So it isn't really a matter of having perspective it is more the difference in perspective of events between a 16 year old and an almost 50 year old. But somethings minor are the whole world of the younger at this moment in time.
That's one of the harder parts of being a parent. Won't get into details but well - after everything we've gone through at this point over the last year plus a month, to have this now, two days before the first regatta. Well. Yeah it is pretty heart breaking.
changes plans for tomorrow - ride? no ride? probably no ride.
Bikes or no bikes I'll still head to the shop. Hoping for bikes, this new car, and well, the new bike aren't paying for themselves.
Woops - got distracted by looking at hitches and options.
Time to head home. Maybe the wind will be the same as this morning and I won't have to pedal all the way home.
Also just discovered that, yeah, oops, lost a couple vacation days this month. Knew my streak of not losing vacation days was going to end at some point.
Full on just cut and paste - i've started reading some but haven't finished most.
Today was kind of one of the realizations that there is something i'm really good at and have most all the answers to. And it is what I get paid to do. It is my career and I'm pretty damn good at it and that's sort of a good realization to have now and then.
Anyway - new car complicates multiple bike hauling. Realized that the other day. Can't really go to the trailhead and ride for a couple hours with the second bike hiding inside the van.
That's okay - no riding Saturday morning this week. Can haul the Crockett down and get it sorted between building bikes.
It is a big shift this and I'm not sure it has sunk in. But it is nice having two vehicles that anyone will drive instead of, as we've had for... well... since forever... that E refuses to drive one of them. It is a good thing. The week has been strange, busy, good, all that wrapped up and it isn't even friday yet.
This was posted -
been listening and trying to watch but too busy to watch mostly. Although struck by how amazing that place is and how I was so enraptured by it that on my own i figured out how to get there from Paris on a shoestring budget, alone, terrified, broke but somehow made it. Pretty insane to be honest. I had some serious guts then that eroded I think. Can't imagine doing it now, not just temporally but just actually imaging me doing it. Life eh. We are constantly in change and flux and where we are now is a product of our journey but that journey changes us.
Speaking of changing. It is pouring rain. Time to change for the ride home. Got smart, left the cold weather cycling kit i wore over the Smackdown kit in the office on Tuesday. Won't have to ride home in soaking wet jeans and a t-shirt.
Dunno if this will work embedded in here - but i wrote some words last night after the smackdown, about Mark and the ride and all that.
And the bike just looked good.
I've got more words to say, and have said over the years.
Yash showed up and reminded me of the time I asked him to watch one of my kids at a bike race years and years ago, he turned around for a second and they dissapeared and he freaked out and panicked that he lost my kid. Might have been Shed Park? Maybe somewhere else? It was a while ago.
Was good to ride with him last night. As Fox pointed out, I'm Rocky Hill, I am NOT Hillside. Was not last up the hill last night. It was a good ride, next week Tuesday won't happen for me, might be looking for Wed smack options.
So I went from chasing computer issues on every system... and not working on the Van on Thursday to well... lets see. Left after finally getting everything sorted out on Thursday, swung through a parts store to grab a couple cans of Brake cleaner.
Dude pulls in just in front of me, mechanic greys with name tag, grumpy, typical 50 odd year old mechanic, at least you know they look older than me so that's my guess... to return a $3.54 gasket, mask sign up, plexi shields, like super full coverage not going anywhere shields and employee's wearing well fitting masks, and this dude, loud, no mask just wants to return. Takes a while. I get my stuff and get blown sideways a bit in the cold wind riding home.
Updated Friday plans were to get the brakes done then head to office for meeting. Wind up just working from home all day and working on the van for part of it.
Getting the tools out and everything ready to go takes WAY more time than actually fixing anything.
Chatted with my brother, he's got a kid in development, a minor complication was explained to me, things are good, and outlook is excellent but there are a few things to deal with, I really feel for him and while it felt like we waited forever to have kids, glad we didn't wait longer. Also I can't imagine adding sleepless nights on top of all this right now.
Finally got stuff started, DB stopped by, was actually really nice to hang out with someone, outside, distanced but lots of crossover interests, cars, bikes, other stuff, good person. Brakes are easy, hardest part of the van is that it uses the VW style rear brake with the caliper piston that has to be twisted and compressed. Can't do a straight up push back in.
Once side just got to the metal (yeah duh, that's what it sounded like). The other side? FROZEN. Caliper ain't been doing SHIT for a loooooooong time. I do kind of remember them saying something down in VA when we tried to trade it in (they said here we'll give you $390) and the wheel bearings were toast and I paid for a full eval that the caliper was likely frozen, the transmission was needing a full overhaul/rebuild. And yeah the wheel bearings.
I took the passenger side off and yup, maybe 30% worn? Maybe? Slider pin on the driver's side, just one of them, had a torn boot and was slightly rusty but I filled it up with grease last time and only slightly rusty and sticky, still moving. Passenger side? Slider pins were moving free, rubber seal around the piston? busted, hole in it. NO WONDER the piston sized. I did manage to compress it, took a bit. It ain't un-compressing.
The Driver's side was cranked way out, all the way to the backing plate, rotor thin, and then I pushed all that garbage fluid back into the system. oops. Yeah, should have bled them right then and there, but I didn't dig out the DOT fluid or the miti-vac. Thinking, just gotta get a few more months. It'll be fine.
