Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Building Community

About a month ago, I was sitting around a dear friend’s table with ten other women having an amazing breakfast. We varied in age, backgrounds, marital status, kid status and careers yet we came together to share life. Our conversation was lively, encouraging and challenging as we began to explore our new friendships and community. I left with my mind thinking in so many new directions and my heart filled with hope for new relationships.

Do you long for deep, rich relationships? Do you long to know and to be known? I want that for me. I want that for you. Not just to connect with someone who has been where we’ve been or is in a similar experience as we are now but people who genuinely care and hear and contribute to our lives so that we can be who God designed us to be. When we live in community with people who are not exactly like us, we grow beyond our personal experiences and truly begin to see life in a richer, fuller, and dare I say more beautiful way. 

I’ve had a stirring inside me for quite a while, like years really, to contribute more to others’ lives than I do currently. I live in fear of rejection and self-doubt. I am not always confident that what I have to say or what I have learned matters to anyone other than my family. My family has to listen because they love me, right? In my life, I would rather not say anything than start a fight. Anyone with me on that one? I grew up in a house full of yellers. Whoever yelled louder and got in the last word won. I don’t want to be a yeller. I want to be that friend who listens, shares and encourages on whatever journey you have been put on. I want to challenge your thinking, not make you feel dumb for looking at life differently than I do. My lifestyle doesn’t need to match yours in order for us to have an amazing, learning dialogue. I desire community where we share our lives and maybe come away challenged but never judged or discouraged. 

There are areas in my life where I can find myself sinning as I get anxious or jealous or don’t obey God’s calling because I feel inadequate. I confess to you now that I am no Superwoman in my own eyes as I see friends excel and add beauty to the world through their talents and passions. So I am listing the things that I see as valuable to life that I can’t imagine my life ever including. I am not crafty. I am not an artist. I am not an extrovert, and social interactions wear me out. I follow recipes and am afraid of experimenting with food (a fear of wasting food that cost money). My photography lacks. I play it safe and don’t take financial risks. I will never qualify for the Boston Marathon. I think I would have 5 uneducated, unhappy children if I ever attempted to homeschool. I can’t see myself going back to school myself and getting another degree; that exhausts me just typing that one. I had to quit my job after 11 years of being a mom and working outside the home; I don't know how I could fit a corporate job back into my life. 

I have a story to share. It may resinate or it may fall on deaf ears. I want to share my story because it points to The Story. It is reflective of all things beautiful and majestic and redeemed. I am still on my journey. I find myself in the midst of growing pains even as I type. I want to share my journey with my body image and how my knowledge of both nutrition and exercise have changed in the past 15 years. I want to share my family story, both family of origin and the family I have chosen with my husband and all the littles that followed.  I want to share my ministry journey and how I still wrestle with what it means to be a leader in my church and my family. There are so many conversations to have. I don’t want it to be one-sided. This is my brainchild and as it morphs into a living being I will have guests sharing their stories. 


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Whole30 Reflections, part 2


Things I learned on Whole30:

1. I'm not as hungry as I think I am.

Don't get me wrong, the first 2 weeks were miserable. MISERABLE! I was constantly truly hungry. I wasn't eating enough calories during my meals but I also wasn't supposed to snack (because you're supposed to eat a TON of calories 3 meals a day). So being the rebel that I am, I ate when I wasn't supposed to (and had to fight the urge of feeling guilty because I'm really a rule follower). Then I got over those wrong feelings, ate more at mealtimes, fueled properly pre and post workouts and by day 19 I left my workout feeling like a new person. It did take that long to not have my afternoon slumps and get my food choices and quantities right for my own body. I used to snack because I was bored, because I was getting tired, and because I was dehydrated! When I started listening to what my body really needed, those cravings really did subside. I won't lie they didn't go away completely.

2. I have a new appreciation for vegetables.

You know how we're supposed to eat 5-8 fruits AND veggies in a day? I'm here to confess that before Whole 30 I was pretty proud of myself on the weeks when I could sneak in a 2nd veggie into my day. I have a love/hate relationship with most things veggie-like, mostly because I am a carb-a-holic and my sweet-trained pallet didn't appreciate the bitter taste of all things green. The internet is amazing. I discovered www.stalkerville.net. It was my saving grace. My rule following self needs recipes and this website provides a search that narrows my recipe choices to ingredients that are Whole30 compliant. AWESOME sauce! Literally! My family loves their asparagus, squash, broccoli, and green beans to name only a few all sorts of ways now. I actually snack on brussels sprouts! (FYI and TMI - I haven't been able to figure out how to cook the "gassiness" out of them if you're pickin' up what I'm layin' down). I now have at least 5 servings of veggies a day! Talk about success.

3. I can enjoy a cup of black coffee.

This is coming from a grande non-fat, no foam, 2 Splenda latte girl who needed caffeine to survive any given day but also would forgo the offer if there was no cream or steaming of milk involved.

4. There is no magic pill or quick fix to solve our health problems but this program does help.

My goals going into this were to start losing the 10 pounds I had put on in the last year AND to really get in tune with my body. In the book, It Starts with Food, they address systemic inflammation. Not touching that here except to say, I really wanted to know if I had food allergies that I was ignoring. I wanted to know if my body was trying to communicate to me and I was hearing the wrong message and feeding it fuel that was hurting instead of helping. This plan is an elimination plan that really helps you see what our bodies need to survive. I'm here to tell you, I don't need anything processed and I definitely feel amazing not having sugar cravings that kept me sluggish and tired most days as I cycled through the ups and downs of carb-loading and carb-crashing.

