Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Momma on Strike



Ha! Did you know I had a blog? Can I be considered a blogger if I only average one entry every few years?  In two and a half years I will update the photos.

Here's the letter to my children:

I love you boys. I have chosen to stay home to be here day in and day out with you. To be there when you get off the bus and to enjoy lazy summer days by the pool.   But it’s a lot of work.  Sometimes I want to start a full time job so I can work in an environment where people speak respectfully to me.  I also don’t think you realize the amount of things I do for you daily.  And that’s okay, you are kids after all. However, for me to pour into you I do need respect, help around the house, a little appreciation, and for you to take ownership of your “stuff.”  Therefore, this momma is on strike.
What does that mean for you? No pouring your cereal, no more helping you find your backpack that I told you five times to hang up yesterday. No making reasonably healthy dinners while you play outside and then doing all the dishes afterwards.  I’m sorry, I don’t know where your field day shirt is. Can’t find a shoe? Sorry, pal.  Going to leave the milk out on the counter for tenth morning in a row.  Guess who’s buying new milk? (Oh, you insist it’s still fine. Go ahead, drink a big glass of it.)  Again you are kids and I am your mom. Part of my job is helping you with these things. I do think however, that you will understand and appreciate all I do for you after a few days with Mommy’s help.

The following conditions must be met in order to end this Momma’s Strike:
1)      R-E-S-P-E-C-T: All members of this family are entitled to basic respect.  This mom feels our home has been filled with hostility and disrespect.  Please speak kindly to me. And to your dad. And to each other. 1 Thes 5:11

2)      A more equal workload:  Your job as kids is to go to school, keep your room clean, and clean up any messes you make.  You also have ONE chore each day (well, UNTIL NOW).  These simple tasks in no way makes you a “slave” or someone who, “has to do everything.”  Unfortunately, when Adam and Eve sinned, they lost their cushy place in the garden walking with God.  He banished them and said they will have to toil and work the land for food.  You are not an exception to this. Sorry. Gen 3:17

3)      Appreciation:  You don’t have to buy me flowers or write a poem every day. A simple, occasional “Thank you” will suffice. (Don’t know what “suffice” means? Look it up.)   Don’t look in the pantry and complain that you only have four choices of cereal for breakfast.  There is a child in this world the same age as you, waking up with NO choice for breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner.   We can do nothing but beans and rice for a few days if we need to.   Again, I don’t need an award for doing your laundry, but I also don’t expect to be yelled at when the laundry is not delivered into your closet the moment you wanted it.  I’m sorry, you may occasionally have to wear something other than your three favorite shirts.  Titus 2:11-15

4)      Accept responsibility: You are growing up so dangerously fast. Before we know it, you will be eligible for a driver’s license and looking at colleges.  You will be someone’s employee and probably someone’s boss.  You may one day be married with children of your own and it is my job to prepare you for those things.   If you have a swim practice, or any other event, please accept responsibility for getting yourself ready.  I will no longer tell you five times to put your bathing suit on and get a snack.  I won’t ask three times if you have your goggles and towel.  If you are old enough to commit to a team, you are old enough to get what you need together and be ready to leave on time.  Again, I am here to be your helper, but it is YOUR JOB. Eph 5:31.

So that’s all.  Just a few simple requests. I am happy to talk more with you about any of these points.  I will continue on strike until each of you has expressed remorse for your behavior.  Please write about each of these points and what changes you will make to ensure the conditions are met.  And please know, that it is clear to me that changes need to be made on my end. I will continue to reflect and ask God for wisdom in this journey.  It would probably be best for me to spend a few days at a really nice spa to fully reflect.  Actually, I will scratch the whole strike if you get Daddy on board with this.

Love,

Mommy

Sunday, October 06, 2013

A New Chapter

Hello Blog. How I have missed you. Well, actually that's not true.  Facebook is quick and easy. I can communicate with hundreds of people in nanosecond and update in thirty.  No more waiting for pictures to upload before publishing. Instant, quick updates on my people. What's not to love?

But for somethings it's just not the right fit.

So here we are. Does anyone do family blogs anymore? Will anyone read this?  In the long run it doesn't matter. It's about recording this marathon of life. Whether breaking a PR or puking behind the port-o-john. The highs, the lows, and the boring parts in between.

Without further ado....the big news.  We are trying to grow our family! But, not in the traditional manner.  After years of talking, praying and planning we have finally started taking steps towards becoming a foster family.  10+ years actually.

When Kurt and I were courting, we discussed my desire to adopt and/or foster kids. Not sure when this desire started, but I honestly thought God had laid it on my heart because He was preparing me for infertility issues.  That turned out to not be the case.  Fortunately God also laid the same desire on Kurt's heart over time.

Two kids later, we started to take the first steps in 2011 in Texas by purchasing a larger house.  After selling our house in less than a week, signing a contract to build, moving into an apartment, nixing the contract, moving to Virginia, and renting for a year, we purchased that larger house last summer. After getting settled in and researching options we are finally in PRIDE training with the City of Richmond DSS.

There is so much to say, but I have to pace myself in hopes or writing more than one blog entry a year. Here's the quick answer on the top three questions we get asked:

Did you get a say what age child you will get?   Yes! You can let them know preferences. At this time, we are open to a sibling group of two kids, ages under 5.  We chose under 5 so that our boys will be older as a protection measure.

How long will you have them? No idea!  We could have kids for a few days before a relative placement is found or forever if they eventually go up for adoption.  The initial goal for all foster care cases is reunification with their biological family.  This is a process!  More on this later!

Are you open to children of other races? Yes, we are open to welcoming any type of child into our family.  On one level it's easy to say race doesn't matter. But the reality is race is still very much an issue in our society.  It does matter and presents unique challenges, but I hope that with those challenges come the opportunity to change all of our hearts on how we think and deal with race.



Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The DTR

The big DTR talk.

We've all had them. They are a necessary part of all romantic relationships. The "Defining The Relationship" talk. Joshua and Ava have been planning for a long time to marry each other. However, several months ago Ava informed Joshua that she did not want to marry him anymore. For a while he had anxiety over who his bride would be, but he is finally at peace with our advice that he may marry someone he hasn't met yet. J & A have continued to be friends and this new plan hasn't seemed to interfere much. Or so we thought.

Last Saturday Ava and her brothers were over to hang out. There was a lot of concern over who was going to sit next to whom, etc. etc. That's when the DTR happened.

A (to J): "I want you to sit next to me because you are my best friend."
J: "But you aren't going to marry me."
A: "We can still be friends."

J says nothing with a puzzled look on his face.

A: "My mom says I can marry whoever I want when I get older. I don't have to decide until I am older."

J continues to say nothing with a puzzled look on his face.

A: "Who are you going to marry?"

J appears to snap out of his puzzled fog.

J: "I don't know her name, but she has long hair that is lighter than yours. It's like mine (points to own hair). She wears a yellow shirt and blue shorts and I saw her at McDonalds's on vacation."

So there you have it. They both have their plans now and are content with being "just friends." For now anyway.