Trying something new, no social media about where I am or what I'm doing.
And for me not a big deal other than when I'm here I'm usually posting all sorts of fucking photos because it is amazing.
But I think maybe taking a break is good.
Brought the big laptop, very very very little else with me. Have to write up some basics for the gallery, history, pathway to get here, what lead to the collection that kind of stuff.
Getting up at 5am eastern time and then not getting to bed until 10:30pm pacific time is a long time to be awake. And then top it off I had to drive home from Seattle through Tacoma just before bed. And today I'm wiped out from everything, from last week, the weekend, travel, riding.
No bike for the week. I rode into the headwind in the 24F weather yesterday morning. That sucked. Then I changed shoes really quickly and ran/jogged to the train station, bought a ticket and then walked down onto the train and it left. That was close.
I might put up the photos here, just to satifsy and placate the need to share. So maybe it'll be more photo journal this week. If i pull out the computer and do this. We'll see eh?
its like the fucking beavers went nuts instead of hibernating, and well, shit's stacked up and the rain's falling from the sky and the snow pack is melting and the little beaver pond is now rivaling glen canyon dam.
That's how it feels with this here web log right now.
And ya know how that usually ends up.
All that piling up behind the dam... well it'll pile up for only so long before a flaw in the beaver's engineering is exposed and the whole thing lets loose and we start from scratch.
Reading (actually reading and listening, hybrid style approach to a book) a book. Now reading. And reading before bedtime. Been a long time since doing that.
have to use readers now, eyes ain't what they used to be and i'm worried that the whole reading is cranking the brain up and that's fucking with my sleep.
Because I woke right the fuck up this morning at 3am with what felt like a motherfucking brilliant idea to open the presser for the Gallery show coming up.
so I woke up, grabbed my phone, headed to the bathroom, sat down to take a piss (it is fucking dark and i'm mostly asleep and that fucking toilet is a long way away from my... well you get the idea) and just start trying to get this idea into some sort of sensical idea and opening...
Haven't gone back to write it but the act of writing it def helped remember and those words and ideas are percolating.
So oh yeah, if you're local, or find the need to travel down to Westerly, RI on April 15th, come hang out at the gallery. Gonna be the regular gallery opening things music, artist talking, shit to look at... More details here soon but put it on the fucking calendar.
Had a little cancellation today - unexpected but appreciated. First time in weeks that I've had a chance to sit in my chair, in my office for more than a few minutes. And miraculously the full facility is running smoothly right now, packed full of users and non of them have been running to me to help. At least so far.
Rained on Saturday - there's some shit i should have done but I was wrecked and tired and basically just kind felt guilty about resting and recovering while it rained.
Headed out on sunday, a bit later in the day for one hell of a good MTB ride. Not super long but no one was really taking it easy and chasing three fast old dudes crushed me and my legs. Or maybe it was the shopping right afterwards. I was a useless pile at home after all that.
Monday was nuts but i started a new book. Inbetween Dunes (just finished Children of Dune, next one is on the phone waiting to start listening to). A walk in the Woods. A book I'd never read. Got a pile of books from a friend, like real actual paper ones. Been a while. And that mountain of books is pretty fucking tall to get through right now. So, fuck it lets read.
either too much coffee (possible) or reading before sleeping (also possible) or body still kind of wrecked from the riding... I slept like garbage Sunday Monday and Tuesday night. Right it is Wednesday. Fucking monday felt like a Friday, I was in a FPF mood too. Caught a few people off guard.
So yesterday - after not sleeping much I figured, fuck it, lets smackdown. Graham says it'll be a no smack smackdown. Except Leon showed up and hit it hard on the turn to Woodward and left me, Jason also kindly said he wasn't ready to go that hard, so we rode together. I went as hard as I think I felt I could w/o being at the limit. I probably could have gone faster but I dunno, was not feeling awesome.
But knee felt good and i tweaked the saddle angle and that seemed to fix the lower back hip pain from riding this bike. Was frustrating when he dragged everyone off... but hey - that's to be expected. Gonna miss next week but maybe I'll be rested for the following Tuesday? or Fresh? or still really tired from the Red eye flight and catching up over the weekend...
Was going somewhere but got side-tracked somewhere.
Oh that what's your favorite something ice breaker question thread on twitter the other day... yeah that is insta-freeze for my brain. "what's your favorite color?" ummmm "what's your favorite bike?" ummmm
now if you ask me "what's your favorite road shifter lever thing?" 5700... fucking instant response. No need to think... Favorite CX pro? not much thought there, Favorite car? Actually also pretty easy: 99.5 2 door Golf TDI... I guess it is kind of easy to see the issue, the vague social small talk questions/answers lock me the fuck up, traumatically, the specific shit that only a small handle of outliers can talk about? Those are the easy ones.
Oh and I broke another pair of glasses. I've got basically only industrial chemical safety clear glasses to wear on the bike now. Somehow have to resolve that problem soon. If I'm going to keep riding the Black Blue (fucking thing has probably over 20k miles on it) I'll need new drive train. The chain is at the 150% wear point - but it is shimano and hasn't started skipping, much and is worn together. No, the drivetrain doesn't have that many miles on it. And shit - just looked. There's no 10speed shift left in S-tech... damnit. Well fuck I dunno then. Need a new bike but do I NEED one. No. But yeah whatever. Would be nice to be on a road bike eh?
