About Me

Welcome to my blog, dear reader. This blog explores living life without children after multiple pregnancy loss and infertility treatments, and talking about the experiences of other women I know who have been through baby, infant and child loss. It’s about exploring what its like to actually live as a childless woman, past the age of hope of ever conceiving, of being able to have her own children here in England. I live in middle England (sounds very Tolkienesque) and am married, currently employed full time and despite never achieving a living family, live life as best as I can.

People always seem to be amazed at my resilience to whatever life throws at me; what they don’t realise is that to me, losing my babies and being infertile from the age of 27 and attempting unsuccessful IVF treatments with a smattering of other pregnancy losses along the way has been some of the worst imaginable things I have ever been through, aside from losing my parents. Everything else is a walk in the park after these events. So it’s not so much resilience on my part really; I’m merely being a charlatan with my internal thought processes thinking ‘ha! This is nothing!’ to the latest occurrence, whatever that may be.

I was diagnosed with a rare type of breast cancer – triple negative breast cancer (non genetic) – invasive ductal carcinoma stage 3 back in April 2022 after a routine mammogram in early March 2022. This is a particularly nasty type of cancer that is very difficult to detect by feel alone, so it was extremely fortunate the routine mammogram happened and I attended, else it could have been a very different story. There was no ‘lump’ felt as the cancer was buried deep in my milk ducts despite me religiously checking my breasts daily in the shower and my oncologist has since told me this type of cancer is often not felt until it’s at a more advanced stage. I mention this here as I do speak about my treatment in my most recent posts and don’t wish to trigger anyone. After numerous diagnostic tests and 6 months of intensive chemotherapy and surgery at the end of October 2022, I finally received the all clear 2 weeks before Christmas in December 2022.

Who would have thought all the trials and tribulations of loss, involuntary childlessness and infertility have actually helped me in dealing with this? I also lost my beautiful dog (pictured with me above) in July 2022, she was PTS as I held her in my arms and thanked her for everything she had given to me during her life. She is sorely missed and will never be forgotten. My heart ❤️

I am lucky enough to have a strong and beautiful support network around the UK and indeed, the world, of women who have helped me through some of the darkest days. Huge shout out to the Childless Collective, (formerly Gateway) who have been fantastic during this surreal period! Not forgetting my fellow involuntarily childless bloggers, your support and kind words have meant so much. I also have the most wonderfully supportive husband who happens to be my best friend.

In January 2024 cancer decided to visit again, this time as a brain tumour. No idea what the future holds, do any of us? Still grateful for all I have. Sacked the so called relatives, because they were more than useless last time around so who wants that negativity? Not me!

I hope you enjoy reading my blog, please feel free to contact me or leave a comment…