Kkhymn's Corner

Hola Senorita!

I just wanted to thank my friends for the words of support I have received in the last 24 hours since my post about losing my faith. I really need all the virtual hugs and real life prayers right now. And, your friendship does make such a difference in my life. I appreciate each and every one of you.

But before this weekend begins, I wanted to share a little bit about the next Blythe coming my way.  I have not figured out a name for her yet; she is simply a gorgeous Senorita of Sacred Hearts.

I met AniO on Facebook, and she is the one who lovingly customized my Senorita. This Blythe celebrates the Day of the Dead, and is the most beautiful Calavera Blythe I have ever seen. She is on her way to me, and Carmen and the other Blythe girls can’t wait to meet in person. Today Carmen even made a long distance call …

You can see more of AniO’s items on Facebook and on Etsy. Her Facebook page is here, and her Etsy store is here. She is going to arrive in a special coffin, that I have yet to see. Just in time for Halloween and the Day of the Dead celebrations. And she is a special birthday gift to myself too, as my birthday will be soon after these special holidays.

My Senorita of Sacred Hearts by AniO

More pictures to come. And I am so grateful to AniO for her friendship, artistic talent and her labour of love. I will definitely be sharing more photos of her when she arrives. It is wonderful to have something special to look forward to in the midst of the monster battles we all face. Sharing the Blythe love as I hope for better days ahead.

© https://kkhymn.wordpress.com

Today I Am … Ha!

It has been a really tough few weeks. I tried and failed at giving a doll away as a random act. My computer got a virus that almost killed it, then the keyboard died. After more than 10 years, I needed to get another desktop. But, of course, my backup drive was not working, and trying the easy transfer cable failed too. The utility pole near our backyard caught on fire, and that was no fun. Then to top it all off, my fairly new car hit a huge construction nail or screw which destroyed the threads, and I now have to get a new tire that will cost $300. And, did I mention I am still waiting to see if I can get Botox in my butt? And, that my entire body is screaming? And, that I have lost my knitting and craft mojo? And that pain sucks?

Pain Sucks

Yeah, I am losing it. Pain just sucks enough on its own without the help of real life crap on top of it all. Pain sucks the energy out of you. Sucks your ability to cope with every day life. Sucks the strength from your body and mind. Sucks the hopes and plans for your day…

I am losing faith in the world around me. Wondering who my real friends are, who is really there for me, who really gets me. Yeah, I know people care for me. But the reality of chronic life is that you lose most of your real friends and family. Your friends and family are people who have normal lives – go to work, go out to dinner with friends, go on vacation, come home to do the honey-do list, and don’t live their lives in doctor’s offices and lab tests. They are scared to be a part of your life because they are reminded how their lives and bodies are not perfect, what could go wrong and turn their world upside down, and they think that if they hang out with you too much and really get to know what you are going through, it is just too depressing.

Losing Faith

Yeah. I get all that. But, it really does not help me believe in people much. My attempts at random acts and sharing them with the world was my way to fight all the crap and hold on to the bit of hope and faith that people will do the right thing, will be there for you and not just send you a card at Christmas, and that they still do practice kindness and compassion.

But, I really am losing faith and realizing that people don’t get me …

I tried to thank the universe for my Red Delicious doll, now named Carmen Madison Blythe, by holding a raffle for a new doll. I wanted to give someone a chance to love their own Blythe doll who would never have the budget to do so otherwise. But, that all fell through almost immediately when I was told that only non-profits can hold raffles that request money from participants; individuals can only have raffles for free giveaways.

I thought I would ask some friends to help me giveaway the doll by giving me a random act of $5 or $10 so that the cost of the doll could be covered, and I could still give someone a chance to love and own their first Blythe doll. The simple request was misuderstood as me just wanting help to pay for a doll, and just hurt and disappointed me.

I started realizing that people just don’t get me, my random acts or my dolls. Maybe I have inspired no one to actually practice random acts in their lives. I have been giving and giving to everyone around me, despite my chronic crap, and trying to get others to understand that they have something to give too. Even with my dolls, I have been practicing random acts. You don’t have to knit or give away your possessions to practice random acts. You can give your time, talent and kindness.

