life at 50 something

well I had my free half hour consult today with the pro-bono attorney
should I day his name ?  not sure so I wont I am sure he is a very capable attorney.
my 3 choices as he sees it after just 15 minutes.....

a- ask Johnnie to come get the things he wants.
b- take an inventory of all that he wants and then give it to him, get a cost estimate so that later in the end of the divorce, MAYBE the judge will give me spousal maintenance to cover my half.....
c- walk away

what would you choose ?


foot note : just an hour since apt &  x calls hummmm...  Justin was at probono he is still connected to Jeff ...and he is Johnnies son....

Had Mom and one of her friends out this weekend we went to the west end one day and Mom baked bread today, Yummy ! 
I needed trees almost as much as I needed my Mommy :)  


 big Brother
 game Patrice brought  that we played and it seems to be good for my brain in small doses
 Ka Ben Zee
 Patrice and Mom
 Twisted Sister Woods  Mom and Patrice
 monster drool

 Goober
 bizzaar colored sunset .....must be the extra radiation in the atmosphere.
 Mom Randy & Ka Ben Zee
 My Ivy
 Patrice

 At the Kalaloch Cedar Tree
 Lake Crescent Goose
 Helen Clapp Spruce tree  (research needed)
 He was just hanging there eating upside down ...must be a teenager...
 Helen Clapp Spruce Tree
 Pacific ocean
it has been good to see Mom walking and not in so much pain. took some nice pictures of her and her dogs. and we ate some great stuff so I will try to post more tomorrow.

This cat is so lucky !!  and let me tell you how many ways a cat is better than my soon to be X !!   




http://clipsyndicate.com/video/playlist/21958/2474596?wpid=10021

It was a beautiful full moon last night I would have gone out shooting it,... if I had a tripod,... or a car ! LOL !
I tried a few shots from the window and a few from the porch, but night shooting without a tripod was hard before the accident, not happening now :(
oh well, list of things to replace grows,  
 tripod, binoculars, camp water filter, car, husband...... :)
happy Tuesday !

It has been a hard week, no hard month. I am very tired all the time my weight is out of control and with the ripping off of a pinkie nail, pain levels have been thru the roof & yet I am dealing ....Thank You, God. I have not gone to bed and stayed there, which is how I have handled pain in the past. after 7 years am I starting to "know" how to deal with the pain with out being aware of the knowledge ? I am doing more with my left hand, but still stupidly reach up for stuff with my right....
how long does sensory muscle memory take to develop ? you would think it would have taken over by now... I fear I am pulling a bit to the right,I have a bit of a list, so to speak..:) I am learning to compensate with my left hand side of the upper body. when I am able to remember, I exercise my arms with the rubber bands...it was working while Johnnie was gone...but with so much going on and on...I am not doing as well as I was in June.
as I think about all of this and even as I write I become more aware of reasons... while Johnnie was gone Zane stayed away and I had only myself to care for (2 cats, 2 dogs, and fish tanks too) I could and did manage the house it was not hospital clean but clean enough for company. now i don't want people to come around. I cannot maintain this house with people in it, sadly. I am able to get them to help, some, but sometimes that takes more effort than just doing it myself,(tho Z is 26 he still argues as tho he is 16) does not matter what either, for example; I told him yesterday that the heppa filters in the Dyson needed to be washed...he said he thought it was sucking better with them dirty ! I have given up ! I did my job with him Lord let him get out on his own, PLEASE before I am old and have to live with him ! one of his friends once joked he would be visiting Z, still at my house when he is 40.....gives me chills ! he's a great kid, and a great worker, but he is getting on this Mommies nerves. enough already...
today is the Christin Stock Memorial self defense class. best ten dollars you will spend ....lots going on so if you are in the Port Angeles area come on over 2-4pm and the cause is a good one.

he's hiring an attorney

for what ? to get more ?
more what ?  maybe he wants my scrap stuff.......
well at least he is having to spend money and I am not. I have gone up against attorneys in New York and won everything I ever asked for so let the fight begin.
 Big Brother is watching !

 Live in the moment
 enjoy the warmth of the sun.....safetly
 see the beauty

and most important remember I am Loved.

this was my mothers day
 thank the Lord it is full of Peace. 
Wishing Blessings to you all !
 Larena

nice title....its what I would like to scream at the judge... he told me get the car checked he didn't believe there was anything wrong with it,  so I spend 250 to get it checked out needs a new motor.  imagine that...... and today he isn't ordering J to do that and mr saint said I volunteered a new motor .......holy  shit I do not know this liar, love sure is blind but thankfully anger has finally come    stages    but fuck I am sick of tears !!! hope everyone has a great Mothers day weekend I am turning off the phone closing the curtains and running around naked if I feel like it :) 

Keep us in your thoughts and Prayers, we have court tomorrow. hopefully will post tomorrow pm.