Wednesday, April 27, 2005

its not about the medals and the glory.. its the process - the training, the people - that makes it all worthwhile. the fatigue. the time spent. yeah (: ripped the first part off perry's chinese midyears exam paper :S looking forward to june everyday training. just that the thought of juggling blocktestmugging with training kinda spoils everything.

smart me. left my dna bio notes in the gym. and i havent touched dna! im going to fail bio tomorrow :( id much rather train 24hours a day than spend an hour on bio. GAH. im so muddleheaded.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 22:43

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

combined training at tchs gym today.. well it turned out to be pretty okay i guess.. first step towards team bonding :S i guess when u dont think about all the politics and stuff everything's just fine. and i realised we're a whiney team. haha seriously. oh with the exception of me of course. but if bo thought that we were bad in sec1.. hmm. hahaha.

tchs gym brings back so many memories. nothing's changed at all. the apparatus all the way they were for the past 8 years. the same old posters on the wall.. the gymnasts that have long retired from their career.. pple we havent even heard of before. when we were at the upper floor me and bobo thought back to sec1 competition when we were running around there for warmups looking down at tchs practising their man jiang hong and laughing :S cos they looked utterly ridiculous. waving their red ribbons around and sprawling all over the field. i hated going there for sunday training. used to be so scared before every training.. would just spend the whole morning and afternoon panicking and thinking about how disastrous training was going to be. and i simply couldnt get my tang on that tramp.. and zhang made kim teach me over and over and over again even after everyone was done with training. when zhang was still here. that was where waiyee told us about her barani.. before competition. just to lighten up the mood.. ease the tension. and that was where i screwed up my first competition routine. holding back the tears till the end of the routine and the minute i stepped off the tramp i just crumpled and it was total embarrassment cos everyone was like what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-her. guess ive never faced such disappointment before that. but we still won anyway :D haha fond memories im sure. but there were also the good parts i guess. like me and eileen bringing durian for training :S and playing tarzan,jane,gorilla on the floor everytime training ended.. what we always looked forward to. haha such a stupid and silly game! kaiyin and yeeyong were still around then.. and they always brought ribena.. was still terrified of them at that time.. the higher authority pple in gym.

the good ol' times.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 22:59

Sunday, April 24, 2005

pw is the bane of my existence. DIE pw! :(

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 22:49

i screwed up my qianzhi18o yesterday :( so wang has barred me from doing it till the end of april. this sucks. think he wants me to lose the wrong feeling and get back the correct one. its so irritating :( but jumping yesterday.. it almost felt like the old feeling came back. adrenaline rush or something.. but things suddenly felt so easy. heh zixi and ella came for training.. wow. which is so rare :P haha we were saying that rj has gotten to zixi and her moves are now funny. tsk. wish she didnt have to train with them.. thinking of a name to call our little training group. but no one's had any bright ideas yet. second stretching session was alot worse than the first! greg has come up with new torture methods apparently. haha he almost broke my arms lar! along with sean's and perry's. haha it really felt like its reached it limit already and if he pushed just that little bit more.. uhoh. but after that it felt pretty good (: finally got down to visiting the juniors today.. and jeanne!! i feel like killing her. she makes her routine sound like its really crap but its so nice!!! grrr. her and yining have pretty routines. c div has their strong individuals.. but as a team.. i dont know. i guess its still too early to say.

so i guess its goodbye.. till the next time. it almost felt as if you never came back. its what i wanted anyway. once ive faced up to reality.. its easier to let go.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 02:08

Thursday, April 21, 2005

today was the awards presentation thing at ny.. headed over there with the 412'ers.. its been so long man.. and we havent even had a single class reunion yet! :S then only when we were in the lt did we realise that we had to submit that stupid form to confirm our attendance.. which christl ella joan and me conveniently forgot about. haha its so typical lar :D and i thot it was only like to invite the parents or something.. so i just chucked it aside. oops. and the best thing was that wen was gonna go to watch the ceremony to see us get the stuff.. but we wont be going on stage! haha. finally got to see zixi and christl in their rj and vj uniforms! and finally four of us got to sit down and talk abit. sort of. better than nothing. horrible zixi always running off for training with rjc! and she fell off the tramp there twice already.. once head-first :O i cant even imagine what it must have looked like! freaky man. maybe its a sign! that she shouldnt be training at rj considering she's sustaining so many injuries :S she never really fell off the tramp when training with us before! rj pple prove to be lousy protectors. haha.

