Spelled Like the Color "Black" S-O-N

Over a course of a few months God was speaking to me about the person Josh is and the impact he will make one day. It's funny how a little vision can change a whole perspective. When my picture was more clear on where God was taking us the route wasn't so lonely. I all of a sudden had a purpose of my own, to support Josh and follow him wherever God leads us! Well, you know where God has led us if you have kept up with us over the years. There is too much to recount to you in this post. Just trust that it has been a ride of fear, excitement, uncertainty, joy, pain, and pleasure.

As being the person next to Josh on this ride I get to experience the same thrill of it all. This past week I was able to experience my husband receive an honor that humbles us to our knees in gratitude. It is only by God's favor and hand of blessing on Josh's life that he received the award of being one of 40 of Charlotte's up and coming leaders under the age the 40 by the Charlotte Business Journal. Josh was recognized as a leader for his commitment and role at Elevation Church, his passion for serving and creating jobs for the underprivileged in Charlotte, and his involvement in many ministries (including Plywood, Gift Card Giver, Pathway Christian Bookstores, Project 658, and Matthews Health Alliance).

I am so proud of the way Josh embraces the calling God has placed on his life and how he receives honor with a humble heart that truly wants to glorify God's name!

I wish I could include a link to the article but you have to subscribe to the journal to see it. I have included pics from the reception if you need proof to believe me. Join me in celebrating Josh by blasting him with congrats on facebook, through email, twitter, you name it.

serving is a desire

Have you ever let someone down and they had every right to be mad at you? Last night I was suppose to go to a friends house and celebrate her birthday. The problem is that I thought the party was scheduled for Saturday. We missed it. We, my family of 5, let her down. I hate that feeling of guilt and failure. I sent her 3 texts and one long pathetic voicemail expressing my sorry heart. She had every right to be mad at us or even hurt but her response was "this is only the first of many cookouts, no worries". In other words- forgiven and there will be other chances for you to experience the fun. I genuinely do not want to miss the opportunity to support our good friend again and I truly am grateful that she is holding no guilt and anger against me.

Her reaction toward my letting her down was such an example of God's kindness. I have no doubt that she was sad we didn't make it but she did not hold on to her own feelings. Instead she chose forgiveness. God does the same thing when we disappoint him or miss out on an opportunity to be his support (arms and legs). Truth is that we are the ones who miss out. Just like I hated missing out on my friends party, I would hate to miss out on the blessings God has for me. I know God's kindness is faithful. It is because of this kindness that I seek repentance. Without it I would still be wallowing in my failure, guilt, and shame.

Those of you who read this know what my life was like as a kid from your own perspective. I haven't shared my perspective to many people. I come from a home where I remember going in our garage as a 5 year old to help my Dad work on his sheet metal stuff. I never knew why he retreated there so often. He never talked much to me but I just loved being with him. When I was in 7th grade I would wake up to my Mom reading her Bible on the couch drinking her cup of coffee as she still does every morning of her life. I have no doubt that my family is being lifted up in prayer daily by a God fearing woman. I would then walk by what use to be my room and smell this rotten awful smell that was my Dad. I learned over time that this smell was the after burn of what he drank the night before. I never understood why someone who had a family and people who loved him would choose to live his life as a drunk. It hurt and I had no way of knowing how to deal with the abandonment. I felt like he chose a bottle of beer or alcohol over me. So naturally I did what I knew how to do, I cut him out. I hated having him around. When he would come to one of my games I would try to pep myself up to have dinner with him that night. I went from wanting to hang in the garage with him to not even wanting to see him. I was a confused, lost, and lonely child. I had a ton of people in my life who loved me and loved me well so please do not think I was lacking. I was just missing the one thing in life that makes things seem possible to get through.

I asked Jesus into my heart as a 5 year old on my bed with my Mom. It is a memory that is both sweet and memorable. I lost the peace, love, joy, and all other benefits of the spirit when I told God as a 7th grader I don't want Him in my life for the moment. You can easily say I was that confused, lost, and lonely child because of my family situation but truth is I was only this child when I asked God to sit on the backburner for a little while. Are you wondering why God is good for me yet?

When I was in the 11th grade my Dad had a major heart attack that almost took his life. The first time I went to see him in the hospital he was hooked up to all of these machines that were keeping him alive. I am not sure how I held it together. I went home that night and prayed for the first time in 4 years. It's funny how when you have no way of turning a hopeless situation around, that is when you turn to God. I prayed that if God saved my Dad then I would do whatever he wanted me to do. God spoke to me that night and told my spirit my Dad would be alright. I wish I sat under the teaching I do now because I would never have doubted the whisper like I did back then. I still lived in this fear of losing my Dad. Especially when my last thoughts of him before the heart attack were not good. My Dad is still alive today. We spent a day with him while we were in Florida a few weeks ago.

Why is God good? When I rejected him in my life he still pursued me. I thought that when I asked him back into my life I would be living this dull and boring life. I thought he would ask me to do stuff I would hate, like wearing a full length skirt or hanging out with weird people. Do you know what he wanted from me? He just wanted me to trust in Him and learn to love him. When I reflect on this piece of my life I realize how good God is. God has blessed that lonely, confused, and lost child beyond what my written words can express. All I have left to say is that His goodness draws me to His side.

What has God brought you out of? Why is he good in your life? Remember the picture from yesterday? It is of Josh and the girls in the garage working together. I saw myself in my girls that night. They just wanted to be with their Daddy. I am so thankful that they have a Daddy that wants to be with them too. I pray that they will never doubt God's love and faithfulness in their life. And that they will always experience joy and peace in the hard times.

A few weeks ago I went running in the morning while Josh was still home. I don't get to do this very often as he is usually gone before 6am for the day. He has always been a believer of early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Usually when I run I listen to some hip-hop music like Usher, Eminem, or Ke$ha. Don't judge, it helps me finish and keeps me pumped up. This particular morning I decided to listen to the playlist "Winter PW 2011". PW stands for Praise and Worship. This playlist is one I put on when I have a prayer request that seems bigger than me or when I am feeling anxious about something. Ialso listen to it when I am on the verge of spitting fire at my kids for driving me crazy or disobeying. You can probably guess that it calms my flesh and allows my spirit to take over. My flesh gives in to the temptation of lashing out or giving into my anxious thoughts. My spirit gives me the faith to trust or the wisdom to know how to deal with a certain issue. I am so much better off in my day when I choose to allow the spirit to guide my day.

Back to the run- One of the songs on my playlist is by Gateway Worhip called You Are Good. The lyrics go like this:

I am going to take this week and break this down the way God spoke to me that morning. Today I will simply ask you what makes God good in your life? On my run I reflected on all the reasons He is good and it brought me to tears. I will share those reasons with you tomorrow! Take time to reflect on those reasons in your own life. It gives you a reason to Praise His Name and not your own or a reason to Praise Him at all.

I will leave you with one image of how God is good in my life.