So, you know what's not so far from Salida? And an hour away from Buena Vista?

Saguache

Have to remind myself to NOT what if this shit.

When my dad was there I had not yet gotten back into MTB'n. I had no bike. Now I have two.

Salsa Cycles Presents: Banana Belt Bike People from Salsa Cycles on Vimeo.

I worked from home for two days. made the second pot at home, problem is home pot of coffee is much bigger than work pot of coffee and that meant I was drinking more and well - slept great until about 3 am last night. The night before was the same except every gust from the Nor'Easter woke me up. 

I. am. tired.

Oh and I just got a flu shot. And today has been stressful and tomorrow will also be and I signed up for Fruitlands in the rain on Saturday.

I look at myself and thing, are you really that oblivious and stupid?

YUP

and then there is shit like this I wrote earlier and left here to stew while working on everything else:

but look how many people are dying that are vaccinated is not the flex or strong point for you trying to suggest a vaccine mandate is not helpful (pro-tip, it is helpful) all those dead vax'd people are probably

"... immuno compromised people who have no reaction to the vaccine because of things like, you know cancer, and other pretty common shit, or just other issues, kind of like how the whole bunch of old white dudes are so fixated on deaths and ignore all the other issues with covid as a disease, and if all those unvax'd folks got vax'd the people who have no immune response to it probably wouldn't die but hey - fuck them, who cares they deserve to die because they are weak and people shouldn't be mandated to get a vaccine just to reduce the chance of them dying. "

i posted the "" section over in a FB thread and then after a minute copied it and deleted it.

someone else posted something about 1 million 5-12 years olds getting vax'd would probably save 0-5 lives but leave some hundreds of them with heart issues from the vaccine... 

"um - you have no idea what you're talking about and you're an idiot for re-tweeting that bullshit image AND HOW ABOUT LONG TERM SHIT FROM COVID" 

just because someone doesn't die doesn't mean they aren't compromised for the rest of their life. Sterility anyone? I mean I guess if your kid is eligible for the vax and you refuse to get them it well... maybe you really don't need to expand the gene pool with your lineage. And then there's the people arguing against it who've never had kids, won't have kids and don't like kids. So ugh.

Fucking people

And now it is later than I wanted it to be and it is getting dark out there. I have a decently easy workout at least to do but also not enough daylight to do it outside anymore. Trainer night again maybe. If I can figure out what to make for dinner.

Time.

Lots in my head but no time to get it out...

I did realize that maybe this current crop of kids needs therapist because none of them are keeping secret journals, is that what kept us all sane? Writing in that book that no one else would read?

well we know how much value I get out of this - the same as it costs me...  $15 a year or so for the domain, i was fine with some random ass blogger page but NOOO someone had to go and reg the webpage. nah it has more value than that, a lot more...

there's some exciting stuff coming down the line but right now i gotta get home before it gets dark because I didn't bring a light (that is charged and I just remembered i was supposed to charge it today).

Alright

heddwch

G 

 it was a rough one that yesterday was, made it through.

what else to say? not much, moving on

There's some issues with the Reddiyo app and interface and data, not sure if it is the ancient 510 header data but it seems to be normal on Strava and looks the same as the Wahoo (did a side by side comparison today) but somehow the 510 data is interpreted strangely by the app. There's a Coggan score, they call it Workload Stress (WS) which is TSS by another name. And some how that doesn't seem to match up well.

Maybe it is the HR data. Maybe the algorithm works perfectly well with power but not so much with HR. Afterall HR has a narrow range and power is bigger. Broader data range makes lots of things easier. If the range you're trying to capture is between 89 and 160, well, that's pretty low resolution. Then couple that to the HR lag at the start of interval and then the over-run at the end. Neither of which happen when using Power. Suddenly a very clear cut interval (using speed or power) isn't so clear cut is it.

One of the things that I found engaging when submitting the application to be an ambassor for Reddiyo was the ability to train with HR. Who coaches with just HR now days? NO ONE. it seems at least.

So lets see how this works. Or doesn't work. I mean who DOESN'T have a powermeter? Besides me? Fine there are lots and lots of people w/o power meters, but very few people who are racing and doing structured training and or being coached (self or other person). Why? Because that shit works.

Why don't I? Well lets see, can't do wheel based too many absolutely different bikes. Crank? Yeah again, how many bikes? And just about every bike has a different style crank arm, also 180? Yeah okay. Then what?

Pedal based system? That might work but then changing pedals EVERY RIDE would be a giant pain and well, ultimately not great for the crank arms. 

Now if there was a shoe based system, that I would definitely think about. I wear the same shoes on everybike. Already have a cadence sensor on the shoe. Would be happy to move saddle up a couple mm to fit a sensor between the cleat and the shoe. Great breakdown about it here: https://cyclingtips.com/2021/03/are-cleat-based-power-meters-on-the-way/  so yeah, there ya go, I'm just waiting for that white whale I guess. Downside with that patent, it is for what looks like a 3 bolt cleat, not the 2 bolt SPDs I've got on everything.