today was an amusing day at training. wang wasnt even there.. so everyone was basically slacking around.. and there was this horde of annoying flies that were attracted to the lamps in the ceiling.. and they were swarming around them. eeew. and we refused to jump cos the flies keep getting in the way! plus jumping higher = nearer to those things. then bo told us about her ingenius idea of getting a bucket of water and shining light in it so the stupid flies will all fly there and drown. so after millions of years searching for a stupid bucket around sji.. we conducted our science experiment! haha then the whole gym was pitch black it was quite scary :S and they huddled around the bucket shining their handphone lights.. haha it was quite funny. but it was a failure lar.. most of the flies flew out the window i think. failure! then we didnt want the flies to return again.. so we trained in semi-darkness with only a selected few lamps on. awww how romantic. haha and we couldnt flip properly and all cos we couldnt even see the tramp!

near end of training there was this sudden obsession with stretching. and im still recovering from it :( i think greg is amazing lar.. he is so damn flexible. even more flexible than me! and he is a guy?! it just doesnt make sense.. so just now he was helping all of us ya1 jiao3 and stuff.. and it hurts like crap. he can go be a coach lar.. the no-nonsense attitude. haha sort of. i got sabo-ed by perry and sean so i had to use the chair to ya1. and the chair is like 1m above the ground?! ouchhhh :( and greg still had to change all four different directions lar.. buay tahan.. i couldnt even get up from the position anymore.. permanently stuck there.. immobile *cringe. then do some butterfly thing and ya1 jiao3 jian1. couldnt feel my toes after that.. they were all red and numb :S i never knew stretching was so complicated.. haha last time it was just a few splits here there ok we're done. slack.. maybe thats why our flexibility never improved.. havent ya1 my splits for so long since ye left.. ohwow now we've got a new "coach" in charge of that.. apparently the next session is on friday. lets hope i can get out of bed tomorrow! aching :( haha good luck to sean who has 2.4 tomorrow and even had difficulty walking out the gym just now. hahahaha. u've sure got one nasty junior.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 00:58

Saturday, April 16, 2005

omg. i did my qianzhi180 on the tramp yesterday! bobo and sean were forcing me to do it.. and horrible sean actually said it in front of wang.. because he knows wang will definitely make me do it and then i cant get out of it. evil! at first it was okay.. then i screwed it up.. and it became semi-okay again (: so now ive got all my moves!! just that they've all got the problems here and there.. and i need to stop adding extra qi tiaos.. and i need height! gosh. i foresee leg pt in the near future. thunder thighs here we come :P haha. or maybe im just scared of jumping high.. i dont know. when we went to the gym today.. almost felt like it was an afternoon in june. going in sneakily after figuring the trick to opening the metal gate wang still havent arrived cos of morning training in bishan.. so we just start by playing around on the tramp with the teammates.. c div moves b div moves our "z" routine synchro routines.. haha was all so familiar. finally got the guts up to try my handspring frontlayout 360 into the sji pit from the tumbltrak. after not doing for months. gosh. hate the sji tumbltrak! its a long drop into the pit.. unlike ny. went running after that.. and my stamina sucks like crap now. my 2.4 timing has dropped like mad. ohno. crashcourse on running now :( i guess most times its the pressure i give myself that pushes me along, not just in this case. i can only allow myself to maintain or improve. but its so difficult to achieve that.

