Too much freaking stuff to do, esp with taking day off tomorrow, But how about that for song title, for the song that got it to click this weekend.

Not that the song made it click, but it clicked for me. Cascade of little things I guess. Kind of like going the other direction which I am unfortunately much more familiar with.



So yeah...  Swaggah back...  Started the drive up with metallica black album, switched over to Wugazi and TURNED IT ALL THE F'N WAY UP!

Of course it was the song titled "Slow Like That" that clicked and not until the end. (time stamp 3:41 or so)

I wasn't sure it was back on Saturday actually, it was close, and it was fun and awesome, and I need to sit down and write more. Probably tomorrow over coffee.

New helmet make the difference? Maybe. Hanging out with friends? Maybe, being at Gloucester? Maybe. Everything really. Getting the food timing down, just everything kind of clicked. And it just FELT RIGHT racing in the 45+ mostly because this is the group that I first really started racing with in New England. Either they started in the 3/4 35+ with me that first or second year and were there when I went to the 1/2/3. It was pretty awesome. A good age division. And in a way makes Providence Bittersweet. It would have been so awesome if Richard Fries had decide to stick with a 45+ race instead of doing a 35+ and then 50+. I'd probably have signed up to race despite the cost. But cost plus no category? Not a chance to race the weekend.  But it also means I was able to race Midnight Ride for less than the cost of Saturday race, and race tomorrow night at Night Weasels, and still have money left over for a case of "Swill beer" to put in Jerry and Kurt's pockets.

I'll recap more of the racing later - but yeah, first page day one? AWESOME, esp given 80th place start and maybe 5-10 people behind me at the first turn? 47th was good. It was great. A better start position, fewer bottle necks and probably a handful of places further up. Similar story on Sunday, 74th place start, but slower and more bottle necks very close to the start put the top half (first page) more or less out of reach for me. Even f I had a Mark Legg Compton I don't think it would have been enough to work through it all on that particular course. We were super slow and stacked up and there was more than a minute by guesstimations before the pits. Didn't matter. Was racing. Was awesome.

Took me a bit of lunch and emailing and work to get through the Wugazi album to find the song with that particular lyric. But it worked. Dealing with CL and the selling of the car is killing the mojo, knocking the swagger down but I've figured out a plan, and fuck those low ball underbidders. that said I should just take any cash offer at this point to make it go away, but there's actually a fair bit of interest, so I think it is probably at the right point and just a matter of time before I can say good bye to the rusty race wagon.

Now to get some digital files together, head up to see my print guy, and do a run of small prints for the builders ball. Probably find them at the Firefly booth... More details as it is finalized.

Flood watch for Night Weasels. Yeah. 1"/hour? DAMN gonna be NUTS. Bike choice will be kind of key eh? Need to do some tweaking and configuring before heading north tomorrow.

heddwch
G

Interviewed by the ThomP about doing the Short Handled Shovel Challenge... I think i'm still too tired to say it w/o tripping over my own words.

http://dirtwire.tv/2015/09/midnight-ride-gewilli-ill-sign-up-it-sounds-like-a-good-idea-but-a-really-bad-idea/
(i haven't figured out how to embed it... )

midnight ride… where to start.

Part of the added stress was the days off already taken so i could race yesterday and next week. The car just keeps making it worse, sitting waiting on inspection at the moment. Screen dimmed so I can hopefully get this written before the battery dies. With the summer of no vacation I have an abundance of days off, and figured using a few of them to race the mid-week night races during Holy Week would be a good thing to do. I’ve never made it up and fortunately the kid’s schedules, while not easy, are possible with one parent. So I blocked off my day at work, watched reg and then thought, you know, why not try out that knucklehead competition? I guess doing Quad double and not being TOTALLY dead was a bad sign. Because the Short Handle Shovel Challenge seemed like a good idea. And no one else had signed up for it that I could tell, so hey why not. I raced the back to back at Riverpoint, First on gears then on Singlespeed. Felt not easy but it worked. Kept it pretty light intensity to try and relax until last night. Keeping the intensity light was easy I spent the week driving around everywhere. Too much stuff going on I guess.

So yeah two races at quad (one day) then two races back to back at Riverpoint and well less than a week later I signed up to race 3 races in one night? Races that if done right leave you totally spent?

Yeah sounds pretty dumb. But hey, Abel did it right? might as well give it a shot. Then all the fast guys signed up. But of course I was committed and well gotta do it.

Put a 16t on the garbage truck. It has been years since i’ve race there, but it is mostly flat, and in the words of the promoter the longest hole shot in NECX. So lets be SUPER STUPID and put a leg crushing gear on there to start the night. 46-16 is too tall BTW. 46-17 might have been perfect but i left all those cogs at the bike shop because I am an idiot.

Tuesday was rough. One of those days where the cloud is there, the wave is crashing, or the earthquake is happening. You can’t escape, you know it is coming. But you have no idea if it is the big one or just a little one till it is past. The little changes here and there seem to be helping, by the time I fell asleep tuesday night I was in a much better head space and woke up feeling good, but very tired. Got everyone out the door and then got back in bed and dozed a bit to try and find some forces for the night racing, but not after eating a big pile of pancakes. Yeah, sugar. Hey I know. But it is a race day and I knew I had to have every last bit of stored energy to make it through the night. Woke up made more coffee, two eggs covered in a bit of gruyere and gorgonzola, sauteed spinach and some ham. Did dishes, and hung out with the dogs and just relaxed and sort of ignored the mounting insanity at work, even made some Hummus. And plans to get there by 2pm woops it is 1:30pm already. I got the car loaded, everything packed up (only forgot my cliff recovery drink mix) loaded the three bikes in the back of the swedish sled. And of course I needed good pre-race tunes so I added all the metallica in my google music to the phone so I could avoid data usage (and commercials) on the drive up.

