I have been doing a lot of soul searching since the pandemic has begun, not in the way many people have but through my own perspective. Using generalisation here but I think the lockdown is an insight into being a carer or caregiver. How did I come to this conclusion? Forced circumstance social isolation.
As I don’t talk to anyone, I cannot conclude strong support for my hypothesis as I am a data set of one but being alone with one’s thoughts can come to a realisation with a touch of watching the news.
Stripping on what is happening in the world as that infuriates me as black lives do matter. This insight comes from how I have seen the world react to social isolation as akin to my first six months of being a full-time carer. I am now in my fourth year, and I do have to laugh in mirth and hope on how people are coping. They are making an effort to keep in contact and making sure their burning desire to continue being a social species stays alive.
Then why watching this remarkable movement of social dynamic makes me even feel more alone? I am in my fourth year of social isolation.
Being a caregiver means that you have to make sacrifices and most people just don’t understand or care about the burden of a carer (using a generalisation here as I can see people will always be sympathising to us carers).
Here are some questions for anyone who read this blog, what are your plans after the lockdown? Most people will return to how they lived before, work, socialising, plus more. Now, what are my plans after I stop being a carer? Grief and loneliness. Mourning for my mother as she would have just died and loneliness as I would have no-one in my life anymore. Why so cynical? I am fated to be single and being a carer made sure that was going to happen.
Things I know, I will never marry, I will never hold my child in my arms, I will never know what it feels like to be loved by my soul mate, and I will never know what it is like to wake up each day and see the love of my life next to me. This has nothing to do being a carer, but it didn’t help. Some people are destined to be alone, I am one of those people. I have had three real relationships in my life, and each one ended as soon as it started to get serious.
I still weep when I think of these subjects as I think I would have been a good dad, but life is not fair. How does this relate to Covid-19? Simple, stop bitching about being locked away for a few months as it is temporary and “truck me” you will survive as we humans are adaptable. Hence why I am nearly at peace knowing that I will never leave this social isolation.
Samuel Colbran 