stories of he and she

i thought i'll write this other part separately since it's a totally different subject

we had an appointment yesterday at the hospital. usually our checkups are really quick especially with the midwife. usually we will reach around 10 mins earlier and would wait for about 5 mins then we'll get called in. but nope, yesterday we waited around half an hour till we got called. the waiting room was pretty full. guess this is the time for students to their placements in a hospital because there were loads of students there, even one who attended to me.

did the usual routines of measuring my belly - 38 inches/cm (i don't know actually), checking blood pressure (normal), prodding around my belly to see where baby is at (head is very low down, means anytime now), and checking baby's heartbeat. 

normally, baby's heart rate will be around 140-155. and the midwives always say that he's a happy boy. this time however, he went up to 170-180 which didn't really concerned the midwife too much but she sent me to pregnancy daycare to check on the baby further. i'll talk about pregnancy daycare later. so anyway, everything else seems good and all. so off we went on our way. 

so i've always passed by pregnancy daycare because it's just the other end of the clinic. i always thought it was for pregnant women to send their kids in there to be taken care of while the mum's get the check up. but apparently not the case. it's literally to take care of the mum's. those who needs extra attention during their pregnancy or if they have a complicated pregnancy. 

when we went there, they told us it will just be a moment. we went there at around 12.50pm. we waited an hour for our turn. they could've told us that and sent us to grab lunch or something right? i was so so hungry!!! so tired of waiting

was directed to a bed, got strapped in with 2 round things on my belly. one to capture baby's heart rate and the other to check for fluid in my belly or something. he moved a lot during that time and his heart rate went from 138-182 all within the 10-15 mins i was lying there. wonder what made his heart rate go up so high. but i realize that every time he moved, his heart rate would go up till 170-180. maybe that's why. i don't know. anyway the midwife came back in to check and she said the graph shows that he's calming down. so nothing to worried about i guess. but yesterday i did notice that he moved a lot more than normal. wonder why

oh yeah, when we were monitoring him, he was doing big moves and also had a small round of hiccups haha so cute find it funny when he has hiccups

also, i've been doing the squatting exercises that ginie recommended. hopefully my labor will be quick, smooth, and a breeze because i don't plan to have any medicated pain relief. i wanna try to go all natural. prayerfully everything goes according to what i want. i don't think i'll write any birth plan. seems ridiculous

it's drawing closer. now all we're doing is waiting. waiting for the contractions to start or water to break. whichever comes first. apparently sometimes it doesn't go hand-in-hand. 

was finding for people who would be able to take nice photos for me with a proper camera but everyone costs so much. it's not like back in KL where everyone we know owns a DSLR and are able to take photos in exchange for a free meal or something. here, everyone charges a certain amount. the cheapest i found was $350. that also the husband don't wanna pay for it.

so in the end, we waited till my brother came home to help us take a few photos. that also we were stretching it. normally people will take maternity shots when they're around 30-34 weeks. just in case you know. but i'm so sure and determined that this baby will stay in till he's full term maybe.

i've had braxton hicks and cramping for about 2 weeks now maybe. can't remember. ever since i've stopped working the days and weeks just seem to pass just like that. without me even noticing haha

i'm feeling quite an intense pressure pressing down on my pelvic bone and bladder now a days. sometimes i get up in the middle of the night to pee but sometimes i get to sleep through the night

thank God i don't suffer from insomnia or heartburn. everything i've read or heard from people suggests that it's common thing during the 3rd trimester but thank God i don't have that. just that around 30 weeks or so, stretch marks seem to spread along my lower belly and plan to stay. it seems to be getting worse each day. oh, my belly button hasn't even pop out yet even though it feels a lil funny now. i can feel like it's almost gonna pop out but don't think it will

so last weekend we went to alowyn gardens to take a few photos. the weather was beautiful. not too hot, not too cold. blue skies with no cloud in sight.

just some of the photos we took and i edited. i tried editing all in one day and now looking at it makes me think there's some that needs more work with. but i'm just too lazy to do so because i edited it with my phone. and if i edit it again i have to transfer and delete and change and whatsoever. so very very lazy. whatever. i'm not a professional anyway

all taken and edited by the trusty iPhone 6 plus

oh how the time has gone by

looking at the app, i remember how the bar started off so far away. there's a bar at the top of the app that shows from week 2 to week 40 and where you're at. i remember we were so far in the front that it seems like forever till we would reach the end. now, we have just less than 8 weeks to go as i turn week 33 next week. unbelievable

on another app, we used to have like 100 plus days to go. now it's down to 2 digits. oh gosh. i'm trying not to think bout the delivery but more of the end of it when we get to see little precious one. sometimes i have nightmares where the baby is born deformed or something. seeing as we only had 2 ultrasounds and won't have anymore until the day we see baby face to face

the reason why i'm writing here is just to rant. i can't remember if i ranted about the wedding. bout the months and days leading to the wedding and all the headache and tears i've gone through. thinking that that was the end of it was foolish of me.