The upper shock mount on the driver's rear side was wiggly. Like could easily clunk it by hand. Explains the clunking eh? Trailing arm bushings looked better than the motor mounts (they are totally dead - along with an almost dead oil/coolant exchanger) but that's not saying much.
$60 later there's some shiny new rotors and pads and instead of grinding along it is nice and quiet and smooth. Or that's how the Kid thought it drove. before my meeting we went for a drive. Only almost had a head on collision with one turn into a UPS truck (avoidance reactions are good on that kid). Reported van driving much better.
Mind you this is from someone with only a handful of hours driving. Still learning.
Meeting, dinner, get ready for the next day.
meet up with Don R, we started working together at NBX in '13 and had been on road rides but never a MTB ride even though he's a MTBr. Finally Saturday before work, headed to the trail.
Went to put my foot on the brake leaving and it felt a bit soft.
Went to slow down and it slowed down fine, then had to stop, HOLY SHIT OMG. that was almost like when the Passat blew out the brake line that one PVD CX race with Jerry. Like ooh shit i gotta put my foot down hard and no, it isn't slowing down much.
I hate DOT fluid. And myself for not bleeding the brakes.
Pull in to Greasy Joe's a few minutes late. Don says, "there's water coming out from the front of the car" just a puddle or dripping? "Nope that's a lot and that's coolant."
well fuck...
sure enough there's fucking coolant coming out from the side of the radiator. Not obvious leak but that's coolant and that is coming from this car.
seriously?
Had a great ride, a bit distracted. Called E, said maybe take a look at used car inventory, maybe we don't wait till September...
Head to shop, grab seatpost and brake rotors and a gorgeous D/A crank (Yo, anyone want to buy a 50x36 NEW dura-ace chainring combo?) Build three sold bikes, van doesn't actually lose anymore fluid, that's weird. Yes radiator is full, overflow actually had more in it than at the trailhead.
Get home. OH FUCK THESE BRAKES ARE NOT NORMAL and traffic was nuts so i was basically always having to overcome the instinctive and expectation of pedal feel and braking. Was not fun.
E finds a car. I get over there, after heading home and emptying the van (easy since I did that in January) we drive it, it works, kind of stinks but not a cig oder and not terrible, it isn't white (E flat out says no white) it is inexpensive and they'll give us a grand for the van. Reluctantly. I mean sure I could cut out the catalytic converter and get close to that for that alone. And yeah sure part it out but no. There's something about doing even more work and then what with it that I just don't have time or desire to do and $1000 just to hand them the title and keys w/o doing anything else? yes PLEASE.
I'm headed back this afternoon to do just that and drive away with. ugh a heart killing sedan. For a Golf guy, a hatchback person, a sedan just seems ugh, but... it will be the kid's car and as a Jetta i will not get attached to it. It will do what we need to do and an unexpected gift from E's aunt's estate helps make it affordable. TMI maybe, but hey. What isn't. That and it should be easier for Kid to learn to drive and park and all that for the driver's test, AND since E won't let the kid learn in the new car, they'll turn this into the daily driver.
First time we've ever had two cars this new, ever. Kind of strange. Well it hasn't happened yet but will soon.
And heck if I hadn't put the brakes in they'd def had balked on the full value on the trade, and sure could have private partied it but also - yeah no - yes - there are different/better ways to do it but one thing I've sort of started to realized and learn, doing it the easiest way and with the least anxiety is worth more than the value in cash difference going the hard uncertain route can be. For me. Everyone is different, gotta do what works best for you. I'll take this hit.
While I was at the shop I did order the chainrings, BB and even splurged on new chainring bolts for the Dura Ace crank, you can't just be putting any old random bolts on a D/A crank! Next week the Crockett with ride with road cranks for the first time ever. Seriously, anyone wanna buy some rings?
Oh and the big reason for the brakes then? Had to go to Boston to pick up other kid and an apartment full of stuff and a bike.
stuff fits in wagon, bike + stuff does not. have whisper bars for wagon, borrowed upright mount to put on them. drove in the rain to B to get kid and home sunday. Then shopping. then home. Doesn't sound like too much but it was a loooong weekend. And with the radiator unknown and shitty nearly non-existent brakes the last thing I'd wanted to do was take that big beast to boston. Also it hasn't really gotten more than 20 mpg lately - even with highway miles. Wagon gets double that. Might take a little while to recover cost of new car but new one should be close to the economy of the wagon and that's a good thing. And holy shit the van is clunking even more lately. Maybe me wiggling it wasn't a good idea. But it is also clunking up front too, suspension and motor mounts.
But yes, honestly - the van has served well, and it has a ton of issues, and is it reliable? Nope, not by a long stretch but it served well. Basically a year of MTB and driving to Ganset for work. Hopes to make it to Great Glen, well, it might not have actually made it there, might have blown up in heavy Friday traffic on the way there and really been a pain.
And man do I hate cars. Although i wouldn't mind having a garage with a lift and a nice rust free A4 2 door Golf TDI ALH... in black, with 1" front lift, Bilstien sport shocks and the heavy springs and big honking injectors and a nice tune... and whatever clutch came stock in the 99.5
Or a vanagon, with the ALH conversion... maybe an old A1 or A2 diesel rabbit... but really? I think the Top Fuel and a good rack system for whatever car we have now, will be awesome and enough.
