By Miranda McMinn Health Writer Interviewing experts for a piece on life after an affair was among the most fascinating research I have ever done. My main takeaway was that infidelity is a symptom of an existing problem in a marriage. And, apparently, if you can find it in yourselves to solve that problem and move on, you can start your marriage over and have a better relationship than before. Do you think that sounds far-fetched? So did I, at first. But sex and relationship therapist Cate Campbell made me see it differently. “This can be an opportunity for growth,” she insisted. Personally, I don’t think I could manage to forgive but it certainly opened my eyes. Meanwhile, like many others, I’m obsessed with getting a good night’s sleep. Have a happy and healthy week, Miranda

°°°

Infidelity

A survey in China, conducted at the Shanghai Academy of Social Science, found that infidelity is a major reason for divorce in that country.

Divorce as a result of infidelity “has tripled in the past two years,” says the Shanghai report. Without doubt, extramarital affairs are one of the major causes of ruined marriages. Therefore, can having an affair ever be recommended as a remedy for a weak marriage?
Could a drug that kills 30 to 40 percent or more of its consumers ever be recommended as medicine?
Hardly!

Some argue that it is best to keep the affair secret from one’s marriage partner. But how? Explain Lake and Hills:

“Affairs are usually surrounded by a protective web of lies and deceit. Whether an affair is a secret or not and whether it has ended or is still going on, the lies are usually designed to ‘protect’ the marriage, or to safeguard certain aspects of the marital relationship. Many of these lies are half-truths, because the whole truth would be too painful to face up to, or might too radically alter the relationship between husband and wife.”

When a man and a woman marry, they commit themselves to each other. To break a commitment is cheating, betrayal.
Have lies, deceit, and half-truths ever brought lasting happiness to a marriage?

So before considering having a secret affair, one would do well to ask oneself:

Will all involved become happier?

What about the feelings of guilt and the constant fear of finally being found out?

Still others argue that the foremost purpose of marriage is to bring children into the world, and the importance of sticking to one’s mate fades when the children grow up and leave home. They claim that there can be a sexual reawakening. So what’s wrong with having an affair then?

Sexual reawakening

The Sexual “Reawakening”

There are psychologists and family counsellors who recommend that middle-aged persons have an extramarital affair to reawaken dormant resources. Claim Lake and Hills:

“An affair at this stage may well bring even more stability to a stable marriage, enabling one partner to feel alive in new ways without in the least threatening the other.”

Indeed, an affair may stimulate a person’s sexual appetite or satisfy his selfish fancy for a while.

“It seemed such a glamorous idea, having a lover,”

one middle-aged woman put it. But at what price?

Consider what happened to one middle-aged man after he had an affair with his secretary, who was 18 years his junior. His marriage of 30 years broke up, he began drinking heavily, and he was eventually fired from his job. He laments:

“I did it simply because I was so proud of myself. Imagine me, at my age, conquering an attractive young woman. I believe this need to brag, to prove what a macho type you are, lies behind much of the stupidity men devote themselves to when they get a chance. This is unfortunate, because such pride rests on a false foundation.”

“A false foundation”

indeed! The Bible long ago put it this way:

“Pride is before a crash, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” ​— Proverbs 16:18.

The six best foods for your gut (and your brain) What we eat can have a significant impact on our brain – here are the best foods, according to dietitians and neuroscientists

To help you out today The health benefits of honey – and how to spot the fake stuff “Fake honey is a real issue, with many products bulked out with glucose syrup, high-fructose corn syrup or other cheap sweeteners,” Rob Hobson, a nutritionist and the author of Unprocess Your Family Life explains. So while we know that honey, the real kind, is supposed to be good for us, which of the health benefits stack up, is one expensive pot really any healthier than the other – and how do you spot the fake from the real? We ask the experts. This is the best time to go to bed to stay healthy as you age We all know that after a bad night’s sleep, we feel below par the next day, with our energy, mood and ability to concentrate all impacted. But over longer periods, poor sleep can have serious long-term implications for our cognitive health, increasing our risk of dementia. A growing body of research has linked sleep problems with the brain disease, including a study by University College London and the French National Institute of Health and Medical Research (Inserm) which found that people getting six hours of sleep or less in midlife were 30 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with dementia than those getting seven hours or more. Scientists believe the reason is that sleeping fewer hours means getting less deep sleep. … polyphenols found in honey, are natural antioxidants that may help reduce oxidative stress and inflammation – both of which play a role in heart disease, Five surprising health benefits of flossing every morning Most people think keeping their teeth clean stops them from falling out – but there are serious health risks associated with gum disease

Five exercises that suppress hunger just like weight-loss drugs This 20-minute workout can help stop you feeling hungry – without resorting to extreme measures such as weight loss drugs

The foods full of cancer-fighting fibre (and you have most of them in your cupboard) Fibre (unlike oh-so-popular protein) is the unsung hero of the modern diet. These are the foods to eat if you want to boost your intake

The 17 best pillows for a good night’s sleep We tested dozens of the best down, memory foam and microfibre pillows, from firm to fluffy, in our quest for a good night’s kip