Death is not the pain of the dead but the pain of the one who suffers the loss.   It was accidental that I observe we can practice the grief of death.  It is not really the actual death of the person when we experience the death.  It could be a total break up and not talking and seeing and feeling the presence of the person in our life anymore.  Suffering the total loss of contact is like suffering the death of that person.  I suppose we can only perceive from our perspective.  I’m not sure if empathetic people would not suffer and grieve for the total loss of contact but not actual death.  But surely for me, if a person has no more presence in my life, it is as if I suffer his loss or his death.

If my exbf/s whom I have no contact with dies now, what difference does it make to my life now?  I have grieved for their loss a long time ago.    When my dad died, it was less painful than when we lost touch of each other’s life over the years.   I didn’t realize he died a long time ago in essence in my life.  I didn’t realize I have grieved and suffered his loss over years of loss of connection, that when the actual death of the body arrived, it was less painful than the previous years of “death”.

I view it more positive that my current partner is not around intermittently.  I’m not sure if I’m just turning it around, but it is like practicing small deaths.  So when/if he actually dies, I don’t suffer so much.   A little pain, a little frequent pain strengthens.  This would be ridiculous though if the pain is coming from unnecessary causes like bad fights.  I’m talking about pain from inevitable, pain of death.