Got there in just over an hour. Velocb was already set up, deathstar parked next to Eric L’s yellow tent. Saw Marky B and caught up a bit, got all three of my numbers. Grabbed The Garbage Truck and headed out for a lap before the start of the 3/4/5 race, it was dusty, loose in a few spots, but I was also following Grigs who wasn’t taking it easy so it was a good set up, I found out then where my stupid tall gear was going to be a hinderance and an advantage. Bottom line: more hinderance overall then advantage. I never felt like I had too light of a gear. And that’s bad for SSCX. You need to feel overgeared in as many spots as you feel undergeared, aka I fucked up, but it was fun and I am sitting here writing w/o any big issues.

Plan was to race in Orange Jumpsuit on Garbage Truck in the SSCX race, in the skinsuit in the 2/3/4 race and initially race the P/1/2/3 in the skinsuit. I had time to unpin and repin if needed. Put the 2/3/4 number on the skinsuit, put the SSCX number on the Jumpsuit and had a bit more water and got ready to roll out. Second row in the grid.

On the left side. There’s a bottle neck on the right, very minor and not as big of an issue in the SSCX race but it was scary in the 2/3/4 race.

Before the race I dropped off the megaphone with Syd the Kid, which just turned into Elliot stealing it and being loud and obnoxious, aka appropriate use. Catching up with folks seeing everyone. All good. all amazing. Russ was there, ThommyP everyone. It was great.

Black blue went into the pit ziptied in at the 44-17 slot with a waterbottle. My tall good looking friend Sandy did the switch between races for me, made it geared but clipping the zip tie off for me. So dusty. Anyway.

Raced felt good, not great but made up for lost ground in the long flats, lost it again in the ‘hillside’ got worked over by the Chainline guys, hung on to Grigs for a while, and most importantly held off Chip. But it was a race, non-stop all out and it hurt like hell.

And I was supposed to do this again??? ooooouch.

Grabbed a sample of Maple water, both in the cup and the paperbottle thing whatever those are called (can’t remember the name right now). Downed those. Downed some water, ate a half a sleeve of margarita cliff blocks, had some more water. took off skinsuit, grabbed ice and rubbed down face and cooled off, stuffed the garbage truck in the back of the sled and put a bottle on the White Blue (with bottle it was still lighter than the Garbage truck). Headed over rolled around a bit, and pretty soon we were getting all stuffed into the grid. Joel Brown wound up next to me, lots of familiar faces but way more that I’ve never seen. And 100+? I’m in 80th? HOLYFUCK.  I’ll be honest that first lap TOTALLY took me out of racing brain. I knew the lines, i know how to rail each corner fast, i just don’t have the fitness to hang, but i also don’t have the fitness to ride like a fuckwad, but lots of people in that race do I gues. So I kind of just after the nastyness of the wood chips said fuck it, i’m going into the JP Partland mode of just finish. And that led me to being close enough that lapping was a possibility. One of the guys behind was there and said - lets go, not going to get lapped. And suddenly I was feeling it again. The last two laps just were FUN and fast and I dropped the guys I was with by a long shot and nearly bridged to the next group. I was flying and it was fun.

I know the lines it was good and man, felt like racing. Even though I was nearly the back of a 2/3/4 race. Woops. Hey CX points - i don’t care. Really, finally (and man did i get some amazingly bad points that race).

Finished. Grabbed just a small cup of the maple water that tasted more like the cup than the maple water. Grabbed a take 5 to wash the dust out, ate some more cliff blocks, had a handful of cheezits, another beer, and that was it. I’m pinning the number on the Jumpsuit.

Yeah. Pro race in the Jumpsuit. I’m so totally getting lapped. Figured might as well be visible.

Was nearly last after the start but it was so much smoother and i had no problem making all the turns with everyone at that speed. For a couple laps even. The gaps were growing but I was actually racing. And kept racing. Gary got away from me, despite promoter legs. And the run after the barriers on the hill kept getting slower and slower. And I took a few sips of the take 5 in the waterbottle on the bike in the straight stretches and Suddenly the leaders were in the same section of the course and I had 2 to go, I had 90% of the course to go to hold them off to stay on the lead lap and HOLY SHIT BALLZ I HAVE A CHANCE TO STAY ON THE LEAD LAP? GODDAMNRIGHTIAMGOINGTOGOFORIT.

And I applied every last bit of the last 2.5 races of lines and speed knowledge. I drilled it on the straights, NAILED the turns, only minorly fucked up the woodchips, DRILLED IT and they were in the woodchips and I’m just hitting the barriers and they are FLYING FCUUUUUUCCKCKKCKCKKC! I hit the barriers and I dig Deep and SPRINT MY ASS OFF (enough that the crowd commented) I remounted and FLEW damn I HAVE A CHANCE!

Yeah kind of dumb being this excited but I’m racing in the Jumpsuit, 3rd race of the night, and there’s a couple Pro’s who MIGHT NOT LAP ME.

