A chance to get even busier than I would normally be.

It is also a good realization that I'm not well suited for managing. or I just give too much of a shit to manage people because I take it too seriously and worry about making sure I'm giving enough direction and enough tasks but w/o being too hands off or something.. but when they are new it takes time, esp in this line of work, to get to speed on the overwhelming amount of very specific and techincal shit.

But hey - it'll be good. If exhausting at the moment.

Saw this. I guess they have hydraulic gyros now... pretty cool

CX? maybe soon, weather sucks today and tomorrow. I'd hoped to get out on the JP55, maybe it'll still happen and maybe I should go ride in the rain. But Sunday is looking good and it is time to get out on the singlespeed. Getting soft riding the shifty squishy bike.

And the new microblogging site has sucked some of the creative outlet from here. If you want a bluesky invite code lemme know. Can hook a few people up now.

Okay back to working with the new kid (needed coffee) (watched the video this morning, just sharing now).

heddwch

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 Yesterday precisely. Went to check on Rochester results, and of course i went to crossreults first.

And then noticed that sometime between when I last checked and then that Midnight ride's results were posted. I'd been checking and checking so I could upload the Flickr Album link, but then gave up looking and forgot about it. 

And then I looked at the points I picked up there. Oof. Yeah it isn't pretty. Certainly is what I deserved for absolutely doing everything wrong. My head wasn't there for many reasons, one of which recently hit harder. Talking with Joy about her step-dad and seeing her IG post this morning saying he'd passed. And she didn't have the chance to go say goodbye in person. 

Thoughts of being gone have crept up more and more. I need to be better at working at "not my problem" but i also struggle with not wanting to be more of a problem. Anyway, it hit pretty close to home in a lot of ways. This, with her loss, then I finished reading book two and saw the little inscription and well fuck that caused me to lose it even more. Well. Life. It is what we've got. Also, BTW, I picture CFox as the lead character in those books. Not sure why but somehow he's the person I'm putting into that story.

David V mentioned I look like I've got my shit together. Then I realized people say I look good racing. It bugs me because I don't feel good. But that's been consistent. maybe I look good but man do I suck lately. It is tough. Esp since I'm not doing everything I can to be as fast as I could be. But I'm also not doing all that because I've made other choices and have to remind myself about them. Sure I have been creating art in some people's eyes, taking photos. I commute to work most everyday, I cook food I have worked hard to raise my kids, I really try not to be an asshole but fail so miserably when I do fail... But somehow people have said I look good, or it looks like it is good. 

Looks are deceiving. I've been on stage enough, I've had to work hard to act a part of  being normal, have been forced to hide my true self for a long time, so long that I'm good at not showing the fuck up I am. 

My back is currently fucked, couple reasons but the lack of hitting the trails on the singlespeed have made it worse, getting the double vax and getting wrecked by it and not sleeping normally with two painful shoulders was the other. But the MTB usually fixes this exact issue.

I took an aleve last night and it's mostly not hurting today. Kind of.

Watched this over lunch.
https://youtu.be/Gxr0f7PRj0g?si=2jVfw8J5zIxy98ZD

Big production value but also important shit. 

Chatted with Marc T at the end of the commute. Caught him, which was weird. Esp me riding the Singlespeed Surly. 

He made the point that none of the mid-pack or slower guys keep racing. Only the top, the pointy end does. Looking at the lead lap of the 50+ race in CX... I dunno, not sure I can even come close to not getting lapped. would be lucky not to get lapped twice. But then, what else should I expect?

I haven't trained for CX, I've barely ridden. I bought a new road bike and have really only done a TT, a long ride and a handful of smackdowns.

And the crank on the CX bike and the Road bike are both under the recall and if they start delaminating.debonding there's no replacement, we all know what happens when I run 177.5 cranks. It doesn't work for me. Why? No one can tell me. Few even can wrap their head around it enough to hazard a guess. 

I just don't know what anymore, what to do, obviously still haven't found the CX Mojo, or a muse.

Foot's still feeling less than 100% so I didn't go for a walk in the rain with the camera, maybe the ride home will present a scene worthy of exposing a few frames of film.

I just don't know. Do I hire a coach? Have someone write a plan? we've gone through this before. I know what needs to be done, and given that I don't have a power meter or a functioning trainer (fine I have the ancient cyclops but that's not great), i might as well just write myself a plan, it'll be as effective. or what? fuck it just ride bikes. 

dunno

really... dunno...

But hey AMOR FATI MOTHERFUCKERS

the show must go on, and I must prepare myself for a ride home in the rain.

heddwch
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 Well, it went better than the race did. I ate food. I was able to pedal hard.

But then I looked at the Hillside times, and they are way slower than my fastest (in 2013 obvs) but I'm also 35# heavier now than I was then. And 10 years older. Makes sense I'm slower up the hills. 

It felt good and I made myself work. But I also ate much better through out the day, had a more effective warm up [thank i did on sunday.]

Took a little longer photo walk over lunch today. A little too far though. Pissed because I want to get down by the river, great street photo ops, people stuff, buildings, lighting, water, but it is a little too far for the foot. 

It isn't bad but it went from not being noticeable to oh, right. 

It is definitely getting better, but it ain't better yet and I'm guessing the walks aren't helping the healing.