Anyway.
There's other stuff but I'm getting more distracted and sleepy.
And yeah, that's black and white. Rending black and white with digital isn't a problem, but capturing it? That's where the challenge lies. The fucking cursed bayer mask.
And probably always will. There's a place for color, for sure, but sometimes... sometimes you need black and white. Ah to be really actually wealthy... such is life tho.
Hey maybe the Comencal was shot on a https://www.red.com/DSMC2-MONOCHROME-BRAIN?quantity=1&sensor=1 doesn't quite feel like it, but what do I know. stills mostly... But when I look at that link I'm thinking there is one hell of a lot more stuff that needs to be purchased to start creating with it.
Damnit - used up my time, have to focus so i can leave my office sanctuary before it is dark (didn't bring lights today to try and force myself to think about the departure).
You'll have to watch to get the quote exactly correct, but:
Preparedness brings you closer to luck
Gets ya thinking eh? If you put the effort in, the work, have the planning and practice in place, you're in a better place to take advantage of luck.
Or chance.
Better able to recognize that lucky opportunity.
Without the prep, the work, the knowledge, luck can walk up wave a big flag saying HERE I AM THIS IS THE MOMENT, and it will be invisible to the unprepared.
It is why we practice/hone your craft or skill.
In bike racing is it most like the alignment of a good day with race day.
Just something to think about.
When you frame luck like that, esp as a photographer, it makes sense.
The amateur can get 'lucky' by shooting a thousand frames, they might get lucky and get a good one. But the practiced and skilled 'pro/am' can recognize the luck of being in the right place, or knowing if they put them in a certain position and be aware, that lucky shot will show up. And with one click capture it.
It isn't just photography tho. And most of my analogies fall into the arts realm, or the skill realm.
But some people are wired like that about dealing with other people, I don't think I am, but I also maybe agonize over lost opportunities more than some, or had. Haven't been what iffing lately, that's good. But I do recognize in the past that I was aware of that lucky break or opportunity that tremendous sign but was too afraid, unconfident, anxious, fill in the fucking blank to seize it.
But here i am and now. And that's neither here or there or related to this short film. Thinking about this film, directly with the SEM artwork, that putting one self in a place to make something special.
in the end:
"Knowledge and preparedness allows you to be lucky.
So there's the technical side of, you know, knowledge.
And then the preparedness of like, getting it, and then all of a sudden just having luck.
You're closer to luck.
Maybe that's an addition that I'm addicted to is lining all those stars up.
There it is, and all this sweat and waiting, and a bit of drama there is all worth it."
Capturing what it is, what it means, what it has become.
Yeah we've all been doing it for a fuck of a lot longer than it has been called gravel.
Deliberately picking to include some dirt roads on the road bikes because it is fun as hell, but also to watch that one or two people in the group who you know are absolutely not comfortable off the pavement, a few I knew just didn't like it because they thought the bike's paint might get dinged. I have some of the most iconic and beautifully painted bikes and have never shied away from riding them anywhere.
https://youtu.be/qgUDW8qImwc
check the link, maybe it'll autofix - maybe you'll have to cut and paste...
It is a little like CX was in the early days, very inclusive, welcoming. But unlike CX it isn't as hard and just finishing is enough. CX is still a race no matter how you distill it. The CX bikes were the first gravel bikes for sure. They 'paved' the way but needed some help.
It is funny having this perspective on the sport. There were changes before i started racing but they were pretty small compared to now. MTBs hit the mainstream just as I started riding them. I rode that wave, hitched on to CX as it grew, watched MTB fade, local road racing more or less disappear, CX fade a little, gravel grow, MTB expand again...
Odd having this perspective.
Watching that tho, drove home something that did kind of always bug me. I mean sure, I am me and I am the way I am because of that and maybe this is how it is supposed to be. I love these big adventures on the bike. Michigan's Coast to Coast, 24HOGG, whatever else that's crazy and insane, but all of these over the years, even just CX, I feel really really really alone at the start, not so much during, but very much at the end.
Alone.
I'm not but i watch a film like that with people being enthusiastically greeted when they finish and all that...
I guess maybe need to work on the Jean Marc mentality, in some ways that's how i do it, why i do it, maybe all the ways. But unlike J-M i've always been aware around me. Of others.
thinking back to the last CX... Ice Weasels. I made the long drive there alone, set up alone, chatted with others for sure, but then left alone.
Maybe that is why some of the most memorable races have been traveling to them with someone else, going through the process with them. Even if they were racing a different event like Mark LFN.
I'm now kind of mad at myself for this tangent.
But maybe it is partly due to being halfway through finally reading Seth's really long bit: https://citsb.com/2021/12/25/old-boot-re-boot/
Def having very tangible bad PTSD of growing up under the threat of nuclear annihilation, my students have not a fucking inkling about that, they have other worries but don't really understand the implications of what it was like.
Got me wondering how the star wars program ever got along, can we shoot down all the missiles fired at us? Could we ever have?
What if someone does do a low earth orbit nuke detonation and wipes out all the satellites? Yeah yeah rash and over reacting and all that, nothing to be done about it anyway, I guess. Sigh.
It is tough to keep going, keep working through it. But at somepoint last week Ihad the microscope monk mindset take over. in that it is sort of how I am... but anyway
time to blast, step away before the computer restarts on me.
