Tag: grief and loss

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Smorgasbord Book Promotions 2026 – Share an Excerpt – Boost one of your books – #Grief #Relationships #Strength – About the Real Stages of Grief: A Journey Through Loss by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Published on by dgkaye29 Comments

I was thrilled to be featured at Sally Cronin’s new book promotion series at her Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. In this series we share an excerpt of one of our books. Sally invites authors who’ve previously been featured at her blog to be featured in this series.

In this regular series for 2026, you are invited to share an excerpt of 400 to 500 words from any book you have written you would like to give a boost to.

This feature is for any author who has been promoted on Smorgasbord previously.

Please read full details of how to participate at the end of the post and I will respond to your emails as soon as possible.

The aim of the series

  • To showcase any of your books you would like to give a boost to.
  • To gain more reviews for the book.
  • Promote a selection of your other books that are available

Today an excerpt from my friend and collaborator D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies… About the Real Stages of Grief: A Journey Through Loss 

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About the Real Stages of Grief, Memoir

About the book

The truth about grief: it has filled countless pages in clinical studies and personal stories, but no words can prepare us for its reality. When I lost my beloved husband, I searched for solace in grief groups and forums, longing to make sense of my experience. There I discovered something rarely spoken aloud—that many of us carry the same hidden aches and side effects of loss, the ones that seldom find their way into books.

Love does not die, and so grief never truly leaves us. It lingers, reshaping itself, teaching us to live with its many faces. This book is the story of my own passage through loss—an endurance of sorrow, and a testament to the strength of those left behind.

Grief is a heart-wrenching journey each of us will one day face. I write not only for those who are grieving, but also for the ones who walk beside them—for the friends, family, and witnesses to heartbreak—so they might understand, even a little, what it means to live with loss.

Trailer created for Debby by author Diana Wallace Peach.

Thanks so much for featuring my book here today, Sally. I’m always stoked to be featured at your house of Smorgasbord Blog Magazine.

I chose this excerpt – Condolences, to share here today because I wrote this chapter with people in mind who find it difficult to find the appropriate words when approaching someone who is grieving.

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Excerpt
Condolences

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.” — Henri Nouwen

Condolences. There are no right or soothing words for a griever. Just be present.
Why is it often so difficult for people to offer their condolences? I know this difficulty myself; when it’s my turn to send condolences, I too feel stumped. In my case, I know it’s because my empathy makes me feel too much and believe that the words I have to offer could never be adequate, because I can’t make it better for them. So I do have an inkling about why so many people have a difficult time expressing condolences.
Friends have asked me, what is the right thing to say? I admit, it’s a tricky topic because trying to muster up those words can sometimes become difficult. This is because, in essence, there really are no appropriate words to make us grievers feel any better in our darkest moments of loss. One thing I can say for sure; plenty of things are better left unsaid.

Sometimes, people who are lucky enough not to be familiar with this painful thing called grief may say the wrong things unintentionally. Even with good intentions, their words may not bring any comfort to us. Let’s begin with what not to say.

When we hear things like “He’s in a better place,” “He’s at peace,” “At least he’s not suffering” ad nauseum, these words only make me think, No! He was better off here with me on earth, not under it. So please refrain from these cliches. Like I said earlier, a hug and an ear are what is most beneficial for us. Sometimes, there are just no appropriate words.

We don’t need people offering us cures for our broken hearts and souls. These aren’t comforting to us while we are in the depths of our sadness—because there is no cure, merely the time, however long of it, that it takes for us to learn how to live with our grief and move forward with it. Some people feel compelled to blurt out things they think we may want to hear, just as some will say things we’d prefer be left unsaid. Yes, in our hearts, we know our loved ones are in a better place than that of suffering. But our grief is raw. And despite our knowing this is true, our hearts are aching to have them here with us. After burying the loves of our lives, we know we didn’t want them to suffer, but we are not yet ready to acknowledge the loss in our hearts.

Saying something more heartfelt is a much better option in those awkward moments. So—what is more heartfelt? For me, more heartfelt words are those that convey an understanding of the person who is grieving. For example, if a friend or family member has just lost someone, say something to the effect of “I can’t pretend to imagine your great loss, but I am here for you.” This does a lot more for me than someone saying things that have no value or leave the wrong taste.

