If you think sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven't danced in the rain

I asked myself: what is the reason for people getting into relationships?
Because a relationships can create so much problems and animosities between two people
who are supposedly to be on good terms all year round, or so it suggests.
Then i realize that the things that drives couples to persevere for however long they last are essentially,
love and happiness.
They are mutually exclusive in fact.
Yet you cant do without either one in a relationship.
At least that is for my case.
What is the point of trying so hard to love when it seems like happiness seems so unreachable?
All i ever wanted, was to be happy, in love.
but the scale was tipped, and now:
can only be in love, but not happy.
This equation is thus flawed, and makes it difficult for the both to carry on.
We have so much love for each other,
so many good memories that we hold so dearly to.
Even if we want to erase them out, it is impossible
because of (practically all) the places where we've left our footprints,
we revisit them constantly.
Dont have to look too far, for school is one place.
So because i love you so much,
all i really want is for you to be happy.
but you are not happy with me.
so it means that i cannot bring you the happiness you deserve
and hence you, really should free yourself from this torment.
i love you and want the best for you.
but since i cant be the best you can get, how can i allow you to settle for something less?
I cant fully move on because everyday i think and think and think,
what if what if what if.
but i know that for each day that i can imagine myself standing infront of you not knowing the right words to say,
i will not talk to you and make a fool of the two of us.
for each day that passes, the skies are turning grayer,
for each night that passes, the winds are getting stronger.
its not the body that is getting cold,
but the heart.

I love you enough to give you up so that you can be happy again.

all was fine just one week back.
i am so fked up.

Does this how freedom smells like?
Its not as fragrant as I thought.
There is something missing,
Like a somewhat familiar scent that
Has completely vanished.
I hate to admint, but
Its like somethting I need to have
In my life.

Else it just seems so wrongly empty..

am i doing it right,
am i doing it wrong.
i have no idea.
this is something i've never done before
and never dared to.
but i'm just tired.
so tired for now.
need to get my energy back.

you are tired as well.
how i've made you suffer with me
though you dont deserve.
miss you miss you so.

please eat your meals properly.
that is so important,
pains me to know if you get gastric.

I keep dialling, it never got through. But I still keep dialling.
What a fool, what a joke..
How to stop thinking? Can't stop. Can't stop.

Le le. I was walking home from the mrt and was under your house.
Like so tempted to shout from the bus stop.
But of course I didn't. Don't wanna over do it.
Feel like crap all day today.
The ultimatum climaxed when jac dropped the polaroid cam,
My heart sank. I was so scared.
What if something bad happened to one of the last gift from you to me?
My heart.. So heavy..
So tired, so dreary.
So in need of you.

Because i wanna be with you in the future, forever..
Even if I am dying to see you now, I will control myself.
This feeling is awful. But at least, I know it will be worth it

Did I hear you right
cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here

I really really still love you a lot a lot.
What is my world now?
I am not strong, really.