I get to the pavement and they aren’t there yet, click down sprint click down dig deeper click down keep digging, I HEAR A BELL HOLY FUCK

With about 5 seconds to spare I start the last lap. Not lapped. The smart person would have sat up, gotten lapped and been happy not doing another lap. But hey, not me. But I did think “COOL DOWN LAP” And I more or less did do a cool down lap. Def had very little left after the effort to stay on the lead lap. I’m sure John L had something to do with making that race a bit shorter. It was very nice of him.

Made it home, had a beer, went to sleep, and coughed up crap all night.

And now I have to recover enough to race ONE race a day at G-ster.

We’ll see how that goes.

But at least the car is finished, tagged titled inspected and insured. Now just need to sell that old rusty race wagon.

And figure out how to schedule a two week backlog of trainings. But you know i’ll be at Night Weasels. This was fun. So. Much. FUN!

heddwch
G

the shadow is back...  triggered by frustrations dealing with repeated and challenging to resolve issues. Not so much that they aren't resolvable, or that they are significant, but it is constant grinding down.

Just worn down and down and down and today I can feel it, can't push it back myself. I know making it through until tomorrow afternoon will find me most likely bouncing back. But I also know myself well enough that it wouldn't take much to push over the edge even at a CX race.

So much effort to do what is right to get things in order, how close to the edge? I almost broke down in tears just outlining what i've gone through in the last 8 days to one of the grad students who asked what's up and said you look a bit run down.

I had a much more positive web log post ready to spew out. Started forming the post this morning but no time to get it down[sic], and then poof. Spiral. It is gone.

The outline was going to be about the three race challenge and how it went from just a few people signed up for it to a bunch of people and now it is a competition but also enough guys who are way faster than me (at least in one race scenarios) are signed up leaving me with no pressure and that's a great feeling actually. No pressure means that if i can't survive that last race and can't stay out of Myerson and company's way? I can just roll around super slowly until the race is over, how many laps down is it possible to still finish ;) who knows what tomorrow brings. Maybe this afternoon will resolve the issues and it will be great and wonderful. But I still have to get the car inspected and deal with everything else i've been putting off while it has been occupying it all.

Yes.

This is the same bullshit everyone has to deal with on a daily basis, and most people do a much better job at it than I probably am conveying. But it is my bullshit. And yes discussing it and documenting it can contribute to it. But I'm not talking the specifics, and that maybe is the difference. I'm focusing on my reaction not the cause. The cause if i discuss it just amplifies the negativity and frustration, the response is the response.

Like negativity, here's my response to it, whatever it is, it sucks. Don't be negative. So trying to be positive I'm doing everything i can to catch up. two seconds sitting down here to write. To have a sip of a beer, to catch up on twitter. Back to doing stuff, just, constantly, doing, stuff, that, only, I, can, do. Home, Job. I've created this. It is me. But being me is exhausting. I don't like me. I say things I shouldn't, but don't realize I shouldn't until after I say things. I think things I should say, but don't say them and set horrible consequences in action for myself. Can't win for speaking can't win for shutting up. Probably some middle ground that maybe I can spend the next 10 years looking for.

Chapters of life.

Starting this chapter seems logical, giving it is the start of 10th year in RI. Close the book on the past ones, move on and write a new one.

Talking with my college friend last week, relating out stories and feeling like we're just living this story that someone is writing. Plot twists that are unexpected, create this amazing riveting page turning tension, and always just two steps behind the winners, the perpetual underdog with just enough hope to motivate but from the readers point of view a totally futile situation no matter what the lead character does.

So yeah. Totally futile, wallowing in the indescribable, watching others succeed, happily because they deserve to succeed. Yes my 'success' may be measured with a different metric, but then talking about measuring metrics I think about how I ride and attempt to train w/o metrics. In a world of redundant powertaps and stand along GPS devices that record heart rate and everything else, attempting to do anything w/o metrics seems insane. I don't even have a watch (or a phone mount to use an app i could download athough my current phone is pretty fucked with lack of space inability to connect via USB and ancient OS that VZW has given up supporting) to do intervals with.

Big dude. big gears. small dude. small gears.

most of the time the small guy wins because turning.

But talking about winning means automatically talking about losing. Boasting about how you've won is great if no one you've competed against is in earshot or notices.

Yeah. GeWilli's battery is at "CONNECT YOUR CHARGER NOW" dangerously low battery levels.

Not enough reserves.

Depleted. Yet who's the dumbass who plunked down money he didn't have to support a race he believes in just to enter the knuckle head competition. Super smart after the last 8 days, and even smarter looking ahead to the next two weeks. So [not] smart. But then if i did anything smart or self serving i wouldn't be GeWilli... now would i. I'd be boring and have nothing to write about because hey, life is wonderful and stuff.

The Garbage truck is ready to go. Now I go hop in the car and retrieve one kid from dance and pick up where I left off in the dinner making when I return. Yes. Dinner is late around this place.

Life.

It is what it is.

heddwch
G

Today was accomplish everything. Wanted to just keep sleeping, nope, gotta shuttle/ferry/transport. race home more transport. work the rest of the day. get home. cook dinner.

Finally decompress for a second, read what I wrote last night...

contemplate on it a bit more.

Off the cuff, like everything I write, it is spot on and I can't dissagree with it all. Maybe take away some emotion, put a filter or two back in place and it might have a different tone or might be missing a few sentences.

