I’ve always been quite a sentimental person. Collecting souvenirs, making photo albums, writing diaries, remember the stories behind who gave me what for what birthday etc.

I’ve kept birthday cards, Christmas cards, letters etc from childhood through to now. I always enjoyed trying on Mum’s wedding dress, and ball gown. I think somewhere I even have some of the cards/love notes Mum and Dad gave each other in their early days together.

When I travelled I kept ticket stubs, and brochures of places I went, sticking them into photo albums when I returned home between trips.

The thing is what happens to these things? Who am I ever going to show them to? I have often thought I might end up writing an autobiography so keeping the letters and journals made sense, as ways to remember what happened at various points of my life. But currently I’m not sure why I’d write one, or who would even want to read it.

My husband’s family like telling their history to each other, passing stories down to the next generation. They also have tea sets, chinaware, silverware and pieces of furniture that get passed down. We were given a fish serving platter as a wedding gift that’s probably about 100 years old. It’s pretty neat having these things with stories that come with them.

But I’m left wondering, what do I do with them all? I’d always thought we’d have kids to pass things on to, and so have held on to things that I possibly wouldn’t have, but did just in case any of our children were interested. The things from my husbands family will no doubt be passed on to the niece and nephews on his side of the family to keep them going down the generations. But I’m not sure my family cares so much – they’ve tended to give me anything with any sentimental value, for safe keeping maybe, or because I was the only one who cared about such things.

Like the piano we have. It was the one my mum taught me to play on (the lessons didn’t last long, a teacher/student relationship wasn’t so good for us, even though I was only 8), Mum had stopped playing it years ago, and while I’ve had good intentions to get it tuned and take up lessons again, I never get round to it. Mr would be quite happy to see the back of it, and we’ve had the odd argument over it. But sometimes I wonder if maybe he has a point, do we sell it or give it away to someone who will use it, clear up some space in our house, & remove the responsibility of looking after it. What if it turns out down the track I miss it? Or we do end up having a child and I wish we still had it for them to learn on too?

What about all my diaries? Do I keep them in boxes in the garage just in case? Or do I do a declutter, and send them on their way? I briefly read one of my teenage ones when we last shifted and I was sorting things out, and my main thought was I didn’t want anyone else reading them. So do I get rid of them now (one never knows when ones last day might be) to be safe, or do I keep hold of them just in case I do ever write that autobiography.

Or my wedding dress? If I could currently fit it I might consider making it into a cocktail dress to wear again, or maybe I could keep it in case my niece gets married and wants to wear it (can’t see that happening, she’s got quite different fashion sense to me, and she has her mum’s dress waiting too). Or do I give it to someone who can’t afford a wedding dress, or to the charity that turns wedding dresses into funeral outfits for stillborn babies….

Part of me just wants to get rid of everything and start a fresh, with no memories or sentimental value, but part of me things I might regret that later. Maybe the desire to start a fresh is just a way of trying to hide from the grief, and the constant reminders that the children we wanted are’t here to pass things on to.