UNBELIEVABLE!
Just when you thought it was safe to check out the washing instructions…
We were on holiday earlier this year in Cyprus and decided to do a spot of holiday washing. When we checked the washing machine manual it showed this…
Read the first line of notes.
Always read the instructions
Just what are they expecting? In fact, no, I don’t wanna know…
GRIM!
I thought it would be a good idea to summarise my months throughout 2012. It is set to be a cracker of a year (a great year, to all my non-English readers, or should I say readers from outside of northern England).
January started most dramatically. Bas, my husband-to-be (I love saying that), and I travelled back to The Netherlands after enjoying Christmas in the UK. The drive from England to the Channel Tunnel was horrendous. When I say horrendous I mean utterly vile. Scary. At-my-wits-end-scary. I thought my life would end at some point on that journey. The rain was torrential and never-ending. Once through the Channel Tunnel (and after a welcome 30-minute break on the train), we continued our hell-raising journey into France where the bloody rain continued. How could so much water fall from the sky? Belgium proved to be no better – The rain poured from the sky and our car barely managed to stay on the road. Driving through a swimming pool is never recommended and as the car shook, swerved and vibrated its way along, the thought went through my head on more than one occasion that skis may have been a better option than wheels. I lived to tell the tale though, so all’s well that ends well.
It was so much worse than this...
January also brings with it the worst time of year, the post-Christmas-blues. Apartments and houses look so bland and bare without the joyful Christmas decorations. Is it just me, or am I the only one who never ceases to be shocked at how bare a home can look without the decorations hanging? It never seems that bare in November…
I was back at work, greeted by a class full of happy little three-year olds all eager to see their friends again – and their teacher, of course. One little boy saw me on the first morning back and said my name with such enthusiasm. It was as though he’d not seen me for months, years – or as though he thought he may never have seen me again…. Bless.
In order to brighten the mood, we had friends over for a games evening. I love games. Bas does not. Therefore, we played games. And Bas loved them. I won’t hear a word against them. That is the basis of our relationship. I am right. 🙂 We played some great games – word games where one team had to name 10 things related to a category. The highlight of the night being when my team was asked to name 10 deserts… We looked puzzled and skipped the category. I don’t know deserts other than Gobi, Sahara… I’m struggling. We asked to hear the answers – clearly out of interest. Answer #1: Pavlova. I have to hold my hand up and admit that after a few glasses of wine I sat and pondered where this Pavlova desert may be. Possible Eastern Europe…? The penny did not take long to drop. DESSERTS! My wonderful other-half avoided reading the next answer – trifle. We would have been laughing into the early hours. I love games.
A fab game. You must play it.
Throughout the rest of January, we visited family in The Netherlands, caught up with friends, helped our wonderful friend-and-bride-to-be choose her wedding dress. Yay! We had a decorator in to plaster the kitchen (our kitchen shall be finished this year – finally); we watched Carnage and The Iron Lady (Streep must win Best Actress at the Oscars) at the cinema; and we had meals out. Good fun all round.
Oh, but then there was the party Sunday. The Sunday we shall not forget. It started with a neighbourhood borrel (drinks and nibbles) at the pub along the street from our apartment. All our Dutch neighbours were there – although we didn’t recognise a soul. Normally I know one or two – but the absence of everyone from our actual street made the stress-levels rise. I was using all my Dutch skills. Speak Dutch and survive. I survived – almost. We were labelled on entry with a post-it note from the very official looking ‘organiser’, power-dressed in red. After spelling my name repeatedly (in Dutch), I changed from Jamey to Jami to Jame where I finally gave in. I’d be Jame for the evening – for the quiet life. Jamie isn’t difficult to spell. What panicked me next was seeing the organisers hand out coloured flower stickers. There was a game to be played. Panic stations. I know, I know – I like games. But not in Dutch and not when I know that my Dutch partner is clearly not going to be in my team. We ended up separated. I must not panic. I must keep calm. Drink. Hours later, and after meeting some lovely neighbours we made our way, on bikes, to another party. You can see where this is going. We drank. We chatted. We drank and had a fantastic evening – until home time. That was when the wall of reality hit. Cycling home was an experience. 🙂
Oh – and January officially became my busiest month for hits on WordPress. Thanks guys!
What a month. January – you have been memorable.
Bring it on February!
2012…. How did that creep up on us all so quickly?
I am still recovering from the shock that Christmas arrived and went by in a flash. I’ve almost finished my Christmas chocolates. How many days has it been since that lovely day with the family? More to the point – How many days are there until next Christmas?
I’d better get my Christmas list ready…. (just kidding)
I’ve not been blogging very much recently. I have lots of excuses (all good ones). Here are a few:
But – Fear not! I am back and aim to keep you all entertained with fresh and funny little treasures over the next few months.
Keep you eyes peeled – I’ll be making you all smile soon.
J x
What a fab five days I’ve just had!!!