Only comment about that is one reacts they way they are treated and you think someone isn't reacting appropriately then well, it isn't their fault. Keep that in mind. They are reacting to you. You may not know have or any of the story behind why what you did triggered that response, but blaming them for your ignorance of the situation or potential reaction isn't going to help. Best to confront, acknowledge and file it away and not do it again.

Kind of standard life practice.

It is how I've been running core facilities for way many years. If you fuck something up, tell me, and tell me exactly what you did leading up to it, makes it easier to fix, helps me figure out how to keep it from happening again, maybe by changing trainings or signage or something. Break something the same way twice? Out. Cut off. No more using scopes. I'm happy to say i've never had to cut anyone off ever. Yes, I'm just rambling.

I pedaled today. Rode home from the bike shop. Tail wind. Was still slow. Tired. But even after all the running yesterday not sore. I was still thirsty and drank a good number of waterbottles, I think I did wind up sweating a lot yesteday between the racing and then the couple hours in the sun cleaning out the rusty race wagon.

Hey anyone want a TDI engine/motor with transmission for a project car? Body is a bit rusty but i've fixed and replaced most everything bolted to the motor. It is in good shape, honestly. We'll see hoping to get it sold soon. Hoping to finalize the rest of the reason why i have to sell it sooner than later.

Also debating attempting a pre-sale of nanoscape prints. But I've sucked every last productive minute (right now my brain is too fried to do much more than tell my fingers to get this shit out of my head and written down here) dealing with the swedish sled, legal priorities take precedence.

I'm definitely still wondering about the wisdom of signing up for the short handled shovel challenge. esp going into G'ster weekend. But my barely more sane brain says it won't matter and the fun will be worth every ounce of pain and stupidity.

Oh and one thing i've noticed. Spending less time talking about what's wrong and what's bugging you, is good. Removes that outlet to focus on the negative. Diminshes it. Kind of like at the end of 'The Son' actually very much like that. Keep the negativity starving, don't feed it. Unfortunately unlike the book it is beyond challenging to completely starve it to omission, might have been at one point, path chosen differently, but then I wouldn't be here. And here isn't so bad. Pretty damn good.

My evening decompression, writing, may be a bad habit, but it is better than many alternatives. But sitting and writing is also not doing anything, and there's so much to DO. Can't stop, haven't stopped, and as long as I can't afford Disc brakes i probably won't stop.

I'm liking the Garbage truck, it sucks but isn't terrible, it is heavy but isn't what is slowing me down, it isn't a pure SS bike neither is it a good CX bike, but it is the perfect SSCX bike in my mind. Not to take away from everyones wonderful fancy dedicated bikes...  but it oddly makes me happy. Also: I think i ran too many PSI or have too much stans in the tubes/tubulars. I didn't add any air between Quad and Riverpoint to either the white blue or the garbage truck. Hahaha... oops. Kind of should get a digital pressure gauge...  Someday. Gotta get new wash brushes first.

But the working my butt off just to make it work balance will have to tip into the 'yeah you can spend a couple bucks on that" before those happen.

Monday'll be here soon enough. City Tax office, Dentist then DMV. I've got myself the perfect day lined up! CAN'T WAIT!

heddwch
G

fitting in every way no?

for me.

Okay what is GeWilli talking about now?

He's talking about having spent $50 (not including bike reg fees because colin and crew have to eat i guess) to do three races on Wednesday.

Yeah. Figure I'll channel my inner Abel. Since he can't be here this year and is stuck in Tacoma *shudder* well, someone's gotta be the slow guy trying to complete the challenge: https://www.bikereg.com/the-midnight-ride-of-cyclocross

click around you'll figure it out.

Today was Dude Smash here in RI. A race that's 20-60 min from my house depending on traffic (20 today, 60 to try and get there in the car for 5:30 w/traffic). The other option was to drive to White Park. From my house it is over 100 miles each way. Also. Dude Smash was free. And, in thinking about Wed night, the A race and the B race were back to back.

Finish first one on the fancy geared CX bike on a course where you need both the big and little rings and then grab The Garbage Truck and do the second race on that.

4 laps each race. I think actually SSCX was faster, but then on that course even being gassed 46x19 was probably pushing me more than having gears and well...  it was what it was.

First lap with the layout for today and I was like: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS WHAT CYCLOCROSS USED TO BE BEFORE PEOPLE DUMBED IT WAY THE FUCK DOWN!

It is brutally hard on a CX bike. A MTB is better/faster. And there's running, and climbing and stuff. There's no rest and there's people doing faceplants from inexperience because courses have been set to a low denominator.

Sleep in, feverishly make a couple breakfast sandwiches and coffee and load up the silver swedish sled and head over to the park. Awake to ready to race in under 2 hours. 90 min actually.

I was worried, it was a free race. No charge. Sign the waiver, line up and race.

I got three pre-ride laps in. I tried putting phone in ifitness holder thing in skinsuit and that didn't work. Did a lap and ditched it. some day i'll have metrics for races beyond PRE. Maybe. Probably not.

A race up first, B race next. 10am start, then 11am start. Back to back. Honestly no clue how long the races were planned to go.

Given the bit of changes and why the changes were needed and the whole personal convoluted story behind it...  a story i could actually relate to better than I wish I could... well it was understandable. Also, given that I'm spending money i don't have hand over fist to try and replace the rusty race wagon, a close, free, race was so much appreciated. I was worred. Could I stay motivated for a free race? tl:dr answer: yes. I was able to.

