reflections.thoughts

music.dance.theatre
ARTS
Saturday, May 29, 2010

its been quite some time since i last blogged.
and i thought maybe i should.

my health hasn't been good for the past three weeks.
i was/am down with high fever.
and every time when im given an MC, i feel really bad.
i feel that im useless and nothing in their eyes.
they have a new one to hope for.
i just feel really lousy.


my emotions haven't been well lately.
in fact from the start of this year.
work and personal issues.
i expect a lot from myself at work, but when the thoughts of the negatives pop in my mind (regularly), my entire mood, energy level and confidence goes down.
im depressed.
my tears just flow.
i feel really lousy.
its heartbreaking because i dont get what i expect from myself.
i lost the confidence, the energy level and the spirit.
and to be honest, i lost the faith.
but deep inside me, i know i need to pick myself up again and trust Him.
but sometimes, i don't see that i deserve it.
i need prayers. lots of them.
i need a mentor.
i need guidance.
i need You to pick me up again.
i need You.



posted at 2:59 AM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Monday, April 19, 2010

i think many people think that im a happy girl, happy with what i have in life...
but i dont think so.
im a very quiet person.
i keep most of the things to myself.
even the closest person to me will never understand, and that includes my family.
but...
God knows.
but...
i still need plenty of strength and guidance because im lost.
manytimes.
many many many times.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

its been years, and it doesnt seems to be working.
many times, i ask myself, i question myself.
but i just couldnt bear to.
i need the strength very very very badly.
i need lots of support, lots of prayer, and lots of love.
i need to decide.
my heart just breaks everytime.
i tried so hard to understand and compromise, but its not working.
yet, its hurting.
tears just flow, heart just hurts.
but i just simply cant bear to.
i will bear it deep in my heart, till the day i fall.

posted at 1:33 AM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Monday, March 29, 2010

Random - the coloured scarf






Credits to Ngiap Heng
23 march 2010
The Pond

posted at 5:48 PM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Friday, March 12, 2010

marriage

at one point of time, or rather many times, i looked forward to get wed.
its just a paper away.
but suddenly, it struck me...
marriage is really scary...
its not abt money, but its abt faithfulness, honesty and trust.
in the past if you ask me what it takes in a relationship, i would say trust.
but if you ask me now, its honesty.
i want my husband to be honest. i don't want a lie. despite if he made a mistake, i want honesty. it will take me a while to recover but at least i get the truth.
and getting a truth without me squeezing it out, but to admit himself.
perhaps i am asking too much but i think this would be better and its easier to forgive too.

posted at 1:38 AM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Saturday, February 13, 2010

Happy Lunar New Year, Happy Valentine's Day & Happy Birthday to some of you! =)

i finally managed to sit down in front of my home laptop after almost long 1.5 / 2 months, since i came back from shanghai.
i've not been surfing it (my blog), friends' blog and facebook.
i've been working everyday, 7 days a week, 12 hours a day!
chingay is just next week!

i went to view my blog just now and suddenly i felt so drifted...
i have been neglecting a lot of things and i must say i feel very bad - my family, my social life, myself and most importantly God.
to be honest, this year didn't started off very well.
there were angers, disappointments, fed-up(ness), tired(ness) and a stressful start.
i pray that after chingay this year, after feb / march, i will be better at work, stronger, wiser and more efficient.

i just came back from reunion dinner with my dad's side and my grandpa is getting weaker.
everyone is aging, everyone is getting older by the day.
i pray that this year, 2010 will be a year of blessings, testimonial and a year of love.
happy lunar year people!



Fill Me Up by Don Poythress

(words deep inside my heavy heart)




and i almost forgotten sth... happy valentine's day too!
=) have a great day!

happy birthday Edna, Jia Lin and my cousin Shirley!
=)

posted at 11:02 PM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Saturday, January 02, 2010

twenty-ten

i'm back!
touch down this morning and had a good nap!
just came home from dinner with my family at grand copthrone.
2 weeks seems so long for my family and friends but it seems pretty short for me.
sh is really cold this time and i saw snow for a day.

it's now 2010! damn fast and i really cannot believe i'll be turning 24 this year.
its seems like i just turned 21 a few days back and in ten months' time i will be 3 years older.
how fast!

classmates, friends and people around me are getting married, having a kid, settling down...
once a school girl/ boy and now a grown up career woman/ man...

