as a family hiking, walking and biking. He never turns down listening to Blue Grass music, going to the beach with his cousings or reading books. He is also doing awesome at his preschool and likes to help others and is very polite.

We always ask him "How do you suppose out of all the boys in the whole wide world, we got the very best one?!" He loves to hear that. We love that we got the best boy.

He fits in our family perfectly and we cannot imagine life without him!

We love you, Maks.

The video below is our boy, now. I took the video sideways and haven't figured out how to turn it, yet because I am not smart enough. I will work on it.