my computer has a notorious habit of turning itself off without warning regardless of whether I have it plugged in to keep its power from draining so I am always afraid to write something and come back to it later without making sure that it is saved just in case it gets lost in the ether.
of course some may argue that some pieces of writing deserve to be destroyed.
I was once in a workshop where we were told to write something and then toss it away without showing it to anybody.
it was the most pointless exercise I have ever been a part of in my life but still preferable to the task of picking up autumn leaves in the compound of an educational facility where missionaries were permitted to dwell along with a few other odd bods who needed a place to shelter.
optus lied about the date of my credit expiry but i’m not going to fight them any more about it cos they gave me a prize of free art lessons which I decided to pass onto a little lady I love to spoil because they are designed for young ones not big ole me.
I scream when people tease me yet i’m addicted to doing things that cause people to give me mockery.
it’s almost as if i’m a glutton for punishment.
I seem to have self destructive tendencies when it comes to relationships.
there appears to be a wicked part of me that attempts to destroy any relationship I decide to enter into.
I know enough based on over thirty years of experience in relationships to know not what to do yet I can’t seem to find a woman who is willing to let me experiment on her with my feelings and emotions and test whether we can find a love and devotion that lasts beyond both our lifetimes.
sometimes my problem is i’m looking for a woman who is too young or one who lives too far away from me.
this doesn’t have to be a problem if either one of us is willing to relocate but I need a chaperone to take me to her.
I am physically capable of travelling on my own but my parents control access to my passport.
they have access to my bank account and control my ability to obtain funds to some degree cos my mom transfers the money I receive from the government every fortnight from the accounts she looks after into three accounts.
one of these accounts has the biggest amount of money in it.
the other one has a smaller amount which is used for smaller purchases and there is another one which I have access too any time I like.
she set up this situation because I was giving money to a lady I liked in church.
this woman never went out with me.
we just attended the same dance party and she didn’t spend any time with me she just told me how to find it.
at that party a young Asian lady was grinding on me but she didn’t want to speak when I started saying hello to her.
when I was outside the party waiting for my folks I acted like a snob towards a kind hearted young lady just because her face was pale and or because she didn’t listen to hip hop or know who busta rhymes was.
I no longer see appreciation for busta rhymes as a deal breaker in relationships.
these days i’d more likely go for a woman who listens to Lecrae though I still prefer women with brown faces or ethnic backgrounds connected to Africa .
I no longer care if the woman I love despises hip hop although as I do want to be a rapper it would make it awkward to be romantically involved with someone who a) thinks your music is the soundtrack to satans kingdom or b) just can’t stand the sound of the style you love or b) acts like my snobby friend and calls rap artists rape artists just cos of a few bad eggs that make life harder for the rest of us rappers who don’t wanna be gangsters or pranksters and just wanna love God or make life a happy place with our music.
for the right woman I would give up hip hop and just be a painter.
if I found out she also hates my art I don’t know what I would do.
I would still love her but I would probably cry myself to sleep every night wishing a) we shared the same passions or b) she showed a little love for what I do even if she had no desire to follow in my footsteps or the footsteps of those who came before me who showed me the way to shine bright with their artistic prowess like jean michel Basquiat , blair linn and nina simone.
it is not always true that people don’t care what you know until they know that you care.
I used to believe that adage but then I thought to myself the other day I would still admire my bestie and want to know she’s alright even if she kept me at a distance and never bothered to say hi or even smile and wave in my direction back when we were in second grade and just getting to know each other.
although I agree with those who say that religion can be used to abuse people I do proceed with caution in nodding my head when they say that cos what they think is abuse can simply be the normal expression of Christianity.
what seems like insanity to the world makes sense to those who have allowed God to take possession of their hearts and transform their lives forever.
often as humans we are guilty of idolizing people or possessions.
I still have to reach a place where i’m able to be in a relationship with a woman without treating her like a replacement goddess.
I hate it when people say that God’s creation is His body.
that’s a lie from the pits of hell.
God doesn’t need us in order to work miracles all He requires is His ever present all powerful all knowing self.
without the presence of God in this universe it has neither existence nor wealth.
selah ❤
minusthecynic 
Recent Comments