If you think sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven't danced in the rain

To nicholas: i know it's oxymoron, the way i contradict myself here and there. but i guess, i know how far i can push myself, and the match on friday was definitely not my maximum or utmost potential portrayed. trust me, next friday will be better. you add oil too."

today was my first triathlon ever, well.. an eye-opener indeed.
with a bad kickstart.
couldnt find a helmet.
my wave started at 945 and i got a helmet only at 940.
athena was apparently pissed off by then.
i don't know what to say.
then i started cycling,
URGH!
the chain that linked the pedal to the wheel,
came loose three times during the whole cycle!
=DON'T LAUGH=
i struggled, really.
so the second time it came loose,
i happen to be in font of this photographer,
and when i asked him to help me with the chain,
he said "don't know"
then without even helping me support the bike,
he went to take my picture,
showing my pathetic down-trodden side!
urgh, arsehole///
athena seemed angry with me cos i really slowed the whole event down.
sorry.
i want to take part in the great eastern run and standard chartered marathon!
AHHHH!
=D

basketball match with 1t04 today was good.
healthy competition i must say.
everyone played well,
i guess, except me. =/
laodie nicholas nicole ezra aggie yukang,
great performance you guys!
i'm so proud of you,
since today was my maiden match with the class against our opponents.
28-17 was the score,
we did it guys!
each and everyone of you were star performers.
hahahahha.
yes yes.
next week match with 1t33,
we can do it again! yeap!

No matter how insignificant you think you might seem to other people,
just know that you have made a difference in their lives,
and words are not needed at all to prove anything,
because the relationship you share with the other person,
is much stronger and more firm than any words said.
(:

wahaha.
don't know if it's God's will,
(it probably is)
my dad is not going for PTM tomorrow.!
i'm relieved.
i really cannot imagine what he'll say when he actually sees my grades.
lOL.

didn't go to school today cos i was the rash was quite a bother,
thank God it subsided soon.
well,
one day of missing school is no joke.
and i'm not about to miss another day.
missed math and history lecture.
that's double trouble.
and in tutorials,
athena was telling me how chengyou made homoylee LAUGH.
hurr hurr.
hahahaha.
can imagine.
though there isn't a day that chengyou don't make the class laugh,
it would be nice to see him tickle the class.
x)
well,
accomplishments at home!
i'm proud to say i completed reading one book in the morning,
5 people you meet in heaven. yay.
and in the afternoon,
completed the math tutorial questions and revision paper.
hahaha.
athena told me the class won the first match against senior class.!
yipee!!!
i'm so proud of you guys!
17-10 is marvellous results!
and i cant wait to get in the court next week to play the second match!!
wahahahhaha,
so exciting.! =D
i'm loving school and friends(:

YOU. that was no emo post alright.
you havent seen what emo is.
+)

looking at people around me,
i realise i'm not alone in having my fair share of woes and troubles.
in fact,
there are people out there who are in plights worse off than mine,
and i am in no position to procrastinate about doing anything,
and should instead do it with a postive attitude.
there are people around me who are lonely,
have no one to talk to,
and are aimless in life.
sounds like me,
but at least i know that i musn't let this life go to waste.
i've decided to not think so much about this nonsense.
i've done badly for midyr exams,
nothing to be happy about,
nothing to say,
as many people did far worse than me,
and i should be grateful for what i have,
and study harder should i want better results at year end.
see.
it's all about the attitude.
don't say things like "i'm so stupid for scoring so badly"
but rather,
take the leap of faith by saying "i WILL work harder"

but seriously,
looking at my grades now.
i laugh.
i cry.
i dread.
i think:
what about the O lvl times when i panicked so much,
and yes,
the times when i went to morning mass EVERYDAY
and read the student prayer issued by Fr Simon Pereira before every single paper.
O level meant so much to me,
and i did everything to just do well for that General Certificate Examinations.
and now in jc,
screw the midyear.
ha,
thats what everyone thinks!
where mere passes and subpasses are the highly yearned grade.
and i even talk during sunday mass now!
oops!
i look at the people around me,
and it makes me reflect (positively):
if aggie can listen attentively during lectures, why cant i?
if my first intake friends can do and get their stuff right, why cant i?
if my second intake friends catch up on syllabus and even pass every subject, why cant i?
if i could perform the way i did just 8months ago for the Ordinary level, why cant i now?
think about it.

and just like today's chinese listening compre,
the question on the guy with the small car accident while going on a picnic with his friend,
with the moral of the story being:
always look at things from a positive perspective.
i think it's so true,
in every point of life.
well..
one life, live it.