Problems to solve, challenges to overcome. GeWilli never seems to do anything the easy way.

In spades actually.

Gonna post up a song video but will leave it as a stand alone post. 

I watched this last night. And man, yeah, I get it. And wow is that course in the film flat.

 Lots of these John Prine tribute songs have been trickling out onto U toob lately. 

This one gave me goosebumps and had me sitting immobilized for the whole song

 dunno if that is it or something else.

I woke up feeling like I had just gotten a fabulous night sleep.

but still felt sluggish and tired, a weird combo. So maybe I did sleep well but am so tired that it is going to take more than one night of good sleep to recover...

that or i gotta stop drinking coffee (and bulk up on weight, i keep forgetting that I gained a bunch when not drinking the bean juice) or something

maybe just a vacation

ah that's funny, i crack myself up...

Got up, coffee, got kid to school - rode along and drove the car home - ate food while watching one of the death and robot short films, dug out the black blue loaded up the training plan on the garmin and headed out for the workout in the cold. 

that was fucking hard and my heart rate things 1min on 1min off efforts are a joke. Oh we're supposed to start pumping? Fine, okay here we go... oh you're done? Fine how about we stay super high and only settling just as you start the next effort... maybe i am to tired for this

maybe i'm just out of shape

maybe i'm just built to ride forever, just not fast

And then of course that meant there was a good gap in the coffee consumption

too much of a gap

and now i have a headache

AND i'm still tired, both from that workout and life

I keep forgetting to finish filling out a form. 

I still feel like I'm trying to do too much but at the same time feel like i'm failing by not doing enough

all that and i haven't even touched on the emotions of loss yet

time for some single speed meditation on the way home. 

maybe there'll be a tailwind.

heddwch
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Sunday, MTB'n, there was this magic section on Fosters, 10 seconds maybe, one particular rock garden, it just clicked, the line, was just like 'wow'

I get what he's talking about here:

yeah...

Bikes are amazing

 Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

 sorry, just...  not sure where to start or what to say and no motivation to write or share..

I did race my bike on Saturday, and rode in the woods on Monday and am racing Wednesday. 

Spent sunday working on bike positions making it all the same relative to the saddle/BB setback and height.

the outpouring of condolences was heart warming but equally and opposite is the vacuum in the wake of it as everyone moves on and the event is out of their mind...

not mine.

I'm okay tho, sad, but functional...

back is def not full strength. woke up this morning a bit sore, def very much a huge set back, did not feel anywhere near as strong as I did pre-injury, and that's kind of discouraging, the feeling that peak form was Quad CX? 

Had tire issue Sunday too, kept dropping PSI until I put it up to 29, casing maybe too soft/worn to seal with my big fat butt on the bike.

I keep having the visceral response to death, that this is it and when we're gone we're gone and that's even writing that viscerally terrifying. My brother admitted to being like that for 10 years... maybe i'll find something that helps come to terms with it...

maybe i'm not totally okay but this also really didn't start before reading the quote on my birthday...

there ya go - another reason to hate the day

To make it all worse I've been sleeping like shit. Basically bad sleep since returning, i got no sleep and had zero consistency with sleep timing while out there and was taking Aleve non-stop...  last time I took anything was before the flight. I would guess my body is kind of wondering what the fuck that shit was good and now trying to re-equilibrate to get back to normal. Been going to be earlier because E is getting up before 5am to row... 

more shit to figure out

okay fine - i'm in a bit of a funk - but still surprsingly good at faking it when pressed or asked... you're not going to get me to admit (other than here) that i'm not having an easy go of everything

But here these cheered me up this morning:

 lots to say but not quite sure where to start or if i can say it now

time i suppose

so now what? two weeks of immobility with the back another week here, and a big block of races i'd planned to do but now thinking I probably shouldn't to them all...

and now that i'm sitting in my office, suddenly the wave of exhaustion is settling in, not sure i'm going to make it till 3-3:30

took a bunch of photos

posted some up on the IG, mostly in the stories 

should put them up here with description and stories to go with

i think maybe some SEM time then catching up, we'll see if i can stay awake or not

 In seattle, well Montlake Terrace to be precise.

Dad's starting Hospice on Monday. I'm here

all the brothers and the two grandsons were in one place together

it is a lot to process to deal with

planned on racing today, didn't plan on getting up at 3:30am in RI and flying to Seattle. 

good thing i know i can go for a long time w/o sleep. 

this is different than that, i don't have all the food and hydration and coffee and everything, and it is complicated and difficult and there's the whole pull from the my mother to see her, my sister to see her baby.

no time to ride

or eat, maybe not even sleep.

got cleaned up, had a few minutes to relax, charge my phone, take a MUCH needed shower.

bike racing? nope was going to race today, signed up even. Donation to the cause.

maybe i'll be back in time  to race next weekend.

life 

it is what happens, time to soak up the moments that I can

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
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