My friend Anna over at Working At It has  bestowed upon me the honest scrap award, which in turns gives me the opportunity to share 10 honest things about myself. This could be a bit tricky as I think I’ve been running as hard as I can away from looking at myself these past months. That said, in the past week I have had more moments per day of pure joy with myself than I think I ever had before. Perhaps I do know a bit more about myself and perhaps some of has enough reality to it that I can honestly put it out there as my truth — well my truth as I know it. Here are a few things about me…

1. I love rhythm – dancing to it, playing to it, driving to it, rowing to it… I really love a good groove, even if I have little talent for dance or music.  This week that means I have Blues blasting 24/7 throughout my house.
2. Apples and peanut butter are my favorite breakfast foods, my second favorite is left over fish on a green salad with a vinegar dressing. Yes, people often ask if I am pregnant when I eat.
3. I love to learn things, but am often more enthralled with the learning curve than the actually enjoying something once I’ve mastered it. I learned to take off, but I can not land a plane by myself. I ski fast, but can’t do moguls. I learned to read Spanish, but never became fluent.
4. I like to do things well and am very hard on myself if I cannot live up to other people’s expectations (or my own), but this doesn’t seem to apply to finances, cleaning, or being tidy.
5. I love distractions.
6. I feel safest in the middle of a dance floor, in the corner against a wall with a book, and when sleeping outside.
7. I love to flirt and find this to be a very good context for practicing listening, which is a skill I sometimes excel at but often suck at depending on… on well how distracted I am!
8. I prefer to live in underdog cities, and am very happy that others disagree. Portland is better than Seattle, Boston better than NYC, Melbourne better than Sydney, and Wellington better than Auckland.
9. My idea of a good time is a bag with a book, a map with road and pedestrian routes, good coffee, and an all day public transit pass. Hmmm maybe my love of public transit goes along with #8
10. I am full of self doubt – major doubts – except when I am feeling a bit smug that I know what I am doing more than others around me, or so I think. And then the universe bites my ass again for being so dumb and arrogant.  One day I’ll learn, honest!

Oh and I am terrible at passing on things but here are a few people I’d like to pass on this award to. I always feel so bad about adding another possible thing on others to do list, so take it or leave it, which is pretty much my motto at the moment!

Her Very Own – This amazing writer instantly came to mind when I saw the word scrap. The biggest compliment when I was in high school was being scrappy – as in she’s a really scrappy basketball player – because these were the people with heart, who didn’t worry too much about what others thought, and just got on with it and in the end did more than they should have been able to. Akeeyu story is full of things you wouldn’t wish on anyone, but I am in complete awe about how she tells her tale. She makes has an amazing ability of making you laugh during a heart wrenching story, she does a great job of taking a piss at the health system, and her ability to recreate everyday dialog is just wonderful. I admire how honest her blog is while always maintain her privacy. Plus she knows were Puget Sound is which always wins points in my book!

Niobe is another woman I admire for balancing honesty, which radiates from her posts, with holding a bit back from the tale. I feel like I know more because of how much is not revealed. She has concise down to an elevated art form. Her photographs are amazing. One in particular will forever be the symbol of my failed cycle. I can look at it over and over again and just remember that time in all its beautiful hope and crashing emptiness when it was over.

Any Mommies .. well she too can find Puget Sound even if she lives in a land with much less water nearby. Okay Stacey, you do have water nearby, but I am pretty sure that was a superfund site or something! Stacey is so honest about the day to day moments of being a mother. Her honest posts about the toilet habits of the very young can be rather entertaining, but what draws me back again and again are the posts where she reveals the life changing aspects of being a grown up and of parenting… often things that are hard to put into words. She tells two stories of adoption, one of a child who still lives with her and another of a child who now lives with another family. Her thoughts and details of these stories (and others) reveal so much about how complex and unexpected this journey can be. She seems to live her life with a great deal of passion, integrity, and honesty.

Angry Canadian Nurse also is most deserving of this award. Several of her posts have stop me cold and unable to move until I realized tears were flowing down my face. Others make me smile. I instantly felt a connection to her as I read her story. She cuts to the chase about medical things and points out the very dumb things people do when interacting with (or worse avoiding) people who have experienced big loses. There are pieces of her story I will never ever forget, not just because of the stories, but because of her way of telling them. If I ever got in a bind, Kathy is on my list of people I’d want by my side for her level head and straight talking. She’s also known to host a mean blog contest now and then with mighty fine prizes.

I have to refer back to Anna over at Working At It, even though she already won this award, because of how much the word honesty pops to mind when I read her blog. She bravely posts photos of herself and shares her adventures with many food adventures on the way. Meeting you Anna has been one of the many blessings of traveling this challenging road of IF. Who knows where I’ll end up, but at least I met some wonderful people on the journey.

Well there are many of the writers that bring me the most joy when I see their blog pop up on my google reader. I didn’t quite make it to 7 people to nominate, but I am not much of a rule follower lately. Thank you for all for getting me through this past year.