Life is good, even when you do have chronic illness, pain and fatigue. Don’t misunderstand me. I would never want to wish anyone the amount of pain and fatigue I have experienced the past two years. But, what I can tell you is that life can be and is still good.
Baby Girl Reyna
Yes, I have had to grieve a lot of losses. Loss of energy. Loss of strength in my muscles. Loss of friends who simply are not able to understand or cope, or too busy living their own lives. But, I am learning how to survive all that. And, keep going. Just one step at a time – even if it means taking a lot of breaks in between because of the pain and fatigue. Life can be and is still good.
I have Tony who still loves me and does everything to help me through the bad days and the pain. And, he gives me more good days to cherish. I have my fur-babies – Gabriel, Linda and Reyna. And, Reyna is always there to wake me up with kitty kisses and a hug. I have a few dear friends who have not left me alone, but faithfully pray for me. And, I have Ravelry community, where we share our passion of needles and hooks, and support each other through our good and bad days. The Chronic Stitchers group already has nearly 100 members!
All of this reminds me that my life is not over. And, that I still have something good to contribute to the very small world I now live in. Yes, completing the basic tasks in my life can be overwhelming. And, I still have my bad days where I can only feel the pain and can’t see the end of the day.
But, life is still good. This is not a statement I am making blindly or ignorantly. It is not just about positive thinking. It is just what it is. After I am done screaming and crying from the pain and exhaustion, life is still good. You have to remember that. One stitch at a time, I am grateful.
So, it has been almost three months since I left the Fiber Artists group on Ravelry. The reasons why I left the group are not important. But, since then, several members of the group have begged me to start my own chronic illness group on Ravelry. And, after months of contemplation and prayer, I started the Chronic Stitchers group today on Ravelry.
Below is the group description taken from the group’s home page. If you are on Ravelry and like what you read, feel free to join in! The group can be found here.
Join Chronic Stitchers on Ravelry
This is a place for anyone who struggles with chronic illness, fatigue or pain but refuses to be defined by them. Instead, we are learning to live one stitch at a time, sharing our passions for our needles and hooks, and supporting one another with strength, courage and wisdom through our good and bad days.
Share your struggles in managing your pain and energy levels. Share the challenges of diagnosis, treatment, disability and health care benefits. Share the treatments that have worked for you, including alternative treatments, herbal remedies and meditation. And, let’s celebrate the good days and the yays! of our lives.
Because our lives are filled with more than pain, illness and doctor appointments, feel free to share about all the areas of your life – knitting, crochet, sewing, favorite foods, tv shows, books, your families, your pets and much more.
Remember to Be Excellent to Each Other
Support each other and give Strength.
Encourage rather than discourage. Give Courage, hugs and laughter.
Respect each other’s journeys. Share your experience and give Wisdom.
Be Authentic. Be Real. Tears are Welcome. No Apologies Needed.
Well, last night the UPS truck delivered my first order of Medifast food. I fit all the food in part of a cabinet in my kitchen. According to the plan, I am to eat 6 times a day! That sounds like a lot to me right now, as sometimes I forget to eat that regularly! It will be a new habit to learn as I start this journey towards better health, at least on the scale.
Happy Medifast Day to me! I have set a goal to lose 40 pounds during the next several months. And, I plan to reward myself for reaching my goals along the way.
I deliberately picked rewards that were tangible – something to hold, see and remind me of my success. My rewards did not include food options – like dinner and a movie, ice cream, etc. – because I want to learn that food is for nutrition not a reward for good behavior or a comfort for pain.
So, these are my rewards:
* 10 pounds lost = a $20 gift to myself from Etsy or Amazon
* 20 pounds lost = two new pairs of jeans
* 30 pounds lost = a $60 trip to my LYS for yummy yarn
* 40 pounds lost = three new outfits to celebrate the new me!
I plan not to reward myself until I maintain the weight loss for two consecutive weeks. But, after that, I will celebrate.
So, just a perfect photo of my cat Gabriel today … What is the secret you are keeping from me? Cat got your tongue, Gabriel? Gabe is my first cat of my now three kitties. I got him many years ago from the Humane Society. I picked him out on Halloween and was able to take him home a few days later on my birthday. He has been my survivor cat, loving the outdoors when he can escape to it and surviving the scrapes and scratches of being out on the street. These days, he does less escaping and more hanging around the house. He is nearly impossible to photograph because or his dark, long cat hair. But, this photo is purr-fect!
In other news … So, my second sock monkey is finished! I have named her Maggie Rose because the yarns are colors of roses in nearby gardens. (Not mine, of course!) I used Plymouth Encore worsted weight yarns for this sock monkey, primarily because Patons did not have these yarn colors. It took more skeins of this yarn to complete my sock monkey, 2 skeins for the body instead of one. But, the end result is the same – more sock monkey madness!
Maggie Rose
Sock Monkey Madness
For details about the sock monkey pattern I used, read my blog post here.
