I Eat, Therefore I Am

I haven’t been blogging for the longest time.

mainly because of work.  and partly becuz i’m lazy? I mean, when I am busy, I would want to spend my free time just sleeping or doing my own stuff, like watching tv, surfing the net, even jogging. any activity that doesn’t require much of my brain power.

So why this post? Usually this means I have loads on my mind and something has pushed me to vomit all out so that blogging becomes more therapeutic.

As the year ended in 2009, I looked back and reflected. My main disappointments were mainly due to work. I know work ain’t everything. But a LOT hinges on work. No work, no money. No money…not much of a life issen it?

I dun hate my work. It’s more like i hate it that i cannot manage my work. I blame it on my ineffectiveness. My softheartedness. sometimes my kindness taken for granted. I just cannot bring myself to not help people. To say no. To be assertive and offending many in the process. It just doesn’t feel…very nice…

I know,  it’s something i have to work on…

And i digress…

I started the year with lots of aspirations and plans. but I am beginning to feel like a failure. I have not exercised much. I am not eating healthy most times. I still skip breakfast most days. Get overwhelmed in the morning  by emails, phone calls, requests to do this and do that. Little things. LITTLE things that ADD UP.  It’s mostly fighting fire. In the end, the things not done yesterday becomes the things STILL not done in the NEXT day!

I drive. And i am thinking most drivers in singapore are IDIOTS. Stupid people who do not realise that indicator lights exists. That they should signal their intentions. That they should keep their lanes. And NOT HOG the right lane at 60km/h on a 80km/h road!

then, to make matters worse, just when u think all that is left behind when u come home. HOME. a place supposely meant to be a place of solace. a SANCTUARY. And your own parents, instead of asking how you are, gives you grief instead. The moment u step into the apartment, questions come your way…suddenly u felt like u never left work.  IT actually feels like u just stepped in the office in the morning! Talk  abt deja vu!!

The above, if u looked at them individually, are small things. manageable. Itz when they all decide to gang up and overwhelm you that you feel totally helpless and out of control.

PLUS the other little things….insurance agents, traffic jams, overcrowded places, idiotic men who pee all over the floor, rude service staff, etc

Hope things change for the better soon. At least I haven’t reach the 80kg mark. or lost my job.

I still have a nice bed. Friends. and a little bit of health.

And I have God. He has promised that with God, ALL things are possible.

I just pray that I will not neglect Him. Coz I know He never neglects those who are called His children. We just have to remember to turn to Him always and accept His help.