didnt manage to go to see the juniors today.. which makes me sad. haha cos sarah was competing in singapore open so training ended early.. hm. went to watch the competition at bishan.. the same old people.. the familiar faces. its like gathering of the best in singapore or something. but hardly as exciting as nationals.. everyone keeping track of the scores of the actual competition.. namely rg sc and stnicks.. calculating the results.. shouting across the whole gym.. panicking and worrying about the team positions. haha remember last year we almost died cos there was a calculation error on our part and we thot stnicks won our cdiv! when it was actually a tie.. haha and the last stnicks girl's beam routine was the deciding factor... and we calculated that as long as she didnt get higher than a certain score we would have won.. and when the girl turned the scoreboard around in our direction we were all tense and clutching each other's hands and the disappointment when we saw the score. to find out we were worrying for nothing. hahaha. and for b div the mums calculated that ny won stnicks.. but we calculated that we lost.. and wang estimated that we won.. all the confusion. haha. we should be more alert with the scores in future :P

anyway. most of the competitors today are from the singapore team.. so its like pretty nice to watch lar.. cos there's all the good and pro moves in the routines.. haha ella and christl's idols were there.. and christl actually asked me to film her idol's routine. tsk. obsession. too bad he didnt do too well :S everyone was flopping quite a lot today.. guess theyre not at their peak for this year yet.. or something.. lots of falling. hmm. i like watching beam and floor and uneven bars! ok which is basically most stuff. one of the twins has a super nice dismount of the bars.. ooooh. it was so nice. and she stuck on that landing :O i want to watch sanmay compete again! cos she's just so good.. the best singapore has ever had. i admire wensi man.. shes still competing. dunno why.. today at the gym i started to miss gym. haha though im still doing it. i dunno. weird feeling. almost didnt want to leave.. i want to go back to when gym was practically my life. training every other day. i was thinking.. could there possible be a way to get more involved in gym in the past. to make every training count before it all ends.. before its all too late. fifty years later.. all id have are the leotards i can no longer fit into. merely two more years and it'd all be over. this is something i really want to do all my life. if only i actually could.

im determined. i wont be swayed. ive already made my first step towards success. the thing is.. even if things were possible i cant take all the coming and going. ive shed too many tears over this. id rather shorten the pain than to drag it on.. wouldnt u?

i dont feel good about what i did today. but i really couldnt handle it i guess. im sorry. sometimes i hate being the way that i am. i want to be a better person. but i dont know how to control my feelings. i dont want to do this to people all the time. i fear becoming that kind of person. but it seems im headed in that direction. but where those things are concerned.. its beyond my control isnt it?

guilt is a useless emotion.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 23:55

Thursday, April 14, 2005

i just need to know what's going on. so i can extinguish that bit of hope within me. the way the situation is.. i know what the odds are.. but somehow its just natural i guess.. to be clinging on to that bit of hope. but now i guess ive made my decision (: after having a good talk with sam the other day.. he enlightened me! sort of.. haha you're right sam.. we'll get through this together. and now i feel a lot.. happier. i dont know. its like i dont have to think about the possibilities anymore. feel a lot more.. relaxed.. like this huge thing has been lifted off my shoulders.. finally sorted things out. at least with myself.. and without all these problems im feeling great. haha the past week has been hell lar.. what with my mum and all. so im like on cloud nine now. woooo. i think this is the best way things could have worked out.

talk about murphy's law though. just when ive told myself that i dont want to meet u till im sure im alright.. u just pop up for the first time in the past few days. wow. how ironic. but yeah it was so tiring hanging around those two days. or maybe i was just oversensitive to the things that were going on. but seriously. till i get over this.. i just dont think its a good idea to meet.. i dunno. at least ive got my wonderful hwachong life plus gym life plus skating life to distract me sort of (: but today i saw the meiji strawberry milk and memories just came flooding back. its gonna take time i guess.. its never gonna be easy. but thanks sam! for talking to me about it.. helping me get things in perspective (: and the pig sisters.. haha. yeah cos they have also been "counselling" me the past few days.. and helping me along.. yay ive found such a wonderful bunch of sisters in school that im so thankful for.. heh. and the teammates! haha i know u guys were abit.. worried and bewildered monday night at training [or rather my absence from it :S] haha and sorry i was too tired to do any explaining.. but i said i'd tell u about it on friday! haha though i felt pissed/upset the past couple of days i also felt so.. loved! hahaha okay abit bhb. but yeah ive got great friends. i love y'all <3

shopping is therapeutic. haha. i want to shopshopshop. random comment.

