About a month ago, I was sitting around a dear friend’s table with ten other women having an amazing breakfast. We varied in age, backgrounds, marital status, kid status and careers yet we came together to share life. Our conversation was lively, encouraging and challenging as we began to explore our new friendships and community. I left with my mind thinking in so many new directions and my heart filled with hope for new relationships.
Do you long for deep, rich relationships? Do you long to know and to be known? I want that for me. I want that for you. Not just to connect with someone who has been where we’ve been or is in a similar experience as we are now but people who genuinely care and hear and contribute to our lives so that we can be who God designed us to be. When we live in community with people who are not exactly like us, we grow beyond our personal experiences and truly begin to see life in a richer, fuller, and dare I say more beautiful way.
I’ve had a stirring inside me for quite a while, like years really, to contribute more to others’ lives than I do currently. I live in fear of rejection and self-doubt. I am not always confident that what I have to say or what I have learned matters to anyone other than my family. My family has to listen because they love me, right? In my life, I would rather not say anything than start a fight. Anyone with me on that one? I grew up in a house full of yellers. Whoever yelled louder and got in the last word won. I don’t want to be a yeller. I want to be that friend who listens, shares and encourages on whatever journey you have been put on. I want to challenge your thinking, not make you feel dumb for looking at life differently than I do. My lifestyle doesn’t need to match yours in order for us to have an amazing, learning dialogue. I desire community where we share our lives and maybe come away challenged but never judged or discouraged.
There are areas in my life where I can find myself sinning as I get anxious or jealous or don’t obey God’s calling because I feel inadequate. I confess to you now that I am no Superwoman in my own eyes as I see friends excel and add beauty to the world through their talents and passions. So I am listing the things that I see as valuable to life that I can’t imagine my life ever including. I am not crafty. I am not an artist. I am not an extrovert, and social interactions wear me out. I follow recipes and am afraid of experimenting with food (a fear of wasting food that cost money). My photography lacks. I play it safe and don’t take financial risks. I will never qualify for the Boston Marathon. I think I would have 5 uneducated, unhappy children if I ever attempted to homeschool. I can’t see myself going back to school myself and getting another degree; that exhausts me just typing that one. I had to quit my job after 11 years of being a mom and working outside the home; I don't know how I could fit a corporate job back into my life.
I have a story to share. It may resinate or it may fall on deaf ears. I want to share my story because it points to The Story. It is reflective of all things beautiful and majestic and redeemed. I am still on my journey. I find myself in the midst of growing pains even as I type. I want to share my journey with my body image and how my knowledge of both nutrition and exercise have changed in the past 15 years. I want to share my family story, both family of origin and the family I have chosen with my husband and all the littles that followed. I want to share my ministry journey and how I still wrestle with what it means to be a leader in my church and my family. There are so many conversations to have. I don’t want it to be one-sided. This is my brainchild and as it morphs into a living being I will have guests sharing their stories.