Well, last week was a tough one for me. I saw my new primary care doctor under the HMO Medicare plan. It was not an easy appointment. First, I ended up parking several blocks away from the doctor’s office because the parking lot next to the building only took cash. Then, I realized that I had forgotten the two page summary sheet that I had typed up with a list of my primary health conditions and medications, and former doctors. I had to handwrite as much as my brain could remember on the new patient forms, and I know I missed a lot.
My new primary care doctor was approachable and direct. I liked that about her. We talked about what I needed and the challenges of being back under the HMO plan with so many specialists. She was not too hopeful about getting the referrals I needed back to some of my former specialists but she said she would do her best. More than likely I will have to be referred to her specialists first before attempting to refer back to any of my old specialists. We will have to pick our battles and take it one specialist at a time. It was still discouraging, even though I expected a not so easy answer to my request.
Wirra
I was at the office for almost two hours. My body was in screaming pain by the time I was ready to leave. I asked my new doctor for a Torodol shot so that I could drive home safer. But she told me that she couldn’t give me the pain shot because they did not have access to it there. It was completely unexpected and through me for a big loop. I did not know how I would make it home with the pain surging to every muscle and bone.
I realized later that the only reason I was able to get the Torodol shots when I needed them was because my old doctors were at a university hospital, and they had access to those pain medications from the hospital pharmacy. It is hard enough for me now to drive all over town to my doctor appointments and labs, but now I wont be able to count on getting a pain shot to help me drive home. The impact of HMO-land got even more depressing and stressful. I was so lucky to be able to drive 10 minutes tops to my old doctors and labs, and to be able to get a pain shot when I needed it to help me survive the rest of the day. My heart was crying all the way home as my body was screaming. And it was a miracle to make it home.
The bright spot of being in this plan though was that I wont have a co pay to see my doctors or specialists, and the prescriptions will also cost me less than before. But it seems that I am starting all over in HMO-land, having to establish new relationships with all the doctors and hopefully coming to a good understanding about my care. It is exhausting to think about it, let alone survive it. I am doing my best to remain hopeful. But, in truth, I feel like giving up.
Pendulum
The only thing that is saving me right now is my knitting. I have been knitting more shawls and learning new techniques. After learning short rows, I decided to finally learn how to knit cables. I managed to knit one fingerless glove with a cable pattern along the wrist and arm. I have knit a Saroyan, a Wirra, a Pendulum and a Ka-ana shawl. I haven’t decided which knitting technique to learn next. I think I will be practicing short rows and cables for awhile.
I am also test knitting a shawl for Ambah, and reading more novels using the Overdrive app from my local library. With this app, you can check out and return e-books and audio books from the library without leaving your home. The books appear on your bookshelf in the app or e-reader, and disappear after the loan period is up. Yay for no late fees!
Ka’ ana
So I am still here. Taking it one step and stitch at a time. Still practicing random acts of kindness. Still hoping for more good days than bad. Still adjusting to the changes in my life and health care. Still grieving the losses. I don’t know what the future holds. But I know we will all walk into it as best we can.
So the New Year is here – finally. And, I decided on some resolutions for the year. Resolutions I am determined to keep, for my own sanity and creativity.
Goodbye Facebook
First, I decided to give up Facebook for Lent, and actually delete my account this year. I realized that the way Facebook is built, you really end up feeling like life is a popularity contest with your posts, when it never has been for me. Suddenly, I found myself getting more upset with certain friends ignoring my posts and not others. Or not responding to my posts when I regularly respond to theirs. When in reality, your friend may have not seen your post in their newsfeed at all, or unintentionally missed your response in the midst of several others. Yeah, they may be ignoring you, but why was I becoming more and more cyber sensitive? When in the big picture, friendships should be based on more than that? And I was never a person who needed popularity or recognition? Yes, my real friends are on Facebook and it was an easy way to see what they were up to, if their posts showed up on your newsfeed. But, no, it was not the same as picking up the phone, writing an email or letter, or meeting them for coffee. Facebook actually made me feel more isolated and alone in the end, rather than connected to anyone.
And then there is the constant news of the world and all its crises, reinforcing whatever political and socioeconomic views you already have, and not really creating any sort of meaningful dialogue. More often than not, my news feed would be filled with the latest statistics about the dysfunctional government, the latest school shooting, missing person or animal being cruelly abandoned or mistreated. Once in awhile there would be a feel good story about a random act of kindness, a charity event, or an inspirational quote. But all of it did the same thing after awhile – stole my spoons and time that I could be reading a real book, knitting a new project, having a conversation with a friends or family, or playing with the cats.
And this leads to my next resolution: To learn at least one new knitting technique this year. Actually, I want to learn new creative things all year long. whether it be with knitting, crocheting, sewing, art or dolly related. Even though I have been knitting for several years now, I still have plenty to learn. I want to learn how to cable, do entrelac, short rows, read charts properly, and more.
I have been knitting shawls lately, and found several that I want to do, but they have this shaping technique called short rows. Something I have avoided learning because people have told me it can to be difficult and take too much concentration. This month, I finally decided to learn how to do short rows, also called wrap and turn, in a knitting pattern.
I picked a shawl pattern that is almost completely based on short rows to learn the technique. The pattern is Pendulum, available for purchase on Ravelry. The pattern instructions were very vague, especially for someone new to the short row technique. I had to do a ton of research on short rows before I could even understand how to begin the pattern. But now that I figured it out, the pattern has been very relaxing and enjoyable.
There are several different ways to work short rows in knitting. Each method is different, and none of them are 100 percent invisible in your work. The short rows create little bumps, and if done correctly, leave minimal holes or gaps. I tried several versions of the short rows, including the German short row technique and the traditional wrap and turn. Neither worked as well for me as this bobby pin technique (#3) shown very quickly in the video below:
I have created a photo tutorial on the short rows with a bobby pin, seen below. It is based on the Pendulum pattern, but the concept is the same with any pattern using short rows.
In the Pendulum pattern, you work the two edge stitches and knit 18 stitches across before doing the turn for the short row. Then you work the row on the wrong side of the pattern. Then you work the next row on the right side of the pattern, knitting until you have gotten to stitch #18 on that short row. You pick up your wrapped stitch on the bobby pin and place it on your left needle, next to stich #19 on your needle. You knit that wrapped stitch together with the next stitch, #19. Then you start again by knitting 18 stitches past the stitch you have just knitted together.
I hope this helps someone learn short rows in knitting too. And encourage you to keep learning something new this year.
Short Rows in Progress
Short Rows in Progress
Finishing the Short Row
Resolved in 2015, I will be reading more books, sharing conversations with friends and Tony, learning something new, and playing with my cats. I will learn about what is happening in the world on my time, watching the evening news. My friends will remain and we will keep in touch as best we can the old fashioned way. And the random acts of kindness will continue, with or without recognition. Hopefully, I will find some balance in my life again, with some new opportunities and more time to reflect, relax and create.
Kkhymn's Corner 