I'm kind of hoping the next car will be all electric and the only fluid i'll have to deal with is the washer kind.
Big changes i guess...
Best part of getting the brakes done was hanging out with a friend, it was windy but sunny and nice. Had a great ride with another friend, was made to feel like i mattered (better word but hard to fully express so leaving it) by the generosity of the boss at the bike shop, grateful to be in a place where it was possible to actually move on from this old beast of a car. The new one isn't perfect and I think that's good in lots of ways.
Lots of words, I know. Maybe smackdown tomorrow. Maybe everything will come together. Maybe a pan of white vinegar in the new jetta will cut through the smell. And just maybe I will catch all the mice that have invade our house after being evicted from their decades long home next door (forgot about that danger of the semi-vacant next door house being sold).
Still a few things to do, big ones, hoping the activation energy i've got now hangs out for a while longer
Anyway - I watched this - opened up the weblog edit tool and instead of just posting it I wrote all that (with the breaks here and there to fix, troubleshoot, keep working and answer questions).
residue, oh, policy changed that knocked 12 systems offline that all need to be?
No warning? Limited guidance to restore?
Yeah it has been a fun 24 hours.
Storm rolled through but we maybe had 5 min of rain yesterday. the only extended bit was the drizzle that accompanied me all the way home. It stopped shortly after I got home. A few moments of big drops.
Van's gotta be ready for the weekend. But this unexpected has pushed that back. Doubtful to get done today. But there's a chance, still have to pick up some brake cleaner. only half a can. probably not enough.
Choosing how to be confrontational online. It is tough. How to challenge someone while reaching and creating a dialog that will not shut them down completely. Difficult, and a situation I'm not well equiped to navigate. Hell my already sketchy social skills get me through but this is a step outside of that and maybe it is enough that I have developed the awareness that is causing me to pause, identify that i may counterproductive if i engage in normal mode and saving the engagement for in person...
Go fire up the new Video the Bosstones just dropped.
I'm going to get back to fixing shit that shouldn't have broken. and maybe hopefully get to fixing shit that just flat our wore out.
Wide bars on the road? Def feel not fast but more stable.
I messed up a few times - but went stupid hard and pushed more than I would have otherwise.
Trying to race the rain this afternoon. I'd rather not get soaked.
Felt much better after yesterday's ride than the week before.
Maybe one more then will be post vax and then kid duty so E can do row sweep at East Bay.
Maybe I can convince people to do a wednesday smackdown.
was going to dump a bunch of links in the new reading folder. purge, read and catalog...
but no - too much to do
Also - Klein feels good riding it. Like good good, can't imagine a bit feeling better. Lighter? yeah, more aero? yeah... but fuck that shit... aero wheels would help but who cares.
Watching a lot of Car SOS... Tim and Fuzzz... yeah behind the times and getting a bit repetitive but still entertaining.
Probably should start reading with the books piling up.
Hoping I have a can of brake cleaner at home so I don't have to go out before doing the work on the van tomorrow. There's at least some pads and rotors available... just not for the bike.
even when i was all TDI TDI TDI TDI and could take apart the whole A4/MKIV TDI vehicle, and strip it down to the frame and recode every last adjustable function in the ECU... bikes always kind of lingered in the background.
Got thinking about that last this morning. after getting in, mike w made a tweet that just fucked with me in a good/bad way... i mean it is good and it is true and yeah bikes are different... and not everyone gets them.. that's okay... kind of preferred I guess...
Going back, it was always bikes... I wasn't usually the best at them, rarely if ever the best at them, but the understanding how they work, better than some, still not as good as others...
Saturday at the shop was pretty unproductive. Only slow builds, the damn EQs, fenders, lights and other shit that take WAY more time than you'd think to get right, nothing quick and easy. And of course I'm scouring for this or that and trying to figure out what is going on the bike and then being told the order I placed that was in the system isn't in the system anymore and that's kind of a 'well fuck' moment... we'll see what happens. I wish I could be as excited as others are for me, would be kind of nice eh? I've been trying to draw off their excitment but i'm to be honest, scared? dunno - uncertain, worried - something that is sucking all the excitement out of it. Looking forward to it but man - just seems like an insurmountable journey to get there although a big part of me has faith that it'll work out.
As one point - even if I can find used brakes from someone, I'll need new hydraulic hoses... guess what you can't buy right now? Hydraulic hose kits, bulk or otherwise.
Will it work out? I hope so.
Went on a fork offset rabbit hole this morning. Trek spec's a 44, not sure we have any just the longer offset and that changes the handling significantly. Although - maybe going to 140mm travel with the bigger offset is similar to a 120 with the smaller offset... should check the geo chart maybe...
Just kind of in a funk. Little things eating away at me. Like the van's rear brake. it is fucked. was fine with me driving and barely using the brake. but a kid learning to drive? Just one 30 min session and BAM it got a lot worse.
Kind of wanted to keep it going but also need new car - throwing money at this, probably good... if the ideal next car was available then yeah i'd go that route but it isn't.
Other stuff - little shit - all of them triggers I guess - tweaking the frame of mind in a bad direction...
