DREAMS can be good or bad.
This dream is bad, it can be classified as a nightmare.
It has been awhile since i had that sort of dream.
I didn’t & couldn’t let go totally after what happened. I still get the negative vibes & the unsettling feeling.
Some ppl, some words, some actions & some things still triggers that part which i’ve been trying to hide away.
I’ve tried. I am still trying.
I only hope that one day all these dreams will leave me alone.
THAT is certainly the root of all evil. I only came to realise its true meaning last night and it all started with sale of this house.
Ever since she knew that the house has been sold and especially the selling price. Her attitude is not friendly.
It was only last night i know what are the underlying reasons for those attitude.
1. She is worry about retirement
2. She is worry we are not RETURNING the $100k
3. She is worry we wil take the $10k that they have insisted all the while we have to take.
These are all the reasons that she been having insomnia the past few nights.
What made my heart freeze even till now was her tone when she said ‘你们赚那么多不够吗?’ & ‘儿子啊,你几时变得贪钱’. Which mother in the world will accuse her own blood of such thing?
I was so angry upon hearing that i wanted to stomp into her room but i stopped myself.
I have to keep my cool or i would have wasted my 9yrs plus of effort to live in ‘peace’ with her.
After settling & cooling down, i only feel disappointment that she as a parent, an elderly would think that of her own son and dil.
We have never portray we are after their hard earned money. We have also been rejecting taking their money even they insist. Even giving righteous and fair reason like ‘我有给妹妹,一定要给你。’
I am really angry and disappointed with how she thinks of us and worrying we are here to take away their money. We have our own plans right from the beginning.
1. return them the $100k
2. not to accept the $10k
3. to give them some $ out of the earned sum
We don’t say do not mean we do not have plans.
Our plans is definitely not what they think it is.
Apparently she don’t really know us inside out.
To her it is always about the money.
Hence, i conclude Money is indeed the root to all evil.
She is way down the bottom of my list of family. She is not my family but just my husband’s mother.
Home is where i belong
We are finally getting OUR own home.
A friend asked if i will miss this place and if i really bear to part with it. My answer is a very simple Yes.
I’ve always feel we are living together with the in-laws not they with us (just like what every people thought it is). Anyways, it does not matter anymore or should i say going to be long. We have about less than a year to have a place really our own.
It will be painted and decorated just the way we want without any ‘suggestions’.
The last we passed by our new nest, they are in the process of putting up window grilles & painting. Both of us are hoping that we would be getting the keys by end of the year.
We are so excited just the thought of that. Celebrating 2016 New year at our own home.
Our floor plan
Lastly, we are just excited hehe 🙂
LASTLY, the final post for 2014.
i’ve never set a new year resolution before. was thinking if i should do that for 2015 so that i can have more directions.
what is the meaning of having a new year resolution?
1. setting of targets?
2. plotting plans?
3. setting of directions?
It has been a very pek chek month…. Think too many 小人 around, seriously needs to pray pray
really need to live, laugh & love
Vast scenery
Ning sent me these photos he took while outfield but i will never get to see such beautiful scenery, simply because i wont have the chance.
We are a pair of middle working class but because of a car, we cant afford a holiday because he has no capacity to save.
i really still dont & cant understand.
Friends, families & colleagues planning for trips or already THERE makes me so envy.
They have kids, cars & house but they can afford but why not us. Why is it so difficult for us? i really simply can’t understand.
i want to go on a trip with him, my husband but he ask me to go on my own with family & friends.
second journey started on 11Sep & 13Sep follow by daily scans and blood tests from 15 to 19 Sep. daily monitoring required so that the rght date can be selected.
Date of the procedure was set and done on 23Sep @ 12pm, with a abt 2weeks HL and 2 frozen embryos were planted.
Actually i dont know how and what am i feeling now except for the ocassional cramps. The feeling is just like my menses is coming.
Yes, i shouldnt be thinking about it but hey come on its impossible to not think AT ALL.
My only wish now is for this round to be successful. be it single or twin pregnancy i would be elated. just hope.
Sometimes i really wonder why do we even bother to spend time to help, to empathise & to sympathise. knowing fairly well that these people are just plain ungrateful.
Why do we deserve such attitude & ungratefulness from them who are family (tho technically not MY family)..
now, i’ve learnt a new lesson too. NEVER say the truth or tell the true feelings to them no matter what
Anyway, i am just grateful i have my OOI family.
Sometimes i wonder what is Selfish and what is Selfless.
It feels like these two are just a mere thin line to seperate them. If you are not selfless, you are selfish.
Selfish – lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
Selfless – concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own; unselfish.
I used to be selfless when it comes to his family, but not anymore. When people, who you once look upon & treat as family are actually selfish ones. You don’t need to have much ‘feelings’ for them. I am slowly learning to ‘let go’ and don’t put myself into disadvantaged situations. Even when it means i don’t get to be with the niece. Because if i do, the niece will be throw to me as and when. Having given so much, i am tired and sick of these selfish people.
Not only are they selfish, they are calculative bunch of people. Even to their own family, siblings & cousins etc.
It is time to take care of myself.
Yes, the journey has ended & there will be no continuation.
I had cried, I had asked why i can’t have one of my own but It is over.
No point brooding over it, our life still have to goes on.
**** 宝贝的 Precious Thots **** 