So today was a good day. The sun is shining. I have made the decision to lose this extra weight with the Medifast weight loss program. I placed my first month’s order yesterday and am hoping it will bring results! The Medifast program has been around for almost 30 years, and has been studied in clinical trials and used in many hospitals. So, I am confident this will kick start my body into a better place. Read about the program on the WebMD web site here, or on the Medifast web site here.
Join the Medifast Group on Ravelry
I even started a Medifast group on Ravelry yesterday; we already have six members! I think it will be a great group because we can encourage and support each other on this weight loss journey, and celebrate our passions for good food, yarn and knitting/crocheting! If you want to join, the group is here on Ravelry.
March 2010 - My Before Picture
The pain and lack of movement has finally caught up with me, and I look pregnant with fat! My goal is to lose 40 pounds in the next several months so that I can get back into my size 6 or smaller-sized jeans. (Jeans are the ultimate weight loss test!)
I know my body will appreciate the weight loss. I know that losing the weight won’t cure all my health conditions, but I hope it will help give my body a break from getting worse.
More Yays to Celebrate …
I have several yays to celebrate from three phone calls that I received today.
Yay #1: I got a call today from my long-term disability provider that my benefits have been approved until September 11. Yay! This is great news because although I have been approved for social security disability, my long term benefits from my employer are still not automatically approved or given.
Yay #2: I was able to schedule an appointment next month for injections in my butt! I am going to get steroid injections in my periformis muscle and in my sacroiliac joints. Often these injections help the pain temporarily, but I will take any amount of relief I can get. I am sick of the pain in my butt!
Getting an appointment to schedule the injection procedure has been half the battle; finding someone who could give me a ride there and pick me up was the biggest challenge. Almost all of my friends are out-of-state, and Tony can’t take days off for all my medical appointments. But hospital rules require that someone else drives me home. Thank goodness that my friend Marilyn was able to help!
Yay #3: I am going to get a gait analysis exam next month! This is great news because it will evaluate how I walk, with and without my leg braces. Then, hopefully the information will help my doctors determine what, if anything, can be done to help me walk in the future.
During the past few months, I have gained too much weight. The lack of exercise due to chronic pain and illness have finally caught up with me and now I am close to my highest weight ever!! I have gone from a size 6 jeans to a size 10! I am only 5 feet and 3 inches in height, so this is not where I need to be at all! The added weight just adds to my lack of energy and increased pain to my back, hip and legs. So, I know it is time to make a serious change.
Today I went to Jenny Craig to see about their program; I had heard the food was really tasty. I have done Weight Watchers and Nutrisystem in the past with some success, but I wanted to try something different. The weekly, 1-hour meetings with Weight Watchers are physically impossible for me right now. And, I remember getting tired of the Nutrisystem food quickly, and not sticking with the program. I knew that I needed a program that was easy to follow and required minimal meal preparation.
I made my consultation appointment with the local Jenny Craig center and filled out their questionnaire. Upon meeting with my consultant, much to my surprise, they did not want to sign me up with the program immediately because of my multiple health conditions. They needed a doctor to sign a release form! I explained to them that I have been on other diet programs without any problems, and that I do not have a general practitioner right now to approve this diet program for me. And, that I was too busy with physical therapy and other medical appointments to start a relationship with a new physician right now.
Further, I told her that I have spent the past two years seeing a dozen specialists, and that it would be inappropriate to contact any of them for that sort of approval. We went back and forth in discussion about this; it was extremely frustrating. They just couldn’t believe that it would be so difficult for me to get the approval from any doctor. I explained to them that I did not want to bother my doctors who are very busy, in demand specialists that took forever for me to find. If I was to bother them with paperwork, it would be regarding more important issues like my disability benefits.
The consultant said she understood, and that she wouldn’t contact anyone without my approval. But, that until a doctor’s approval is obtained, Jenny Craig would not allow me to enroll because of liability issues, stating, “We don’t want you to get sick eating the food or being on the program.”
I left disappointed, but I knew I still had other options ahead of me. And, I was not going to give up.
But later today, I got a message from them saying they called my doctor’s office to inquire if an approval could be obtained with minimal effort. This was despite my objections. I was pissed off! I did not give them permission to contact anyone, a clear violation of HIPPA regulations. I let them know this, and they apologized stating that they did not send any paperwork to the doctor yet; and only a phone call was made to ask about the possibility of approval.
Well, that ended Jenny Craig for me. Then, I got to thinking, what the hell is in their food that they are so concerned about getting that doctor’s approval? I am grateful that I had not given them any of my credit card information!
I am sure Jenny Craig is a good program for those with minimal health issues. But, I would think twice if you have chronic health conditions. I am still committed to losing the weight, and have another program in mind. But I will post about that tomorrow.
Been stressed out with car issues lately. Tony has been handling it for me but I think my patience for “normal” stress is really not there anymore. Dealing with the pain of chronic illness, physical therapy appointments, disability paperwork, and just getting a few normal chores done takes all my existing patience.
People tell me, “Wow! You are handling things so well. I don’t know if I could have the patience you have to deal with everything like you do.” Well, the truth is, patience is not a virtue of mine. At least not the kind you are thinking of. I get stressed out by the little normal things in life now; like they are the little straws that gradually break the camel’s back.