Yes, I Play with Dolls

But, I don’t think people get it. I even got an email from someone who has been following my blog but wanted to unsubscribe because she is not a doll collector. Ok. You don’t have to read or subscribe to my blog. But, really? I am not just collecting dolls. It is about finding ways to cope with the chronic crap in our lives. For me, these dolls are helping me forget all the things I can not do anymore, and pretend for a little while that things are ok again.

Maybe you are reading this and geting pissed off at me for thinking you are not my friend. Maybe you are reading this and still not getting why I am frustrated and depresed. Maybe you just think I am a crazy girl who is in pain and plays with dolls.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I know I have friends who care. I know that a few of my friends get me, the chronic crap, my dolls and random acts. I am just sad and disappointed to realize that it is the few that get it rather than the many. A reality check about my life that I have had before, just hard to take with all the other real life crap happening right now.

I have decided to practice more of my random acts in private for now. Sharing them doesn’t seem to help the world any. I have not lost complete faith in the world around me. The world is just geting smaller each day.

Practice a random act whenever you can. Show the world some kindess. Help me and others not lose their faith and hope in the world.

© https://kkhymn.wordpress.com

Red Delicious Blythe

OMG! Tony won the lotto! Ok. Not the kind where you win millions of dollars. It is the Blythe Lotto for the chance to purchase the latest anniversary Blythe doll called Red Delicious. I entered the lotto via the Junie Moon web site, and did not get any notifications of winning. I had told Tony about it too, and he entered as well. He said, “This is no lotto. You don’t win anything but a chance to purchase a doll.”

Three hundred “winners” were chosen and given the opportunity to purchase this beautiful doll – she is a cross between Snow White and Red Riding Hood – and aptly called Red Delicious. She has sleepy eyes, amazing eyelashes, beautiful eyechips, and the most gorgeous, think reddish-brown hair.

I was so sad not to win the doll, as I love fairy tales and Snow White and Red Riding Hood are among my favorites. Then on Monday, I came home from my doctor’s appointment to find a postal slip saying they had a package for Tony from Junie Moon! I called Tony at work to ask him if he had won the doll, which he did not confirm or deny. At least not until we got the box home the next day. It was true! Tony had won the Blythe lotto! I could not believe it. It was almost as if the universe had sent me a random act of Blythe love. And, of course, Tony gets the ultimate man of the year award.  He didn’t even make me wait until my birthday or Christmas to open the box!

Her name is now Carmen Madison Blythe.  She has already met Coraline, Ichigo and Emma and they have spent the morning enjoying the garden. Carmen even found a mushroom! I don’t plan on customizing this sweet girl at all, at least for a long while. She is just too perfect to change in any way.

Here are some photos of Carmen and the girls …

© https://kkhymn.wordpress.com

So, I am still waiting for the Botox in the butt. Again.

My insurance still needs to approve it, then the pain center suspects that the outpatient surgery group will insist on the same tests for my heart before actually scheduling the procedure! Ugh! The problem is that the tests usually take a couple weeks to schedule in the first place, then you add the fact that outpatient procedures only occur on Mondays, and how much more limited the schedule will be during the holidays. And, I just want to scream!

If I can’t get the procedure completed before the end of the year, then I will have to wait until the end of next year to try again. The reason why I waited until now to schedule this procedure again is I have reached my deductible for the year and most of the procedure costs will be covered now. I won’t be able to schedule the Botox after the New Year -$600 out of my pocket for the two little shots of Botox is too much for me.

My body is not happy with the summer heat, and my butt is just in its own hell of pain and suffering. I know this should all be routine by now for me, but honestly it is exhausting, spoon-stealing and I just want to give up trying. If I just quit everything, what would happen? Would my body just curl up and die? Probably not. Not with my luck. It is hard to stay hopeful with all the chronic crap.

My dolls, the thought of cooler fall weather and the upcoming holidays are helping me right now. My Blythe girls can’t wait for Halloween and Day of the Dead. I have already found some great Hello Kitty Halloween fabric to make a couple of dresses, a fabulous witch’s hat to wear when I greet all the trick or treaters this year, and I have a special Senorita Blythe coming my way too! Trying to Keep Calm and Blythe instead of screaming with my body.

I think my random act for each day is simply not losing it and taking it out on complete strangers, Tony or the cats. Keep Calm and practice a random act today. Share the monster and Blythe love in any way you can.

Time to share some new photos of my Blythe life ….

© https://kkhymn.wordpress.com