My mum was over from England to stay with me in The Netherlands. I love having visitors – and a Mum visit is one of the best!
We’ve done so much in those five days: a canal trip through The Hague, meals out, a cinema trip, an IKEA visit (and yes we DID have meatballs), shopping in Leiden, shopping in The Hague and more meals…
The only problem with people coming to stay is that you have to say goodbye. Airport goodbyes are so sad!
Bye Mum! Come back soon.
My mum and me
I was in The Hague (Den Haag) just the other afternoon. I popped in to do a little bit of shopping. Being an Englishman submerged in The Netherlands I am surrounded by Dutch speakers: It means that my ears pick out English at fifty paces. I happened to pass an English family (they sounded like they were from EastEnders, the east end of London).
The mum was standing with her partner and two sons (aged 10 and 7ish). This is what I heard her saying to her youngest son.
“You remember Grandad’s friend?………….. DEAD!………… Yeah, he got trapped under a tram”.
I can only assume that the boy had been a little too close to a tram moments before. This was his mum’s attempt at warning him of the dangers. A slight over-reaction I’d say. The poor boy looked terrified at the thought of ending up like ‘Grandad’s friend’.
What was she thinking!
For anyone out there who has not yet hosted or been to a Eurovision Song Contest party – 2011 is the year. It is a must in everyone’s calendar. You do not need to love the contest, or the music or the voting – but a party to remember the night by will be more fun than you’d initially imagine.
Here is my list of essentials to make your party go with a swing:
The infamous scoreboard. We included all guests with a country but also left a space for a phone vote. There is nothing more entertaining than calling someone (another party, a friend, or as we did, my mum) to get their votes. True-Eurovision style). Put them on loud-speaker for extra effect!
Crazy guests willing to dress up and brings flags. Flags are a must!
A trophy for the winner. (Blue Peter would be proud). 
Food to represent the countries particpating in the contest. Ideas here.
Some great tips for making flags from food of that nation.
Dance moves… There’s nothing better than dressing just like the performer of that year.
Recreating Spain's entry in 2008 (Rodolfo Chikilicuatre)
None other than Ukraine's Verka Serduchka, the 2007 entrant.
Scoresheets (and guests who are really putting the effort into it).
A good imagination is always needed. Look at these countries. Can you guess which country they represent?
A tricky one. This is Oliver. He's hungry... Get it? Hungary. (sigh)
Very clever. Crow. Asia.......Croatia.
An easy one but fab. FIN-land.
I would love to have a Eurovision party this year. But….. I’m going to the real thing! Look out for me in the crowd of 24,000 people!! Enjoy the show.
Internet sensations travel around the globe within minutes these days. Times have really changed. Technology allows us to share information instantly with people everywhere. The lastest sensation to sweep the online world are the talking twins.
The video is fab! To date, over 6 million people have viewed the video on YouTube. The question is – Are these children really talking? If they are – then what exactly are they discussing? It’s fascinating.
Watch and enjoy.
Tea – there’s nothing like a nice cup of tea. The mere mention of the word will have made all the English readers sit bolt upright. Perhaps some of you saw the title, dashed to the kitchen, popped the kettle on and returned with a freshly made ‘brew’ ready to read on…. I hope so. This should be good.
"Oh, that's just made everything in the world seem better".
A nice cup of tea is a powerful thing. It is the solution to all problems – or so the English believe. In the book ‘Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour’ Kate Fox paints the perfect picture of typically English families in their typical English households with their insane belief that tea can do mighty things. Being English myself, I have to admit that tea-drinking plays a major part in social occasions – yes, even more so than wine or dare I say it –beer.
Fox explains ‘the universal rule (certainly for the English is…): when in doubt, put the kettle on. Visitors arrive; the English have the usual difficulties with greetings and say ‘I’ll just put the kettle on’. When the conversation runs dry and there’s nothing more to say about the weather, the English say ‘Now, who’d like more tea? I’ll just put the kettle on’. After a bad accident – people are injured and in shock: tea is needed. ‘I’ll put the kettle on’. World War Three breaks out – a nuclear attack is imminent. ‘I’ll put the kettle on’.
You see – tea has wonderful magic powers that can cure people, revive people, calm them down and give them the well-needed ‘get up and go’. It is so very true of life in England that we (the English) do say many of the things above. My mum loves a nice cup of tea. The ritual must be followed – milk in first then the tea (after it has been prepared in the teapot). Apologies to the readers who are shocked by the ‘milk in first’ comment – you are probably thinking ‘no, but it is surely milk in last’. I have heard an debate on this matter (honest – some people care that much about it.
So, who’s up for a lovely cup of tea then? I’m just putting the kettle on now…
You may also enjoy reading this:
Why, why, why. This poor kid. Whoever he is – wherever he is – I am sure life has been hell so far. His parents clearly thought that the name would be fun for him. OK, I admit it’s better than other possible names to match his surname, Knight.
