montague county moments

    expansion plans have taken on a life all their own at the fenotee state park just east of the capitol city…. tom has contracted the services of hoss canabee to build the largest privately owned swimming pool west of the mississippi .. in the shadow of the waldorf high-rise…

   forty five mexican laborers and a single square headed pool designer are currently digging a hole unmatched in size and depth since the bombing of nagasaki…right outside the kitchen window of the fenotee-hilton… it’ll take two weeks to fill it up with the cast-iron red water from his hundred foot well ….

    to quote my ol’pal and mentor , bill magee….” anyone that ever moves to montague county is here for life… cause they’ll never have the price of a bus ticket outa this forsaken place “…  that proverb takes on a slight twist in the case of tommy o’neal…

    he’ll be at the state park for the rest of his natural life ! cause all the hunt brothers and bill gates could’nt partner up for enough cash to get a clear bill of sale on that sixty acre theme park……

     ross perot was seen in a u-haul truck over the week-end… headed north on interstate thirty-five…  preliminary reports indicate he is tired of being financially humiliated by a montague county farmer’s son…. he’s moving his complete operation to idaho……

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    approximately twenty five workers , gold-brickers , advisers , slackers and special colorado guests gathered at ed’s place on saturday for the traditional italian hog-killin…. ordinarily hogs are processed during the winter months in the interest of preserving the integrity of the meat….but procrastination lives on in montague ….

    however ,  integrity was in short supply as temperatures hovered and tempers soared… i witnessed even-tempered ed takin a verbally accurate character description from a red headed woman who had been falsely accused of misappropriations of pork…

    five hundred pounds of pig was processed through tom’s electric sausage stuffer while anvil headed traditionalists cranked just fifty pounds through the old hand-cranked family heir loom.   it was the old way vs. tom’s way… and despite several unsightly blowouts by the automated stuffer , tom finished first…..

   admittedly tom was faster but ed’s sausage was more uniform in size and definitely displayed a more appetizing appearance. all the ruptured sausage intrels went to minnie hanna in exchange for twenty five pounds of italian rice….

    little danny took the brunt of the fraudulant sausage deal … he paid more than his share for a box of sausage that was weighed out on a set of feed-mill scales , as ed stood with one foot resting on the edge of the scale…. poor danny boy !! paid for fifty pounds… got forty …..even a fenoglio can be fenoglioed by a more aggressive fenoglio !

    fresh pork loin and ribs were served for lunch along with several other italian staples like garlic potatoes and garlic cottage-cheese and garlic bread and garlic pie… just kidding about the pie but it may as well had garlic cause that’s all you could taste or smell by that time….

    dinasauer back-bones were the main entree at sunday night supper club… but most patrons declined…. just too much work !  eight ounces of meat on thirty-five pounds of bones…. 

         i’m beginning to understand better about the procrastination of the event…

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  it’s official… #1 grandson heath taylor has completed spring training in winterhaven florida and recieved his assignment destination for his first full season of minor league play as a kinston indian…. that’s kinston north carolina…advanced A.

   this assignment was determined by his performance in spring training and last year’s short season play in niles ohio… ( mahoning valley scrappers )

   his  2008 stats for winterhaven was as follows….

 12 innings pitched…5 starts.. 13 K’s…7 hits.. 2 unearned runs..0 earned runs… 5 base on balls… each start was limited to two innings by the coaching staff…

   last years e.r.a. ( earned run average ) was 2.35 after 57 innings as a starter for mahoning valley…

   he was the only scrapper pitcher to go directly to advanced A after spring training…and is currently enjoying the thirteen hour bus ride to north carolina as one of only two left handed pitchers on the kinston indians staff…

  click on the blog roll to your right for a quick connect to kinston’s web site…. or related connections to check on his progress…

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  there is an oil industry promotion currently underway in montague county that will dwarf any attempt by e.o.g. to be the leader in oil and gas production in north texas….

   uncle earnest veretti left a hundred acres of mineral rights to three hundred feniglio heirs… land baron tommy oneal is promoting this exploratory field to rich yankee investors as we speak… ( oklahoma bankers)..he will be the operator …and will utilize various members of the sunday night supper club as sub-contractors with minimal over-rides as incentives to bring the black gold to the surface….

   chipper invested heavily in a antique drilling rig three oil booms ago…bought the cast-iron spudder from frank wolsey and rayborn chokas….. and has been unsuccessful in turning a profit on the sale of this unit even at junk iron prices, to this very day…..

   the plan is to bring it out of mothballs to drill uncle earnest # 1 on the old veretti home place down noble road….

