Friday, January 18, 2013
irreversible
I guess there is really no wisdom in articulating all that is in one's heart, firstly, the ability to express via words is limited and varies from each individual. Secondly, interpretation may vary with the recipient's grasp of the language and can be affected by personal bias or perspectives. Thirdly, no one can understand one's heart, not even oneself. There are just some things which are not meant to be said and once spoken, leads to an irreversible situation. Irreversible.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Thanksgiving
I would probably not be able to share my thanksgivings to God verbally cus I've received so much grace in this year, I'd probably end up drinking my tears. So I thought I should at least pen them down, I recalled the major events that happened in my life this year as I heard sharings from brothers and sisters during the watchnight service last night. I thought all of the sharings were from their hearts ad I thank God for their sincerity, difference challenges were bring faced in different phases of life, although some probably did not understand what they were saying by describing life as 'miserable', I really shouldnt have laughed at them in my heart. I thought about the testimonies I heard of back in Cambodia, their suffering for Christ and there was not a word of complaining or self pity. Its all part of growing up. Less of self, more of Christ till we become none of self, all for Christ. As bro guowei has shared, I am in part of the body of Christ to also be a help for others, not to scoff at us! I hope his record of the known blessings of God on me this year would cause me to remember my God who has lavished me with such great love and abundant grace.
Cambodia
Cambodia had been a great experience and it has re-defined many things in my life. Need: Cambodia is a poor country with many of the people living from hand to mouth. The people face the same struggle of of serving money vs serving God. It is a very real struggle even within the church. I really thank God from the bottom of my heart to hear of those who have took the leap of faith and persevered in serving the LORD nevertheless. It was a great testimony to the glory of our God and a reminder of the God in whom we have put our trust! Man's greatest need is none other than the gospel - a holy God who made every effort in all wisdom and power to dwell amongst sinful Man, and that is something worthy to die for, to preach. (quoting the sharing during missions conference) Suffering: Pick anyone (a christian) from the streets of Sihanoukvile or even Phnom Penh, compare their life experience with the average Singaporean, get them to share their testimony. The Singaporean will paint a picture of misery and self pity, cite their occasional successes, attributing it to their faith in God, throw up a word or two about what they know to be the supposed solution to their own weaknesses, once their vulnerabilities are fully covered, full stop. The Cambodian will tell you their life story, the difficulties they face matter-of-factly, tell you that the greatest thing that happened to them and simply exult in the grace of God, full stop. Sometimes it sickens me how Singaporeans use the word 'suffering' or 'trials' so flippantly, as if they are in a process of sanctification when in fact they are wallowing in self pity. To us, its always about me, I, myself, my church, our youths, them? the world? how? can't. no.
I pray for more grace from God to save me from pride and teach me to love my brothers and learn to obey galaitans 6 and john 1:19. Cambodia was a great blessing that has changed my life, forever and I thank God for this experience and pray that one day I will return to serve them once again. There is simply too much to share on this experience, but well, yea this is a short summary. I've been greatly, deeply graced by God through this experience. Thank you LORD.
Evangelism
This was probably one of the years of an evangelical drought for me. Let me explain. I was more involved in evangelism and got to talk to many friends and friends' friends about the gospel this year, by the LORD's provision. Many a time I really wonder why they would come, I placed myself in their shoes and soon I figured out that the reason is simply, God - Himself. On many occasions when I shared the gospel, it was I myself who got impacted by the wonderful truth of the gospel but to the other party, I seemed to have run into a wall. The lesson learnt was this: Man are truly utterly sinful and cannot see their spiritual state, much less save themselves, people need the gospel, people need the LORD. No amount of work done on the christian's part would ever suffice, but faithfully pray we must, faithfully love Christ we must. For only God can save through the work of His Holy Spirit through His Word.