Bobby Stine and co created a baller course. So, f'n hard. Yes White park is legit CX, and it cool, and pretty amazing. This place though? I dunno, roots at White Park were tire destroying and painful, the death cutes here at Riverpoint are scary as fuck but make you focus on skills and bike handling. Give and take. Too bad they were head to head. Not that I have the means to drive all the way to concord and pay for racing at the moment. Still debating racing PVD. $40 for SSCX? Really? ouch.

Anyway back to the course, after the first pre-ride i was SUPER STOKED this reminded me of the courses I got hooked on racing CX. Yeah I sucked at them but they were fun, challenging and addictive.

That said it was hot, it was dusty, and ouch. First race I had a great first lap, hung on to the fastest of the fast there...  then recognized, hey dude you can't keep this up, and settled in. Still pushing as hard as I could but slowly losing ground to Amos every lap. But you know what? I'm okay with that. Amos is fast. I can only dream of being fast and you know what? I'm good with that. I do what I can do, I go as fast as I can go.

Will it be enough for Wed? We'll see

The heat got to me today. The heat and the running. SO MUCH RUNNING and so many dismounts racing on The Garbage Truck. 46x19 was way better than 44x17 there but I still had to run more than I did on the geared bike. Also tires are better on the white blue than the garbage truck (tubular vs clincher). But white blue rear is not long for the world. Maybe one more race? we'll see.

So racing back to back, in the heat and the dust, geared then super heavy SSCX. Ouch.

but way better than last year.

Mentally better than any year before.

coming to terms with it all.

but still - racing here vs up there kind of opened old wounds, and it hurt. But hey, people can't give a shit about me, they gotta do what's right for them and if I'm the one shit on? well, hey, at least I'm used to it. PTSD fades with time. Even the triggers soften with the years.

I'm super happy I was able to race BOTH races, actually race them. It was mostly survival, and i faded once per race, but It felt good being able to race both. Compared to last year when I started to race then finished just riding around feeling horrible and wishing things could go back to the way the were the year before, hey compared to that? it was pretty awesome.

I'm not fast. The Garbage truck is HEAVY and SLOW and omg my arms hurt more than anything else, but yes, my legs are shredded too.

Welcome back to GeWilli world. Good? yes. still bad? yes. Looking forward to the next two weeks? Yes.

NOT LOOKING FORWARD to the PVDCX rates. Wow. But maybe this year is the year people just say "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH NO MORE OVERPRICED RACES WITH SHITTY RACER EXPERIENCES" I will admit to wanting to have a race at Riverpoint Park the same days as PVD just to say hey, have fun, race CX for free. You don't need to be exploited.

but that's not terribly popular and i'm sure everything is well justified. But doing a SSCX race that costs $40 seems kind of sucky and wrong. I still might do it, but, man i'm going to be pissed about it. Def NOT racing the weekend. That's a no brainer. Soooooo many things that the money could be better spent on. And yes, i'm local, i could volunteer. work 8 hrs and get one race entry paid back (after and probably w/o Bikereg fees)? Yeah. No. I can work 8 hrs other places not at my job and make way more $$. But hey. They have the race, they set the rules, I'll support as i can, but supporting won't mean racing.

grumpy, obvs

but today's racing was incredible.

a reminder that CX is about racing, pushing yourself against others.

it is awesome, and feels right

Mikey F was correct. Duh.

Wed is going to be interesting
heddwch
G

IS ALIVE!

45 min this morning maddly digging through parts drawers here at GeWilli central, uncovered enough shit to make a frameset with a crankset raceable tomorrow.

And holy shit that was fun. Sure I could have been building bikes and making money but Sometimes you just have to have fun.

Building this beast was cool. Deano stopped by, chatted with him, Don and Paul were both at the same incredulous and kind of respectful at the same time.

Why? WHY DO IT?

The Frankenbike is alive, aka garbage truck #SSCX #NECX

A photo posted by geoff (@ge_willi) on Sep 12, 2015 at 10:43am PDT

Why not? I mean I had all the stuff just laying around. I did spend an extra 20 min looking for the matching Dura Ace aero brake lever, never found it. So settled for the pair of Ultegra 600 levers with the white hoods.

Yes, i used dirty planet bike red tape on the bars. I used the rear brakes i bought for this bike when I ordered it in '98. They suck and required modficaction to make work with the wider clincher rim.  But with the travel agent... they actually fucking work. It is like i knew what i was doing... WTF?

Front brake was cobbled together. Drive train?

I found an 8sp new hyperglide shimano chain in the drawer. Still has original packing wax on it.

Front ring is 46 tooth left over on the Dura ace 7401 180mm crank. Put a 19t cog on the SS wheel that I was given out of the dumpster. And took the alloy sealed bearing pullies off an OG Deore XT (pre XTR) rear der, and spaced out a 9sp D/A rear dear so the 8sp chain would roll through using those alloy pullies and tension the chain.

Had to swap in a new lower limit screw to get enough travel to lock it in place. But I cannot shift and I have one gear and well...  fuck the haters. This shit is legit.

So i built the bike. Tweeted about it. Then came home and rode it.

I've talked about how much this bike rides like a garbage truck. How bad it handles. But I have to say. It was a fucking blast tonight. Maybe it was the tires, the bars, the hoods, the fact that i had more fun building it and digging the parts out than I should have.

This is CX.

This garbage truck.