a few things i want to achieve this 2010 would be...
(1) Be early/ puncture
(2) Save cash
(3) Be a better staff at work
(4) Be a better kid at home =P


happie new year! =)


dear Lord Jesus,
2009 could have been a good year for many of us or perhaps a not so smoothing one for some. but i pray that no matter if its good or bad, we will still thank you for guiding us through, protecting us each and everyday of our lives no matter what. lord i pray that 2010 will be a good and blessed year ahead for all of us, a year that we can share and spread your love around in everything we do; every action we make, every word we speak. lord, teach us the way you want us to be, protect us in every way, guide us when we are lost at work, school, home, social and personal life, comfort us when we are down, empower us with your wisdom and teach us even the basics - love, patience, joy, faith and trust. forgive us when we are wrong and teach us the right way. lord, bless each and everyone of us good health and safety everywhere we go. and may 2010 be a great one and a testimony for us. we thank you and we give thanks!
in Jesus' name i pray, amen.

posted at 11:26 PM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Thursday, December 17, 2009

i promised to do online check-in... but... i have not done yet!
i need to pack all my stuff but... i'm not done yet! too tired and damn lazy! sigh.
i need to iron my clothes, put in those scarf and boots... but its still not done!
because, i am (finally!) sitting in front of the mac after like so damn long...
surfing!

sigh.

everything is not done yet, and the internet makes me wanna surf more!
got to work tmr, got meeting in the morning and chingay rehearsal at night.
=(

i'm dying to go for a super good deserving break!
but before that i wanna wish these people HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

23rd - kor
24th - dearest peng!
30th - ivan

=D
Have a Great birthday! Merry Christmas & a GREAT GREAT GREAT 2010 ahead!
study hard guys! (peng and ivan) you can do it!
=D


posted at 1:52 AM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Tuesday, December 08, 2009

i got my H1N1 vaccine yesterday and its not 48 hours yet.
initially i was really scare as i was (and am actually) it will swell or i'll get a fever.
but i thank God i'm still ok.
=)
but it has been painful since yesterday and my muscles are tight.
=(

-----------------------------------------------

i'm asked to set up a group for work - PA Talents on both facebook and twitter (which i don't know what twitter is!) heard my dad mentioning it before but i don't know what is it!
=(

can someone pls tell me do i need to re-sign up as a normal member to open a new group in facebook or how can i form a new group?
in twitter as well...
i dropped by twitter's web page just now and it seems complicated...
=(

posted at 11:37 PM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Monday, November 30, 2009

Nenjukkul Peidhidum - Vaaranam Aayiram

i got to know this song when i went for their rehearsals and when we were preparing for the indian concert. its really nice.
=)
its one of the greatest tamil hits!
=)



you can sing along if you want to! haha!

Nenjukkul paeithidum - Vaaranam Aayiram Songs Lyrics

Nenjukkul paeithidum maamazhai
Neerukkul mulkidum thaamarai
Sarrendru maaruthu vaanizhai
Pennae un mel pizhai… hoohoo
Nillaamal veesidum peralai
Nenjukkul ninthidum tharaghai
Ponvannam sudiya kaarighai
Pennae nee kaanchanai…

Hoo Shanthi Shanthi..Hoo Shanthi…
En uyirai uyirai nee yenthi
Yehn sendraai sendraai ennai thaandi
Eni nee than enthan anthaathi

Nenjukkul paeithidum maamazhai
Neerukkul mulkidum thaamarai
Sarrendru maaruthu vaanizhai
Pennae un mel pizhai…

Yetho ondru ennai irkka
Mookkin nooni marmam serkka
Kalla thanam yethum illa, punnagaiyo bogham illa
Nee nindra idam endraal, kilai yeri poghatho?
Nee sellum vazhiyellam, pani katti aaghatho?
Ennodu vaa, veedu varaikkum
En veetai paar, ennai pidikkum!

Ival yaaro yaaro theriyaathae..
Ival pinnal nenjai poghathae
Iru pooiyo maeiyo theriyaathae
Ival pinnal nenjai poghathae…Poghaathae..

