How long i’ve been neglecting this page. a year has passed. i’ve been missing my blogging buddy so much. Where are those people? I have no single idea. Because this is where we are once made to be connected and bounded to each other—the place where you don’t see but you read, you don’t listen but you totally aware.
Time change, people change.
From a high school student to yet another college student, an acoustic-ear to the electro-gear, classic words to fancy terms. depression-oriented naive little girl, no more. Yet i am nobody. Just another one like you who would like to share and to be heard. Another being who finally realized a happiness is not to be found but created, to spread love but not to expect the same amount back. Life has never change, still a phase of learning.
I still hold to my fondness of digging out old works. wrote it like, more than half a year ago. sharing it to every beloved buddy out there. That definitely includes you.
Staggering Ego
Sometimes words is never enough
to asure how You and I should be.
for this heart has already frown
beneath all those gloomy days.
Tell me, how can one give in
while the throbbing pain still exist,
when contradiction seems unbearable.
How does one know
whether it’s a lie or truth,
whether to let go or to stay?
I’m having this fear now,
that what we used to be,
what we already have now
would suddenly vanished.
I can’t help to make things clear
for what I’ve seen all this time
reminds me of the dreadful past,
the one that still bleeding inside.
So how does one know
when to let the heart wins,
when to say that single ‘yes’
How can one decide
If the only right thing
the only ensurement needed
comes from his words.
Tell me.
The Vacuous day
The only reason why I hate completing my essays is because I spend my time writing about it, not you.
You are highly welcome
Soon enough curiosity will brings you here,
where heart speaks louder than what it shows.
Clues will bring you to the right place, at last
This is the sign you’ve been looking for,
the only place you can find me when I’m nowhere around
the only reason I don’t text you rightaway
the only answer for all doubts you laced.
This will be your first trip, and this might takes forever,
it depends on how long you wish to stay.
I don’t care if everyone who reads might get it. they just don’t.
I don’t care if letting you know means hurting my ego.
It doesn’t matter anymore.
It doesn’t matter if I can no longer controls everything.
Since what I want and what I deserve will never be the same.
and what I really want is just to have you in my entire life
Because I need you.
You are needed here as you’ve always been my source of comfort
and these words, this feeling, is true to me.
because my mind, my heart constantly calls for you.
Journal of Existence 
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