Stairs

I’ve been working on the Work In Progress for long enough, I recognize the cycle each chapter goes through. First I write, then I weed, then I copy and paste passages together into some rough shape.

Stairs

Once I have a document with some semblance of structure, I add transitions, weed some more, and rearrange any bits that seem out of place. (Pro tip: outline the chapter after you’ve assembled it.)

Eventually, I reach a point where the chapter feels good enough for me to move onto the next. There is no timeline for how fast any of this happens, but the process has become predictable, so every week I know what I need to work on.

Today, I finished weeding a huge rambling mess of prose, only a fraction of which will go into the present chapter. I wrote this journal-style document more than a decade ago, so revisiting it is like stepping into a time machine.

After all these years, it’s easy to chop entire paragraphs and pages of me fretting about whatever was on my mind at the time, but is no longer interesting or relevant: water that has long passed under the bridge.

Elm flowers

Everything is better on a sunny day. I’m sitting in my windowless office on campus as I type these words, but I remember the angle of light this morning as I sat at my desk at home, sipping tea and recording class attendance from the past few weeks.

Recording attendance is the simplest of my teaching tasks. I sit with my paper gradebook as I scroll through the Canvas chat where at the start of every class, I ask a silly icebreaker-style question. Students type their responses, and that serves as a digital record of who was there. Every few weeks, I scroll through these responses and check them off in my gradebook.

Recording attendance is the simplest of my teaching tasks, but I’ve been putting it off since mid-February. Every time I see “Record attendance” on my to-do list, I’ve found some reason to postpone it for later. “I’m too busy to do this now,” I tell myself. “I’ll do it later, after I finish x, y, and z.”

This morning, finally, I pulled out my gradebook, pulled up the chat, and started checking off responses. And like every long-procrastinated task, recording attendance was quicker, easier, and more pleasant than I’d anticipated. Why had I pushed it off so long? Was I simply waiting for a sunny day?

Lilac leaf buds

One year ago today, I blogged a photo of lilac leaf buds almost ready to unfurl, just like this photo I shot this morning. Every year, I take nearly identical photos of the first leaves, buds, and flowers of spring, marveling again and again at the same predictable miracle.

Budding

There’s nothing remarkable about a child being born with ten fingers and ten toes: it happens every day. But new parents count newborn fingers and toes with awe and wonder. By what everyday magic do babies know how to grow toes and lilacs know how to grow leaves?

Suffs in Boston

Yesterday J and I took the T into Boston to see Suffs: The Musical, a dramatic retelling of the female suffrage movement.

I grew up in a politically apathetic, non-voting family. Naturally, one of the first things I did when I went to college was register to vote. Voting felt simultaneously grown up and rebellious. Nobody–not my parents, friends, nor teachers–had ever asked me what I thought about the state of the world.

Every time I vote, I remember how recently (white) women were given that right by passage of the 19th Amendment. If the right to vote is something suffragists and civil rights activists thought was important enough to fight, bleed, and go to jail for, I damn well am going to take advantage of that hard-earned privilege.

All this being said, I didn’t actually know much about the suffragist movement. Suffs tells the story of Alice Paul, a suffragist I’d never heard of. And although I knew who fearless journalist and anti-lynching activist Ida B. Wells was, I didn’t know the role she played in the fight for female suffrage.

Suffs does an excellent job of teasing out the tensions in the suffragist movement. Alice Paul’s youthful radicalism grates against the establishment tendencies of Carrie Chapman Catt, who wanted to appease the powerful men Paul wants to confront. A similar dynamic plays out between Ida B. Wells and Mary Church Terrell, who was willing to appease white feminists while Wells (in one of the first act’s most powerful songs) refuses to wait her turn.

The road to progress has never been smooth. The musical’s most moving moment comes at the very end, after the 19th Amendment has been passed and Alice Paul turns her sights toward a new goal: the Equal Rights Amendment. In “Keep Marching,” the ensemble cast connects the dots between what the suffragists did in the 20th century and what is happening now.

Rights that are given can be taken away, as is evident in current Republican attempts to make voting difficult and expensive, especially for women, by requiring needless paperwork. The fight for a more perfect union isn’t a sprint or a marathon: it’s a relay race, with each generation handing the baton to the next. The lesson of Suffs rings true today. If your vote had no power, they wouldn’t try so hard to suppress it.

First-peek hyacinths

Yesterday was the first day of Spring, and this morning was gray, chilly, and damp. This morning felt like a behind-the-scenes, dressing room kind of day, where Spring was getting ready for her eventual debut, but not yet.

Viburnum past and future

Right now, in the late afternoon, the sun is out and it’s warm enough for joggers, dog-walkers, and baby-strollers to emerge from hibernation, chatting on benches and otherwise enjoying a nice-enough day.

Tomorrow, on the other hand, is supposed to be rainy, which is better than the snow showers that were originally forecast. They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, but in reality, any given day is a mix of lion and lamb.