went for training yesterday.. and wang wasnt there! so it was quite slack (: and i got back my barani! haha but its like xin1 you3 yu2 ji4 [my chinese is pro] cos of the time i fell off. nvm this time everything was safe cos i got bobo to stand there to protect me in case i fell off that side again. haha but yeah now its not wai anymore! was so happy. i hate it when i lose my moves. ohwell but i only did a few yesterday.. cos i was afraid to screw it up again and leave training unaccomplished.

really miss nanyang lately.. went to watch wen throw discus for sports day heats on tuesday.. then ny was all over the tchs track.. and i miss being a part of the school.. haha it was such fun. havent seen or spoken to wen in aaaggges. miss her so much! and everyone too.. haha just started talking abit about the past and stuff like that.. how just last year all the gymmers came for the sports day heats whether or not we had an event just to pon training :P stuff like that. sigh. i want to turn back the clock. want to relive life in ny! then saw the juniors at coro today.. haha so typical to be wreaking havoc there :D and they think i look damn guai in the uniform or something o.O okay. going back on saturday to see the juniors! haha i cant wait. from jeanne's blog heard they moved the tramp out of the gym and back in again the next day :O i wonder what wang could be up to.. i hope he doesnt change the springs and the bounciness! cos i love the way that tramp works. even the sji tramp doesnt feel the same. ohwell. saturday can see how the juniors have progressed with their dong zuos. but.. according to what ive heard.. they're all getting the pre-pre-pre-pre comp jitters already! and its only april. okay "only" isnt exactly a good word. cos even we are starting to panic now. oops. and a div is so slack! sigh think the juniors are quite.. uncertain about their routines.. all no confidence lar! tsk they sure are taking after me. haha. but i guess now is the period where the moves dont go so well.. and then they start recovering them and peak in june/july.. dunno. dont worry too much juniors! and especially to jeanne.. dear girl. dont be silly k? dont let the past haunt you. sort of. i know ur comp routine last year wasnt what u hoped.. but dont let it get to you and affect ur performance this year yah? because.. i dont know if you know this.. but in sec1 i failed my comp routine too.. and i was worried about the same thing ure worried about now.. but hey i didnt do all that badly for sec2 did i? so relax girl.. u know that ure one of the strongest and most experienced in the team. no worries! yining claims they need a lot of help with their routines.. hmm.. i dunno. shall just see for myself..

it was such a bolt out of the blue.. almost couldnt believe it was you. after not talking or seeing each other for more than two years the sudden communication. haha thinking back i really was quite silly then.. the innocent confused little girl. haha and the handshake which sent me over the moon. ohman. feel really silly now.. what i did and thought and felt last time. hahahahaha. what a joke.. something i can have a good laugh over. heh. oh how we change.

combined training starts next week. i honestly dont see how we'd ever really gel together as a team. its just all the stupid politics. training together would be weird.. after all thats been said and done. no contribution on my part.. but the things ive heard and said just werent exactly pleasant. ohwell. i guess if we all make an effort it could possibly work out. not exactly looking forward to it though. just like training with the same old people.. when everything's just so nice and relaxed. kim and ja arent training anymore :( sigh. we ought to have our nag outing soon.

ny band got gold for syf! haha yay (: dunno just feel so proud for my alma mater.

