Just As I Am

Today I caught 2012. The show about how the world will end on 21 Dec 2012. Or was it another date..

Anyway some time during the show, it really caused me to think. Of what would happen if that happened during my lifetime. What would I have done. Or wanted to have done. Etc. It suddenly boiled a sense of urgency to tell people about the truth. About the reality of life after death. Of how there is heaven and hell. And how people will perish for eternity unless they believe and put their faith in the One called Jesus. How I guess it is okay albeit heartbreaking to see loved ones perish on earth but knowing that we'll be meeting again in some place far better than anyone could ever imagine... but worse still, seeing precious ones perish forever and not being able to live forever with them. Perhaps even regretting with "If only(s)".

I don't know. Initially the show was just ahh..another one of those disaster movies... But it felt different this time. One of the reviews mentioned 'thought-provoking' which after watching, I fully agree. Although I guess this will eventually pass. But let it be a reminder to me: That the end could be anytime. And what if it were during my lifetime...

Sometimes death scares me in a way that I'll not know what's gonna happen and how it'll feel like. Has anyone ever pondered about it before I wonder. But yet there's this peace that I know I'm gonna meet my Saviour and that everything's gonna be alright. This sense of peace. Somehow. And again, I wonder if anyone feels this? Or is there much anxiety?

I believe there can be rejoicing in death only because God made it possible through Jesus Christ. We may grieve here on earth but only temporary because those who know God and believe will know that heaven is our actual place of citizenship, our eternal dwelling. The place we rightfully belong but only by Grace, brought about by Love and Mercy.

Death... I wouldn't want to die in water.
Death... Would we be able to say that we've lived our lives to the fullest and accomplished things that really meaned something to us?! Which leads us to yet other questions that we ought to ask ourselves once in awhile.
How do I want to live my life? If I were to die today, could I really go without any regrets? Or are there more that could have been done.

I don't know if I'm afraid of death... but I know 'what happens when I die' stirs a little something in me.

There's a whole lot more to say and debate about and all I guess. Especially perhaps about the 'where people go after death' issue. But there's got to be a fullstop at some point. All I can say is...

The Bible says it.
"Jesus is the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him".

I believe it.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
"That if you confess with your mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

That settles it.
"In my Father's house there are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
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Someday we will know.

Some.day.


Oh what a show.

Goodbye Anonymous(es)!

Gonna have to get used to having nothing to vent to any longer when I've the deep urge to. Then again, there's always other sources. Till then, it's been a good 3 years exactly!

"... like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
-CS Lewis-

Saw it this morning and I can only say I love depth in simplicity. :)
Shall go read my only Lewis book I have now.

Once, there was supposedly a sense of purpose.
Now it seems pretty aimless.

I don't wanna exist.
I wanna live.

After typing one whole chunk of stuff that probably readers, whom I don't know, would not understand, I decide to be more plain this time. The attempt begins.

Camp Destiny was a good camp. Though not as impactful to me as it was perhaps to others, I lifted up a personal issue to God and only He knows. To summarise the theme in one line, it would probably be 'Faith Building'. Stuff about faith and all which I think I should revise and re-read cos I can't remember much! (bleah) I suddenly thought of this: But it's often not what we listen that we remember but what we respond to and act upon.

Other than that, fellowship wise I can only thank God for the 3 of them who made it all better if not... It wouldn't be what it is to me. =)


Camp 217 No Longer In Disgrace.
One which I want to remember and will be archived into the memorable camps folder hopefully. Not sure how or why but I was brought to surrender my past YF days. It came out of no where quite suddenly. Perhaps now that I look back, it all connects!

How I used to be more active serving and doing stuff and growing at the same time... Compared to how the situation was ever since the start of my tertiary life. Okay I don't remember most camps I attended during that period except maybe a little of the one at NUS. So anyway, I guess those memories came back for a reason.

And then the structured experience thing brought to surface something that I did not exactly would know if I hadn't react like how I reacted. If my psychological state did not get the better of me. But I guess, once again, that there was a reason for that. To me, it made me realise the extent I would or could go for the YF, and how much it means to me. That sentence actually sums up about everything that I have to say for this camp.

The final night was as if I started to piece a jigsaw together. And as I type and reflect here, I'm still trying to piece the pieces. On the road under the sky. How romantic (hahaha!) . Just baring our emotions and thoughts and dreams and whatever one can think of under the stars in the state we were in.

And finally now as I try to figure why I was even in the camp since rebuilding YF and moving on to YA are 2 contradicting matters altogether, to me at least, I think I know what God is trying to say... although only time can tell. And I think it has something to do with the vision and prayer that my peer and team member prayed on the last night.

To summarise, I realised how much this youth ministry means to me, how I need to let go of this and look forward to some new thing that God is probably doing, gonna do or starting to do in my life.

As cliche as it is, I really never knew how something can mean so much until I've moved on, or 'taken away' or 'left behind' or 'forced to leave' (for the better).

Eeek. After all this chunk, it's not nice not knowing who exactly reads this. Afterall this is like some overexposed shot if the chunk of words were a picture. I think this is as far as I will ever go on a www thingy.

As I watched from the back, it really seemed all too familiar. Except with different people altogether. I cried and prayed and meant it with all my heart - For God to watch over, guard and protect this YF, that it may never close down. I truly hope this is the beginning of a great destiny for Brighton Youth Fellowship.

Me is Me.
You is You.
Giraffe is giraffe.
Ant is ant.

Even among its own kind.
Ant A is Ant A.
Ant B is Ant B.
Worker Ant is worker ant.
Queen Ant is queen ant.

Each is intricately formed
Each is wonderfully created
Each is different
One acts and reacts different
From the other.

We know even twins are different though they are same.
As it goes
Same Same
But Different

Please do understand.


The question you asked that rainy sleepy day...
I previously did not know that if I felt it means it's there.
Is it really?


Only the love of God can fill any gap.
Is this alright?
Or is there a need to build a bridge...

I'm mere human.
I've many failings...
But I've come to realise something of late.
It's not something good.
But I guess it sort of reflects how the image of the Creator is like, too.

I'm but a mere human.
I did not know it could be felt.
But one thing I know
It has gotta stop.
Or at least change for the better.

Changed and work-in-progress for a certain case.
But for others...
More has to be done.

Change my heart God.
Make me just love You and You only.
To detach and attach correctly
Or maybe...
Not at all.

I need to remember:

Man will fail us...me.
God never does.

Let go... Let God.