We had a great ride on Sunday. I was feeling it, in a good way... but in a full and total body way. Everything was fatigue sore, that good kind of ache.
Pulled the Klein QP down today - will ride that at smackdown tomorrow, I should have ordered a chainring so I could set the Crocket up for next week, but maybe the following (oh nvm that will be 1 day post vax #2).
In general - yes it sounds like i'm not in the best of spaces - i'm doing good, things are good, i'm functional, not lost or hiding or impossible... Just that nagging bit of more than normal unsettled feeling/aura.
Helping people on the scopes, teaching them, aka doing my job, is good and I did a lot of that between that #2). and the 'In General' and it def makes me feel better.
That and there's the struggle with Seattle - flying out to help? but already committed to moving kid in because E is working and all that shit, and it would only be flying a few days after shot #2 and flying back quickly and then the whole quarrantine problem and needing to be on site - can't go but if I really had to I could but I don't need to be there to move a pile of rat infested shit out of a barn... and in reality even if we could sort out getting the kid back north, w/o me or on a different day - that whole work and not being on site could be a problem, vax or no vax, there's still rules and the new Texas variant is out there among how many others and... yeah... ordered the rear brake pads and rotors... that'll be fun and messy.
Last time I changed brakes on the van it was the fronts and i overheated the radiator and cracked the plastic Y pipe bedding them in... the whole time thinking the stuff coming from the car was brake pad smoke, not coolant hitting the exhaust vapor. I wonder why. That was fun times... oh yeah early june 2018...
And I still haven't posted the chain pin wear follow up - but I did work on describing it more effectively.
As in Chain wear is always in a small specific region of the pin and the plate. This isn't like a shaft where wear is distributed evenly. And the nature of the lube in technical tribilogy is acting in a boundary film application. If you use a wax that's a static mechanical and slowly wearing 'film' if you use an oil that's a dynamic film the space inside the roller can hold the fluid and there's enough motion w/in to create a dynamic refilling of the boundary layer if lube is an oil. The thinner the oil the faster it will refill but thinner the boundary film, the thicker will stay there longer but has greater dirt attraction and carrying capacity but is dynamic.
Now if you use a degreaser or other surfactant to clean a chain you can get that on the pin and it will prevent the lube from working in that spot as the surfactants have a higher affinity to the metal and well, aren't easy to wash off. And that's where the mineral spirits and synthetic motor oil come in. Yes I'm going to make a batch of the Finishline. But just discovered they have launched basically that product. Funny that. Eh?
So - need to post the nanoscape stuff - then do the video of making the lube - right after I get done with the rest of the stuff...
here... this song, it is good - probably the best version of him singing it:
the rest of the live recording of the Skellig album is amazing. And yeah I thought about sharing it from spotyfry or other platforms but u toob is the only one with this version that i could find and it is worth it.
so good...
Anyway, time to get up and shuffle on... hopefully i can get the new bike together before my current mt bike explodes...
I guess that admission yesterday kind of took a few by surprise. Yeah. So. About that. How much do a totally bare my sins? First off, let me just say, as high functioning alcoholics go, there aren't many at my level. I guess I'm also lucky that at some point I do get sick. But that level, is so far beyond most normal people, well, it is honestly kind of scary. And, yeah, I've got stories to tell. The fact that I can remember them? good. And the blackouts? Just about zero. But not zero. As in I remember those. One total black out lose my shit level combination was the Blue Red Bull and alcohol. have one of those and get drunk - mind wipe. Like a roofie or something.
And to clarify - i never drank before the Bikeworks TT (that I can remember), smackdown? One time was home doing repairs to the squirrel chewed soffits. A day on the ladder in the sun, had a tall boy with lunch, and then just before heading out on smackdown another tallboy. I had a fucking awesome smackdown, felt ridiculously strong the whole ride. How about all those beers mid-all day rides? Filling up my water bottles with beer from Paul's brewery for the ride home? Yup. Short handle shovel challenge race? First race? Well to leave out the middle details I wound up in the pro race, beer in my waterbottle because feeds weren't allowed but chief ref said I could put anything in my bottle i wanted... so I raced with a beer in the cage... after two previous races... and one of the strawberry pro CX racers there with the rest of the stupid fast Pro field... racing for an hour... and guess what? I stayed on the fucking lead lap (and finished the bottle before the race ended).
Or shit bring up waterville valley. Ask Parke about that night mare.
Everyone's got a drunk GeWilli story for sure. Most are kind of funny, all together kind of sad, a bit scary and well, they all brought me to where I am now. keep that in mind. if i went back and changed it all I wouldn't be here and wouldn't have the same appreciation, or many of the same friendships.
And a lot of those folks are also now sober.
Kind of hard to underscore or explain how much my life revolved around beer for so long. RdRs? Oh man remember that time I raced it in the jumpsuit and it was sponsored by moat mountain and we stopped at the beer cache and I had just started in on my second and everyone took off without me? I put a few more beers in the pockets, finished that one and chased them down.
The fucking stories are endless. But they are my stories. I accept them, and as much as they defined me they aren't what I am now, but I am what I am now because of them. I'm super grateful to be here, lucky, all that. Humbled. Honored. Really feel fortunate to have friends who were there but then there even more when I kind of realized yeah something has to change. So anyway. Thanks to all y'all. There weren't many but there were some who really don't get it or understand, but almost more surprisingly the overwhelming support really made the difference.
