We hardly talk about the dark side of love.

The instances when the hurt you feel leaves your heart in a state of physical agony, that sensation of having your chest compressed to a point of no relief.

Is it the jarring truth that reminds me of how flawed I am, or is it the daggered words that leave gaping holes in my soul?

But I have learnt that this is the price. The price of loving and being loved to such a degree.

It is humanly impossible to never hurt another, and vice versa.

Even then, I guess this is a small price to pay, to experience the good, great, and perfect days that come our way.

All I ask is for the glad to always outweigh the sad. ❤️
its been almost an entire year since i set foot here- i guess i just didn't see the need to, or on occasion i'd just resorted to alternative emotional outlets.

but last night, something happened and it set me thinking.

i was forced to confront my demons again, and there was no escape.
fervent introspection led me to acknowledge how fearful i really am, of so much in life.

and as much as it might have been damages along the way that result in my faulty cognitions and irrational thoughts, i don't think that liberates me from any responsibility for who i am.

"I am the sum total of everything that went before me, of all I have been seen done, of everything done-to-me. I am everyone everything whose being-in-the-world affected was affected by mine. I am anything that happens after I'm gone which would not have happened if I had not come."

here's to embracing, confronting, overcoming.



find someone who knows how to calm your storms.
These damn tears wont stop flowing.



Please fill the gaps in me, I don't know how else to stop hurting and I don't want to hurt the one who I love.
And trust in Him;
The waves and winds
still know His name.




how do i calm the storm inside me,
this brewing mess;
the amalgamation of emotions and thoughts and worries and anxieties.
things way beyond my scope of influence.
well, mostly anyway.



why do i fear this loss so much.
has this silly heart of mine become so dependent yet again?
time has revealed how safe my heart is with you,
but why do i allow the fear stemming from history eons ago to haunt me still.

why should anyone be punished for the crimes of another.



i really think my brain just needs to chill.


and my anxious heart just needs to let things be.




trust that God has His timing and plans for my life.
a life that's so mediocre and seemingly unworthy, is one that He redeemed with His own blood.
i guess it must be worth a lot..




Dear God, let my worth be based on nothing but Your blood and salvation.
Let me boast of nothing but Your love in my life.

everything else can never satisfy me for long.
the void in me bears the shape of You and no matter how often i seem to forget that, and stray, i'm eventually drawn back to this one fundamental truth.
You are God, and i am not.

Thank you for this time and space to process my thoughts.
<3 p="">
A night like tonight- 
Dear God,

You are really the king of timeliness. Thank you ❤️

Love, me
Our proximity forces me to face my demons,