today after school out of boredom we started playing this card game.. which we once played at dan's birthday party.. haha the one where we give ourselves names relevant to the theme.. and then i remembered how fun it was at the party that time.. cos it was the few of us and the seniors.. and her church friends.. and once the theme was dessert and kim jiahui they all were like having all the "mi gua xi mi lu".. "xi gua xi mi lu" and other variations.. and we condemned timthio to be "cake". hahah which is like the most vulnerable. easiest to call. everyone could remember that he was "cake". and he was to remain cake for the rest of the rounds even if we changed the theme. haha it was damn hilarious! and we played wacko or something and that was when lynette jiahui and kim became the three powerpuff girls.. sigh the good old times. haha that seems like it was eons ago man.

i guess the hostility and animosity between me and my mum is sort of dying down. which is good. i guess. but every night she goes through the same routine of yelling at me to get to bed and stuff like that. doesnt she get sick and tired of it. its just so tiring even trying to get through to her. oh and there she goes again. urgh.

Til' I Get Over You by Michelle Branch
Every time I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do, oh
You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and sky so blue, oh

We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pretends que tout va bien)
So I'm countin' my tears
Till I get over you

Sometimes I watch the world go by
I wonder what it's like, (ho-oh) ooh
To wake up every single day
Smile on your face
You never tried (You never tried)

We both know
We can't change it
But we both know
We'll just have to face it

(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pretends que tout va bien)
So I'm countin' my tears
Till I get over you

If only I could give you up
But would I want to let you off
Of this soapbox, baby, yeah
We both know that we want it

But we both know
You left me no choice

(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pretends que tout va bien)
So I'm countin' my tears
Till I get over you

We both know that I'm not over you

I'm not over you



soon.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 21:35

Sunday, April 10, 2005

hello, stranger. it's been a while hasn't it. today was just funny. its like suddenly with you right there i was at a loss for words. it feels like we're from two different worlds you know.. trying to fill the awkward silences. or maybe its just the initial period. there's just so many uncertainties.. dont know where exactly we stand. we've managed to avoid certain things till now. this whirlpool of emotions.. i dont even know whats going on with me.. what im feeling what im thinking what im upset about. what do you want? i know what's good for me, what's right. im just not sure if that's what i want.

but after all that's said, im still glad to have you back (:

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 23:02

Saturday, April 09, 2005

havent i done enough to prove to you that i can handle my own stuff.. make my own decisions.. its about time u realised im no longer that sixyearold kid that needs to be told what to do.. i know my limits.. even though u may find it hard to believe. i mean.. i have my fun. but at the end of the day i still get u the results u want right? you always say its for my own good.. sure thats what they always say. but its about what you want.. not what i want. im not going to let u dictate my whole life. i wont let you screw up my life. u say everything can be discussed.. but everytime its just me saying something for you to shoot down.. and no surprise who always gets the final say. ive got my reasons for doing things.. i dont see any point in telling you cos u wouldnt understand anyway. its gotten to the point where i cant even be bothered saying anything to you anymore.. i'd just be "arguing" again wont i. well it takes two hands to clap. you're always right. what more is there to say then. i'll just shut off and u can say whatever you want. place all those damn restrictions on me. if it makes you happy. i can always find my way around it. what a joke.. did you honestly think its going to work? and do you know why they're all gone? thats cos they cant stand living under the same roof as u and having to take all the bullshit you throw at them. suddenly i cant wait to grow up.. and get out of this shithole. she asked me how i could take it.. how i manage to survive these past few years. god knows. ive reached breaking point by now i guess. why do u like to find ur pleasure through other's misery? you know that saying about how if you grab a bird too tight it'd suffocate, and if u grab it too loose it'd fly away? let's see who gets the last laugh. you cant compel me to do something against my wishes. now piss off and leave me alone.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 22:08