   ed , with his valid well diggers license will serve as the drilling superintendent as well as the day light driller…. grumpy ,with his years of experience in the wild cat fields of wyoming , will serve as evening tower driller…bill magee , in his 1946 hard-hat , will be in charge of morning tower operations…

   the judges daughter , ranger scott , strawberry roan, and beck henley along with other highly qualified personnel will work as rough-necks on each shift…

    my vast experience and knowledge of drilling fluids from the mid to late seventies will certainly qualify me as the mud-engineer…

   bill clay , with his formal education and business experience will serve us well as the geologists…however he does need a good second-hand jeep-box for looking at samples…

   henley will occupy the position of  “company man” , like an orchestra conductor he will be responsible for the day to day logistics of man and machinery and adult beverages….

    if the okie investors buy this package deal , and we can gain the co-operation of each member of the supper club , we stand to gain beer money and pocket change for each of the three hundred heirs plus ten gallons of cassin head drip gas for each member of the supper club…

    all we need to do now is figure out a way to get coy white in on this scam just in case some skilled roughneck meets an untimely demise during the drilling process….or a disgruntled investor brings a loaded gun to the location….

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  hey , thanks to all who called , visited , or otherwise made inquiries concerning the stint installation and subsequent over nite stay at baylor plano… it was a virtual walk through meyer’s park compared to by-pass surgery or valve replacement…..

   this state of the art hospital is less than a year old and without a doubt.. is the nicest , roomiest place i’ve ever stayed in… we’re talking large flat screen t.v.’s in every room…. room service… and large enough to accommodate up to ten visitors at once….

   i got back home late tuesday afternoon and am currently undergoing extensive rehabilitation on the divan….will most likely return to the salt-mine on monday….

   thanks again for all the prayers and well-wishes from some of the finest folks this side of belcherville…. i’m doing great….

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 arrived back home today , after staying at baylor plano monday and monday night…. dr. brown .. no relation to dr. black… installed four stints while inflicting minimal pain in the (neighborhood..)

    big jim and the twins received massive amounts of exposure from every nurse or trainee that happened by.. regular side-show attraction…after that half-hearted hair-cut and shave… does the term privacy mean nothing to these voyeuristic veterinarians …

   if i had not been an exibitionists to start with , i surely would have been converted by all the feminine sight see’ers….

   for tour booking information and dates, please contact  my booking agent…. ed fenoteeee.. call early to beat the crowd !

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   some crackhead living in the suburbs of the tage community got all juiced up on meth last night….pummelled his own dear momma then set fire to the house…. took his bulldog and started walking down the road towards the nelson ranch…

   it was all hands on deck for the bowie fire department and sheriffs department… first responders saw the prodigal son casually walking down the dusty road as momma stood in the front yard watching her house suffer extensive damage from fire and smoke….

   authorities reportedly had to taser the idiot in order to subdue him… he’s now resting comfortably in the county jail… the bulldog ran off when the stun-gun sent sparks to marvin the meth-head … and momma is left with the aftermath …

     what ever happened to the good ol’days when a guy got all tanked up on lone-star long-necks… kicked a couple of holes in the sheetrock…. threw up on the coffee table… backed his step-side over the mailbox into a ditch…… then passed out like a light for a few hours…..?  

   he’d never dream of setting fire to the house or hittin his momma….this meth must be some really potent stuff…. i guess injesting a by-product of drain-o can do strange things to the family ties !!

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   traveling to town at five thirty this morning i met a couple of e.w.moran trucks… two-trucking a rig towards the capitol city… curiosity got the best of me … i had to turn around and follow them til they turned off on the forestburg highway…

   i was extremely relieved to see they were not headed to location at fenoglio #7… i’m still nervous about the flagged stake and the possibility of this assumed fluke becoming a reality….

     recent flooding has erased all physical traces of the footprints left at the site , but they are permanently etched in my pornographic memory…..

    i have employed a hand-writing expert to analyse the primitive scribbles on the 1×2 stake still driven in it’s origional location… his first impulse lead him to believe the perpetrator of this diabolical deed had attended montague grade school in his informative years…..( mis-spelled location )

    he also noted that the type and color of flagging material tied to the stake is consistent with the type used by water well drillers to designate their desired location….i happen to know a couple of well diggers who’s shoe size also matches those tracks left at the scene….and who’s moral compass would not prevent them from committing such a mischievous act.

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   since mom has joined the hundreds of a.a.r.p. card holders living in the confines of a nursing home , it’s been brought to my attention that there is a market out there for an inovative manufacturer…. mom is in need of a phone that meets her personal limited demands… she’s legally blind and deaf as a post… i’ve made numerous trips to retail outlets that sell phones for almost every customer… they sell programable phones the size of a blackboard eraser and some with black numbers on trendy black phones that twenty year old’s can’t see…… ring tones with catchy jingles…. but nothing is offered on the open market today with numbers as big the jack of spades and a train whistle ring tone…

   we don’t need  programable speed dial or caller i.d…..  call forwarding or award winning design……what we want is a simple phone the size of a bread-box , numbers like the softball scoreboard , and a ring tone that would scare the shit out of superman !!!

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