Nenjukkul paeithidum maamazhai
Neerukkul mulkidum thaamarai
Sarrendru maaruthu vaanizhai
Pennae un mel pizhai… hoohoo
Nillaamal veesidum peralai
Nenjukkul ninthidum tharaghai
Ponvannam sudiya kaarighai
Pennae nee kaanchanai…

Thukkangalai thukki sendraai thukki sendraai
Yekkangali thuvi sendraai,
Unnai thaandi poghum pothu poghum pothu
Veesum kaatrin veechuvaen!
Nillendru nee sonnaal
En kaalam nagarathae
Nee sudum poovellam
Oru pothum uthiraathae

Kaathal yenae kekkavillai
Kekkathathu kaathil illai!
En jeevan jeevan neethanae
Ennathonrum neram idhu thaanae
Nee illai illai endraalae…
En nenjam nenjam thaanghathae…

Nenjukkul paeithidum maamazhai
Neerukkul mulkidum thaamarai
Sarrendru maaruthu vaanizhai
Pennae un mel pizhai...

Nillaamal veesidum peralai
Nenjukkul ninthidum tharaghai
Ponvannam sudiya kaarighai
Pennae nee kaachchanai...

Hoo Shanthi Shanthi..Hoo Shanthi…
En uyirai uyirai nee yenthi
Yehn sendraai sendraai ennai thandi
Eni nee than enthan anthaathi

posted at 3:41 PM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments

i am finally resting at home...
these few weeks have been very tiring for me. both mentally and physically.
i've been working seven days a week, and every time i am on bed, my mind is not rested.
just completed a concert at esplanade on sat and at the same time chingay rehearsals are on for me every weekends. completed and submitted my proposal and finished writing my colleague's script for the next project, next year end.
i just realised for the past 15 days i haven't been on fb, my blog etc.
and it feels super long for me.
because everyday when i'm awake, its off to work and meetings and back home late night; sleep and off to work again the next day.
i can't surf fb at work and i don't view any blog at work.
i really enjoyed my work but there are so many admin and paper work i've got to do and it takes up a lot of time. and sometimes, at the end of the day, i have to bring home the actual work. but somehow, i like to bring it home to do because there is no disturbance and it just brings me back to the days when i was studying and putting in full concentration in my work. though it can be tiring but it has a sense of satisfaction because you whole mind is on it.
well, its just to beginning of my career and there are more to come....


posted at 2:40 PM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments
Sunday, November 15, 2009

these two weeks have been a heavy one for me. i felt this very heavy weight physically on my shoulders and it has been arching quite badly.
i don't sleep well at night. many nights.
i didn't have a proper weekly break.
i also feel that i am spiritually dry.
and i don't feel spiritual touch.

i think i expect a lot of myself from work yet i felt that i am not reaching there.
i really look forward to my break in dec.
i really need a breather...


posted at 1:23 PM by rachel-yingjie | Permalink | 0 Comments

About Me


Name: rachel.tan
D.O.B: 22nd October 1986
Country: Singapore

Previous Blog site: 2004 - '06 rachwithpsalm139.blogspot.com



Music for your pleasure!















Have Your Say!




Archives

January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
home


Recent Entries

its been quite some time since i last blogged.and ...
i think many people think that im a happy girl, ha...
Random - the coloured scarf
marriage
Happy Lunar New Year, Happy Valentine's Day & Happ...
twenty-ten
i promised to do online check-in... but... i have ...
i got my H1N1 vaccine yesterday and its not 48 hou...
Nenjukkul Peidhidum - Vaaranam Aayiram
i am finally resting at home...these few weeks hav...


Friends


Church Saints'


