So the other night I had the great joy of seeing Dave Gorman and Jay Foreman performing live in Newbury, and also meeting both gentlemen after their respective acts. They were absolutely lovely, although I wound up slightly embarrassed as it turns out I have an enthusiastic ‘pick me, pick me’ (apparently) whoop. Or at least that’s what was said when I gave my little cheer following the request for those with an irrational fear to give a cheer, and I had to then say what mine was, in front of around 150 people, being completely on my own (Thursday night is poker night for a lot of my friends, so they were there instead).
This got me thinking on an idea I’d had some time ago to write a poem about my very silly and completely irrational fear – escalaphobia. No I didn’t make that up, it is a real word for a real phobia, and it involves escalators. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the British term, I’m talking about those staircases which move. Now I’m pretty lucky as I only have a problem with the down side, up is no problem to me at all. Unfortunately I have panic attacks when I do use them and pretty much stop breathing or being able to see. You can imagine how ‘interesting’ trips around London are using the Underground. But I don’t let it stop me, oh no…
The Practical Escalaphobe
I’m a practical escalaphobe,
Don’t let my terror stop me.
The panic and the fight for breath,
The inability to see.
I’m a practical escalaphobe,
I know my fear seems strange.
Up is fine but down is bad,
A fact I’ve tried to change.
I’m a practical escalaphobe,
And I haven’t passed out yet.
But my friends still get concerned,
Ready to catch me they always get.
I’m a practical escalaphobe,
Although I sometimes try too hard.
Like attempting the longest in Europe,
My nails, the handrail scared.
I’m a practical escalaphobe,
And keep trying to use them I will.
Whether I must ride them down,
Or use them as stairs when they’re still.
16/02/2012 + 08/04/2012
If anyone is interested, I found this blog post on the subject Elevator World and a website on the subject Fear of Stuff – Escalators.