what can i say,
the most unexpected thing happens to me,
giving me a damn great surprise or
a hell of a shock.
but of course i would choose the former.

today i finally got to know my history marks.
ironically,
history was one of the first papers i took and
it's also the last paper i got back.
pleasantly surprised,
i actually got an E.
and that is a pass, mind you.
i was really taken aback by the results.
not that i do not wish for an E, or pass, say the least,
of course i'm overjoyed by the results,
but it wasnt something i expected.
like totally out of this world.
Thank God for it, really.
AMEN!

but.
i still don't see how i actually managed to get an E.
still vividly remember i walked out of the exam hall aft Hist paper,
sad, emo (literally),
and on the verge of tears,
with so much guilt harboured within me,
that i've let down Ms Joyce yeo, Mrs Susie Lee,
and to my (disbelief), i kind of thought that i let down ms Sarah Soh.
though there were times where her sarcasm really pricked the hearts of many students,
i know she wants the best for her students at the end of the day.
and after all that these teachers have done,
to inculcate in me the knowledge and ability to pen down a good essay,
i repaid their hardwork by
leaving half a page BLANK,
and filling in the guided essay with utter rubbish,
which, even i myself find it hilarious when i read.
and what made me feel even worse was
when Dell Butler came into class and exclaimed
how the "guided essay was a complete total give-away!",
i felt like a total idiot.
i thought to myself,
"gosh, a question that is considered a giveaway, is actually something i
stumbled upon, and fell so hard, that i cant even bring myself back
on my feet." (cos literally, to this day, i don't know how to answer that korean war guided essay properly.)

that time,
as mr t read out the grades,
i was actually collecting funds around the class,
and upon hearing the good news (how hilarious to know that an "E" is actually good news for me)
i couldnt contain myself and just went hysterical telling anthony and nicholasLU how inbelieveable it was that i actually passed,
neglecting the feelings of the people around me,
people who:
studied much harder than me,
stayed up to burn the midnight oil much later than me,
made the effort to do tutorial outlines more conscientiously than me,
and of course, [how could i ever forget that scene in the exam hall],
where they filled in lengthier answers for their essays than me.
murmurs could be heard around the class,
sighs, resentments and thorough disappointment could be sensed,
if you actually felt it,
some people actually said
"i cant believe i cant even subpass! i studied so hard for it you know."
and i think,
this "E" shouldnt be for me!
it should go to some one else more deserving.
and even though this "E" means hell lot to me,
i was somewhat, unworthy..
at that point,
i was thinking deep,
about how this whole thing somehow seemed like a big fat joke that was being played on me.
why must it always be like that?

I pinned such high hopes in chinese and gp,
thinking that those two were "easy lah!"
and ended up with results far below expectations,
that feeling is real bad.
and it really saddens me.
now i'm in jC,
i actually have to lower my standards to such a drastic point that for certain subjects,
i cant have any expectations at all, except a "U".
and when i held high hopes for one, two subjects,
i cant even get them fulfilled,
and this "useless" overwhelming feeling,
just sucks, big time.
and once again, chinese,
i felt that i let down huang laoshi,
pan laoshi,
and of course, how could i ever forget,
mr tan lye huat,
the teacher who led by example,
the silent worker,
the steadfast teacher who taught his lessons to the best of his abilities,
something that not all teachers can do with a class like mine.
GP is just a joke,
a subject that i'm so "DOWN-there",
and should learn to be more realistic and set practical goals like "D" instead of "B".
there, now you know my standard. urgh.

but all in all,
i should always look at the macro picture and be thankful for the results that i have achieved.
something which i guess some others out there would yearn to have.
praise God(:

She will be loved
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehowI want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

i look forward to my new beginning,
erase the past.

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the pastI just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make through without a way back into love
Oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction and
I'm open to your suggestions
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping that you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you'll help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

is this but a daily routine that i drag my feet to everyday,
only to face the same old predictable music,
which i know long before hand,
and seriously,
don't look forward to.

give me a new lease of life!

exams are over, and i'm enjoying life now. x)
with a guilty conscience. =x
hahahhahhaha.
see la see la,
who tell you never study!
slack and slack,
now it's time for you to face the music.
you are going to do so badly for your midyears that you'll just screw your rest of the year,
mugging your arse off.
daiwen! you just never learn your lesson,
you.
serious case of
once-twice-thrice-countless times bitten, never shy.