today has been crazy exercise day :S the piggie sistax were supposed to go running today after school.. but one by one they dont feel like running pangseh us.. so in the end it was just me lei and wujuan! ran 7 rounds around the track.. i think my stamina is bad now :( havent run in a million years! like since x-country :S after that at the class bench sort of learnt how to play chapteh. haha been wanting to learn for quite a while.. wondering why tchs guys are so obsessed with it.. and its quite fun! haha just that sometimes its really quite malu to totally miss it :S me and noe modified it.. and started using our hands too.. haha i think the guys were quite amused cos we looked pretty silly i think. after that it was training! and i think running's got me so tired i couldnt concentrate on my moves :( and i screwed up my barani! congratulations.. and jubilations. i think today was the first time i half-flew off the tramp. damn scary and nope i dont want it to happen again. but then again it was quite cool.. haha cos i landed wai on the mat.. opened my eyes mid-flip and knew i was going to fall lar. haha then reflex action it was like playing stepping stones or something hoping my feet would land on whatever surface and after that i was on the ground safe and sound. it was like.. huh. thank god wang didnt see it or id be dead by now. but im sad. i screwed up my barani! hai.. just when i thot it was getting quite fun. complacency i guess.. oops. then after training went running again! madness.. cos perry wanted to. and his teammates wanted to. and bobo wanted to. haha so the few of us ran another 2.4km around sji's track.. thats like 13 rounds today. but it felt so much better at night than in the afternoon! cos it wasnt so damn hot. and the breeze made me actually feel pretty cold.. plus the pretty stars (: we should go night running more often.. then we stretched on the track.. haha quite weird. and scary. they are more flexible than i am.. which is just abnormal for guys. haha their splits are like close to perfect lar! o.O or at least one of them. freaky.

sigh. i think one by one their passion for gym is dying.. or at least fading. i dont know.. it seems like im the only one thats still looking forward to training.. so enthu.. but i cant be enthu by myself.. okay actually i can but it just takes the whole fun out of it. wanting to train more.. but everyone else is so reluctant. i guess maybe its because these are going to be the last two years. its gotta end some time. afterall we've gone past our peak.. most gymnasts' peak actually. its not a lifelong sport. i was so sure i wouldnt join gym again in jc.. couldnt take the emotional and psychological "torment" in some sense.. but then i guess i missed it.. which ultimately overruled every other factor i was considering. we were already prepared to let go last year at the end of nationals.. all of us weeping i still remember.. the juniors weeping too. haha. our sobfest. cos its been so so long.. its like ive been doing it all my life.. its already become such a routine. next year.. gym career is really seriously officially coming to a close. sigh. its gonna feel like there's something missing. at least there used to be some constant in my life.. training. a fixed time a fixed place the same people the same things to do.. everything was simple. i dont want to close this chapter of my life so soon.

seeing that clique today.. it reminded me of us. and how we've changed. to become what we are now. could everything go back to what it once was?

ive been planning to put down in black and white all the things that happened in those two weeks.. because i thought it'd be something i'd never want to forget. but till now.. after 3 months or so i still havent gotten down to doing it.. and as time passed.. it doesnt seem to matter as much anymore.. yet thinking back.. those really were pretty good times. just that its not the same now. probably never will be. do i really want to have all these memories.. which some day in the future i'd read about.. and reminisce. maybe i'd rather forget it all.. pretend it all never happened. it would make everything a lot simpler.. nothing to worry about.. nothing to hold me back. yeah right.. if it were that simple. but then again.. at least its happened.. better than to wonder about what could have happened. i dont know. it seems pretty difficult nowadays. its like.. on different frequencies? or maybe im just paranoid.. well what's new. but its like constantly trying hard to find something to say.. things to talk about. it seems our conversations have become stagnant.. the usual questions.. the same old answers. its not supposed to be like this is it. i hope its not what it appears to be. maybe things will be different.

tick.tock. inching nearer with every passing second. i still dont know how to face you.

thankyou leilei for today.. unexpected. and thoughtful. it just really made the day alot easier to get through (:

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 00:49

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

sometimes its the little things that people say or do that make your day.. its heartwarming.. when ure feeling down and out.. and ure putting up this cheerful front.. and yet some people can look past that and sense the unhappiness.. haha thanks weeleng and ella (: for noticing the small things.. it just brightens up my whole day.. knowing that you guys care. and christl. haha somehow ure always the one i go to when i need a shoulder to cry on.. a listening ear.. and most times before i even say anything at all "why u so sad?" haha i guess we've really got the whole spaztwins telepathy thing going on. or maybe we've reached the point where we can almost complete each other's sentences or something.

