Monthly Archives: February 2023

By the end of the week, I’ll be on the other side of the world. I’ve been to Asia many times but never to Vietnam. Given the horror stories I’ve read about travel in pandemic times, I won’t believe I’m leaving until I’m strapped into the plane and in the air!

As I’ll be away for awhile, I thought to share something I did a short time ago.

I entered a writing contest.

NYC Midnight has been around for years but I never thought of joining. Their newsletter would come into my mailbox, and I’d give it a cursory read and delete. Organized by NYC Midnight Movie Making Madness, the organization’s goal is to help promote talented storytellers.

When the 250-Word Microfiction Challenge came up, I thought What the hell? I’ll try it, especially after two years of writing for my 800-Word Story came to an end last December.

Currently in its fourth year, the 250-Word Microfiction category is a recent addition to the NYC Midnight Challenge. By comparison, the short story competition has been around for 17 years.

The task was to create a fictional piece no longer than 250 words based on an assigned genre, action, and word. I received the prompt at 11:59PM Friday night and had 24 hours to write my story.

With 5400+ competitors worldwide, only the top 10 in each group would advance to round 2 (there were about 43 people/group).

Below was my story assignment.

Of course, I’d hoped for a familiar genre to me like drama, suspense, thriller, romance, or mystery … but ARRGGH … Fairy Tale/Fantasy?! I neither read nor write in this genre, so it was definitely a challenge!

Here’s the story I came up with.

Eternal Sisterhood

On my sixtieth birthday, Mom shares a secret few would believe. An energetic octogenarian, with her own mother still active at 108, they’re proof she’s telling the truth.

“I wish I could’ve told you sooner.”

“Why didn’t you?” I choke back tears. I’d inherited my father’s genes, suffered from early onset arthritis, walked with a cane.

“I wanted to, but the society has rules.” She hands me an envelope.

The next day, I arrive at what looks like an abandoned building in a part of town unfamiliar to me. I’m searching for the address when the door opens. A woman shrouded in a white head scarf motions me inside. From the envelope I give her, she pulls out crisp bills and records my details in an over-sized antique ledger.

“Welcome to the Sisterhood,” she says. “Follow me.”

I tighten the grip on my cane with each arduous step across an uneven stone floor. The walk through a dark, meandering hallway leaves me dizzy. I’m about to ask if we can slow down when a flash of light blinds me momentarily. I stumble, disoriented, reach out to steady myself against a wall. Suddenly, I’m waist-deep in a pool of water, above me open sky.

“You won’t need this anymore.” The guide takes away my cane.

Before I can say anything, she vanishes.

With childlike abandon, I swim and laugh and blow bubbles underwater. I drink until my stomach is full. For the first time in years, I’m no longer in pain.

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What I love about this competition is that judges provide feedback for every entry, regardless if one advances to the next round or not. The judges were anonymous, each represented only by a 4-digit number. This allowed me to respond to them, creating a reciprocal review process.

Below is their feedback.

Eternal Sisterhood —— Feedback

”Eternal Sisterhood” by Eden Baylee –  WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY – {2133}  The premise of the story unfolds at a nice pace with the establishment of the narrator suffering from early-onset arthritis and just turning sixty while her own mother and grandmother are “energetic” at their respective advanced ages. There is just enough mystery in the story to add intrigue about what the secret is that the mother’s withheld until the narrator’s sixtieth birthday. The breadcrumbs about “the society [having] rules” and the trip to the abandoned building in an unfamiliar part of town keep the story flowing, and there are no lulls for the reader.   {2227}  There is a strong fantastical element to the story. As the story progresses there is an underlying theme of things not being as they appear. The mystery plays out well with just enough details to keep you engaged and enticed for more. The element of the water in the end was a nice touch.   {2151}  That members of the Sisterhood have to age into suffering before they get renewal and health makes your story believable. Even for people with access to magic, there are no easy answers.

Restoration isn’t free. Membership has a price.   

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK – {2133}  The balance of the narrative feels a bit off. There is so much setup that the ending scene when she falls into the pool feels rushed and the denouement could be more resolute. For example, if after “I’m no longer in pain” there were something about what this portends for her future or how it makes her feel, it would be more emotionally conclusive. Trimming the line about walking the hallway and feeling dizzy will give you ample room to address this.   {2227}  The fun of the story is in the mystery of the sisterhood. There is a lot of time spent getting to that point. It could serve the story better to give more space to the magic of the sisterhood and trimming what isn’t crucial to the plot.   {2151}  I think you could afford to pare back on the modifiers, and trust yourself, your readers, and your story to make the scene and events clear. I’m not suggesting that you cut every adjective, adverb, and descriptive phrase. It’s more a matter of wondering whether you need both “crisp” and “oversized’ in one phrase, or “a flash… momentarily”. All writers understand the urge to back things up, to add details, and to make extra-sure that readers _get_ the scene. Your world and work are clear enough that you don’t have to do that. You can afford to ease back a bit, and let readers’ imaginations make the story real, each in their own way.

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The feedback was valuable for me, and I let the three judges know it. Their comments struck a chord on many levels and were worth the cost of entry. The contest got me excited about my writing. Nothing gives me quite the rush as a short deadline.

Originally, I was pleased with my story, but as time went on, I started having doubts. I’d had almost two months to read and reread my story before the announcement of the winners. My critique of “Eternal Sisterhood” grew harsher by the day.

When I received the email to say the results were in, I’d already decided I wasn’t moving on. I hit the link and found my group. It listed the competitors by name and how they ranked. I scrolled down, reading the names of the writers who finished in 1st, 2nd, 3rd place … not me … then 4th, 5th, 6th … still not me … then 7th, 8th, 9th … by this time, I felt so dejected … I scrolled down a little more and that’s when I saw my name! The 10th and last qualifier was ME! DING DING DING!

I didn’t care that I finished in 10th place! I was moving on to round 2! WHEEE!

Come back later this week when I’ll share the story I wrote as my second entry for the 250-Word Microfiction Challenge. After that, I’ll be blogging from Asia for the next month.

Thanks for reading this long post, much longer than the actual story! 😀

~eden