Then I take it out on those closest to me by being on edge, in a chronically bitchy mood instead of focusing on something more positive. I try not to get that way and focus on my knitting or sewing. But, then I get obsessed about getting my next project done. Tony sees this as knitting OCD and sadly gets ignored when I am in that mode. He doesn’t understand that I am not trying to intentionally ignore him; I just don’t want to turn my bitchy mood out on him. But, I know going OCD on my knitting is not good either. Too much knitting at one time hurts my hands, my butt and my back.
But I think I get obsessed about my knitting when my patience for life runs out because I can control those knitted and sewn stitches, and I know the outcome of that effort.
In real life, however, I can’t plan every step I take, or know my pain or energy levels for the day. And, I don’t know what the future holds for me. I don’t know if all the efforts I am making to get better is actually going to result in a better outcome for me. It is frustrating and tiring.
So, patience to handle everything? Nope. That is not me. Just the grace to know that I have to take things one stitch at a time. And, hopefully not go insane from it.
So, you can read my notes about how I made my first sock monkey in my post here. But, for those of you who are visual learners … here is the transformation only with photos!
The next sock monkey starts this weekend. This time, it will be a girl monkey made with shades of pink.
By the way, don’t try fitting newborn baby clothes on this sock monkey. It won’t work. The clothes are still too big. Now I will need to learn to sew or knit clothing so that my sock monkeys can go around town in style. Garments require measuring, which require math. My weakest talent. But, the adventure continues …
Sock Monkey Madness has begun 🙂 I wonder how many sock monkeys I will make before I am declared obsessive compulsive or insane. LOL.
Groucho Marx once said, “Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”
Well, my friend Gail just sent me this series of thoughts, undoubtedly inspired by Groucho Marx. And, so fitting for those of us who are too tired or in too much pain to do all our normal chores …
* * * * * * *
I don’t do windows because…
I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
(I am compassionate)
I don’t wax floors because….
I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I’ll feel terrible and they may sue me.
(I am careful and poor)
I don’t mind the dust bunnies because…
They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
(I am imaginative)
I don’t disturb cobwebs because…
I want every creature
to have a home of their own and my family loves spiders.
(I am kind)
I don’t Spring Clean because….
I love all the seasons and don’t want the others to get jealous.
(I am fair minded)
I don’t plant a garden because…
I don’t want to get in God’s way, he is an excellent designer.
(I am courteous)
I don’t put things away because…
My family will never be able to find them again.
(I am considerate)
I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because…
I don’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
(I am thoughtful)
I don’t iron because…
I choose to believe them when they say “Permanent Press”.
(I am trusting)
I don’t stress much on anything because…
“A-Type” personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol’ woman!!
(I am winning this battle!)
Blessed are the cracked. For it is they who let in the light.
Now I am addicted to making sock monkeys! This retro-inspired stuffed animal is adorable and fun to make! I used the basic knit sock money pattern from the Monkey Business pattern booklet by Patons yarns, found here. The Monkey Business booklet can also be found at your local craft stores; I found mine at Michael’s.
I used three skiens of color for this project. One complete skein of the main color, half a skein of the contrast color, and just a little bit of leftover yarn for the mouth. The completed monkey is 18 inches tall. Now, I think I am going to make a pink sock monkey!
The most difficult part of the pattern was figuring out how to join the two legs together before starting the body. Thank goodness for Ravelry, where I found a sock monkey group to help figure out the confusing directions. Here is how to join the two legs together on the pattern:
Put half the stitches from each leg on a double pointed needle (dpn). So you have four DPNs. With another DPN, knit the front of one leg, then the front of the second, then the back of the second, and the back of the first. The first few rows will be awkward, but once you’re 3-4 rows in, it’ll be good. After a few rows, you can place the stitches on 3 dpns to make it easier to distinguish start/end of the round. You will need to close the gap between the legs by weaving in extra yarn.
My stitches ended up working out to 8 rows of knit per one inch. Here are the number of rounds I did for each piece of the pattern:
I worked 48 rounds (6 inches) of the MC for each leg. For the body, worked 62 rounds (8 inches) of main color (MC). For the arm, did pattern for leg from ** to ** and then I worked 11 rounds of knit of the contrast color and 60 rounds of the MC for approximately 7.5 inches of MC. For the ears, I modified the instructions so that I could work in the round; 16 stitches to start and split onto 2 dpns; all purl rows are knitted. For the tail, I worked a skinnier tail by doing one less increase round with the contrast color, then did 11 rounds of knit; then 60 rounds of the MC. For the face, I used buttons for the eyes.
I hope these notes help you figure out the pattern with ease. And, that this inspires some fun, retro knitting! More free sock monkey patterns can be found on Ravelry. So, why don’t you join Ravelry? It’s free and such a great resource for all things knitting, crochet, and fiber-related!
To celebrate my new addiction, enjoy the Kia Sock Monkey commercial below:
Kkhymn's Corner 