It is an abomination. Driving home I kind of though I should race for slips. Anyone who finishes behind this stupid bike with fancy tubies and disc brakes automatically forfeits it. But that's lame and bullshit and so bro brah d'bag racing culture that it bugs me but still, while blatently wrong there's some kind of something to racing junk and being the best.  Not that I have any hope of beating anyone in the SSCX race. And I don't care. I'll race SSCX just to fuck with my crossresults points. Because Fuck those points. They are accurate as fuck and absolutely brilliant. But also, i'm never going to win so staring 10th row or 2nd row? Whatever. Out of the money don't matter.

This bike kind of was the turning point maybe.

Myette is totally to credit... first... then Spencer and little guy Matt on the pod cast...  and finally that shower.

No narrow wide on this thing. Nothing special. Sort of the antithesis of special.

FFS IT HAS CLINCHERS WITH TUBES...

MOTHERFUCKING TUBES AND SHIT. BUTYL TUBES EVEN!!!!  HFS!

The other two bikes are ready. Pit bike and white bike. If it is wet black bike gives up the tubeless Rocket Rons and well, we hope we don't need to switch over and ride the bald PDX's.

Tomorrow is a mullet. Business upfront. Then You know what? PAHTAY! AKA SSCX. So yeah. Lobby Ted to let me in the race tomorrow if you see him.

This is all predicated on hoping my rusty race wagon makes it there...

Have I totally jibed from that CX is the new MTB post? Emotionally? Yes. But steadfastly holding true to sentiment and observations, just kind of hoping people realize how dumb it is to blow car loads of cash on bikes that give them marginal or better gains while sucking the souls out of the sport.   Too obvious and bitter there? Meh. It is Saturday night. Long Hammers are long gone.

Take 5 tomorrow

heddwch
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I certainly will never forget this day way back when.

But the date didn't click until mid-day or so. Riding in I saw the squantum club's big flag at half mast and I didn't immediately grasp the significance of it.

A day to remember indeed, my memories are no where what many people I know went through. Friends who were there, friends who lost loved ones or were separated.

I watched from afar like most of the world. On TV, with co-workers. We walked over to the Student center at Central Michigan U and watched with students faculty and staff all on one TV. After who knows how long being riveted to the TV we went down to food services there, bought coffee and sat down heavily and really didn't say much, just trying to absorb the situation. We went back up, paused at the TV a bit longer then headed to our respective offices. The U shut down after lunch. Security concerns.

A day that I can re-live almost moment by moment.

But our lives went on, forever changed, but we moved forward.

That's about all i can do after last post it seems.

Drop the mic and walk away.

byron (seattle guy, aka bike hugger guy) mentioned something about velonews calling $5200 cx bike base level or something and then someone (or him) remembering the time when there were two production model CX bikes and they were cheap and affordable.  And they were totally competitive.

On one of my jaunts on the bike today it kind of saddly clicked. In a very scary fashion.

It all fell into place.

Maybe i'm biased by having my ass handed to me by some guy who was riding wheels more expensive than my whole bike on a frame i could have purchased three of mine for. All aero.

Different guy demonstrated that Rapha shorts have massively exceissve seat padding, obs not for pedaling but for sitting on ones arse after/before/instead of riding while wearing said company clothing.

The bike disparity has been hitting me more and more.

EVERYONE has disc brake models. EVERYONE has some level of thru-axles. Because it is soooo dumb to have disc brakes w/o thru-axles.

But it goes beyond that. Well beyond that.

No longer can we build a competitive bike with shit we have laying around. Now to clarify, pro's can ride whatever the fuck and still win if they are the best. The equipment doesn't matter at their level. But holy fuck it matters at mine. In the broad spectrum of horribly sucking to at my best barely passabley mediocre. I think i spelled something wrong but i don't give a shit because the realization has been haunting me all afternoon.

The realization that disc brake CX bikes are making the sport no different than MTB. Like trying to show up at a CX race with a v-brake equiped 26" wheel bike and 8 speed grip shift. There's NO fucking way, unless you're just an absolute top level 0.01% freak that you're not going to suffer due to equipment.

I'm scared to say but I can recognize it as fact and truth. Those who have, have suddenly changed the most niche sport of inclusivity.

It has jumped the shark.

Problem is. There's no where else to go.

Problem is I love this thing so much, much like the smackdown rides that I show up on absolutely categorically disadvantageous equipment, I still show up. I get my ass kicked, completely.

I KNOW for a fact that if my bike weighed 18 pounds instead of 24, and I had wheels anywhere near beaing able to call aero with carbon rims I'd probably have no trouble hanging with the fastest on this particular ride. Would I still get dropped by them? Yeah most certainly but I wouldn't lose sight of them on a climb. They wouldn't be doubling back to wait for me.

CX is turning into that. And I fear more than anything that this year, and based on the signs and push from the marketing and selfies (even if it doesn't include the self your own stuff counts as selfie) that this is the watershed year.

Man i hope i'm wrong. And I regret not backing the old jackasses who argued against Disc brakes in CX. I think though my persepctive now is different. My objection is not the same and if it is, then my hat is off to them and I will capitualte and take it back. But I'm worried. Honestly.

And I'm sad.

Is Track the only place left? No they f'd that up when deep section carbon wheels and stupid expensive special hand laid carbon frames were making the difference there too.

Where to go after this. SSCX? Is that any different? Nope. Hate to say it but absolutely not. It isn't any different at all. At. All.