Having said this, and having been in the same position when it’s me offering condolences, I know how easy it is to be caught off guard when comforting someone I care about who has just suffered a giant loss. We always mean well in these situations, even though our words don’t always come off as warm and fuzzy. Many people are death averse. When faced with grievers, they appear like deer in headlights—stuck for words. It happens.

Please visit Sally’s blog for a great review for this book, and for Sally’s instructions for how to be featured at Smorgasbord Blog Magazine.

©D.G. Kaye

Smorgasbord Book Promotions 2026 – Share an Excerpt – Boost one of your books – #Grief #Relationships #Strength – About the Real Stages of Grief: A Journey Through Loss by D.G. Kaye

Source: Smorgasbord Book Promotions 2026 – Share an Excerpt – Boost one of your books – #Grief #Relationships #Strength – About the Real Stages of Grief: A Journey Through Loss by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

bitmo good grief

Grief – What Do You Wish You Knew About Grief Before Losing Your Spouse?

Published on by dgkaye76 Comments

The title of this post was a question I came across recently on one of the widow forums I visit occasionally. It made me pause for a moment, but then I realized, there is absolutely not one thing that could have prepared me for the loss of my husband, even if I thought I could prepare.

I recently finished first draft of my newest and upcoming book, days before I lost my best friend to an aggressive and too late detected deadly cancer. I’m actually still in the shock and rage stages of disbelief and non-acceptance. Needless to say, doing revisions has been a struggle. My upcoming (eventually) book talks about the many stages of grief, in no particular order, and sure to revisit the stages, randomly, repeatedly, and most likely, forever.

I haven’t spoken much about my book since it became a WIP, and truthfully, I now think I need to add a chapter titled – Grief on Top of Grief or I feel I’d be remiss. And most definitely, there must be a new memoir written, titled – Sanja and Me.

As a writer, I feel like I want to jam more into my current book, because my recent giant loss is at the forefront of my mind. But as a writer, I have to remember, this book is about grief and its many faces, common stages grievers experience, as well as the changes that occur for us after going through something that alters our life, not specifically about my husband, but my own endurance through grief. Because I have the unfortunate experience of speaking first-hand, I mention my beloved husband in instances when I’m referring to something I experienced from certain situations. This is not a book about my memoir with my husband, or my best friend; it’s about the aftermath of what happens to those of us who are left behind.

So, again, in answer to the question of preparing for grief. You can’t. Because we are all human and all hold various emotions within, and we’re all wired differently. Love is different for everyone, just as grief will be. And to add to my statement, I watched my husband fade away daily for months during horrid Covid before I could get him in a hospital – TOO LATE. Through that time I was already living in anticipatory grief – the grief of knowing you’re losing someone, before they’re gone. That’s the preliminary grief before the actual loss. It’s a beast of its own ilk and only a precursor to what grief after loss is. So, to sum it up tidily, nobody could have prepared me for the aftermath of loss.

One author who I’ve read some of his wonderful books on grief, sums it up nicely:

“Loss is shocking, even if we think we’re prepared for it. The death of someone we love is stunning and momentarily paralyzing.” ~Gary Roe, The Grief Guidebook

Paralyzing is an apt word.

©DGKaye2025

Smorgasbord Poet of the week

Smorgasbord Poet of the Week 2025 – #Loss – Grief Hole Masquerade by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Published on by dgkaye44 Comments

Sally Cronin has some fantastic new series at her Smorgasbord blog for 2025. I was thrilled to partake in her newest series – Poet of the Week where we share a poem we wrote as well as another poem from any other poet.

Smorgasbord Poet of the Week 2025 – #Loss – Grief Hole Masquerade by D.G. Kaye

My guest today is well known to those of you who visit on a regular basis… D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies has been both friend and collaborator on the blog for the last 9 years and she is also an ardent supporter of so many of us in the writing community… It is an honour to share her poem today, a powerful reflection of the grief felt on the loss of a loved one.

Welcome to the series Debby and can you tell us why you write poetry?

I write poetry when I’m feeling injustice or melancholy, more so now with the loss of my husband. I used to jump into Haiku challenges of different varieties, but when I write poetry, my preferred style is free- verse, allowing me to let the words flow without restriction. Often something will also pop up spontaneously that will inspire me to write. Writing in free verse style allows me to write freely and without measured rules.