Why this whole outpouring followup?
Dropkick Murphys launched a new video yesterday and had a live Q&A before... I've set the player for the part that launched this is combo with a text from last night.
Ken puts it pretty plainly and accurately.
(start at 33:06 if the player doesn't que up there)
And yeah, as much as the drinking was all on me, driven by me, it wasn't much more than an additiction. It wasn't an escape, it was just something I did. It was a slow creep in some ways, occasional bouts of way too much but most of the time pretty well managed, but over the years... yeah well that's how it happens. And yes it is different for many people. Some do have emotional or traumatic triggers that pushed them to alcoholism or external pressures or what not, like pretty much almost everything it is both my own fault and my own doing, for better or worse.
Anyway. Back to bike part musing and riding and shit.
Also it was 39 and raining when I left the house this morning. But snowing when I got to work.
That was cold.
Cold and wet.
Y'all be good. Give a shit about others, don't do shit that will hurt anyone, please?
Burke and I headed out together as the B group. We left 8 min or so before the others. Thought maybe they would catch us, esp given who was showing up for the ride. Like we've got real domestic pro dudes showing up (ButchBox J. Harris) and the others are all pretty strong and fit and really fast.
the ride was different this week tho, not quite as fast in some spots but faster in others and instead of them waiting for me I was waiting for Burke.
The tiny hoods, oh the tiny hoods.
also not so totally stable, super twitchy and with those roads I actually wound up not shifting as much as maybe I should, or would with integrated shifters.
It is had to judge how the ride stacked up but it was faster and I was faster. Was good being the one waiting and not the one being waited for. May pull the Klein out next week. But also... secretly... That new crank for the Crockett? Gonna stick a 46 on there (if I can find one) and gears and road tires on the carbon wheels and set the chainline as short as it will go. Heck maybe I'll look for an oval 46 or 44 just to be stupid crazy.
I'm in a really dark mood right now, not really sure why. I got home from the ride feeling good, not bad, was really nice riding with Burke, we went really hard, I pushed it to the limit a handful of times got some good miles in didn't mechanical. Got home, there was pizza, but then kid needed more food (rower's need fuel) and so i made a big batch of baked mac and cheese, so I ate a few slices while cooking food. Didn't eat too much, maybe didn't eat enough, but I drank water, lots of water, lots and lots, like get up two hours after going to bed to empty the bladder lots. But the best part of that is my eyes don't get painfully dry. Tough balance. Dehydrated sleep through the night and eyelids glue themselves to the cornea, hydrated and get up at night.
Better than before I guess. Hydrated is good.
Also had a sort of Ah Ha moment on the ride - or during the day - yesterday anyway.
Why did I always seem to ride/race better with a beer or two? It was puzzling. But it was an absolutely repeatable phenomenon. I mean actual race day didn't matter much and there's a good reason why but mid-week races and others. I guess the TL:DR is fuel. I spent so much of the time underfueled, basically intermittent fasting everyday that wasn't a race day. I followed a bit of dietary confusion tho some days were high carb but most were not so much and always whole wheat grains and basically no sugar, execpt for the pancakes and waffles but even then, most of the time I would make them I wouldn't eat them, unless i was racing.
So a well, makes sense if I was always in a bit of fuel deficit that a beer would provide a pile of easily available sugars, with alcohol boosted transportation and the mental hormone signaling boost from the alcohol. It was a great combo. Sure, my fat burning pathways were out-fucking-standing. I could ride all day on coffee and maybe eating a couple hundred calories. Partly because I drank a good thousand calories of alcohol the night before and my liver and body had a good ready store of fuel that it relied on pretty well.
That fuel, even if readily available and plentiful isn't good for high intensity work, so while I could ride for hours, days, when it came to going fast for short bursts repeately - i had only a few matches and the pathways to replacing it were not well activated.
I know this sounds a bit scattered but the kind of ahhhh getting it hit yesterday with that. I've been thinking about fueling a lot more, probably because I'm still fat. By my standards - obviously set with a unreasonable goal of 200# levelish - 195# was maybe too light (2013 weight), hell I have all those mountain khakis pants (that they have stopped making) in a 34 waist (and they're a tiny bit too tight) and 36 pants are just slightly loose, but would like to wear those pants again but yeah, part of what I've found is fueling is a challenge. I've mentioned it before but MTB doesn't work well riding fasted. And that's kind of the missing piece that seems to explain why Smackdown times were always faster and I was faster after pounding a tall boy before heading out for the ride. Seriously. Kind of crazy.
What wasn't good was coffee and vodka before smackdown. Saw some crazy heart rate and it felt weird (hit 220 heading south on prospect was strange - like probably lucky i didn't die - BTW my max HR is under 170 close to 165 right now). I'm also thinking back to CX races with mid-race beer hand ups or pounding beers before the race (there were many)... There are a lot of data points. So many that I often wondered why kept me from making it routine (it = the beer before a short -hour or less- hard race/ride/effort).
Writing about all this isn't helping my mood but it was a moment of clarity that i wanted to document and more to the point maybe a better answer for CF...
I'm in a stupid foul mood, big old dark cloud over me right now. I'm still being productive and functional and years of practice have meant no problems keeping moving forward, putting on a good face... acting, it isn't just for the screen or stage.
