My Mom got a new computer a few months ago with updated technology, and I haven’t heard from her since.  Family members have told me that she has been having trouble sending and receiving text messages. It has been weird going from getting multiple texts from her a day, to not hearing from her at all in months.  I have reached out to her via text message many times, but she hasn’t replied to me. I know she isn’t ignoring me on purpose, but it still makes me a little sad, because I miss her.

I texted my Mom yesterday morning “Happy Mother’s Day,” but she didn’t reply.  My brother tried to FaceTime with me later in the day when he was with Mom, but I was at work and unfortunately couldn’t answer the call. When I got home from work later that night, my husband told me that he texted my Mom “Happy Mother’s Day” and she replied asking “Who is this?” I was so mad! At least she replied to him at all.  Why didn’t she reply to me? Maybe since my brother was with her, they talked about me saying “Happy Mother’s Day” so she felt like she didn’t need to reply to my text.  Maybe she was tired of responding to everyone else’s “Happy Mother’s Day” exclamations all day. Or maybe she was just plain tired.  Whatever the reason, it doesn’t really matter. I just miss talking to her.

It seemed fitting to repost this poem today, the day after Mother’s Day, when I am missing my Mom, and haven’t been able to get in touch with her in so long.  This was one of the first posts I ever posted on this blog. I originally wrote it 10 years ago, about a year after my Mom was first diagnosed with ALS.  She could no longer deny that her Chronic Lyme Disease had become something else entirely. ALS was crippling her a little more everyday.  As much as she tried to retain her mental toughness, she was both shocked and saddened by her body’s rapid unfair betrayal.

Have You Seen My Mother?

Powerful blue eyes, a giant heart, and confidence galore.

She has disappeared, my Mother, is who I’m looking for.

The woman in her place,
 she yells a lot, and cries, and cries, and cries.

She is overcome by a terrible disease, for which there is no cure.

She cannot walk, her muscles weaken, she can barely even speak.

When I look at her my teeth clench, and my stiff eyebrows tweak.

Where has she gone? this woman that I love, the woman I call Mother.

Her helpless corpse remains,

While her mind is unencumbered.

Her heart can only take so much,
 her contagious confidence dwindles.

She unwillingly becomes a distant stranger

Whom I deeply love, and deny all of my anger.

I look at her, each and every day,
 and pray Mother will soon return.

Sometimes she visits, just for a minute, 
then disappears without a word.

I miss her hugs, her kisses, her unmistakable smile.

Her laughter and unwavering pride, help me stay strong all the while.

I can’t remember many things, that I wish I could.

I took my Mother for granted, in a way I never should.

As my memories begin to fade away

So does she, and what a shame.

I miss her more than words can say,

I hope that she’ll come back today.

Copyright ©2006 E Miller Thompson