 

 What connects you to this particular poem?

My poetry is always revealing my own deepest thoughts, feelings and/or perceptions, wrapped in my observations and truths. Old habits die hard when you’re a memoir writer. This poem is one of the many cathartic writings I created when my grief comes to visit.

 

Grief Hole Masquerade

I work hard to dodge my grief,
Like a game of hide and go seek,
Or a small child hiding under the covers,
Hoping the monster won’t see her.
It’s a myth.

The heart and brain can never hide,
No matter how far buried.
Grief is a pin that pokes a hole
There is no mend for.
You may not see it,
But we are always wearing it.

This hole can be camouflaged by layers of things,
Like smiles, temporary happiness, even laughter.
But don’t be fooled.
The hole is always there,
Frayed, raw, and vulnerable to more wear if tugged too harshly.
Even a stitch can only merely masquerade the initial hole,
Holding permanence of the grief that resides within.

©DGKaye2024

Which poem written by someone else touched you and why?

That’s a toughie for sure as I enjoy poetry that evokes human condition. Frank Prem, Robbie Cheadle, Balroop Singh, Lauren Scott, and Lisa Thomson’s poetry comes to mind, as well as poetry from some of the classics. Today I’ve chosen to share a poem by John O’Donahue from his grief poetry:

by John O’Donahue, Irish teacher and Poet
from his book TO BLESS THE SPACE BETWEEN US: A book of blessings . . . Please continue to read this heartfelt poem at Sally’s Smorgasbord.

 

 Note: Sally invites writers to join in the series. Find the rules to enter below:

 Poetry since ancient times has inspired, motivated, celebrated and entertained and this year I would like to showcase this wonderful form of writing and the poets in our writing community. If you are interested in featuring your poetry along with your blog, books, social media etc… then please look through your poems you have written and choose one you feel you most connect to and you believe anyone reading it would. I will of course add a copyright to you along with the poem.

Along with the poem, I would like you to send me the answers to the following questions.

1. Why do you love to write poetry?

2. What connects you to this particular poem?

3. Which poem written by someone else touched you and why?

If you have been promoted here before then no need to send anything else. If you have not been featured here before then please include full URLs of your blog, Amazon, Goodreads and any social media you use. My email is sally.cronin@moyhill.com

I will feature the series at regular intervals during the year so there will be a number of opportunities to share more than one poem in the year. As my regular readers know, I have a young readership and so I don’t feature erotica on the blog if you could bear that in mind.

I would love to hear from you.

Source: Smorgasbord Poet of the Week 2025 – #Loss – Grief Hole Masquerade by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2025

bride and groom

Silver Bells – 25th Anniversary #Epistolary #Poetry

Published on by dgkaye99 Comments

Today is our 25th Wedding Anniversary. On this day, October 9th, 1999, I said I Do to the love of my life. I will honor that vow until the day I die and am reunited with you.

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Gies Wedding

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YOU ARE MY GREATEST LOVE AFFAIR

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No past tense for, no matter how far you are,

You’re still my greatest love.

You had me at first kiss

when you cupped my face with your big   strong hands.

You paused for a moment to look into my eyes.

Then you kissed me with a passion I had never before known.

The passion lives on.

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🧡 💜 💛

I Miss You in a Thousand Different Ways

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Your love

The warmth of your hugs

The love in your eyes

The sound of your laughter

The way you said my name

The little pet names we shared

Your famous right foot, in and out solo dance at any given moment when a great song came on

Your one-eyed wink, code for I love you

I miss the many times a day you’d tell me you loved me – just because

I loved our code words that only you and I understood

I miss your telling me “I Yuv you.” – Also inscribed in our wedding rings.

I miss your stories – even the ones you told me fifty times over

I loved your terrible singing voice that we’d both laugh together at when you sang in what you loved to call, the high notes

I miss us dancing in the kitchen when you’d sometimes grab me when a certain song came on as you were passing by

I love that you persisted to win me over when I said I’d never marry

I love that you would do absolutey anything in your power to make me happy

I love that we never, ever fought (not counting petty disagreements or momentary piss-offs)

I love that you were never a jealous man and loved me unconditionally

I miss your kisses

I miss our morning cuddles

I miss you hovering behind me in the bathroom when I’m trying to do my hair

I miss our beautiful and happy life

I miss our conversations

I miss eating meals with you

I miss your two or three phone calls a day from work just to tell me you love me

I miss your doing the dishwasher duty and your laughing at me because of the way I put dishes in with no law or order

I miss us going grocery shopping together because we both didn’t like to

I miss you running the tedious errands

I miss telling you a thousand times, to turn down the TV in your man cave

I miss our life together

I miss you beside me in bed

I miss us

My heart is shattered.

