James Finn Garner

Hey, all you protesters and neighborhood guardians in Minneapolis, did you get your checks this week? I mean, of course you’re doing it for money, right? You wouldn’t be out in the cold, eating free donuts and samosas, if someone weren’t paying you. Where did all those free handwarmers come from, anyway? What’s the going…

In 1980, I went to see Iggy Pop in a small punk club in Detroit (even though I had to wear shooting cups to protect my hearing), because I thought, “Hell, he won’t be performing much longer. Forty-five years later, Iggy is still performing, though he kinda acts like he’s been smoking bath salts. I…

Here are some of the holiday movies pitched in 2025 to the Hallmark, Lifetime and Cellblock Romance Channels. Like everything else lately, details are sketchy about how far they’ve gone into production and how reversible it is. THE PHOTO-OPS OF CHRISTMAS Kristi, a hard-working security specialist in the nation’s capital, begins to feel lonely and…

Or Dentist Elf or Gingerbread Individual? It’s not a walk in Candy Land. I know what you’re thinking: You’ve now heard David Sedaris’ “Santaland Diaries” at least 40 times. While it’s marvelous, you’re tired of him as Crumpet having all the crowd-management fun. You want a piece of the jingle bell action. You want to…

I absolutely love the artwork for this new edition from my new publisher, Libreria Pienogiorno, in Milano. Hello, Dali!

Renfield had had misgivings about his assignment ever since he disembarked the train at the station. The rain, cold and wind added to his discomfort in this foreign land. But his firm had standards for service and high hopes for his career, and Count Dracula was recommended as a very desirable client. He was the…

I resist the wisdom of crowds. I was too young for Woodstock, too old for Woodstock II, and am way way too old for Lollapalooza. I’m leery of big movements that promise solidarity, bliss and transcendence. But I do know a good time when I see one. And all the lethal speculation around someone’s unexplained…

Last Saturday I attended the Minnesota State Fair (“The Great Minnesota Get-Together”). My past stories of the fair’s excess and bonhomie were enough to attract to the Twin Cities not only my wife (who then could also visit our daughter and future son-in-law) but also my niece and her boyfriend. I’ve been 3 times now,…

Eight weeks without writing… It had many good points, but it ain’t all beer and skittles. Have you ever read the aphorism: you can tell you’re a writer when the pain of writing becomes smaller than the pain of NOT writing? I thought it was some hogwash, but no more. Now, the burden of not…

Trump targets PBS. HBO evicts the Muppets. Classic children’s TV needs to rethink its message or it will no longer be our preferred video babysitter. SESAME INDUSTRIAL PARKWAY In this informative, fast-paced show, kids will learn the skills they’ll need to get along in the new, re-shored economy, like counting overtime hours and controlling your…