8.2.26
quelqu'un m'a dit
Recently, listened to this song by Carla Bruni again from my francophile days. I was prolly around 20 years of age when I first heard it. At the time, it was merely a beautiful love song used as a linguistic exercise but my classmate Andrea and I fell in love with it that summer in Lyon during a language immersion course, learning the song by heart and even doing harmonies with it.
Now married and older, this song has a beautiful complexity, aging like fine wine. It's a song about duality - about hope amidst negativity, about patience amidst yearning, about the simplicity and greatness of an enduring love. all this, without Carla uttering a single ILY.
It's come to my aid in a moment where I find myself a little in the weeds and reminded me to have patience and be humble in the sweetest of ways. Thank you past Joyce for learning this song <3
16.4.25
塞翁失马， 焉知非福
The phrase means that a lost horse may be a boon or a bane.
Applying it, getting a divorce because of irreconcilable differences with your partner, chiefly relating to whether it is illegal to bring lohanguo drink into Australia, might not be as stupidly devastating as it sounds. Goodness knows, i'd get my heart wrung out a lot less times.
day #2 in recording down a useful nugget amidst doomscrolling.
15.4.25
The most valuable people have something in their pocket.
Once every 3 years, apply for a job elsewhere. One of 3 things may happen:
1. You apply and get a better job offer and leave
- This shows you what you are worth.
2. You apply and get a better job offer, but stay. The best people are those who work with purpose, not because they are trapped.
- This gives you options, and frees you to take bigger risks in your current role.
3. You apply and don't get a better job offer. You learn to manage your expectations and gratitude.
- This keeps you humbled.
Ryan Holiday: as the island of our knowledge grows, so do the shores of our ignorance.
- be intentional in expanding our knowledge
day #1 in recording down a useful nugget amidst doomscrolling.
20.9.21
bad habits
Inexplicable mood earlier. Retrospectively, dwelling on small things made them bigger than they were.
Small things like:
Mum packing all the leftovers for ah ma when shed said earlier shed pack a portion of it.
Dad egging her to take it all to ah ma, although id wanted to make lunch for us out of the leftovers and i was the one who paid for the paofan. I suspect cos dad doesnt like to eat leftovers.
Me not feeling that hungry anyway but dad not making any move to get lunch for himself, which made me feel annoyed that i. he wasnt taking care of himself (and me), ii. he was probably waiting for me to start lunch somehow and that iii. i started to feel guilty for being petty and not showing more concern for my dad even though i was s a grown ass adult
Feeling underaccomplished and unseen after a friend gathering (irrational, but now recognise it as psychological retribution for overcompensating) and ruminating on lost time
Smol things grow into big things as we draw the linkages in our heads. Why i care so much, why dont my siblings care as much, why dont my parents care as much, why doesnt my friends and family care as much - till the narrative gets so warped and twisted that u can almost see the devils horns in it.
Over the years, ive think ive grown to recognise these links to the same childhood events over and over again as trauma. Now that i think about it, these connections we form with our past bad experiences are like boggarts. They masquerade as causality, but once we can recognise them for what they are, they become tragically comical. Because they exist only in our beliefs, and reveal our true fragilities and fears.
Unfortunately, i usually only recognise them post mood or meltdown, after im thinking straighter. But im getting better - hopefully, eventually to the point i can grab them by the horns when i feel them charging at me.
A change of scenery helps, ive found. Exercise too. If i cant leave the enviromment, a tidying jag makes for a more productive time while im draining out my emotions. And bobbo. Bobbo always helps.
12.4.21
dev and uat testing
Thank goodness uat testing stretched to 2 weeks - testing is so time consuming! And my assumption that all the changes made in Dev would be carried forward to uat is WRONK. WHYYYYY
anw moral of story, never underestimate the time for testing. Every defect found (and there are so many defects) has to be logged, explained and retested. How inefficient!!
22.1.21
1st wfo of the year
Completed first 2 weeks of wfo for 2021. Was in the same group as James, kah mun, bjorn, Ben, tats. The small group camaraderie is nice, even tho were all doing diff things :) . Carol. is in the same group too, so that's always nice! Have arranged for some coaching with her next week. Met some colleagues from lc and memsup for the first time, that was nice :) and ended off the day with some strong champagne courtesy of Ben haha
Today was one of those days I tried to work on all the balls at the same time, partly cos I feared I'd not prioritised them correctly ie. Everything needed to be done today. Ended up dropping all the balls and not completing anth I set out to do. Haix. I must remember to set my intentions against the time available, before trying to execute them all!
12.1.21
where am I?
Exactly where I am supposed to be?
Got my first "you shouldn't stay too long" chat on this job- after 1 year! Was wondering when it was going to surface, and it has come from a well meaning and friendly colleague (albeit not closely related to my line of work).
Its human nature to wonder about the green grass on the other side I suppose.. And to think about looking out for junior folk, if u are kind. That may explain how in every role, I have heard the same thing.
While it is a thought I have entertained, I think i still have a lot of work to do. I'm glad mom and dad taught me that it's not about going to a better place, but leaving the present place better than it was when u came.
Time to plan ahead, and work backwards, to make this wbo journey a fruitful one.
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