💙 💗 💚

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On the Threshold

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Meet me on the threshold between our two worlds

Where the veil lifts and once more allows us to glimpse one another

Where spirit meets flesh and love transcends eternity

Let me, once more, feel the power of your hug, the sweet taste of you,

The smell of your cologne, still lingers in pieces of you

 I miss the glint in your eyes, that secret wink, embedded in my heart

 The once warmth of your presence leaves only a chill in my empty space.

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“Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation” – Kahlil Gibran

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Truest Words.

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©DGKaye2024

if love could have saved you

Grief and Loss and Spirit Connection – 3 Years and Still Feels Like Yesterday

Published on by dgkaye84 Comments

“Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation” – Kahlil Gibran

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This week’s post is an acknowledgment to the third anniversary of my husband’s passing this past Sunday April 7th. That day wasn’t any easier than any past years, in fact, because I keep my husband close in my heart and talk to him daily, I still feel his presence around me daily just as though he is still here with me. Because he is.

I talk to him all the time. He hears me, this I know. I’m not crazy, I’m spiritual and I feel spirit. I’ve long since given up second-guessing myself, asking myself if every sign and moment I sense spirit is just wishful thinking, accepting what I feel as real and not imagined.

A medium I went to see last summer told me how she saw my husband, and relayed messages from him to me. Messages that may have made no sense to her, but I understood the language, personal things that only he and I would share with each other and understand.

I talk to my husband all the time, especially when I have a dilemma – large or small. He was always my best sounding board, and still from the other realm where he now resides, he always sends help. My magical husband seems to beckon to my call when I can’t perform a simple task, or when looking for something I’ve misplaced. Somehow it always works out, just as it always did when I relied on him here. There have been so many of those moments to even speak of, but with each time he is there in my time of confusion or need, problems are magically solved. Too many times to believe otherwise. All I have to do when I’m at my wit’s end of solving, finding or fixing something is look up and say, “Hun, please intervene here and give me a hand or a clue” and miraculously, dilemma solved.

Now, I don’t expect everyone to understand or even believe this continuing connection I have with my husband, and I do believe there are a host of elements attached to these uncanny gifts I receive from him, elements that many aren’t privileged to receive, but I have the gift of being clairsentient, being able to feel when spirit is around, and being able to identify who that spirit is. Also there’s the fact that my husband and I were twin flames together on earth. We were velcroed at the hip spiritually and often physically together whether physically together at a moment or not. We knew each other’s thoughts without speaking. We were each other’s biggest cheerleaders and both of us would have gone to the ends of the earth to make one another happy. We were beyond the realm of the physical on earth, so it is no surprise to me why our connection continues. And I am very grateful for that because it helps me get by daily knowing my husband is still with me in spirit. I’m not sure I could function otherwise.

Energy never dies, hence the soul never dies, which makes it clear to me how my husband remains in my orbit even from another dimension. He has proven it to me so many times over. We were a true love story and love never ends, hence, never will grief. The more we loved, the more we will grieve. I can attest to this. Grief is just pent up love with nowhere to go.

One of my favorite mediums I listen to is Matt Fraser, as he talks about the connections we on earth still share with lost loved ones on the other side. I find comfort in listening to someone who understands much of what I experience. Truthfully, I feel that if it weren’t for this continued connection I am gifted to still have with my husband, I don’t know how I could continue living if I were to believe my husband’s death was the final end of us. I know in my heart it is definitely him pulling me along this journey, guiding me to where I need to be along the way to where my next path leads. He remains my guide while he knows I’m still in limbo going through the motions of life, not yet knowing where I’m going, walking in baby steps with many pauses along the way. Just as I know that as much as he will never leave my side, one day he will know when I’m strong enough for him to let go of my hand when I find the new path my life is supposed to take and once again learn to walk steadily on my own. And still, he will remain by my side. I take comfort in knowing this.