AND i chatted with Harris on the way to Smackdown, we might be bringing back the Haines Park CXy time.

I should change and ride home. Been here late too much lately. But then I've been getting here late some days. Hopefully it all washes out in the end.

heddwch

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 My race was terrible. I started off kind of slow, then got slower and slower. Just couldn't stay with people that I should have been able to stay with. Legs wouldn't go hard enough to get the heart rate up where it should be. Def felt leg limited not lung limited. So i guess that's something.
Also I think I was turning like a MTB'r, def not like a roadie but maybe I need to be more roadie turny, but it wasn't working whatever it was.
I put 27PSI in the tires, was fine in the front, but I was hitting rocks a dozen times a lap, and that was kind of unsettling and it didn't feel secure on the turns, not like floppy but like this shit ain't gonna hold sketch.

I did get to the race a bit early for my race. And I didn't pack a lunch. BUT i did buy two boxes of donuts at Bolton orchard. Ate 5 donuts between when I got there and my race. So should have been plenty of calories. Got there, got the number, hung out a bit, took a photo or two, then quickly got on the course for two laps before the 3/4, 40+ race. Then grabbed camera and took photos of that race. Then took photos of the Elite women's race. Then put camera away, pinned number on and planned to warm up. In the parking lot I saw JF and chatted for a while, instead of pedaling. Then pedaled, saw DV, chatted, then pedaled some more then raced. It was TERRIBLE. i was at least. COULD NOT KEEP UP. 

Shocking.

Best part of the day were the photos. Dumped em all here:

Look or not. I might be more excited about photographing the next race than racing it.

 Signed up for a CX race on Sunday.

We'll see what happens. Mostly going because it is an excuse to go to Bolton Orchards before the race to get apples and some donuts.

Maybe I'll get lucky enough to snag a few warm packs.

Plan to get there early enough to play around taking photos, film and digital.

Will throw a low consequence roll in the Pentax, push the ISO up a step or two for speed (ACTION) and see what happens.

Just have to figure out what's going on tomorrow. Storm coming through, do I go to the shop? do I stay home? Grocery shopping? Probably no road ride given the conditions (windy).

I did get the Crockett all cleaned up this morning. It looks pretty good. 

Got the SECOND new to me Wahoo hooked up and a new speed sensor on the wheel of the crockett for CX racing (gps is bad in the woods, also is bad with CX course mileage).

Foot saga needs full documentation but I'm not even sure I fully know what the fuck is going on.

Other than I have Lymes and am on 3weeks of Doxy and trying to take even two pills a day is a pain, did I take them? I don't remember. Also because they are slightly off of the timing I take the adaptogen in the morning and the VitD and MagG at night (oh and now Iron because my levels are low - mostly also because my red blood markers suck and maybe this will help).

Dealing with all kinds of new and expensive things. Boats? Yeah might be boat owners. Nothing fancy just a single scull, but it is still 26' long and I ain't got anywhere inside to put anything that long. Storm coming? Where the fuck is that thing gonna go? Not my boat but might be my problem.

Colorado trip coming up soon. Taking more photos, getting used to the little lens, about ready to switch to the big one.

Wearing the watch this much seems to have aggravated my skin a little, but hey - i'm on Doxy and it kills the fuck out of anything... that the Keflex i was on didn't. Still, better either get a different band or maybe not wear it all the time. I like the sleep data, and the rest of the data, kind of fun. Maybe I should have added power to the Madone.

Smackdown actually felt pretty good on Tuesday. Hence me registering. Also because the race is at Lancaster and it is pretty damn flat and soft (assuming I don't have to run on pavement - and if I mechanical i'll probably just pull the plug vs trying to run to the pits. Not that I'll have anything in there. 

I should really go back and fill in the blanks since the last post and the blanks before that one.

We'll see. Time is less available than usual.

Or when I have time I'm too fried to write, or just editing photos is all i can do.

More later, hopefully

heddwch
G

 Smackdown was dry, at least it wasn't precipitating. But it was so hot and humid that we were all just as wet at the end of the ride yesterday as we were last week.

It was a legit B ride. Could have been faster but was a nice sized group and still fast and hard but possible not impossible. 

Foot seems to be improving slowly. We'll see what the doc says tomorrow. 

Somehow got on this documentary. There's a close captions for the irish language spoken in it. Dennis Cahill had an important influence on my appreciation and perspective of traditional Irish music esp mostly because he was inseparable from Martin Hayes. 

And Martin's fiddle playing was key. He taught my sister a bit of how to play the irish fiddle, and just his style influenced me. and my incredibly infrequent playing. 

Funny thing, this morning I was riding in and heard someone trying to sing scales for practice in the neighborhood... and then somehow that triggered all the years of that for me and i found my key and sang a few scales... while riding.

It is an amazing documentary, the music is fucking amazing. so, fucking good.

But then there was an undeniable chemistry between those two musicians...

will circle back maybe... lot going on... busy...

heddwch

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 A pile of stuff to unload, but of course I'm time crunched and right up against it.

So I'll put this here, maybe get back to this a bit later.

or not

we'll see

That and I often wonder if the few people I've shared this with over the last year or so have kept checking in or gone the way of most of the rest of the blog readers? If feels like the audience is about the same size as the bloggers, tiny.

And I'm okay with that. Just curious.

heddwch

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