5. I have a new and healthy view of food that I've NEVER had before.

I am down to 16 oz. of coffee a day. THAT'S HUGE!! I never counted my calories in the last 30 days (even though the first week I struggled against it every day). My new food choices are based on health and not trying to satisfy a craving. I will have splurges, birthday cake and wine with my dinner but I have a new outlook on it all. I will savor the treats and enjoy the experience that comes with indulging in the yumminess that is sugary.

I have so much more to say so if this even whets your curiosity, let's go grab an Americano and talk.

Okay, so everyone always wants to know numbers but I don't have the most important ones yet which are my body fat percentage (because weight is just our pull toward the center of the Earth and doesn't mean much in my book) and my cholesterol. I did drop 8 pounds but I have been doing some heavy weight lifting so I'm super excited to see how that translates to BFP. I lost 8 ½" total in my waist, hips and legs so that's saying something.


If you want to know more about Whole30 and if it could help you, visit www.whole30.com. This is not a paid advertisement, just someone who saw results. You can follow the program without buying the book but I highly recommend the read. It gives a lot of answers as to the "whys" of what they are asking you to do.

Whole30 Reflections, part 1

In this part 1, it's a lot of the "what brought you to this point, Christy?" If you only want to know my musings on the last 30 days skip to part 2…

I consider myself a healthy person. I perceive that many of you think "Duh" when I say that out loud. But I must confess that inside this healthy exterior I continually struggle with my self image and have for most of my life. It was one of the biggest wrestlings I had with God most of my young adult life. I can't say I compared myself to others as much as I compared myself to what I believed I could look and feel like if I only ate better, exercised more, and applied my self-discipline in a more focussed way. In spite of the manic thoughts that were truly a disorder and a hinderance to my spiritual growth, God protected me from a diagnosable eating disorder. I still remember my sophomore health class when we measured our body fat percentage and I stepped on a scale in front of friends. I felt fat and ugly and now everyone knew it. I was 5'8" and weighted 150 lbs.

There has been a lot of healing, education and personal training in the past 20+ years since then. I know I am made in the image of Christ and there is no reason I have found in Scripture to believe that He wanted me to struggle with finding delight in this decaying body my entire life. I do believe that the reason I struggle is sin. When I allow strongholds in my life of any kind it puts a rift in my relationship with my Creator. I have been ready for a couple of years to break the final binds that have kept me tethered to this sin issue for over half my life. I just didn't know how. Do I seek a counselor, a nutritionist, a group of women I could confide in, more books, more "programs"? I asked God. That was almost a year ago.

In this past year, I hit rock bottom in so many ways. Even though I had wanted to quit my job, it quit me (not how I wanted to end a 10 year relationship). In February, we were at the 18 month mark of our adoption process, we had just come home from the worst bonding trip yet and I was questioning our choice to move forward. So, I just stood still. I found no joy in running, I made excuses, I ate, I cried and I got depressed. The kids would leave for school, and I sat in front of the mind numbing t.v. for hours with no desire to do a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. I felt like I depressed my friends so I pulled away just enough that I felt really lonely. Did I mention I ate? 10 pounds just made matters worse. Then Chris came home in September. And we were moving. I stopped exercise altogether.

God has His master plan and I know He desires to bless but man did I feel hit by a bus this past January. Chris was making huge strides but his first 4 months here REALLY had taken life out of a life that wasn't completely whole when he came home. I again went to my knees begging God for something that would motivate me. Groupon reached out like a strong arm to entice me to join a group fitness class at the same time my friends were reaching out their strong arms to ask me to get involved with them at the neighborhood gym. I had enough motivation to get out of the house.

About 6 weeks ago, I went to my Dr. for an annual check-up. My cholesterol had gone up 40 points in the past 15 months. Shoot. The past year proved itself on paper. I know from my education that exercise is only 20% and that my nutrition needed to be in check in order to see real change in how I felt on the inside AND out. When I focus on my food, I tend toward obsessing about calories, balance of Carbs, Fat, Protein, weighing, calculating…OBSESSION about earthly things is from the devil. It takes our minds off of eternity. I couldn't go there. It wouldn't be truly healthy.

Along comes my sweet friend. All of my extreme exercise goals in the past 3 years have stemmed from our conversations during running. I LOVE HER! Have I heard of Whole30? Nope. Sounds hokey. Sounds like extreme Paleo. Sounds like I'm getting off this crazy train. Wanna do it together? Yep. Wait. What?

That was 34 days ago...

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Saying Goodbye already...

There are times in our lives that it seems we have to say goodbye too soon to something we hold dear. A family member, a friend, a job, an expectation. By God's plan, today, I am saying goodbye to leading a ministry I believe in so deeply and women that have challenged me richly that I am confident it will not be easy. I can say that many of them have become friends, encouraging and spurring me on toward love and good deeds. I'm including all of you, who have come to me and shared a bit of your struggle, the women who said "thank you" after my teaching, the women who have assured me that my job has been an effective tool in the lives of others despite my flaws. There has been pain and joy so great that the healing in these women's lives can only be attributed to God's healing hand of love and mercy. We have seen broken marriages, broken children, broken hearts, friends going home to be with Jesus and sickness no one should have to endure, but we have also seen physical healing, breaking through of sin strongholds, women meeting Jesus for the first time, and women who are finding out who they are in Christ after 20 years!
In 3 years of leading, I have been a part of learning what it meant to be a Daughter of the King, what it looks like to Abide in Christ and the Abundance that can come from that deep relationship, and this year we have been Transformed! What a journey of transformation it has been.
I have so many words of appreciation and gratitude for you, ladies. Through your struggles and triumphs I have seen Jesus. I will stand up and be heard one last time as a leader this morning, but I pray that God's words will be heard long after I sit down.
Ephesians 3:20 - Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.