I brought some new ornaments to his grave (shrine maybe?). Doing these things makes me feel better.

The Bite – I Love You to the Moon

I love you to the depths of my soul.

When you asked me to marry you, my heart held all the joy in the world.

Yet, the fear of the future and concern about how I’d deal if I were to lose you because of our age difference, frightened me to my core.

I weighed the odds and decided that another love like ours could never be.

I hugged you in true laughter, and said yes, but I made you promise me at least twenty years.

What a fool I was, short-changing myself and not asking for thirty or more.

Your promise gave me twenty-two,

That fateful fear that’d haunted the corners of my mind, came back to bite.

No number of years would have ever been enough to have to let you go.

I love you now, still, and forever.

I love you forever into the beyond.

God gifted me you, but only on loan. Because he wanted you back.

I had to give back the most precious part of life, honoring the bargain.

You were my lesson on love.

I tasted true unconditional love,

A gift that many have been denied the privilege.

You’re a gift that will blanket my heart for the rest of my days.

I love you.

grief quote

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And from the wise words of one of my favorite compassionate poets, Donna Ashworth, whose poetry speaks always of one who wears the badge of loss, and seems to sum up that unexplicable connection that remains long after loss, from her book, Loss:

“Maybe people don’t want to stop grieving…

Maybe they are terrified, that the grief they feel is the last thing they have left of their person.

That if they move on from this grief, they will lose the final connection, the only tie.

Maybe people feel united with their loved one,

in the realm just outside our reality.

United in pain and loss.

Banished to a parallel universe where they can both exist together, still together.

Maybe that’s just too precious to move on from . . .”

Donna Ashworth

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©DGKaye2024

bitmo good grief

Life, Loving, and Laughter and a #Podcast

Published on by dgkaye78 Comments

Humor. It’s the thing that always got me by in life. The love of my life was my husband. I like to say I married him because he made laugh, but even with that truth, it was so much more than that. With my Puppy, I learned the true definition of what unconditional love meant – something I’d never experienced in my life prior to him.

Until I met my husband, no other man could make me laugh like he did. In fact, laughter was my own avenue through life. Being a self-conscious child, teen and young adult, I made it my business to be a funny girl because laughter could mask so many scars and aches.

I felt my flaws as I grew and I learned from a young age that if I could make people laugh with me it may deter them from laughing at me.

As the years passed and I learned how to grow my self-esteem and make myself proud of myself, I no longer worried about being laughed at. And as I came into myself, I learned I was actually quite funny and that I no longer had to use humor to make up for what I felt were my shortcomings and flaws.

I was the funny one in my circles. I think in most of my romantic relationships it was my good sense of humor that attracted people to me. And deep down inside, no matter people’s issues, they love to laugh. But it was always me creating the laughter in all my romantic relationships; it was as though I always got involved with men who were somewhat broken in some sense of their lives, despite their profession or standing in society. My attraction to wanting to fix people followed me through my childhood, always feeling I could help my father win back my mother so he wouldn’t feel so broken. But that was until I met my husband. The first man in my life who could make me laugh and didn’t need fixing.

Other than some good times and particular incidents that were funny in other relationships, I hadn’t experienced laughter daily until I met my Puppy. Even when something had brought me down, my hubby would always remind me of the brighter side of life. Sure he had his share of ups and downs in life like anyone else, but he had a special way of getting through and past things without harboring his wounds.

My Puppy was the first true love of my life. He loved me through all my war wounds unconditionally. We laughed our way through a most beautiful life together until god put a stop to it and took him for himself. Grief is an extension of love. The more you loved, the more you will grieve. The hardest part about grief is learning exactly how to live with it. 💔

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I recently did a podcast interview with Rebecca Budd of Tea Toast & Trivia. She wanted to discuss with me the day-to -day things a griever encounters, how and what do people say to a griever, and more. Please join us and listen in on our conversation, and please feel free to leave your thoughts.

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Welcome to Tea, Toast and Trivia

Thank you for listening in

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I am your host Rebecca Budd, and I look forward to sharing this moment with you. 

I am delighted that blogger, non-fiction writer, memoir author and podcaster, Debby Gies and I are connecting Toronto and Vancouver, Canada.