I've been shut out of one discipline I love due to cost of equipment (yeah I'm a dirt bag mt biker at heart, not that anyone would ever be able to tell). Seriously. I don't hate MTB'n around here. I just hate MTBing with anyone else around here, because I'm the only one this ancient shit that doesn't work like their fancy new stuff does.

It does come down to sacrifices and in Steph's words: "The choices i've made" but i'm here, as a result of them, and can only reflect on how it all affects me.

I can't even begin to sell my car (It is still for sale and needs to be gone soon) for what it would cost to buy the cheapest set of carbon tubulars wheels I can find.

Constantly bombarded by how out of place I am in 'this' sport. How alienated it all makes me feel. Like being the townie surrounded by summer folk and not being the townie that has any charisma to save their butt. That.

But pull back a minute and reflect and remember Mike's narrative.
People who don't do it, don't quite understand it.
People who do, know, intrinsically, as soon as you try it you are hooked on it.
Once you race cross, it is hard not to
that's still a driving mantra, a force.... a bit of spark inside.

it still feels true.

There is still so much more to the sport than brakes, or carbon frames or thru-axles.

But there's no quesiton money can buy you a much bigger advantage now than when I discovered it (wickked late fwiw in '97).

Things change.

Sometimes drastically, sometimes glacially.

Random musings. Spurred by reading.

Jarred by the massive gulf between writing styles, despite both authors being brilliant and creating fantastically solid story lines. The words flow differently. Lois Lowry's style is like a river, flowing rushing brilliantly efficient pace but at the same time like the water, so smooth, there are not edges, the changes and twists but they flow so well together. Brilliant wordsmithing. I waited 4-5 months for Son (2012) that's an eternity on Library hold. But I waited longer for other books. Less time for Station Eleven. A completely different meter, style, flow. Abrubt changes, jarring, but brilliantly so, well crafted and I owe a deep debt of grattituted to Eva Hoffman, so if any of you know an Eva who works for Boston's head start program reviewn grants and stuff, let her know I'm indebted for her reccomendation.

Time to retire with the book, reading...  alone time...

some day maybe I'll write something worthy of reading.

heddwch
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Solo dad for Labor Day weekend, and lead to complications for making pedaling work tonight.

My Tuesday shenanigans totally kicked my ass. Totally. Ouch. And Wed morning pushing as hard as I could, tasting blood riding into the wind with the trailer trying to catch one of the Marks and get to the department retreat in the AM was still lingering in my legs. Didn't help that I had a few beers at the retreat and one or two at my brother's on the way home (picking up eggs) and then one while cooking dinner (who doesn't cook with beer).  The couple extras probably didn't help the recovery combined with a sleepless wife on the eve of her big trip to Anaheim and WDL. I was a zombie today.

But having to drop wife off at Train station meant driving in. Means no pedaling. UNLESS.

Unless I figure out how to get a ride in while kid 2 is at soccer, at a location kind of mid-point of the Derdowski smackdown loop. Thinking about calling it the Derdowski loop from now on. Because it was his design.

Bailey, damn crazy fast mofo bailey, he brings the smack to the smackdown. Just as MLFN envisioned. Hopefully more of the fast locals like Jules and Alex and big Tom will come out and test their neo-pro level legs against Bailey. I'm not worthy but then again, I'm trying to stay with him carrying an extra 25 pounds, 12 years and with a bike cost deficit in the thousands of dollars. I just hope his Roval's don't fold under him like Adamn Sullivan's did.

English David was there, I wonder if he puts embro on those hairy Rapha legs. He spins and was kicking my but bit he's again one of those kids.

That white bike in CX set up is a f'n HUGE liability. But Fuck it.

Better prepared this week than last time I tried to join and failed. Rode backwards and hooked up at Woodward. The crew was thin. But I still managed to tag in for most of the ride. Bailey kept waiting for us. very nice of him. I guess waiting beats riding alone. Andrew managed to ITT from the start (he got there 2 min late) and caught Fox on Hillside. Fox was not in good shape, doc meds made him feel better but he still rode like a sick dude. Good for a while, aka at his potential, then whoops yeah over-extended body not ready.

I survived but only by the grace of Bailey. But I got some insanely at the limit intervals of blood tasting painful pedaling. So that's good.  And I got back in time to get kid home from soccer practice.  Of course real feel today was 100F yeah. Legit. Super humid and gross and hot.

Got home, did dishes, made dinner, kids sleeping.

Waiting for BB30 bearings to arrive. Still just have the one bike functional. Even though wheel issue is solved it just means I don't need to change clinchers over from wheel to wheel. Yet.

It was a good thing to hear that other people have problem counting intervals when they are doing them hard enough. I'm not alone.

Hence my 20/20 intervals are all done via iPod Playlists. Using an ancient iPod i won. If it wasn't for free stuff I'd have no stuff. Or rocks or sometimes some people may remeber bits of green tape i cut and put on bar to remove after each interval. Or start of interval, and I probably confused that then too and did more or less than intended.

But hey. Life is crazy. I'm crazy. I wish I could have made it to Riverpoint to see friends i rarely see outside of CXy season. But it was a good day.

I'd love to head out to Elliston, take Gnarly Monkey up on the request to announce, but man, 6 hours, with the kids, and the dogs, and then where do we stay and LABOR DAY WEEKEND! And work. I can probably still squeek in a few more bike builds before the head cheese says NO MORE PAYCHECKFORYOU.

