The phone rang. I looked at the screen, and was overcome by both joy and dread.
Joy, because it was a dear friend’s name that was there on my screen. A friend who always knows the right thing to say, who loves me well. Dread because it was a friend who knows the right thing to say, even especially when it’s not what I want to hear, but is Truth nonetheless.
As it continued to ring, I wrestled with myself over whether to answer or not. I was in pain and hadn’t been able to find a comfortable position all day. I was cranky from not being able to do anything other than move from chair to couch, over and over, trying to find a position that didn’t cause pain bad enough to make tears run down my cheeks. I was discouraged from letting satan get to me the week before. I knew this friend would be encouraging, but I also knew she would say the hard things that I needed to hear.
I wrestled too long, and the call went to voicemail. Part of me was relieved, and the other part of me was disappointed. As I listened to her voicemail, my heart was again torn in two, as that dear friend told me that I had been on her mind, that she was praying for me, and that she wanted to talk to me about some things God had laid on her heart.
I knew this meant three things. She had spent a HUGE amount of time on her knees on my behalf. When this lady says she has been praying for you, it usually means she has spent nights choosing to storm heaven on your behalf rather than sleep. When she said I’d been on her mind, that means that she’s reading between the lines of what she’s read on this blog, twitter, and facebook. She knows there’s more going on that what I’ve shared. She has caught a glimpse of what’s really going on down deep in my heart and soul. When she says God has laid something on her heart that she wants to share, that means that she is going to have a “come to Jesus” conversation with me; a no-holds-barred conversation about what she sees going on in my life, both good and bad, and what that means for the holiness I strive for.
In the same breath, I was thanking God for blessing me with a friend like her, and cursing her for knowing me so well and loving me enough to speak Truth into my life, even when she knows it’s going to hurt me at first. I was also continuing to wrestle with myself. The discouraged part wanted to call her back right away, to hear her pray for me, to draw strength from her love and encouragement. The scared part of me wanted to ignore her voicemail and wait a few days to call her back.
Later that night, I received a text from this same friend. Oh, how well she knows me. “I know you’re pretending like you haven’t noticed a missed call and a voicemail from me. I love you.” I had to laugh. She really does know me a little too well. My response was two part. First, I facetiously faked ignorance with, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Oh, look at that! A missed call and a voicemail.” Then, “Seriously, though, thank you for praying for me. It means the world to me that you storm heaven for me the way you do. I really do want to talk to you, but am just not in a place right now where I can handle your honesty.”
One thing I love about this friend is she doesn’t let that stop her. All during the weekend, I received texts with Scripture that spoke straight to my heart and the place I’m at in my life right now. Sunday I arrived at work and checked my email, only to discover at least ten emails from her. Some were encouraging, and some kicked my butt. All of them were filled with love, but also filled with the things that she knows I need to hear, but don’t want to. The last email contained this closing line…”Just know that by Thanksgiving weekend, you WILL be ready to hear all this, whether you think you are or not.”
Despite everything, I am thankful for friends that, when truth hurts, are able to temper it with love.
So Completely 