Christian Links

Testimonies


The ARTS


ARTS Online Magazines/ Writings


Birthday Calendar

    JANUARY
     01 - Tee Horng Ann
     06 - George
     07 - Emilia Goh's Dad
     08 - Mr Colin Ho
     10 - Lu Hui Fen
    - Louisa (Cousin)
     11 - Lee Wen Fong
     12 - Rei See
     16 - Lim Wan Xin
     17 - Mimi
     21 - Uncle Joseph
     23 - Richard Chua
     26 - Yi Zhi(Cousin)
     31 - Nur
    FEBRUARY
     02 - Joanna Low (CG)
     04 - Rebecca Tan(Sis)
     06 - Steven (AV)
     13 - Berry's Mum
     14 - Benjamin Foo (CG)
     - Edna Quek
     - Shirley Lim (Cousin)
     16 - Emilia Goh
     18 - Kenvin Heng
     19 - Yeow Wee/Johnson
     21 - Priscilla Tay
     23 - Benjamin Tan
     - Zan
     27 - Woo Sok Wan
    MARCH
     01 - Benjamin Teh
     11 - Daddy
     18 - Daniel Chan (CG)
     19 - Bette Tan
     23 - Grace Chong (CG)
     29 - PeiYi
     30 - Grace Leong
    APRIL
     04 - Mark Chia
     05 - Nurain
     13 - Lam Aiwei (CG)
     14 - Dara
     - Shu Ting
     - Trina Koh
     20 - Jonathan Ang (Cousin)
     23 - Fu Shun
     24 - Alicia Wong
     - Rachel Ma (CG)
     26 - Aunt Caroline
     - Nicholas Tian (CG)
     - Suhaimi
     28 - Pong Chong Hui (Cousin)
    MAY
     01 - Kelly
     15 - CWP's Mum
     - Prisberry Wee
     17 - Brian's Mum
    JUNE
     06 - Geraldine (B)
     08 - Chappy Chua
     - Jeremy Foo
     15 - Han Hui Qing
     16 - June Chiang
     17 - Chen Xue Yun
     25 - Joy (CG)
     - Michael Lim
    JULY
     02 - Flannery Tay (CG)
     05 - Farhan
     06 - Emily Tan
     07 - Amelia Chan (CG)
     - Rachel Koh
     08 - Mrs Low
     - Zhang Jian
     09 - Swee Sing
     10 - Isabel Ong (CG)
     11 - Elvina Lim
     - Jermaine Foo
     15 - Aman
     22 - Benjamin Chee
     24 - Danny Tong
     28 - Dawn
    AUGUST
     02 - Jia Wei
     04 - Tang Wan Ting
     05 - Theresa Seetoh (CG)
     06 - Koh Hong Meng
     - Lai Hew Wing
     08 - Xin Yi
     09 - Boay Chong Yuan
     - Guo Qing/KK
    13 - Shirley Sio
     - Xu Hua
     14 - Yong Ling
     15 - Mdm Alley Eio
     20 - Jocelyn Aw
     23 - Samuel Chong (CG)
     24 - Baby Rachel
     26 - Lisa Toh (CG)
    SEPTEMBER
     01 - Chua Jun Xian
     02 - Darryl Seah
     05 - Melissa (NTUC Income)
     06 - Priscilla Su
     08 - Lional Chew (CG)
     11 - Brian Lum
     - Chan Yi Wei
     - Lim Gek Shan
     12 - Bavani
     15 - Lim Boon Chuan
     17 - Jared Tan (CG)
     19 - Gina Sng
     - Rebecca Chan
     21 - Michelle Lim
     - Wang Wei Lin
     22 - Mummy
     26 - Eugene Ong
     28 - Chua Shwu Huey
     30 - Ruth Foo
    OCTOBER
     01 - Julie Kwek
     11 - Adrian (T)
     12 - Johnson Ang (Cousin)
     14 - Grace Chen (CG)
     15 - Lim Qi Jie
     - Grandpa
     17 - Chia Tzin Mun
     19 - Chong Geng Hao
     22 - Christine Lam (CG)
     - Mrs C.P
     - Lei Yu
     - Raj
     - ME!!
     24 - Xin Ni
     26 - Meroy Heng
     29 - Ng Wei Qi
     30 - Zhen Yuan (Cousin)
     31 - Joanne-Marie Sim
     - Uncle Tee Hawk
     - Zhi Wei (CG)
    NOVEMBER
     06 - Priscilla Goh (CG)
     08 - Gina Chew (CG)
     10 - Themis Lin
     11 - Justin Wong
     - Priscilla Tang
     12 - Gracious Tan (Sis)
     15 - Jerric Chong
     - Yuan Li
     17 - Amelia Lee
     - Priscilla Tan
     21 - Su-Ann
     24 - Johan
     27 - Sunjie
     29 - Benjamin Ong (CG)
     30 - Wendy How
    DECEMBER
     01 - Lin WeiLing (CG)
     04 - Chen Zhi Wei
     06 - Tan Lee Ling
     07 - Christine Puah
     - Jeffrey (T)
     09 - Aunt Julianer
     10 - Julia Leow
     15 - Clarice Zhang
     23 - Tan Kee Seng (Cousin)
     24 - Cheong Wai Peng
     25 - Jesus!!
     26 - Nicole. Ver
     27 - Nicole Toh

    Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. ~ 1 John 4:7



Credits

design by maystar
powered by blogger
edited by Berry, Rebecca & Rachel


Thanks for dropping by! God Bless!


Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com