Grandpa
Grandpa was hospitalized due to a fall during week 2 of my arrival in Cambodia and I remember being wavered as to whether to return. His condition slowly deteriorated and passed on earlier this year. Grandpa was someone really close to my heart, he had a very special place in my heart. Apart from my dad, he was one whom I could look eye to eye and our souls would have been satisfied. I am grateful to God that I got time to visit him and spend time together with him in the hospital after I returned from Cambodia. I would visit him after work on somedays. When he was awake, we would just chat about life, I showed him photos, played some songs on the phone for him, I would just massage his legs to sleep. Human touch was therapeutic both to him and to me. On days when he was asleep, I would just quietly sit by the side, watch him sleep, sometimes sleep by his bed. On the last night of his journey on earth when he was in dover hospice, it was pure pain, in times like that you can feel sorrow right inside your veins. I was keeping vigil by his side, I prayed to God for courage and a thankful heart to once again face death right before me, literally, if I must. The next morning, one hour after I had left and fell asleep, I received the message that grandpa had passed on. Perhaps grandpa held onto his last breath until he knew I was gone, perhaps he loved me too much to shatter my heart when I was there. There are two things I know: grandpa loved me. God loves me. Surely, all that has happened was for my good, all that will happen will still be for my good, for God is good.
Youth Camp
Youth camp was different this year because we made the effort to call for meetings to ground our hearts in scripture and to commit ourselves to prayer. Praise the LORD that camp was fruitful, not because of the sharings about our learnings but because of lives that were transformed, primarily in response to the truth of an infinitely holy God who wanted to dwell amongst sinful man and has now accomplished His divine will through Immanuel, on the cross. I think spiritual growth is not an increase in knowledge of advancement in theology, it is not knowing about God but knowing God. The gospel, the cross ought to be sufficient to drive us to our knees, in reverent, grateful, contrite and broken hearted worship of our God. If it does not and has not, we have been too proud.
There were also a series of weddings toward the end of the year and I truly rejoice with the couples as I served them together with other brothers and sisters, its really different when you do things out of love rather than obligation. I also made a big mistake on some occasions by reading the news before the wedding... I happened to read about the Connecticut and New Delhi case before 2 of the weddings and the blizzard that stormed into my heart almost vacated my heart of joy altogether. I think at some point in life, our eyes will open to what darkness in this world truly is like (im not talking about how the news portrays facts or events). At some point in life we will lose hope in humanity, in life. Darkness and its continuity, maybe it could be for us to place our misplaced hopes heavenward. By the grace of God, I am a pilgrim! I thank God for His grace of salvation, without which I am so sure I would have been plunged into the deepest pits, never to know any light, never to rise again. God is gracious.
Cambodia
Cambodia had been a great experience and it has re-defined many things in my life. Need: Cambodia is a poor country with many of the people living from hand to mouth. The people face the same struggle of of serving money vs serving God. It is a very real struggle even within the church. I really thank God from the bottom of my heart to hear of those who have took the leap of faith and persevered in serving the LORD nevertheless. It was a great testimony to the glory of our God and a reminder of the God in whom we have put our trust! Man's greatest need is none other than the gospel - a holy God who made every effort in all wisdom and power to dwell amongst sinful Man, and that is something worthy to die for, to preach. (quoting the sharing during missions conference) Suffering: Pick anyone (a christian) from the streets of Sihanoukvile or even Phnom Penh, compare their life experience with the average Singaporean, get them to share their testimony. The Singaporean will paint a picture of misery and self pity, cite their occasional successes, attributing it to their faith in God, throw up a word or two about what they know to be the supposed solution to their own weaknesses, once their vulnerabilities are fully covered, full stop. The Cambodian will tell you their life story, the difficulties they face matter-of-factly, tell you that the greatest thing that happened to them and simply exult in the grace of God, full stop. Sometimes it sickens me how Singaporeans use the word 'suffering' or 'trials' so flippantly, as if they are in a process of sanctification when in fact they are wallowing in self pity. To us, its always about me, I, myself, my church, our youths, them? the world? how? can't. no.