Okay - i got this out of my head.
Going to now try and get out of my own.
And yeah I'll be fine. Just have to work through it.
The ride home. Could feel the damp in the air, there were a few drops here and there but got home dry, cold, but dry.
Going for a light packing today - leaving all but the barest essentials at home - string bag (KMC) full of food. Change of clothes at work, because Smackdown tonight. On the really old Paramount. 1986 was a really long time ago. Also strange to think I bought this thing in 1991 and it seemed ancient and already out of date at that point.
The only original bits on there are the brakes and the frame. I've got the old 6sp D/T shifters, and the fork but the fork is broken. The original hoods are on the Croll, should move htem over to this but they are the same shape as the ones on there and I'm not in a rush to do that. It was also the first bike with the Concor. It was one of the aluminum railed ones. You can guess how that worked out.
I've got the wheels for it - but they are freehub rear and I've rebuilt with new rims a good handful of times.
So yeah, oh and blue tape, yeah, I had it laying around, it was old, needed to get used, it works. And yeah it isn't black... oh well.
We'll see how tonight goes.
Twitter was good until it was really bad today. So I closed it and haven't looked back at it. But then I guess that is normal. Life is crazy right now, so much bad stuff going on, how to move forward, no idea.
Heck I pulled out the XXX road helmet even.
Almost used the gears properly today. Also noticed just how effortlessly that front der shifts. Like Di2 easy, basically just touch the level, a simple easy flick and boom, big ring, or little ring. Kind of crazy.
Meant to bring the calipers home to measure the disc thickness on the singlespeed MTB - i think they might be getting a bit too thin, pads are gone again... a year, not terrible. Might have one more ride on them, hopefully.
Ah well - it'll all sort out right? One way or another we all gotta do more than just shout, let the actions speak, but words are still important. vocally standing up for change is good.
-basically there's nothing available for the bike i paid for...
but not a complete bike...
I did spend a pile of cash on a few things for it, found them saturday late, woke up before the ride and placed a Shimano order...
Looked later yesterday for the rest of the stuff, nothing. at. all. Trek is out of everything, even tires.
TIRES? I NEED TIRES! SHIT!
Ooo the Q-U - there's a tire brand in that group, lets watch the videos and take the quizzes to get the discount code - did that then...
Looked at Terravail - nothing in 2.4 tires (now that I have a great discount code for stuff - but nothing)
Schwalbe? Not much there at all either... this is a big YIKES, but there were a pair of 2.35 Super Ground Nobby Nicks... not 2.4s but close enough and IN STOCK - fuck it. BUY BUY BUY BUY
one thing I'm learning from having looked, found something in stock, then returned to get it only to find it it totally gone? Well.
If you see it now? Buy it. No waiting.
This is the anti-gewilli style. Totally opposite from the think, evaluate, think, weigh it all, look for options, eventually come back and settle on it. Now - that process means Oh it is there to OH SHIT NO IT ISN'T YOU BIG DUMMY.
Got a couple good rides in this weekend. Nothing long, and nothing too fast.
Actually aired up the Paramount for todays commute, prep for Smackdown tomorrow.
Wondering how the marketing crew is doing, given there is no product to market. I mean how do you run a consultation firm when the company you are representing has nothing to sell, that's tough, a big challenge, but I guess, even if there's nothing to sell there will be something at some point and people will go with what they've been hearing about and look for stuff over other stuff.
That's the other thing, shops actually have some stock. In certain things. Not everything but, a big part of why inventory is gone at the distributor end is shops have bought as much shit as they can when it comes available.
This is good, for the shop, and the consumer. The guy working there who may not be able to take stuff out of inventory for a personal bike? Well, that guy is kind of stuck. I'm not quite there yet, but will def need some more time at the computer. Should really build that spreadsheet list and get filling it in and focusing on what I need.
earlier today was thinking, the mt bike rides aren't quite the same as a smackdown for words, for writing about. There's just so much in the moment, so much just riding that doesn't quite translate for me into here.
BUT SMACKDOWN is back and tomorrow looks good. Not quite perfect weather but not super cold and not raining. as much as I hate knee warmers I might go with them.
Anyway - gonna hop on the SEM real quick. Got some chain bits to look at. And yeah I need to get on that lube video, and probably go back and dig up the Two Cone Wrenches and a Megaphone article about chain lube.
THE LIST IS LONG
But not over tired, yet.
It is only monday afterall. plenty of time left in the week for that.
And to plan a long day on the bike soon.
Kind of wanting to make May a big Monster month. But maybe not TOO monsterish.
Got thinking about other racing, and how there's some unsanctioned MTB races but so far none of them have a singlespeed category and honestly, I would love to go racing, but am somewhat disinclined to sign up and race SS in a geared race. Showing up at smackdown on a singlespeed or Dirt Church or whatever, that's different. And yes. Yes, some day soon I'll have a geared MTB bike and that actually makes me extra excited about the new bike, racing. There are actually places where the Singlespeed isn't fastest. Well the singlespeed isn't always the fastest but for somethings it is faster than gears, mostly the uphill, but the flat and slight downhill stuff? yeah not as fast, however it all does kind of average out, sort of.
it is complicated...
sort of
but not really
And i now have a new scope to play with, figure out and all that on TOP of everything else. WEEEEE.