Debby is a Canadian author, writing under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She writes about real life and the events that she has had to navigate through and overcome.  Her intent is to inspire others by sharing her stories and the lessons that have come along with them.

In her podcast “Grief – The Real Talk”, Debbie speaks from the heart and from personal experience.   She takes listeners through the painful journey of her grief after losing the love of her life, sharing her observations about the changes that occur during the grieving process.

I invite you to put the kettle on and add to this profound and moving conversation on Tea Toast & Trivia.

Thank you for joining Debby and me on Tea Toast & Trivia.

And a special thank you, Debby, for sharing your insights on grieving. Losing a loved one is an inevitable part of life. It is a deeply emotional and challenging experience that requires careful consideration.

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Original Source: https://teatoasttrivia.com/2024/01/08/season-6-episode-1-d-g-kaye-on-her-podcast-grief-the-real-talk/?unapproved=8619&moderation-hash=66989b18be0a34e428e19a5d64110c8a#comment-8615

©DGKaye2024

Bitmo Sunday book review

Sunday Book Review – Living Without the One You Cannot Live Without by Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D.

Published on by dgkaye57 Comments

Today my Sunday book review is for a most moving book – Living Without the One You Cannot Live Without, written by professor and keynote speaker, poet and author Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D. in 2013 after losing her soulmate, well into her 80s. This is a short book, written in freeverse style as the author talks about her daily life, covering every single emotion, longing, and her daily struggle to go on living without the love of her life. At 96 years old, she shares her last blogpost, posted on her blog April 4th of this year, after her passing in March of 2023. She is finally back together with the love of her life.

Our Beliefs Impact Our Brains Influencing Our Behaviors

Posted on  by Natasha Josefowitz

Dear readers,
This is the last column I will be writing. I have been writing to you for over 40 years. You may not know it, but I will be 97 and I think my time has come to put down my pen. Thank you for all your comments and letters. One of the highlights of my life has been writing this column and hearing from all of you.
Warmly,
Natasha

You can read the rest of this post at Natasha’s blog:

https://natashaswords.com/blog/

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About Natasha

Now into her 90’s, Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D., has lived a full life. Some might argue she has lived enough for several lives.

To say that she has been a trailblazer would be an understatement.

In 1980, Natasha wrote Paths to Power: A Woman’s Guide from First Job to Top Executive (Addison Wesley 1980), which quickly became a bestselling guide for women in the workplace. Natasha taught the first college course in the country on women in management. In the mid-eighties, she became one of the first female members of Rotary International in California.

Natasha has hosted her own television segment, appeared regularly on NPR, wrote her own nationally syndicated column, and appeared on Larry King Show, Sally Jesse Raphael, and Dr. Ruth, to name a few.

While Natasha has written several other bestselling books, her passion is poetry.

Now, at 90 years young, having lost her brother, her son, her husband, and most recently her son-in-law, it is Natasha’s strength, her passion for living life, and candor that is truly infectious. Living Without the One You Cannot Live Without (November 2013), is perhaps the most telling book ever written about pre and post grief. It is a collection of powerful, gritty, candid, and inspiring poems about living life after loss. It was recently named to Kirkus Reviews Best Books of 2013.

In 2015 she was inducted into the San Diego County Women’s Hall of Fame and was the Honoree at the University of California, San Diego Women’s Conference.

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Blurb:

From the first, life-changing terminal diagnosis to a new way of life as a widow, the deeply moving journey of mourning a beloved spouse’s death is the subject of Natasha Josefowitz’s candid, uplifting collection of poems, Living Without the One You Cannot Live Without. Drawing from her own personal experiences navigating the grief of this seemingly unbearable loss, the author’s tender and thoughtful perspective is certain to offer hope and healing to anyone who is embarking on his or her own journey of grief and healing process, regardless of age and life stage.

With rich insight and raw honesty, Living Without the One You Cannot Live Without guides the reader from mourning to recovery, using simple, relatable poetry that casts an unflinching eye on the day-to-day experiences entailed with losing a loved one. The collection starts with a diagnosis of cancer and travels through the moments experienced in doctors’ offices, hospice care, the funeral, and on to the reality of a life alone. Examining the grief process chronologically, the poems progress from the painful early days to the second year, when healing has occurred. The book then culminates with a strong message of hope, as the grieving person emerges once again as a self-sufficient, confident person who is facing the next adventure life has to offer.

