please don’t let this happen…

I was in the middle of one dilemma, and now another.  And I’ve brought it all on myself. 

I don’t even know which one hurts more…this or that?  I never thought that I would lose a friend because of all this.  Please, I beg of you, please just tell me what I have done wrong that you hate me.  That’s all I want to know.

I’ve always known you to be reasonable and one of the kindest people I’ve known.  Just tell me…because it’s killing me from both sides, knowing that I’ve lost one thing, and now the fact that I’ve probably lost your friendship.

You probably never treasured our friendship much, and I can understand that.  But to me, all those who are my friends hold a special place in my heart.  So, we weren’t very close, but I could trust you to so many of my secrets, and I knew that certain things, you would never spread into a vicious rumour, like others would have done; and God knows how much I respected you for that, and I still do…I know I wouldn’t be able to do anything like that.  

I guess I have done many things that will come back and haunt me, and maybe this is the beginning of them.  I respect and understand that you more than probably have reason to be mad at me and hate me…I know I could never have done what you did.  I know now that I am to blame for everything, and now, I am the one paying the price.

Nothing is ever as simple as black or white.  Nothing is ever good or bad.  This became two things that I would never be able to separate.  I should have known from the start.

But it saved me and it’s killing me.

I am so confused and so lost in my life.  What did I do wrong?

Tell me.

Talk to me.

And if there’s anything in this world that I can do, I promise from the bottom of my heart, I will.

Add a comment August 5, 2008