But still the tiredness? not bad - things are good - Monday was a day off after-all (got that sub dermal Mod) of course then I added smackdown - net zero.
Bike path was totally insane last night - def pushing me to take the long way home. Hopefully can talk Mark J into joining me on that...
Started listening to a really really old book. One of the classic SF hallowed tomes.
Ursula K. Le Guin's The Left Hand of Darkness.
It has been on my wish list for a while, but always unavailable, always checked out. so I finally put it on hold a month or two ago. The Audiobook was finally able to check out and so I did.
One thing different about the audiobooks, other than listening and not reading, is they usually include extra stuff I'd always be in a habit of skipping. Like a preface or foreword or something.
In this case the intro by the author is just absolutely magic.
I didn't get too much farther into the book before the Dentist rolled up along side. And we chatted a bit on the way in.
The USAC thing is a bit crazy - last couple mornings have been pushing the twitter campaign a bit, doing good? Maybe maybe not, but being loud and pointed and dissatisfied with them while supporting those they are marginalizing? Not bad.
Was listening to this earlier today.
Now I'm onto old Chemical Brothers... First Exit Planet Dust, now the ultimate headphone album, Dig Your Own Hole.
Also Dig your own hole is just a masterful album... so good...
Road kind. Not the dirty one i've been hiding in lately. And of course, I did something colossally dumb. I might have hinted at it.
I rode the 40# singlespeed commuter on Road smack. With 30-35 psi in the 40c 1000gram tires. 1000 grams each. YUP.
What are singlespeeds like? Well think back when I was talking about comparing them to sobriety. Taking the edge off the top and bottom, attenuating the peaks?
Well Singlespeeds often, as long as the grade isn't too steep (IE the two small pitches on Hillside) are faster going up hill, but top out going downhill or flat out based on gearing. So faster and slower.
I think Leland was all itchy to blow the doors off the ride. And after a late joiner who was riding wide up broadway past the bakery and forced a passing car to almost hit a bikeworks guy riding the other direction head on well we were off. I rolled into 152 in second wheel behind the pair of Graham and Leland, we singled up after crossing Arcade and Leland lit it the fuck up just before turning right on Woodward.
Cadence already at around 100rpm it only went up from there - after a brief bit at 120rpm and the highest HR i've seen in a while I gapped slightly off G man's wheel. Shreddie came around and then the next, and the next, and slowly as I was pulsing and working my ass off it was just me... with David B on my wheel, and the two of us rode at our max until we hit the turn on Prospect. Everyone else long gone. David took the next pull into the wind, and then I took a turn and saw Graham waiting up for us. It was a tough ride. Singlespeed is what i know right?
Pine turned out to be okay - difficult but not too bad, Graham's pace was okay, not blistering but i was able to keep a managable cadence up this slow run in and stand to finish. But then the turn down hill? Well, pretty quickly those two rolled away, the ease of which the advantage of having adjustable gearing allows one to take advantage of going downhill. Me going down hill? well I only could pedal faster, and that was what I did but going from high torque to high cadence makes the legs a bit tired. Caught back on, sat in and well, sat in. They dropped the pace slightly on the downhill there after the turn off Pine and I was able to sit in, and hang on, turn onto Rocky Hill, and well, can't shift so stood up and powered over, ouch. Downhill, pedal fast, coast, tuck... the bike may be heave and slow but there's no drag on the hubs, this thing rolls well, i'm sure my 225# plus the 40# bike kind of doesn't hurt going down, but going up? Well we hit the rise on Rocky Hill and fuck it - found a cadence that hurt but felt right and pushed it, died a little just before the end and then recovered enough to push through to the top, died, caught up just as we got to hillside, managed to stay in contact just through the first rise but man I was worried about this chain, would it snap? This was a fuck ton of torque, 15-20rpm cadence and me pulling on the bars, this was not just my weight pushing down, full body application of force.
Worried I was going to get off and walk, thought maybe at one point up the first pitch that I might have to, and that maybe it was going to be faster, but I didn't. Closed some of the distance down before the next pitch up at the end. Managed both to not break a chain or paperboy up or get off and walk (still might have been faster) and caught up and we rolled back. Driving hard up Walker to finish off shredding the legs. and lungs. both. high cadence, low cadence, highest HR... it was good.
It was actually pretty awesome. Not fast. Dropped hard, but not alone and my stupidity and whatnot garnered a "wow i'm impressed" remark from Coach Graham (not my coach) my reply is it is easy to impress people by being stupid and stubborn sometimes... DB said "i dissagree, when i do that everyone just makes fun of me" anyway, it was dumb, my Wahoo battery was at 5% when I got home, my legs were good and hosed and I can't wait for next week. Might just have to break out the Klein and get dropped in style and with gears. Just to prove that it isn't the bike.
Riding bikes is fun and I know I need more of this. Oh I was going to order a crank today wasn't I. Guess I better not wait too long in case they also go completely out of stock. Also, I forgot that i sold a pair of my 540s to Becca. Tried to give them to her but she insisted on paying for them, so if I want to keep modernish pedals on the Crocket i'll need to add them to the list. Maybe there is a container ship off of long beach with pedals and they'll be available before the bike is ready to ride.