before this, i've only heard bout it. hear it from people. hear it from him. but never really experience it. the first few years together was no different. i didn't really notice it. slowly but surely. it was obvious.

the initial hesitance.
the double standard.
the occasional remarks.
the treatment.
the forbiddance (if there's such a word).

it all became such an act.

we would pretend.
like as if we could stand being in each other's sight. at least for me.
i do it so that it would make things easier for him.
that he won't have to get it from both sides.
i hope that my hugs and kisses will bring him into a world where there's just love all around.

silly me thought that this would all end once we're married.

now with the baby, it comes with another set of headaches.

i've learned to just let it go.
let it go.
breathe.
let her do whatever she wants.

sometimes i try to tell myself not to take it to heart.
that she doesn't know.
that she chooses to be ignorant.
that i don't need her affection and love.

but yet, at times, i find myself yearning for her acceptance.
but how can i have that?
who am i when her own son doesn't have it?

things were offered.
things were said.
in my mind, i thought i'll just listen and see how far it'll go.
well, it didn't go as far as i hoped.
i really hoped and believed.

in the end, i felt cheap.
like as if i needed it.

in the end, it was changed to the cheapest thing.
how would it make me feel?
maybe i'm taking it too personally.
that i'm overthinking things.

why does everything have to be such a chore?
if it's so difficult,

please.

i don't need it.

makes me feel pitiful.

i don't need it.

seriously.

conditions.
changes.
preferences.
demands.
thank God it's only 1 week.

holidays, vacations. no problem
full moon? problem


all i can do is thank God.
thank God that i have my parents who loves both of us.
thank God that we're here in Melb.
thank God that we only have to go through it during holidays and not everyday.

before i talk bout what i wanted to talk about... i just remembered what happened on Wednesday.

around 24-28 weeks if i'm not mistaken, preggers are supposed to do this test called the GTT. sounds so major doesn't it? well, to me it's major. it's the glucose tolerance test. if you don't pass it with flying colors, you will be stuck with watching your diet for the rest of the pregnancy and if it's really bad, you would have to get a device to monitor the sugar in your blood before and after meals. 

for me, i hate needles. the 2-3 times i had to get my blood test was a nightmare. so if i did fail this test, i'll be a wreck. like seriously. no joke. not funny at all.

the night before this test, i was required to fast at 10 pm. the appointment was at 7.30 am the next day. well, more like you arrive and take your number and your time starts when you get called into the room. we thought we were early because we arrived at 7.25 but nope there were already 6 people before me. we had to take a number and wait. at around 7.30ish numbers got called and it was my turn. lucky number 6! wonder why i'm number 6 when there were 6 people before me? one lady didn't take the number. so haha too bad!

so anyway, i went in, sat down, blood got drawn. then i was given a bottle of about 350 ml of glucose water to drink. i asked so after this there's another blood test and that was it. she said nope, 2 more times. i nearly fainted. so fine. she told me i had to drink that whole bottle within 5 minutes and i had to remain fasting until the whole test is done.

the drink was sweet. like really really sweet. normally i wouldn't mind sweet at all but this baby has changed my taste buds. i don't really fancy sweet stuff anymore, not even chocolate. but now i occasionally crave for chocolate. i think the drink was similar to coke if not a little sweeter. it was carbonated as well. after finishing it, i had to drink lots of water because my tongue had a really weird taste. guess i still don't like sweet stuff

after a while, it started. it seems the baby got really hyper i guess. there were constant punching and kicking. i guess he must have been on a sugar high since i had nothing at all since 10 pm the night before and suddenly this really sugary drink. 

so i pray that i don't fail this test if not.....die!!!

after that, we went to baby bunting again to check out the 3 important things that we should get really soon. a cot, pram, and car seat. we knew what we wanted for the cot and we were fairly sure about 1 or 2 brands of pram but not too sure about the car seat. in the end, we ended up paying a deposit for all 3 items. as we were walking back to the car, we were astonished and wondered whether that really happened haha but that will be an entirely separate post that i'll write one day

anyway, let's continue back to the main reason why i'm here writing. 

according to my app, i should be able to feel the baby kick around 18 weeks and after. at around 20 or 21 weeks, that was when i really felt the baby move. before this i felt a flutter here and there. actually more like a snake moving within me. usually when i felt the baby move was when i ate. every time i had food, he will move non stop. slowly, he would move when he hears music or my voice. i noticed he moved a lot when he heard me sing during praise and worship. on sunday, woah, he moved so much. during the entire praise and worship he was moving and flip flopping around

in the mornings, when i'm stirring from my sleep and i stretch, he would move too. like as if he's telling me that he's awake too. or when i'm talking to the husband, he would move too like as if he wants to join in to the conversation. at night when we wanna go to sleep and he moves, then kevin tells him to stop moving cause we're going to sleep, it was like as if he understands and will settle down for me to go to sleep. how amazing huh?

what made me decide to really write this down was what happened a few minutes ago. i was starting to read one of karen kingsbury's book and he either kicked or punched really hard. he did that for 2 times and i thought i saw my tummy move. so i looked and the 3rd time i really saw my tummy move. such a wonderful sight. so amazing to see how all this can happen. before this, a few weeks ago, i thought i saw it and i told kevin but he said it was impossible that the baby could kick or punch so hard now. but it's really true. this baby is such a tough and strong baby. 

so yeah, that's it. that's all i wanna update. hopefully i can remember to take more weekly photos of myself. 