I pray for more grace from God to save me from pride and teach me to love my brothers and learn to obey galaitans 6 and john 1:19. Cambodia was a great blessing that has changed my life, forever and I thank God for this experience and pray that one day I will return to serve them once again. There is simply too much to share on this experience, but well, yea this is a short summary. I've been greatly, deeply graced by God through this experience. Thank you LORD.
Evangelism
This was probably one of the years of an evangelical drought for me. Let me explain. I was more involved in evangelism and got to talk to many friends and friends' friends about the gospel this year, by the LORD's provision. Many a time I really wonder why they would come, I placed myself in their shoes and soon I figured out that the reason is simply, God - Himself. On many occasions when I shared the gospel, it was I myself who got impacted by the wonderful truth of the gospel but to the other party, I seemed to have run into a wall. The lesson learnt was this: Man are truly utterly sinful and cannot see their spiritual state, much less save themselves, people need the gospel, people need the LORD. No amount of work done on the christian's part would ever suffice, but faithfully pray we must, faithfully love Christ we must. For only God can save through the work of His Holy Spirit through His Word.
Grandpa
Grandpa was hospitalized due to a fall during week 2 of my arrival in Cambodia and I remember being wavered as to whether to return. His condition slowly deteriorated and passed on earlier this year. Grandpa was someone really close to my heart, he had a very special place in my heart. Apart from my dad, he was one whom I could look eye to eye and our souls would have been satisfied. I am grateful to God that I got time to visit him and spend time together with him in the hospital after I returned from Cambodia. I would visit him after work on somedays. When he was awake, we would just chat about life, I showed him photos, played some songs on the phone for him, I would just massage his legs to sleep. Human touch was therapeutic both to him and to me. On days when he was asleep, I would just quietly sit by the side, watch him sleep, sometimes sleep by his bed. On the last night of his journey on earth when he was in dover hospice, it was pure pain, in times like that you can feel sorrow right inside your veins. I was keeping vigil by his side, I prayed to God for courage and a thankful heart to once again face death right before me, literally, if I must. The next morning, one hour after I had left and fell asleep, I received the message that grandpa had passed on. Perhaps grandpa held onto his last breath until he knew I was gone, perhaps he loved me too much to shatter my heart when I was there. There are two things I know: grandpa loved me. God loves me. Surely, all that has happened was for my good, all that will happen will still be for my good, for God is good.
Youth Camp
Youth camp was different this year because we made the effort to call for meetings to ground our hearts in scripture and to commit ourselves to prayer. Praise the LORD that camp was fruitful, not because of the sharings about our learnings but because of lives that were transformed, primarily in response to the truth of an infinitely holy God who wanted to dwell amongst sinful man and has now accomplished His divine will through Immanuel, on the cross. I think spiritual growth is not an increase in knowledge of advancement in theology, it is not knowing about God but knowing God. The gospel, the cross ought to be sufficient to drive us to our knees, in reverent, grateful, contrite and broken hearted worship of our God. If it does not and has not, we have been too proud.
There were also a series of weddings toward the end of the year and I truly rejoice with the couples as I served them together with other brothers and sisters, its really different when you do things out of love rather than obligation. I also made a big mistake on some occasions by reading the news before the wedding... I happened to read about the Connecticut and New Delhi case before 2 of the weddings and the blizzard that stormed into my heart almost vacated my heart of joy altogether. I think at some point in life, our eyes will open to what darkness in this world truly is like (im not talking about how the news portrays facts or events). At some point in life we will lose hope in humanity, in life. Darkness and its continuity, maybe it could be for us to place our misplaced hopes heavenward. By the grace of God, I am a pilgrim! I thank God for His grace of salvation, without which I am so sure I would have been plunged into the deepest pits, never to know any light, never to rise again. God is gracious.
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