Baby Girl Reina
I have not been posting in a long while. I know I promised to post photos of some the latest projects and RAKs, but life has been overwhelming and insane. My medical challenges continue, including getting all the coverage straight for my bills and prescriptions. And, the social security administration keeps asking for more information over and over again, threatening to cut my disability benefits if I don’t do it all correctly and fast enough. And, there have been more vet visits and tests and medications for my sweet kitty Reina.
The test results showed that she was suffering from aplastic anemia. It is when the bone marrow is being attacked, and her white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets are all below normal. She doesn’t have cancer or any feline virus to cause this, so it was determined that it was an immune mediated response. Translation: My Reina has lupus.
We have been treating Reina with various doses of steroids, and my sweet girl did seem to be improving some. But I think she is just being a trooper for me and the rest of the family. When I took her to the vet this week, she had a high fever, and her red blood cell count was well below normal, and she had not gained any weight at all. They wanted to do a transfusion to up her red blood cell count, but they would need to have her on IV fluids again first to get her fever down. The total cost for both would be another $3,000. And, in the end, it would only be a band aid to help buy one or two weeks time to try more medications and dosages, which still may not work to bring her into remission. And, most likely a second transfusion may be needed as we wait to see if any of the new medications and dosages are working.
We decided to stop further treatment for my sweet girl. My heart is breaking, but I just don’t want my baby girl to keep struggling and living her life in and out of the hospital. She finally got most of her hair back from all the tests and stuff done to her, and she likes having sexy little paws again. She stretches them out to show us how she has her fur back.
My sweet baby girl has her birthday next month. If she makes it, she will be six years old. Much too young to leave this earth. But I know what she is doing is a supreme sacrifice for me. She is taking some of my lupus with her and I will be eternally grateful. We are taking things day by day now, and when she is ready to go, she will tell us. We have found some vets who will come to your home within 24 hours to euthanize with compassion. If you want to consider this option for your pet, check out this site: http://www.petlossathome.com/ to find a local veterinarian who performs this service. I don’t know if she will need that or if she will go on naturally, but I am cherishing every day with her.
I know to some of you reading, you will never understand what this girl means to me. She is “just a cat”. But Reina picked me. See my first post about her here.
You Are My Sunshine
She picked me years ago at the cat show because it was her destiny to be with me. She has been my companion every day, keeping me company as each one of my friends and co-workers disappeared from my real life. (I am not blaming my friends for this, it happens with chronic illness. You get more and more isolated as you live a completely different life than your friends and co-workers.) Reina used to sleep with me on my pillow and wake me up every day. She stopped doing that when she started getting sick last January.
But she still gets up every time I go to take a shower or a quick bath, cause she knows I have trouble breathing in there. She follows me to the kitchen to help me make dinner, sitting on the step stool, cause she knows sometimes I fall in there. She helps me pick out colors when I am knitting a project, and even watches me knit, letting me know when the yarn is a bit out of control. When I get ready to go out, and want to put makeup on, she sits with me at the vanity table to put our makeup on together and looks in the mirror approvingly. She is no ordinary cat. She is my queen, and I love her more than anyone will know.
I told her this week that it is ok for her to go now, I understand what she must do. I thanked her for sacrificing her body for me, and for sharing the lupus. I told her she does not have to stay for me anymore. My friend told me that Reina considers it a privilege to do this for me, it is her calling and destiny, and the highest honor a pet can have to take some of the illness away. She also said that Reina’s spirit will still be with me when she leaves her body. Reina said she is going to stay with me until I am ready to leave this earth too.
Another friend reminded me that animals are not tied to this like we humans are. They understand their place in the universe, and that everything has its time. Reina will know when it is time to go. She doesn’t understand why I am so sad to see her go, because in her mind, she will still be with me. So I am trying not to cry endlessly. I want her to feel the love I have for her, and not the sadness. I want her to go knowing I will be ok. I also told her to hiss at God for me when she gets up there for me. She never hisses, so I am sure it will be quite a shock to God to hear that coming from her. LOL.
I have been practicing my Reiki again and trying to see the bigger picture in the midst of all this insanity. The universe is bigger than all the crap in our lives, and I am trying to accept and embrace that infinite awareness of love and light. But it is not easy. I am grateful to Reina for helping with all this, even as I learn to say goodbye to her. Every day now I will sing her song to her – “You Are My Sunshine”. And I will sing it to her when we say our final farewell. She is my sunshine. She is always going to be the love and light in my universe.
I love you Reina. I thank you for watching over me on this earth and for the kitty kisses, hugs and love. I will treasure the last days I have with you. It has been a privilege to be your human mom on this earth.
© https://kkhymn.wordpress.com
When I first got diagnosed with Lupus, almost 10 years ago, I remember going to see a chiropractor in some small town nearby, and she also gave me what she called an energy – balance treatment. She was Christian, and coincidentally, her mom was a secretary in the chaplain office that I had volunteered for years earlier. I remember her praying for me and her hands waving over my body as she prayed. And, I remember leaving her office feeling peacful and filled with energy. Although I did not know it then, she was practicing Reiki meditation and prayer.
I looked up classes in the area – and there was one listed nearby that began the next day. I was worried about the costs for the class and whether I would have the energy to take the two-day session. I called the Reiki master to get more details, her name is 
energies around a person’s body. I spent two days getting treatment while learning how to practice Reiki on myself and others. It was an amazing experience. I had more energy on those two days than I have had all year. I had never been good at meditating -too much thinking in my head – but praying for others comes naturally for me. The techniques I learned helped me meditate without struggling, to focus my energies as I prayed for myself and others. Reiki is about blessing others with positive energy and removing blockages so that energy can flow and maintain balance in the body. 
But learning Reiki has given me an unexpected gift – it has given me faith again to believe that God hears and answers prayers. It has given me the faith to believe that God knows his plans for me, and that these plans are for a good. This weekend, God reminded me that I can’t run from my destiny of helping others and bringing healing prayer in their lives, even if the results are not always the miracles that we want.
Kkhymn's Corner 