the bowser bunch

So...I started this blog 2 years ago and wrote a total of 5 posts! I never was good with keeping a diary or journal, as I always succumbed to the pressure of feeling I had to write in it daily. However, I may give it another try-minus the pressure-just to have an outlet for myself which may end up being constructive.

I've been in a small group Bible study for quite a few years now, which we call GNI for "Girls' Night In." We are currently working our way through a book about spiritual warfare and I thought I'd post some thoughts I recorded when we started this study in August.

I think part of our spiritual battle's victory comes in the realization that we are not alone in this warfare. Having people in my life with whom I can be real~or somewhat real~is such a relief. I firmly believe that buying what the world sells us as women from the moment we arrive in it only sets us up to feel like an inadequate failure later in life. Since being married, I also feel that men buy a different set of expectations and lies, only to feel like an inadequate failure at some point themselves. Thus, many of us end up feeling broken, yet isolated, because we do not want anyone else to know we are flawed~cracked~insecure~broken.

What a place the enemy of our souls loves to see us in. If we could only be real~even with our Savior who knows us more intimately than we know ourselves~perhaps we could experience victory in the battle. Showing our scars and telling their stories~much like a soldier~shows we are indeed real to the one who listens. And they, too, can see that they are not so different after all! Oh, but the risk of exposing imperfection is, well, risky :-) We feel our way...test the waters...before wading in.

my turn to share family pics...after a long time trying to coordinate schedules with the weather, we finally were able to hook up with beth to take our 2008 pictures. it was about 60 degrees on the 29th day of december with lots of sunshine. great for warmth, not so great for pictures, but beth did an awesome job. it's amazing how many pictures you can snap using a digital camera; i think she took at least 75! i may have taken that many for her, but i'm afraid we got lots more to choose from than she did...plus i owe her another session for just the mommy and daddy (we forgot!)

anyway...though originally opposed to the ps3 purchase several months ago, i'm happy to report it can do really cool things other than play video games! john figured out last night how to upload some of our images and make a slide show, wallpaper, and next we'll figure out how to put music to it. then that slide show could be saved to a cd...i'm thinking it could be a cool thing to do with pictures we shoot for future clients!

so here are some of the favorite shots...many thanks again to beth ann!

beth called this evening while she was making her second trip to wal-mart today (yes, it's the saturday before christmas!) and asked me what i was doing. i told her that between my bouts of crying i was trying to decorate for christmas. the weekends seem to be tougher for some reason, thinking of dad, christmas memories and traditions, etc. anyway, so i did finally get the tree up and mostly decorated. i saved some ornaments for the girls to put on tomorrow evening when they are with us. some of the key decorative elements seem to have gone AWOL...the stocking holders, the lighted greenery that we put on the mantel, and a very special ornament that my mom gave us last year, so hopefully that will show up! we're gonna try to schedule a photo session with beth monday, but it depends on how the little ones are feeling, as the boys are both sick (so say a prayer for them all). so i figured out how to add music to my blog site -thanks to a link on sarah's blog- and now for the evening finale...i'm gonna try to add some pics of the tree i took tonight. here goes.....hmmm, so i'm havin' some trouble with the picture-adding! can't quite get 'em where i want 'em. i'll keep trying.

well, that title sounds somewhat self-centered, but since i'm new at this my titles may lack some creativity for a while. i felt somewhat compelled to add a "real" post since the only one i had sounded like the beginning of one of those emergency broadcast system announcements (this is a test...).

anyway, so yesterday was the one month anniversary of losing my dad to cancer. my mom, brother, and i talked with a hospital doctor on october 3rd, 2 days before my birthday, and he gave us the news we feared. it was widespread and there was no course for treatment. dad came home a few days later with hospice care and we had about 6 weeks to spend with him.

i guess i went through some of my 'processing' of this during that short time, which i believe may have helped us all with his passing, but i guess it's just beginning to really take hold. of course, we have back-to-back holidays...big ones...to go through right off the bat which just seems to magnify the loss. today we finally took down the tree and a few decorations from the attic, and christmas is 8 days away. i might've been fine without any decorating, except for the kids.

i had somewhat of a breakdown this past weekend...it just all seemed to come crashing in on me. i seemed to struggle with things i wanted to tell him and didn't get a chance to; or thinking i should've sent him that card to express my thanks for something he did and i never followed through. he was a good father, though not expressive emotionally in words, he sure showed in actions. i could call him and ask about something with the car, the toilet, or how to make the roast and he was always there to answer. i really learned a lot from him. i think i am the practical, logical thinker that i am because of him, because of watching how he did things and how he thought through and solved problems. as i teach students today, i realize this is a great thing he passed along to me. so i find myself trying to teach our girls and my students to work smart and think things through, sometimes, it seems, to no avail. but i will always have the memory of his voice -explaining something to me- or watching him while he worked around the house...so many good memories. memories can be such a paradox...sweet and good, yet they can also exacerbate the feeling of loss. even still, i'm thankful for them.

This is a test....