Elizabeth Simone

I Am Fighting Back Against the Trump Administration by Moving to Portugal - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

Quiz: A Backpacking Trip or Parenting Small Children? | by Elizabeth Simone | Jan, 2026 | The Belladonna Comedy

The Runaway Bunny Becomes A Teenager But Her Mom Still Has Terrible Boundaries | by Elizabeth Simone | Jane Austen’s Wastebasket | Nov, 2025 | Medium

An Open Letter To The Person Who Asked Me What I’m Doing For The Summer As If I Didn’t Have To Work  – Weekly Humorist

Childcare Options You Can Afford with the Child Tax Credit

How My Parents Imagine My Parenting Choices Vs. How I Remember Theirs

Relaxing Vacation Spots for Moms

Severance or A Visit Home To Your Parents?

A Michelin Star Menu Of Stuff That I, The Parent Of A Toddler, Have Sadly Eaten

BetterHelp Ads If They Were Honest About How Crappy It Is To Be A BetterHelp Therapist

Support Me And Other Writers By Joining Medium

Quiz: Your Baby or Your Schoolyard Bully?

Introducing Rogaine for Babies©

Quiz: Breastfeeding or Capitalism?

Some Alternate Phrases Men Can Say Instead Of “We’re Pregnant!”

Welcome to This Cozy Two-Bedroom Home That Could Be Yours for Over a Million Dollars

Classic Baby-Making Songs Rewritten for IVF

The Road Not Taken Because The Whole Thing Triggered My Anxiety

Mission Impossible Movie or Improv Troupe?

Norfolk Southern CEO, Alan Shaw, Visits The Antiques Roadshow

I’m Mary Hatch And It Is A Wonderful Life, Unless, Like Me You Are An Old Maid Librarian

The Dating Profile Of A Person Who Says Someone “Must Love Dogs” To Date Them

At This Year’s Fall Harvest Festival, We Have Replaced the Corn Maze with You Getting Lost in Your Phone

How To Tell If You’re At A High Holidays Service Or If You’re Just High

Quiz: Your Cat Or Your Teenager?

Women In Maternity Photos: What They’re Really Thinking!

Voicemails From My Kombucha Mother (SCOBY) Who I’ve Neglected In The Back Of The Fridge

How It Feels To Wear A Condom, According To Bros Who Complain About Them

When My Robe Accidentally Came Undone

Google is Humbly Asking You To Donate $1.99 During Our “Save Your Drive” Drive

Top Ten Sex Dreams I’ve Had About Paid Family Leave

Play FRUGLE! The New Word Game That Will Never Go Up Behind A Paywall t

Crossword Clues I Wrote For My Husband Who Really Loves The Crossword, A Lot, Like Maybe More Than…

Wordle By Mary Oliver

An Open Letter To Christians Who Appropriate Jewish Christmas

9 Amazing Hanukkah Gifts That Are Not Socks

Classic Stories And Songs To Teach Kids That Dental And Vision Are Not Included

This Black Friday, Get Yourself an Abortion - Before It’s Too Late!

The Game Of LIFE: Sexism Edition™

QUIZ: Cartoon Character or Financial Tech Startup?

How To Manage All The Money You Are Making on Medium

Chauvin’s Defense Lawyer Explains Famous Murders Throughout History

Quiz: Is This A Text From Nancy Pelosi Or A Line From A Stalker In A Movie?

So You’re Having a Geriatric Pregnancy

If Doctors Talked To Tall People The Way They Talk To Fat People

Dear Valentine’s Day: Bring It On

Two-Year-Old Brooklyn Baby or Confederate Army Soldier?

One-Star Yelp Reviews of Heaven

How To Write An Online Recipe in 14 Easy Paragraphs

10 Signs You Are in A Toxic Relationship With Nate Silver