Natasha Josefowitz was inspired to put her poems on paper by her own experience with the death of her husband, as well as the grief she witnessed among so many of her friends. She now endeavors to help others who are confronting the unimaginable end of a central relationship. With compassion, clarity, and profound humanity, Living Without the One You Cannot Live Without is certain to offer solace and support to those who are bereft, and who will benefit from empathy and emotional connection as they work through their own grief toward help and healing.

My 5 Star Review:

This is a short book of 93 pages, with each page sharing how the weight of grief affects every single action in living without her other half, Josefowitz writes her emotions and thoughts on how each aspect of her life, and how nothing remains the same and how the most menial parts of daily life are no longer the same. Written in freeverse style – not so much poetry as sharing her thoughts on what life is now like as she grows from grieving to finally learning how to move her grief and continue living by learning to live with her lost husband ‘in her heart’, as final acceptance. She shares with us her own stories that many grievers can nod their heads to in confirmation as we know exactly of every word, emotion, and trigger us grievers endure while trying to make some semblance of our new lives.

“Familiarity has gone strange,” says Natasha. She speaks of things that are new that were once the mundane and part of life – things left in drawers – “objects from an ongoing life interrupted midstream by death”, chores that are now hers, time – “There is a constant presence of his absence, he is everywhere, yet nowhere…”, long nights alone, no one to share her daily grind with, talking to her dead husband, progression of time not easing all the missing, the wrong things people say to us, no more intimate sharing of food, stories, secrets, love, and she speaks of the gratitude for single friends, as ‘widows are no longer invited for dinner by couples’. Everything in this book are a cycle of a new life she didn’t ask for, and so relatable for anyone who has ever loved and lost.

Below are some snippets of excerpts that felt as though I could have written them.

Moving Quotes:

Hospice

“…I don’t know where to turn

I want to leave

to go somewhere safe

where we can turn back the clock

to when he was healthy

it would be nice

for me to be unconscious, too

for a little while…”

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Dismantling His Office

“…there is a pervasive sadness

about objects once owned

and treasured

by a man I loved

that now need to find

usefulness elsewhere …”

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The Half Person

“…he left me with

reeling from realization

that I’m only half a person

the other half is gone

the other half is dead

we were one together

a unit, yin and yang

a whole side of me

has been torn away

and it’s bleeding

from the open, ragged wound

it’s not a clean cut

it’s pieces of heart

and pieces of gut…”

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Only Silence

“The sweetest sound in the world

was the sound of his peaceful breathing

as he lay next to me in bed

that sound secured the night

now that there is only silence

I do not feel safe anymore.”

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Perhaps my favorite verse as this sounds like me pleading and bargaining for same signs:

“Where Are You?

Give me a sign

blow out the candle

rustle the curtain

make a sound in the wind

touch my cheek

with a breath of air

give me a sign

so I will know

you are here

somewhere with me

please let me feel you

in the room

in the air

in the energy

pulsating in the universe

my love

where are you?”

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©DGKaye2023

Grief podcast

Grief the Real Talk New #Podcast – #Scammers Preying on Lonely Hearts #Widows and the Jesus Rays

Published on by dgkaye36 Comments

My new podcast is out this week for my Grief the Real Talk series. In this episode I’m discussing scammers who prey on the bereaved and how to dodge them.

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Also available on Soundcloud

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This grief business is eternal because the more you loved, the more you will grieve, a simple formula. The trick is learning to live with it differently and adjusting to daily life completely different from the one you were previously living. It's a life adjustment in a thousand different ways.

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I came across this picture of us recently and it made me smile remembering that very fun time in our marriage when life was carefree and happy for us with no medical issues.

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This photo I took when I visited our grave on my husband’s death anniversary on April 7th. I was blown away when I looked at it because there were, what a friend in Mexico had deemed, ‘Jesus Rays’ coming from the sky. Look at the rainbow rays over the gravestone. If you can enlarge this photo by pinching it, you can almost make out a figure in front through the rainbow colors. Perhaps an angel?

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Jesus Rays are a real thing. If you want to know more about Jesus Rays:

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RaysFromHeaven

©DGKaye2023