Glad to say that, the final semester of BSc had finally started.
This is one of the most exciting semester that I've been looking forward to. Reasons?
1. just 2 classroom subjects which means an average of 2-3 hours of classes in 3
days in a week.
2. 2 attachments of my own choice. very exciting! but I'll be all out on my own.
3. thesis writing which hopefully marks an end of our hard work.
A week passed, I'm still barely pumping up the dose of momentum to start being productive. The previous semester had seriously burnt me out, and again , thankfully I survived! Indulged in some good rest over the holidays, I believe I really need a kick for now.
Perhaps there were a bit too much going on in the brain , the mental needs some reassurance.
The idea of graduating and finally earning for my own guilt-free retails is attractive! Sadly, getting out there on my own feet with not even a pinch of experience of the real thing is far much terrifying.
Of all classes on professionalism of the profession today, am I expecting too much out of myself? Otherwise, is the world intending to squeeze every single drop out of me ?
Should I find the balance to only let either one down or broken?
Oh well, maybe its just easier to brush off and say "enjoy your last semester in uni, student life may not come again you know? you'll miss it !"
Yet, those doubts have to be cleared and it was quite nerve wrecking when the mind starts wandering around those thoughts.
Gratefully, all these were cleared over lunch with a friend. Just a few years of difference between us (maybe half a dozen), deep down inside she is still as youthful as we are but her look gives you a glimpse of maturity. Just by her presence, you'll feel things will be OK. She have been working as a staff for two years, this lunch we had together was fruitful. At first it was a bit awkward but after all the food went into the stomach, we started getting chatty. As usual , some catch ups and I spilled my thoughts. She listened and told me , she went through the exact same thing, she experienced it and now she is done with it. Everybody gets their chance i guess.
"But since you know that you'll fear , what is that to be fear?"
"Now Do you know what you'll be afraid of in the future?" Make sense actually, all the thoughts thats bothering me is largely due to my fear, the fear to make mistakes when I get out there. But what mistakes will I make?
GOD KNOWS!
Since i'll never know, there isn't a reason to be fear of.
"Since you already know that sooner or later, you will make the mistakes. Make it (with sense) and learn from it!"
"Its much better than being perfect and learn nothing, standing just where you started. "
I think I saw the light then.
Of all the unknowns and fear, maybe I should look at whats waiting for me out there.
However, the million dollar question will be , is there rooms for mistakes?
How big will the room be ?
Anyone up for humble pies? sanity maintenance? animals management?