....has been good.

we went for our 20 weeks scan just right before we left to go back to Malaysia. we have been looking forward to it because that was the week where we found out whether it was a boy or girl. 

here in Australia they do things a little differently. we only have 3 or 4 ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy.

1st scan: to see how far along is baby. measure the length and take a photo of its size

2nd scan (20 weeks): to see baby's gender, measure weight and height, reconfirm due date, check through baby's growth (whether it's normal, all organs are developed, spine, 2 hands and feet)

the first thing the doctor asked us was whether or not we wanted to know the gender. we immediately said of course we wanna know. so he said you see that thing there? the straight thing? your baby is a baby. definitely a boy. haha

we were so happy to hear that baby's a he because that's what we wanted all along. we both wanted a boy as a first child because we have some preconceived notion that boy's will be taught to take care of their younger siblings.

this time the scan took really long because he said the baby was constantly moving which made it difficult for him to scan. at one point, baby pushed himself into a corner and curled up with made the sonographer a bit irritated. all in all we were in there for bout 40-45 minutes.

it was so nice watching him move and turn because the last time we saw him, he was still a little peanut with not much features. just a small lil blob and we didn't get to see him for long because it was just a short appointment. this time, it was like a whole different person. haha nice to see him growing

now we have to think of a name for him since we've been calling him baby boy. can't call him baby cuz then we'll get confused as we sometimes call each other baby lol

so the next scan which is the 3rd scan, it'll be when i'm almost gonna give birth. that's when they will check the baby, make sure his progressing down to the birth canal and getting ready to meet everyone

written on the 20th of May 2015


today was the very first time we went to the hospital. it was a bit daunting because the hospital is pretty huge but the signage and all made it quite easy to find. we were supposed to go to the pregnancy clinic on level 1

once we arrived, there were so many people. pregnant people. and their belly's were huge. i felt like i didn't belong there because i was still too small. but oh wells. it's time for me to go for hospital appointments instead of going to the regular GP (whom i don't really like anyways. she's so blur. didn't even get my weight right)

there were some who went on their own and some with their partners. we were guessing those women who didn't have their partners together with them was because they've been to so many appointments that they were just too bored to go to another again lol

some of them were knitting even. i felt like i should take up knitting. haha but the baby will come out during spring/summer. it'll be too hot for he/she to be wearing knitted clothing. 

funny thing happened while we were waiting. when we arrived to the clinic, this couple kept looking at us. every time i looked at the guy, he would be looking at us. i was feeling a bit self-conscious. suddenly, he went to kevin and said, "excuse me bro, do you speak vietnamese?" kevin said no. then he said, "oh, china?" and kevin said, "no, malaysian" and that was the end of the conversation. they appeared to be confused and unsure of what to do. i wonder what are they unsure about. wish i could help but too bad

anyway, went in to meet the midwife. some of them called our names so softly that we couldn't hear it. i couldn't hear my name cause there were conversations going on and children crying and playing. how to hear them right? anyway, we saw a midwife calling someone and when no one went up, she walked back in. then i heard my name. oooo! she was calling me. oops!

went in and the first thing the midwife showed us was this trial pack filled with a children's book, some pamphlets, and a "bible" for pregnancy. she said only random few first time english speaking expectant mothers would get this. this is a trial pack as they are trying to standardize everything in Australia. felt so privileged. apparently, even some of the staff wants it haha

one thing about me is that i love goodie bags. i love anything that come in packs and are free. so when i was offered the free pack i was ecstatic and even more so when it sounds so exclusive. and we were also given another card to collect a "bounty" bag which was filled with even more goodies! oh boy! makes me such a happy person! haha

so anyway, answered a few questions that were more in detail as compared to the questions in the GP. when almost every question came back with a no and more no's. she said that she seldom see young and fit mothers now a days. mostly are those with complicated backgrounds that would cause risky pregnancies or older mothers who will definitely be subject to certain risk in her pregnancy. so when my answers indicated nothing of concern, she was quite surprised and was hoping that i would say there was something wrong. haha weird isn't? shouldn't you hope the best out of your patients?

anyway, made another appointment to see a doctor on 3rd of june. she wondered why i couldn't see the midwife and the doctor at the same time today. but oh wells. i enjoyed spending the whole day with the hubs. it was fun!

i can't wait till i'm 20 weeks!! that's when we see the baby again and definitely will be able to see the gender!!

all in all, really praise and thank God that the pregnancy and birth is covered by our OSHC insurance if not we would have to pay $15,000 plus. which by the way is insane!!! so thank you God!!!