After lunch on Main Street, a friend and I took a walk up and down the pier. It was a nice, breezy, sunny day – not too hot, not too chilly; a nice change of weather during the oddly hot fall days. How’s my rule of thirds? Been practicing.
Author: aysosoccer10
I always find myself browsing Amazon mindlessly, looking for things I think I might need. I’m always trying to figure out different ways to organize my home and buying more things to just make the organization even harder. I’m always buying wallets, thinking the next one is going to be the perfect wallet. My mind never stays in one place, constantly attempting to relocate (kind of a stretch, but oh well) every aspect of my life, physically and mentally, hypothesizing what this or that could look like if I moved this or bought that and used it for that, yadayada.
On another note, I may be moving from 4S, my “home” for the last 3 years, to 4W just next door. Relocating, in this sense, is a bit nerve-wracking for me but I think it will be good for me to deal with this kind of change and hone my skills in a different setting.
I’ve only ever owned two laptops, both of which had black keyboards. I love the way the keys feel and sound, especially when I type. They feel AND sound soft. It makes me feel busy – a good busy. Makes me feel like someone working with a purpose…when really, I was just browsing and watching YouTube videos.
There’s something about how the cups were placed in almost-perfect intervals (none of this photo was staged…other than placement of the frame hah) that was very satisfying to me. As soon as I saw it, I had to snap a photo. Anyway, this photo was taken when I was hanging out with an old roommate at a café we decided to try. We both ordered coffee and had very good conversation. I felt it was pretty relaxing despite the fact that I was in the middle of fighting a cold, and the conversation we had was very refreshing, very open.
In the midst of all the stresses in life, I tend to forget that moments like this can happen. Although they feel so temporary and so small, they do, indeed, happen! You just have to look out for those silver linings.
Undervalued. It’s something I feel often. Not from my parents/brother – they’re great. It’s my friends. The friends I almost naturally become loyal to. The friends I personally value SO much.
First, I guess I need to ask myself: why am I loyal to them in the first place? I think it’s innate. That’s the only thing I can think of that could be the number one major influencing factor. And maybe because in the beginning of the friendship, they had proven then and there, that they were trustworthy. Sure, we may have had rough patches throughout the friendship, but it’s the first impression that mattered.
But then things change/changed. I could feel a shift in the relationship dynamic. Communication is off. Life got busy.
Sometimes I feel like I put more effort into it and I don’t get the same back. But then I also know that relationships are never about 100% reciprocation. And yeah, that sucks. A lot. Because one can definitely be trying harder than the other.
It makes me want to give up. It makes me wonder if any relationship was worth the effort.
One might ask, what did your friends do to wrong or fail/disappoint you? Well, false promises is big – but they may not realize that they’ve done that. Undervaluing me. How? I feel like they don’t consciously make the effort to spend time with me, to find the time to spend time with me.
And maybe the next question is going to be, aren’t you being a little selfish? Maybe I am. But that’s what this is for. To ramble. To get these destructive thoughts out of my head and out there. I guess I don’t think it’s completely selfish of me to feel or think this way. I’m human. I’m entitled to wanting to feel valued. To feel like other people think of me and love on me the way I prefer to be loved on. Sure, I’m extremely thankful for those who pray for me constantly. But it’s the quality time I miss. And sometimes that physical loneliness can take over.
But then I ask myself, are you really alone? I’m not. And amidst all this, I guess my biggest struggle is acknowledging that God is there, and that He is always there.
I’m going to take this week’s prompt literally :). These may or may not have been edited (I don’t remember), but that doesn’t matter (at least to me anyway).
Faerie Glen, Isle of Skye, Scotland
Cliffs of Moher, County Clare, Ireland
In high school, I was the girl who always wore her hair in a ponytail, with the poofy hair. I was the girl who always wore basketball shorts.
In college, I was still the girl who always wore her hair in a ponytail until she started nursing school and learned how to turn that poof into a bun.
At my workplace, I am the girl with the bun with poofy, crazy baby hairs.
In high school, I was the one in the group who I felt was just a “jack of all trades”. I was the one in the group who couldn’t handle more than one AP class at a time and was only average in marching and concert band. I was the one in the group who checked “Undecided”, but really meaning “Pre-nursing” but still not really sure, to every school I applied to.
In college, I was known to be the one who needed to study all the time, the one who pursued her “Undecided/Pre-nursing” major from beginning to end.
Today, I am “the Nurse” to a lot of people, to a lot of my friends. I don’t mind it; I’m proud of it.
But what would happen if I didn’t have nursing? Who or what would I be then?
Nordstrom Rack and Best Buy weren’t open so I strolled a bit around behind Tantalum to check out the view. While eating a banana I bought from Ralph’s. It was a peaceful 5 minute stroll.
Quick one:
Mom and Dad drove down to have dinner with me tonight. They even picked me up before going to dinner. I offered to pay the bill but Mom insisted that they pay, and that I could foot the bill when I’m back to work again. Hm. I am blessed.
I’ve only been doing this for about two weeks and it’s been a very good form of relaxation for me, I think. A couple people have told me in the past to give writing or blogging a try but I was too stubborn about it. I got it into my head that it was going to be awkward because it reminded me of my Xanga and tumblr days; and something about putting my thoughts down into words made me feel vulnerable because that means it’s out there, permanently.
But then I finally decided to really give it a try. Why? Because nothing was changing. I decided to go with a different platform to make it feel “new”. I decided to keep my posts public to maintain an aspect of vulnerability, something I have been struggling with for a long time. I decided that when I start a new post, I have to finish it, even if it’s just mumbo jumbo of my stream of consciousness and it doesn’t make sense. I’m not trying to impress anyone – that’s what social media is for (which is a whole other story). This is for me.
Publicly Private 