things always seem to be going so well before something has to screw up.. almost inevitable. there are always so many damn problems popping up here and there.. when things just start looking up and i start thinking that things may actually be pretty okay for awhile.. something just has to happen. but then again.. sam said i'd start complaining if everything was so smooth-sailing that life is too boring. i guess we're never really satisfied are we?

a few more days to sunday. it seemed like i was counting four weeks just yesterday. apprehensive. looking forward to it.. and not really. ive gotten used to the way things are now.. its just going to upset the whole cycle.. throw me off balance. lets just see how things go.

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 23:02

Sunday, April 03, 2005

mel came over yesterday for nearly the whole day! were planning to go bake ourselves in the pool but it was raining :( gloomy day. but finally the weather's not so damn scorching hot. urgh. so we went to plaza to get a vcd to watch! hahaha and we got "the grudge".. typical us lar. like to scare the shit out of ourselves.. hahaha and to get the cinema effect i closed all the curtains and it was kinda dark. and we were screaming ourselves silly.. hahaha it was rather amusing actually. it felt like nothing's changed.. haha it was fun (: like the old times.. pigging out on pizza in front of the tv dissing all the ms singapore universe finalists.. and mel swooning over the america model guy.. if only we've got the time to do this kinda thing all the time.

and training on friday.. hm. kaiyin and yeeyong came back! not really back.. considering it was sji not ny.. and its like.. if the juniors were there it would be sort of like three generations together (: haha. with all the seniors around.. felt so small again. haha like we can afford to be more slack, kiddish whatever u like because the seniors are there to keep us in check.. apparently the two of them are going to continue gym in nus/ntu! ok i dont know how true that is.. cos kaiyin could just be pulling my leg. but it'll be so cool.. i asked ella if three years from now we'd be like that. "we can" was what she said. hm. they're so dedicated lar! like kaiyin was the one that set up gym in cjc.. and she said if she could set one up there why not set one up in nus too. hmm.. still remember last time they were saying they want to open their own gym and be coaches.. wow. seriously their whole lives revolve around gym. so anyway i could jie my tao from the houkong to the sitdrop part! and i could jie my xi tui tiao and hou zhi (: haha just that at the last jia zi i screwed up my hou zhi so bad cos i didnt fan kuai enough when i opened my eyes my face was like inches away from the tramp lar! freaked me out. haha and kaiyin was saying there was nothing wrong with it O.o i still dont understand how pple dare to open their eyes flipping.. its like everything flies by so fast i get giddy :S and freak out. ive tried it once.. and wished i didnt. din get to try my barani that day tho.. think i was too freaked out :S just hope i havent lost it yet.. that i can still remember the feeling. hm. we always seem to slack off towards the end of training. tsk. zixi chased me around the gym cos i pushed her into the spongepit that stinks to high heavens.. and it was like an obstacle course! i wouldnt call the sji gym a gym.. more like a karung guni man's house or something.. theyve got all sorts of junk lying all over the place.. kaiyin called us monkeys that escape from the zoo. heh. suddenly felt as if we were catapulted back to when we were sec1 and she was sec4.. remember being so intimidated by her.. cos she seemed so.. superior.. being the captain and all. haha. i miss her :( and eileen and shinglei and daxinyi! they never visit anymore. well duh.. theyve sort of lost the connection with ny gym.. cos my batch is gone.. and they wont know the juniors anymore... im dreading when that happens to us. three years from now.

wearing hc uniform tomorrow. boo. saturday was the last day i wore my ny uniform.. and im missing it already. haha regardless of all the unpleasant comments ive heard about it.. after 7 years of wearing it or something similar.. there's some sort of sentimental value. and everyone wearing the hc uniform.. i dunno. its like making the transition. a new stage in life sort of. being older. and everyone's going to look the same. sigh.

"you can only look beautiful once"

xinyi cartwheeled in the rain at 23:19