Stopped for a photo at the light house.
till next time - data on the ride is both over at RWGPS and Strava...
To mention a desire for a full suspension bike to Matt B at NBX when you stop by after getting the Sub-dermal Mod #1 (code word for that particular brand of 2 part vax that everyone should get).
He found a frame in my size from one of our brands that was going to be ready to ship in early May. Everything else I was looking at is like August 2022. Or 300-400 day lead times.
Of course I was looking at complete bikes and not the high end. Dreaming about Santa Cruz but those are even crazier priced and more spottily available and the only stuff really coming in are the tiny 27.5 wheel sizes. Everyone wants 29r size. Duh.
So... after barely explaining to E, she said just to order it.
So.
I ordered a frame. Fancy carbon full suspension frame. Gonna have gears. And now I can be just like ThomP from Dirtwire. Singlespeed Hahd Tail and fancy full sus. Mine won't be as fancy as his tho. And is more of a XC bike than a all mountain trail. Not a ton of travel but a good place to start and hopefully decent resale value next year (soonest you're allowed to sell the bike per the discount program agreement).
So.
Now I have to do all the parts. Like. All. The. Parts. And probably only shimano cranks, if i can find a pair. Worst case is I have to get the Dura-Ace for the Crocket. Fuck might as well 'emonda' that bike and call it a road bike, slam the stem and put gears back on and 28s.
So...
basically I have something productive and fun to distractedly obsess over, and overthink, and search for parts and combinations and what not. Stick the NX sram stuff on that came off the Stache or go with something new like Microshift (can't get Shimano), and just like that instead of scheduling and dealing with emails (or finishing this blog post) I got sucked down a parts hole trying to figure out if the cranks that Shimano says they are making are for sale ANYWHERE (the answer seems to be no). Fuck. That's like a $200 swing more expensive if I can't find a set of XTs, but then it does take MTB cranks off a CX bike that really should have road cranks on it anyway. No, GRX is all cool and shit but isn't long enough. And then the cranks - the 53-39 i'd prefer is out of stock and 52-36? Fuck should probably just go that route - although single ring is probably what i'll go with and maybe the 52-36 rings are easier to sell.
I'm not tired by all these little twists and turns but it is pretty frustrating. I was actually thinking about putting a dropper on the Mantra but I guess maybe that'll wait? need a saddle too, shit, will I be able to find another Concor? Ugh. Probably should get two just in case, or three. Who knows, well I do but then I'd have to decide, and that's the tough part. I mean if I'm getting three why not four? Maybe they are cheaper by the case? Are they even available? Probably a good thing I don't have my own QBP login. Oof. That would be trouble. Might have to take an extra day off just to sit at the shop computer ordering it all.
Assuming anything is in stock.
And yes, I suppose I can always decommission a bike or two. Not like i'm riding all of them at the same time. It is true that until this time last year not all of them were functional or together and now they are finally for the first time... ever... Hard to change that and go back to the swappy times.
Tossed a new used chain on the Surly. The old one had stretched so much that I needed to move the wheel forward. Oops. I put on one of the 50% worn chains from the E-bike. Played with the Topeak tools, the Alien X works but the Ratchet Rocket NTX+ is the best. So good.
The EcoDegreaser from Finishline smells like it always has - or like all the rest of the eco degreasers, like oranges. Cleaned the bikes up - hit it and the Stache with both lube and some pledge.
Pedals. Shit. Need some pedals. Shimano has only the really short spindle XTR in stock for EP. Maybe something with a pair of 540s is gonna get the old 535s...Probably gonna leave the XTs on the Stache - they're getting shredded there.
Oh and tires - do I go with the tried and true XR4 or something else?
CRAZY. G SHUT UP ALREADY YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE FRAME YET
right.
Best move on and get going - but puzzled at the total lack of reply from people who had absolutely critical immediate needs that I responded to. Strange.
Update from inside shimano - no 180 XTs fuck... D-A it is.
i guess this is the week that I feel like garbage on friday...
should see what the pattern is...
going to guess that the pattern is work all week, work saturday, sunday list of not restful stuff followed by a full week of stress...
and man what a week - first I thought i'd been an idiot with the whole vax thing, yes and no and somewhat not a total idiot but still - oh and that security thing, all patched up and back on the monster screens and fullsize keyboard. Nice to have the screen a good 3 feet away, and nice to have it something larger than a little tablet.
but the day is spent- i am spent- gonna have to figure it out - but things are good, they are not bad, and i need to get home and make some dinner for everyone...
maybe something simple and basic like mac and cheese from scratch
turns out - when i went digging into at home last night...
nope - see RI is different. If i lived in MA i'd have been eligible with that status, RI saw all the abuse (internet sales only car dealership employees were designated essential and thus could get it even tho they never saw another person) and RI added FRONTLINE workers to the essential designation.
aka not me
oh well - guess i'm just a little less of an idiot
still found another way to say "yes" i qualify and have first and second shots booked. There's a few MTB trails on the way to the place with the dose, may celebrate with a pre-stick ride, just in case there's not going to be much post-stick riding.
everything is late today, and it was a brutal damp cold headwind this morning. Brrr... maybe shouldn't have worn basically the same thing I did yesterday with the tailwind and 30degrees warmer temps.