Longevity

Last night I taught the meditation instruction class at the Cambridge Zen Center. Meditation is a life skill everyone should know. When I teach the meditation instruction class, I give newcomers everything they need to practice on their own, whether or not they continue coming to the Zen Center.

Tapestry

Teaching someone how to meditate is like teaching someone how to brush their teeth. Brushing is a very effective way to maintain oral hygiene…but only if you do it. When you’re brushing your teeth, the act is small and simple, so skipping it feels like it would be no big deal. Brushing is easy to learn, in other words, but difficult to keep doing.

Perennial, by David Hilliard

Meditation is also unbelievably simple: by paying attention to your body, breath, and mind, you repeatedly return to the present moment. And like brushing your teeth, meditation brings an incremental benefit that isn’t immediately obvious: you can’t always tell if meditation is “working.”

Mazur and Monet

But here’s the thing. Brushing your teeth every day is far more effective than spending hours brushing your teeth right before you go to the dentist. Meditation works the same way. By frequently and regularly returning to the present moment, you hone your attention to a fine point. You probably won’t notice this as you’re doing it, but over time, what you gain from meditation is nothing less than your whole life.

Landscape

When you teach someone how to meditate, you give them a life skill they can use anywhere and at any time. It’s like handing someone a toothbrush that will never wear out and a tube of toothpaste that will never run dry: a tool you can use for the rest of your life.

Quilts & colors

One of the exhibits I saw at the Museum of Fine Arts yesterday was One Hundred Stitches, One Hundred Villages: The Beauty of Patchwork from Rural China. Given the monochromatic mood of March in New England, I gasped with delight when I entered the gallery, which was a riot of color and geometric intricacy.

Patchwork

I’ve never made a quilt, but I admire the patience that patchwork requires. Sewing is a monotonous and thus meditative pastime: it’s easy, I’m sure, to make mistakes if you allow your mind to wander. Creating a bedspread, curtain, or door covering out of small pieces of fabric takes tenacity and vision: it takes faith to create something out of scraps.

Intricacy

One Hundred Stitches reminded me of Quilts and Color, an exhibit I’d seen (and blogged) in 2014. In both cases, the items on display weren’t created as intentional artworks but as practical household items. There’s no reason a bedspread, curtain, or door covering needs to be colorful, so there’s an implicit exuberance behind the decision to make something practical pretty just because.

Elevator eyes

Today I took my annual Spring Break trip to the Museum of Fine Arts, treating myself to lunch in the courtyard and spending the day leisurely exploring the galleries, including a restorative visit to the Japanese Buddhist Temple Room.

Japanese Buddhist Temple room

I saw art: yes. I wandered aimlessly: yes. I spent time reading, writing, and meditating in public: yes, yes, and yes.

Guanyin

Celebrating Spring Break with a daytrip to the MFA feels like the best kind of recharge: like going to the beach, but with Buddhas.

Amida, the Buddha of Infinite Light

Garden gnomes

Today is chilly and intermittently sunny, as if the sun is playing peekaboo. The best thing about clear sidewalks–damp this morning after yesterday’s rain, but free of ice–is the ability to walk briskly again.

Lilac leaf buds

This morning I photographed lilac leaf buds near one of my favorite yards. In summer, the garden is brimming with tall herbs and wildflowers peering over a white picket fence. It’s a well-loved yard that isn’t tended too tidily, where the plants are free to follow their nature.

Who knows how tall and sprawling we each could be with such a gardener: someone who gave us ample food, water, and light, but then let us flourish however we choose.

Witch hazel

Today is the first day of Spring Break, so although I have nothing planned, I have plenty to do.

Toppled traffic cone

Last week one of my students asked me what I like to do in my free time, and I answered “What’s free time?” When you’re an adult, there is always something you should be doing: pets to feed, dishes to wash, laundry to fold. The thought of reaching a moment where all the tasks are done and there is nothing left to do is inconceivable.

Orange cone

Does this mean I never had down time to do things I enjoy? Of course not. I enjoy writing, so here I am typing. I enjoy reading, so I’ll pick up a book after these pages are done. I enjoy watching basketball, so tonight J and I will watch the Celtics over dinner. Every day I do plenty of things: some I enjoy doing, and others I enjoy having done.

Two traffic cones

All of these activities, though, are slotted into scheduled spots: the evening chores, the morning dog walk, the midday reading and writing, etc. I can’t remember the last time I had a moment that was truly free in the sense of having nothing scheduled or expected: at every moment, there is something to do, so I try to do it.

But this, I’ve learned, is the beauty of True Free Time. You aren’t worrying your way toward the bottom of your list, chasing the carrot of All Done. Instead, you recognize that every moment has meaning, whether you’re resting or doing chores or grading papers. All this time is yours, whether you call it “free” or not.