Life is crazy, but not terrible. I've finally started reading again. Need to catch up on allthese books I've had holds on for 6+ months that finally are coming due. First up is station eleven. Damn this is good. Mentally challenging to read but i'm very thank ful for the amazing reccomendation from a very bright young woman who I sat with on the train back from Zeiss HQ in may. Not sure the degrees of separation but her sister is dating a CX racer, or was, they all live in Boston. Odds are there's less than 6. Even with the random conncetion.

But hey, I'm reading again. Four books to chew through very quickly. I didn't wait all this time to have to wait again did i?

Time for some recovery sleep (after I read until i fall asleep holding the water damaged tablet from work - that needs to be replaced) .

But hey USAC's timing was great. I hadn't registered yet, and took advantage of discount. Now i have liscense all year and can race Nationals (hopefully). Chainring and drive train have been ordered for the black blue, not sure if i have enough cogs to do a portland porcupine, or if i'll just toss a handfull of the cog of choice and call it good. New Der for the white blue, that 105 will move over to the black blue because the ultergra (6700 10sp) der is f'n DESTROYED.

Parts be shifting. Running wide rime with clincher tube for SSCX (for the like four SSCX races i'll do). Oh and yes, Chip, I will race in the orange jumpsuit for enough beer. How much? We'll see.

Time to stop writing, time to start reading. The dogs want me to go up to sleep so they can settle down.

heddwch
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aka one legged pedaling drills.

but not just on any bike, on the bike towing a trailer.

Three sets. Ten full power strokes. with each leg, alternate. No idea how many but i did the same number on each side. So there's that. at least. And I did it three times to failure on the ride home.

It is interesting to focus on the quad making power vs the whole leg smooth thing. And odd but not surprising recognition that I favor making smooth power all the way around to pure stompy quad power on the downstroke.

But then when I do focus on pure stompy downstroke quad power i surprise myself. Yes I know. I'm a terrilbly athlete.... and even worse as a competitive cyclist.  But I'm me.

Can't be more than Me. Like me no like me, I can't worry about that, never really have (lies) but I am me. Getting slowly more comfortable. Which is good after all these years.

I feel good. I put running shoes in the trailer on the way in. I was waffling, trying to find places i could do a running workout on the way in. Nothing long or steep enough.... Was going to bail. But then I didn't. I laced up my NB and went out and did some hills. But because I suck at counting w/o physical stress I absolutely fail in interval situations. But hey. I know this.

So.

Before I start the first interval I find 9 rocks. I put three rocks on three bricks. One for each interval. 3x3. Do three then rest a minute, then three...  finished.

A couple years ago we (me and some kid that got me to pedal faster than I thought I could) did these three with a slow med all out pacing. Today I said fuck it...  focus on form, muscle activation and consistency (in other words doing them all slow).

Did one. Came back and removed a rock. Did a second and forgot if i was removing the rocks from the line up as I started or as I finished.

So after doing the second one I removed the second rock and did a third. Only to come back and start the fourth by removing the third rock.

I'm so [not] smart. Who can fuck up doing intervals with physical counters and get it wrong? Me. At least I got it wrong in the way that hurt me more. #9 (even if i thought it was #8) was so painful. But then There were to bro dudes walking down the hill, skeptical 'bro' dudes wearing salmon shorts but not like me wearing salmon shorts aka fucking skin tight and stuff, they were all baggy, like they skipped leg day every day, #typical, but those two 'bros' were enough to get me to focus on form and leg speed and totally make it completely impossible to walk up the stairs after I finished the final interval. So F'those guys. It really hurt making it the rest of the way up Meeting street today. Walking. Ouch.

But despite totally being ready to not do it, I did it. We'll see if DOMS sets in. I'm wagering based on how today felt, probably not. I think the extra core [aka working for my brother] has made a difference.

But that makes a late morning workout that almost made me puke, and an evening ride home that almost made me puke a double workout day.

Did I just make my annual new drivetrain parts order today? Yes. Did I just take advantage of the USAC 2 year license? yup did that too. Spending all the money [i don't have]. But hey think of the discount and the savings!!! Oh... wait....

So yeah. to Save money you have to spend money. SO if you don't ever spend money are you saving money?

AKA me, the guy riding dumpster wheels. Seriously. No Joke. But hopefully soon I'll have a new chain and two functioning bikes. And maybe a SSCX bike.

But as we all know. You can have the most super fly girl equipment and not beable to pedal out of a yurt with laser pointer guidance. I'll make do with what I have and it will be enough.

So tomorrow, on the ride to the dept retreat, I'm gonna drag the trailer because, fuck that noise it is going to be hot and I don't want to wear the backpack and i need the extra KJs draggin the load.

Also... fwiw The November bike guys have been impressing me with the marketing tact they are taking. Intelligent, informative, no bullshit no fluf, just straight up legit testing, reporting, and selling stuff they absolutely believe in. Kind of cool I think. Totally and completely like our tall freak friend running SCVelo and his wheel packages. Specific, tailored and based on years of wheel building experience. I only have enough experience to recognize that these two are absolutely crushing it demonstratably. Plenty of other good people doing good shit out there But ask me and you'll know why my unbiased, uninfluenced response will be. Also don't get me started about how smug I am about Zipp finally ditching the moronicly dumb and absolutely insane radial drive side hubs.

Different topic. Different day.

Now sleep or something. AKA no more screen time. Unwind time.

Heddwch
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