I have heard of other names that people have which are not amongst the greatest in the world. I am glad that my name is ‘normal’.
I once knew a psychologist called Michael Hunt (Mike for short). Mike Hunt – possibly one of the most unenviable names on the planet. (If you haven’t understood why……then oh dear, I don’t think I can explain). I discovered only 5 minutes ago that there is another Mike Hunt in the world, see here. Bless him too.
To English readers, I once heard of a person being interviewed on the radio called Emma Dale. Rather unfortunate. She was born before the TV soap had started…… But, all the same, it was not so funny when she was constantly sang to by people giving their rendition of the soap’s theme tune…….
Anyone have any other funny names?
My blog ‘One Life’ is the closest I get to having something/anything published. OK, each and every blog I add is ‘published’ here on WordPress, but it’s not the same as popping into a book shop or looking on Amazon.com and seeing my very own book. How I envy my friend.
Alison with her book.
The friend I am thinking and writing about in this post is Alison Zeitler. Alison and I met a couple of years ago in The Netherlands when she started working with my class at school (the joys of working in an international community as a teacher). Alison was, and still is, a superb teaching assistant. (It’s just a shame she’s not my teaching assistant anymore).
I was really impressed when Alison told me that she had written a book and even more so when I discovered that her book was complete and published. Alison was officially the first person I’d ever really known to write a book* – and I couldn’t wait to read it.
[*I mean a published book that people can buy and not the kind of book that I wrote when I was younger. I have stacks of stories and books that I made myself. Now, that is another story.]
Alison’s book ‘The Legend of Dragonmoon’ is a story about a girl who discovers that there is more to her family than she knew. She goes to Norway to stay with her aunt and there unfolds a series of events that turn her world upside down. A book with mystery, adventure and family secrets….. (“I’m going to like this”, I thought).
Inspiration for the house in the book.
I searched for reviews and information about Alison’s book online and arrived at the Amazon site. Their description of the book was as follows:
The Legend of Dragonmoon – The Big Green House follows the adventures of three cousins who are sent to Norway to stay with their great-aunt at Villa Skasen. They discover that their great-aunt can no longer afford the upkeep of the Villa which may have to be sold. It is left to the cousins to find the buried treasure on Skasen Island. Their task is complicated by superstition and myths of witches and lake dragons. A series of strange events place the three girls in danger. Their failure to find the treasure leaves only one option – they must rely on the old legend of Dragonmoon to save them.
While putting the finishing touches to this post, I spoke with Alison and explained that I wanted to talk about her book. This is Alison’s story and how she came up with the idea for ‘The Legend of Dragonmoon’:
“I have literally been trying to write THE book for my whole life. At age 15, I promised myself that one day I would write and publish a book. Over the years I began many stories and books, but none grabbed me and I always lost interest in them. Then in the summer of 2004, we went on holiday to Finnskogen, Norway, and spent 2 weeks in a 100 year old green and white house standing on the edge of a beautiful lake. In the middle of the lake is an island. Very Famous Five! We did a lot of the things that you can read about in the book, eg. Rowing over to the island and sitting on the porch roof. Of course, my imagination just took off and soon a story began to form in my mind which originated from these three things – the big old green and white house, the 3 old ladies who used to live there and the word Dragonmoon which is actually the name of a woodland track in the forest. I began to research the area and found out that it is full of old myths and strange legends. I invented the legend of Dragonmoon which I weave thru the other myths and legends of the area. I added a lake dragon to Lake Skasen and came up with a history for the 3 old ladies and finally, I had a story that I really liked”.
It all sounds simple when it’s put like that. More exciting news followed when Alison told me that the sequel was also in its final stages. I cannot wait to get my hands on a copy.
A place of mystery and magic.
A place of inspiration.
Alison explains that “the sequel carries the story on with the introduction of new characters/villains, the death of one character, and more about the legend of Dragonmoon as the danger and excitement escalate to new heights. What I write is considered “low fantasy” because magical things happen in a real and natural setting. My goal is to eventually write “high fantasy” (a la Tolkien) where the setting and characters etc are all based in a world that doesn’t really exist. I already have a basis for a “high fantasy” story also connected to the legend of Dragonmoon so watch this space…”
With the first book published and the sequel on its way, what could be next?
“I would also love to write Scandinavian fairytales about witches, trolls, moose, shamans, etc. And I already have the outlines of 2 stories for my fairytale book which has the working title of ‘The Witches of Storberget’. And in between all the magic and mystery, I write poems too, 122 to date and still counting…”
Now I am left thinking “Alison……Where do you find the time?”
If you are interested in finding out more about the book, the items or indeed the author and my friend, Alison Zeitler, you can check out more on her website here. There are some great photographs that reflect the essence of the story. You can find the location of the green house by the real Lake Skasen here.
Thanks for reading!
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Perhaps you’d like to comment. I will pass comments to Alison too.
One Life by jamieonline 